The cost of freedom: Domestic abuse survivors forced to stay with abusers amid rising cost of living
It took seven years for Abigail to break free of her abusive relationship, but as the cost of living crisis deepens there are concerns others may not be able to break free.
More than three-quarters of domestic abuse survivors (77%) are finding it harder to escape these relationships, the charity Refuge has warned, as people are forced to choose between remaining with their abusive partner or risk destitution.
For almost a decade, Abigail (not her real name) was subjected to physical, mental, financial and sexual abuse – with the attacks becoming so violent on one occasion, she miscarried.
“The last resort for me was he drugged and violently raped me,” she told Sky News.
“And I think for me that was a wake-up call – because I could hardly walk. I just thought this person could kill me.”
But with her abuser’s name on the house, she was reliant on him financially and had to go to court to get him to take his name off the house.
“Simply put – I wouldn’t have been able to leave my abuser if this crisis was happening when I was trying to flee 10 years ago,” she said.
“I felt trapped as it was. One of the elements of abuse he used against me was financial. Alongside the physical and emotional abuse this economic abuse had a big impact when it came to leaving, he controlled everything.”
Abusers taking advantage of crisis
More than half of the frontline staff at Refuge said the cost of living crisis is leading survivors to return to their abusers.
Abigail’s partner would whisper in her ear: “He tried to tell me I was crazy. I couldn’t live without him.”
Refuge’s specialist technology-facilitated and economic empowerment team has seen an 87% increase in referrals for support with complex cases – they say this can be directly linked to the impact of the crisis.
The charity said it will need an additional £1m to address the growing costs of running its specialist services.
It warned perpetrators are also taking advantage of the cost of living crisis to increase economic abuse and control.
Some perpetrators restrict food and heating in an attempt to gain custody of children on the basis that survivors simply cannot afford to maintain a warm home and enough food.
Even seven years ago, setting out on her own was a struggle, said Abigail.
“At one point, I had £1.25 on my electric meter,” she said, adding that at one point she had to pay £1,500 in court costs towards the prosecution of her ex-partner.
He still owes Abigail thousands in child support.
As Christmas approaches, Abigail wants only the best for her four children – who were witnesses of the abuse – and has opened an Argos and Very account in a bid to afford presents.
“I have never had any credit cards before,” she said.
“I want to make sure my children have everything they want and need, but at the same time, I am already stressed when I think about how I am going to pay that off.”
Completely forgotten
One anonymous Refuge frontline worker said: “It feels like survivors of domestic abuse have been completely forgotten about in this crisis. I have clients whose financial situation is so difficult since fleeing that they are considering returning to their abuser.
“They are reliant on food and clothes banks, they have cancelled and cut back anything and everything they can, to be able to afford to pay their bills. This is having such a detrimental impact on survivors’ mental health and wellbeing.
“Some women are really worried about losing access to their children, they tell me that perpetrators are using this cost of living crisis to further their abuse, something we know as post-separation abuse.
“We are doing everything we can with the funding we have to support survivors – we are giving out more foodbank vouchers, more regularly and to more residents who are repeatedly requiring them, but this has led to foodbanks raising with us that they cannot repeatedly give out vouchers.”
Read more: Woman ‘trapped’ with abusive husband due to soaring energy prices
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What is coercive control?
Calls for emergency escape fund
Refuge has called on the government to create an Emergency Domestic Abuse Fund to help survivors flee their abusers. It welcomed the government uplifting benefits in line with inflation but implored it “not wait until next April to make this vital change”.
Ruth Davison, the charity’s CEO, said: “Survivors and their children are struggling now, and they need urgent action to weather the storm of price increases this winter. No one should be left choosing between ongoing abuse and violence or poverty and hunger.
“The reality is that nothing has changed for women and children experiencing domestic abuse in the autumn statement.”
The fund, she added, would ensure “no woman has to choose between financial stability and her physical safety”.
Some 94% of emotional abusers escape conviction, according to Home Office data – despite the fact incidents of controlling and coercive behaviour are on the rise.
The average cost of a divorce in the UK – including legal fees and lifestyle changes, such as needing to find new accommodation – is £14,561, a devastatingly high amount for people who may not have access to their own money.
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Figures from Surviving Economic Abuse and Money Advice Plus found 67% of survivors are already in a negative budget or have less than £100 surplus at the end of the month. They also have an average individual debt of £20,000 – six times more than in 2020, and it’s expected to get worse.
Shanika Hayes, a senior associate at Stowe Family Law, told Sky News: “They may not have their own employment, and even if they find themselves in a situation where they can leave and have their own source of income, their confidence is normally at the point where they feel like they are not worthy of that, or are not able to sustain that.”
For both men and women, the crisis is placing a strain on relationships that can see them edge into abuse.
“Financial issues can be a catalyst to abuse and it’s often the case that this is the straw that broke the camel’s back,” said Ms Hayes.
“Financial worries, whether that’s how they pay bills or increases to cost of living, that can worsen a relationship that is already abusive, or push one into that territory.”
Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline can be reached on 0808 2000 247, available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for free, confidential specialist support.
UK
The King, Prince William and Kate attend Duchess of Kent’s funeral – as Buckingham Palace says Queen withdrew due to illness
The King, Prince William and the Princess of Wales have attended the funeral of the Duchess of Kent.
The trio were joined by other royals at Westminster Cathedral for the requiem mass – a Catholic funeral – the first to be held for a member of the Royal Family in modern British history.
