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Inspirational thought of the week:

“‘It’s no use talking about it,’ Alice said, looking up at the house and pretending it was arguing with her. ‘I’m not going in again yet. I know I should have to get through the Looking-glass again — back into the old room — and there’d be an end of all my adventures!’

“So, resolutely turning her back upon the house, she set out once more down the path, determined to keep straight on till she got to the hill.”

— From “Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There” by Lewis Carroll

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located inside the giant water tower used to store all of our tears shed during the Lee Corso reunion with his former Indiana players during last week’s “College GameDay,” we have spent a lot of time over the years educating ourselves on how to travel through multiverses, multiplanes of reality and multiple mental multiplexes of what is possible.

In other words, we’ve accidentally, OK purposely, walked face-first into a lot of mirrors, windows, sliding glass and wardrobe doors. To test out that tin of “Collin Klein for Heisman” Band-Aids we found in an old desk drawer? Sure. That’s part of it. But the real quest is to try to discover new pathways that might transport us from the perpetual pain of the Bottom 10 cinematic universe into happier, more successful, dot-com-titled trophy-lined streets of college football euphoria.

Just when we think our efforts are eternally fruitless, a midweek moment of multiverse madness cracks the boundaries of belief and reveals a trail that takes us from 0-and-something to the limitless joy of 1-and-something, especially when some 0-and-something team that is a 27-point underdog and has never won an FBS game knocks off a something-and-0 team, sending it down in, ahem, Flames.

With apologies to Kennesaw State alum Ty Pennington, former MLB commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 9 Bottom 10 rankings.


The Golden(-plated) Flashes, aka America’s last winless FBS team, lost their 17th straight game, surrendering 358 yards rushing to Western Michigan. The last time a bunch of Broncos students gained that much ground was when Tim Allen and Terry Crews got into Bruce Campbell’s Oldsmobile and took a road trip set to tunes of fellow WMU alum Luther Vandross.


The Sun Belt Old Money Golden Eagles lost to Sun Belt New Money James Madison as they continued their march toward what is shaping up to be an all-time Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year of the Century on Nov. 30 against … well … we’re going to make you wait for that information. Like Brett Favre makes Mississippi wait for him to pay it back old, new and relief money.


The Chowboys lost the Pillow Fight of Week 9 to … yeah, we’re going to make you wait for that, too. Like my neighbor makes kids wait for the Halloween candy because his hearing aids don’t work and it takes him forever to hear the bell and finally get moving. Kind of like Wyoming’s offense.


On Friday, I flew over UAB’s stadium en route to Tuscaloosa. On Saturday, I drove by that same stadium, moving even faster because I was trying to get Marty Smith back to Charlotte in time to host the Concert for Carolina. We spotted a long trail of smoke and were afraid that Protective Stadium might be on fire, but we realized it was just coming from Trent Dilfer’s ears.

It was George Orwell who said, “If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” Well, Liberty, I know y’all play Wednesday night, so I know you don’t want to hear this, but when one blows a shot at the Coveted CFP Spot to a winless team, then the Coveted Fifth Spot it is.


After spending Week 8 doing what Liberty could not, the Blew Raiders were unable to avoid the post-Kennesaw emotional letdown and lost to last year’s version of Kennesaw: Jacksonville State. This weekend I will be at the Georgia-Florida game in Jacksonville, as I am every year, and I always wonder whether perhaps some overserved Dawgs and/or Gators fans ever get lackadaisical with the GPS and end up in Jacksonville, Alabama, instead of Jacksonville, Florida.


The Minors are back in these rankings because they lost a Waiting List Pillow Fight to Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-Tech, but this week they’ll host the for-real Pillow Fight of the Week as they welcome their classic and timeless longtime natural and regional rival, Middle Tennessee State.


Speaking of Pillow Fights, we promised we’d let you know who beat Wyoming in the latest edition of the PFOW. Here they are. The Other Other Aggies, who kicked a 40-yard field goal as time expired in Laramie. Now I wish the Concert for Carolina were happening this weekend, because I would have told Marty Smith to tell Eric Church that “As Time Expired in Laramie” definitely sounds like a top-40 country hit.


The OG Owls are the last ones remaining in these rankings because Temple, Kennesaw and FA(not I)U had the downy audacity to win football games. The OGs arrive here because they were grounded by a former Bottom 10 stalwart, the Artists Formerly Known as UCan’t. But let’s not give Connecticut too many props. If the Huskies had any real husky guts, they would schedule a last-minute contest with Kennesaw to try to complete the four-team Hooter Hoedown.

After making the once-mighty Miami rivalry completely irrelevant, the Nos now welcome in UNC, aka the historical geographic center of the ACC, for the latest round of their “Hey, Remember Like 10 Minutes Ago When We Kept Hollering That We Were Too Good For Y’all?” world tour.

Waiting list: Troy Bolton State (aka the team that beat Southern Missed), Pur-don’t, Kennesaw Mountain Landis State, UMess, FI(notA)U, FA(not I)U, Temple of Doom, Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-Tech, Akronmonious, election ad mailers.

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Sources: Knights land Marner, give star 8 years

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Sources: Knights land Marner, give star 8 years

Mitch Marner was traded to the Vegas Golden Knights — with an eight-year extension in place, sources told ESPN on Monday. Forward Nicolas Roy will go to the Toronto Maple Leafs in return.

Marner’s new deal has a $12 million average annual value, according to sources. Marner, 28, was the biggest name entering Tuesday’s NHL free agency, and multiple teams were hoping to make pitches. Marner was the NHL’s fifth-leading scorer last season with 102 points — 36 more than the next-closest free agent. The winger was drafted by his hometown Maple Leafs with the No. 4 pick in 2015.

