Now that I put it all together, oh oh Give me the chance to make you see Have you used up all the love in your heart? Nothing left for me? Ain’t there nothing left for me?
Baby come back, Any kind of fool could see I was wrong and I just can’t live without you
— “Baby Come Back,” Player
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located down the hallway from the medical facility where scientists are studying Pat McAfee’s blood because they believe it might contain enough electricity to power entire cities, we are basking in the warm glow of a different kind of positive energy. The kind of warmth and super-inflated ego that can come only with recognition on TV.
For years we have wondered aloud, tongue-in-cheek, what it would be like if the folks at College GameDay ever allowed themselves to join forces with us here at Bottom 10 GameDuh. No one ever understood us because deep down we all knew it would never happen. Also, have you ever tried talking with your tongue jammed into your cheek?
Then came last Saturday at the home of the Artists Formerly Known as the Nayhawks.
It was so good to see our people hadn’t forgotten us, even if they were trying to say goodbye. But that afternoon, as Kansas fell short in the closing seconds against TCU and the Rock Chalk fans finally emerged from their surrender cobras, there we were again, standing behind the end zone with a Willem Dafoe GIF look in our eyes and a cackle set to that “N-nuh n-nuh n-nunh-nuh” song when the Wicked Witch rides the bike in “The Wizard of Oz.” Because you can never forget your first true love. Especially when that first true love keeps following you to class and sliding into your DMs. And yeah, Kansas, that’s us, just in time for Halloween.
With apologies to Gayle Sayers, my old college girlfriend and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 6 Bottom 10 rankings.
1. Colora-duh (0-5)
The good news? The Buffs didn’t lose this week. The bad news? It’s because they didn’t play. The worse news? When the team got together for breakfast during its off weekend, the Buffs ran out of butter and jelly, which meant they still failed to cover the spread.
2. Huh-Why?-Yuh (1-5)
Speaking of covering spreads, Hawai’i went to San Diego State as a 24-point underdog but lost by only two. Now the Rainbow Warriors embark on a schedule that might very well be the road to a Bottom 10 title, if by “road” you mean a waterslide where the water has been replaced with WD-40. That thrill ride begins with a trip two weeks from now to second-ranked-turned-Waiting-Lister Colora-duh State, and then two weeks after that with an ocean hop over to …
3. Fres-No State (1-5)
Speaking of two-week increments, just two weeks ago the Bullfrogs weren’t even in these rankings. Now they have spent the past two weeks in the top half of them. That’s what happens when you lose to UCan’t after kicking off as a 23-point favorite, then lose to Boise State when it’s 20-20 in the third quarter and you proceed to surrender 20 unanswered points. Plus, there was a very natural segue to go from Hawai’i to Fresno and I am way too lazy to CTL+C them anywhere else in the standings.
4. UMess (1-5)
The Minutemen lost to Liberty. Speaking of CTL+C, copy that sentence into an email and send it your least favorite history teacher just to watch their head explode.
5. BOO!-mer Sooner (3-3)
Now for sale on the State Fair of Texas midway: deep-fried Schooners.
6. Akronmonious (1-5)
Over the past two weekends, the once-packed MAC faction of one-win teams has been cut in half, from six to three. That roster is guaranteed to be shortened by at least one again this week when the Zips host Not Eastern Or Western But Central Michigan in the Pillow Fight of the Week Episode VI: The MACtion Menace. If the Zips lose this one, then all of this feels like one big countdown to the final weekend of the season, when Akron hosts the other current one-win MAC team, Northern Ill-ugh-noise.
7. Boiling Green (2-4)
But … wait … if there are two other one-win MAC teams not in these rankings, then how can we justify having a two-win MAC team ranked above/below them? Two words: Extra. Effort.
You might assume the Mildcats would have a fighting chance this weekend against Iowa, a team that never scores actual touchdowns, but keep in mind Northwestern just lost 42-7 to Wisconsin, a team that doesn’t have an actual head coach.
9. Charlotte 1-and-5ers
Speaking of head coaches, a heads-up to Charlotte administrators. If someone starts knocking on your office door, saying, “Candygram,” it’s probably Matt Rhule from down the street.
10. Whew Mexico State (1-5)
The Other Aggies host the Only Lobos in the 112th edition of the game known as the Battle of I-25, named for the highway that connects Las Cruces to Albuquerque. When this game was first played in 1894, it was called the Battle of Oh Damn Our QB Just Got Bit By A Rattlesnake On The Trail.
Waiting list: Colora-duh State, Michigan State Sparse-uns, CMU Chippendales, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, US(not C)F, Strandford, FI(notA)U, Temple of Doom, Livin’ on Tulsa Time, the Mets.
WASHINGTON — Shohei Ohtani got going again at the plate Monday night, falling a double short of hitting for the cycle.
The three-time MVP homered, tripled, singled and walked, finishing 3-for-4 with two RBIs in the Los Angeles Dodgers‘ 6-4 loss to the Washington Nationals. It was a nice bounce-back for Ohtani after he went 1-for-11 in a weekend series at Philadelphia.