The Maple Leafs knew that Marner was looking to test free agency at the end of the season. Over the past few days, Toronto worked with Vegas, which was Marner’s preferred destination, on a trade. The Maple Leafs held Marner’s rights until just before midnight Tuesday.

Had Marner become an unrestricted free agent, he couldn’t have signed a deal for more than seven years.

Marner finished a six-year deal that paid him $10.9 million annually. Marner, who played for Team Canada at Four Nations and likely will make their Olympic team, has 221 goals and 741 points in nine NHL seasons.

Toronto general manager Brad Treliving has stayed busy this week, re-signing John Tavares and Matthew Knies while trading for Utah forward Matias Maccelli earlier Monday.

Roy, 28, is a center who is entering Year 4 of a five-year deal that pays him $3 million annually.

Ahead of the Marner trade, the Golden Knights created cap space by sending defenseman Nicolas Hague to the Nashville Predators on Monday.

The deal makes Marner the highest-paid player on Vegas, however, center Jack Eichel ($10 million AAV) is entering the final year of his contract and is eligible to sign an extension this summer. The Golden Knights might not be done this offseason. According to sources, defenseman Alex Pietrangelo is expected to go on long-term injured reserve, which could create more flexibility.

Sign-and-trades ahead of free agency are becoming a trend for NHL teams that know they will not sign their coveted player; last season, the Carolina Hurricanes dealt Jake Guentzel‘s rights to the Tampa Bay Lightning before he signed a seven-year deal.

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Sources: Panthers keeping Marchand, Ekblad

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Sources: Panthers keeping Marchand, Ekblad

Hours after re-signing Aaron Ekblad, the Florida Panthers kept another integral piece of their Stanley Cup team by re-signing Brad Marchand to a six-year contract extension, sources told ESPN’s Emily Kaplan.

Marchand’s deal has an average annual value of $5.25 million, sources told Kaplan.

Coming to terms with Ekblad on an eight-year extension worth $6.1 million annually left the Panthers with what PuckPedia projected to be $4.9 million in salary cap space.

There was the possibility that Marchand, 37, could have left the Panthers for a more lucrative offer elsewhere considering there were teams that had more than enough cap space to sign him.

Instead? Marchand, who arrived ahead of the NHL trade deadline from the Boston Bruins, appears as if he will remain in South Florida for the rest of his career.

Acquiring defenseman Seth Jones from the Chicago Blackhawks and then adding Marchand were two decisions made by Panthers general manager Bill Zito with the intent of seeing the Panthers win a second consecutive Stanley Cup as part of a run that now has included three straight Cup Final appearances.

Marchand, who was a pending UFA entering the final day before free agency begins Tuesday, used the 2025 postseason to further cement why the Panthers and other teams throughout the NHL would still seek his services. He scored 10 goals and finished with 20 points in 23 playoff games.

For all the contributions he made, his greatest came during the Cup Final series against the Edmonton Oilers.

Marchand, who previously won a Cup with the Bruins back in 2011, opened the series with a goal in the first three games. That includes the two goals he scored in the Panthers’ 5-4 double-overtime win to tie the series with his second being the game-winning salvo.

He scored two more goals in a 5-2 win in Game 5 that allowed the Panthers to take a 3-1 series lead before returning to Sunrise, Florida, where they closed out the series with an emphatic 5-1 win.

Capturing a consecutive title created questions about whether the Panthers can win a third in a row. But there was the understanding that it might be difficult given there was only so much salary cap space to re-sign Conn Smythe winner Sam Bennett, Ekblad and Marchand.

Knowing there was a chance they could lose one, or more, of them, Zito laid the foundation to retain the trio. He began by signing Bennett to an eight-year contract worth $8 million annually on June 27 before using Monday to sign Ekblad and Marchand.

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Sources: Provorov nets 7-year deal from Jackets

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Sources: Provorov nets 7-year deal from Jackets

Ivan Provorov decided to forgo free agency, with the veteran defenseman finalizing a seven-year extension Monday worth $8.5 million annually to remain with the Columbus Blue Jackets, sources told ESPN, confirming earlier reports.

With free agency slated to start Tuesday, the 28-year-old was one of the most notable defenseman who had a chance to hit the open market.

Provorov’s decision to stay with the Blue Jackets comes shortly after it was reported that Aaron Ekblad also avoided free agency by agreeing to an eight-year extension to remain with the Florida Panthers. That now leaves players such as Vladislav Gavrikov, Ryan Lindgren, and Dmitry Orlov among the more prominent pending UFAs who could be available should they fail to strike a deal with their current teams.

Retaining Provorov comes months after a season that witnessed the Blue Jackets shed the title of being a rebuilding franchise to one that could challenge for the playoffs in 2025-26.

Four consecutive seasons without the playoffs created the idea that the 2024-25 campaign could be another challenging one. But a six-game winning streak in January saw Columbus post a 22-17-6 record to create the belief that a turnaround could be in order.

The Jackets closed the season with another six-game winning streak but fell short of the final Eastern Conference wild-card playoff spot, which went to the Montreal Canadiens by two points.

Provorov would finish with seven goals and 33 points in 82 games while his 23 minutes, 21 seconds in average ice time was second behind Norris Trophy finalist Zach Werenski.

Re-signing Provorov comes in an offseason that saw the Blue Jackets also strengthen their bottom-six forward corps by adding Charlie Coyle and Miles Wood in a trade with the Colorado Avalanche.

PuckPedia projects that the Blue Jackets now have $20.957 million in cap space ahead of free agency.

TSN was first to report news of Provorov’s decision.

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