With the Dodgers down two runs and Max Muncy on third base with two outs in the ninth inning, Ohtani walked on a full-count splitter from Nationals closer Kyle Finnegan.
“He had some really good takes there,” Finnegan said. “He knows the situation, too. He knows I’m not going to give him anything too good to hit. He’s a pro. He worked his at-bat and I was able to sneak back in there 3-2. If I was going to get him out, it was because he was going to chase something out of the zone and he did his job and took ball four.”
Ohtani, however, focused more on the called third strike he took with a runner aboard in the eighth.
“My approach doesn’t really change — it’s to really get on base,” he said through an interpreter. “That fourth at-bat I really should have just taken a hack and see what happens.”
Dodgers manager Dave Roberts said Ohtani was unselfish in his final plate appearance when he drew a walk with the game on the line.
“It’s kind of hard to say he was struggling, but tonight he was locked in,” Roberts said. “Even that last at-bat to earn the walk versus Finnegan and not try to chase a cycle speaks to being a team player and passing the baton. He had an excellent night.”
On the pitching side, Ohtani is throwing bullpens and getting closer to live batting practice as the two-way superstar rehabs from elbow surgery.
“I feel pretty good with where I am at physically,” he said. “There’s some limitation on how hard I am supposed to throw or how many types of pitches I’m allowed to throw. Once that’s cleared, I will be able to do all of the above. I feel pretty good about throwing live BP.”
Hockey fans often hear about the dreaded Stanley Cup hangover, when a team falters in the season after their championship. But a Presidents’ Trophy hangover?
Last season, the New York Rangers finished on top of the regular-season standings. This season, it’s looking less likely by the day that they’ll even make the playoffs.
When play begins Monday, the Rangers will be six points behind the Montreal Canadiens for the second wild-card spot in the Eastern Conference. With only six games left, they’ll need to come close to running the table, and will also need help from Montreal’s opponents.
Monday’s game is home against the Tampa Bay Lightning (7 p.m. ET, ESPN+). The Lightning have clinched a berth but will still be playing hard as they have a chance to catch the Toronto Maple Leafs for the top spot in the Atlantic Division.
As noted, New York will need to gin up a winning streak here to bolster its chances. As for the Canadiens, they close out with a somewhat easier schedule: home against the Detroit Red Wings, at the Ottawa Senators and Maple Leafs, then home for the Chicago Blackhawks and the Hurricanes.
So that’s the task ahead for the Blueshirts. Will they come through?
With the regular season ending April 17, we’ll help you track it all with the NHL playoff watch. As we traverse the final stretch, we’ll provide details on all the playoff races, along with the teams jockeying for position in the 2025 NHL draft lottery.
Points: 83 Regulation wins: 27 Playoff position: N/A Games left: 5 Points pace: 88.4 Next game: @ DAL (Tuesday) Playoff chances: 1.4% Tragic number: 2
Points: 74 Regulation wins: 23 Playoff position: N/A Games left: 6 Points pace: 79.8 Next game: vs. EDM (Monday) Playoff chances: 0% Tragic number: E
Points: 72 Regulation wins: 27 Playoff position: N/A Games left: 5 Points pace: 76.7 Next game: @ LA (Monday) Playoff chances: 0% Tragic number: E
Points: 50 Regulation wins: 14 Playoff position: N/A Games left: 6 Points pace: 54.0 Next game: vs. CGY (Monday) Playoff chances: 0% Tragic number: E
Note: An “x” means that the team has clinched a playoff berth. An “e” means that the team has been eliminated from playoff contention.
Race for the No. 1 pick
The NHL uses a draft lottery to determine the order of the first round, so the team that finishes in last place is not guaranteed the No. 1 selection. As of 2021, a team can move up a maximum of 10 spots if it wins the lottery, so only 11 teams are eligible for the No. 1 pick. Full details on the process are here. Matthew Schaefer, a defenseman for the OHL’s Erie Otters, is No. 1 on the draft board.
The Utah Hockey Club will open a new practice and training facility for team use on Sept. 1, the team announced Monday.
The 115,780-square-foot facility, built on the southeastern end of a Sandy shopping mall, will house two NHL standard ice sheets. It will also include training, medical and dining facilities as well as team locker rooms.
Building a practice facility quickly was one of the immediate challenges Utah owner Ryan Smith faced in bringing an NHL team to the Beehive State. The Utah Olympic Oval, which is primarily used for speedskating events, served as the team’s practice facility this season, but it was intended to be only a temporary solution.
“We want to be competitive in the NHL, and to do that you got to have a place where these guys can practice and they can recover, and it’s home,” Smith said. “We did a miraculous job with the Oval, but at the same time that’s not this.”
Players on Utah’s roster had input on the practice facility’s design from the dining areas to the locker rooms. The facility incorporates many of their suggestions.
“We tried to involve them as much as we can in every part of this,” Smith said.
Utah’s practice facility will also be ready for public use next January. It will feature event venues, eight community locker rooms, equipment rentals and a team store. The ice rinks will be available to the public when not in use by the team.