Pic: Reuters
Pic: PA
Pic: Reuters
Katharine, Duchess of Kent, who became the oldest living member of the Royal Family on the death of Queen Elizabeth II in 2022, died at the age of 92 on 4 September.
The Duchess of Kent at the Wimbledon tennis Championships in 2012. File pic: PA
It emerged earlier that the Queen had withdrawn from attending while she recovers from illness.
Buckingham Palace said on Tuesday that Camilla, 78, is recovering from acute sinusitis, with the withdrawal raising questions over her attendance for US President Donald Trump‘s state visit, which begins at Windsor on Wednesday.
The King and Queen were due to attend the funeral together. Pic: PA
That visit is being hosted by the King, but the Queen is understood to be hopeful she will recover in time to attend all royal elements of Mr Trump’s trip, which includes a lavish state banquet.
A Buckingham Palace spokesperson said: “With great regret, Her Majesty the Queen has withdrawn from attendance at this afternoon’s requiem mass for the Duchess of Kent as she is recovering from acute sinusitis.”
The Duke of Kent was informed and was said to fully understand the decision, wishing her a speedy recovery.
The Queen had travelled down from Scotland this morning and is currently travelling to Windsor, where she will rest.
“Her thoughts and prayers will be with the Duke of Kent and all the family,” the spokesperson added.
During the service, Pope Leo XIV paid a personal tribute to the Duchess of Kent, praising her “legacy of Christian goodness” in a message delivered during her funeral.
In words read out by Archbishop Miguel Maury Buendia, the pontiff highlighted her “dedication to official duties”.
Pics: PA
Prince Andrew and Sarah, Duchess of York, were seen approaching Westminster Cathedral for the service.
Pic: Reuters
Former Formula 1 world champion Sir Jackie Stewart and actresses Rula Lenska and Dame Maureen Lipman were also among the mourners.
UK
Southport killer’s parents took delivery of machetes and knives and tried to hide them from him, inquiry told
The parents of the Southport killer took delivery of a number of machetes and knives, which they tried to hide from him, the inquiry into the stabbings has been told.
Alice da Silva Aguiar, nine, Bebe King, six, and Elsie Stancombe, seven, were murdered at a Taylor Swift-themed class on 29 July last year by Axel Rudakubana, who was jailed for a minimum of 52 years.
He seriously injured eight more girls and two adults who had tried to stop him.
Nicholas Moss KC, counsel to the inquiry into the killings, said the purchase of weapons by Rudakubana – referred to by the inquiry throughout as AR – is “important because it will highlight vulnerabilities in the law against the purchase of knives, crossbows and machetes”.
Read more:
The missed chances to stop Rudakubana
Grandfather who tackled killer
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Southport: Parents of victims speak
Killer ‘used dad’s details to order knife’
On the purchase of weapons, Mr Moss said it is “also important because it is one significant factor in the questions which we need to explore with his family, particularly his parents”, asking “What did they know of the weapons purchases?”
The inquiry was told that his father or mother appeared to have taken delivery of the knife that was used in the attack, and that it was ordered via Amazon under an IP address suggesting the use of a Virtual Private Network.
Rudakubana used his father’s details instead of his own when ordering the knife, which was approved by Amazon because the name and address provided were those of an adult and matched up with credit check agency information.
A knife identical to the one Rudakubana used in the Southport attack. Pic: Merseyside Police
Mr Moss said the package was shipped to an “Ax Rud” at his home address near Southport, arriving at around 5.40pm on 15 July 2024.
Ring camera footage from the property of Rudakubana’s next-door neighbour showed the delivery, but the recipient could not be seen.
The driver entered the recipient’s year of birth as 1978 and confirmed that they appeared to be over the age of 25.
Rudakubana’s father’s date of birth is in 1975, and his mother’s is in 1972, Mr Moss told the hearing.
‘Parents accepted – and hid – weapon deliveries from son’
Mr Moss then said Rudakubana’s parents had accepted deliveries of weapons and hidden them from him on multiple occasions.
A machete taken by police after the attacks. Pic: Merseyside Police
A June 2023 delivery of a 22-inch machete – ordered using the driving licence of a woman named Alice born in 1991 and living in Sunderland – was found on top of the wardrobe in Rudakubana’s parents’ bedroom in sealed packaging.
In his statement to Merseyside Police after the attack, Rudakubana’s father said he had signed for a parcel containing knives that was addressed to someone with a British-sounding name, and he hid the parcel on top of his wardrobe despite his son asking for it.
An October 2023 order of a machete with a 16.5-inch blade – ordered using a driving licence for Samuel, a black man born in Nigeria in 1961, living in Uxbridge – was found by the police after Rudakubana’s prosecution, still in its packaging and unopened.
Rudakubana ordered a third machete that month, called a Kukri Congo 488 JKR with a blade length of 30.5cm from Huntingandknives.co.uk, again using Samuel’s driving licence.
That machete was found in the search of Rudakubana’s home in a black holdall under the bunk beds in his bedroom.
The inquiry is taking place at Liverpool Town Hall. File pic: PA
‘Parents scared of Rudakubana’s behaviour’
The inquiry heard that Rudakubana’s parents had a “fear” of their son’s response if they asked him questions about packages or attempted to tidy his room.
Mr Moss said they were scared that he may be violent towards them, towards his older brother or cause damage to the house, and that they had noticed a “marked deterioration” in his behaviour after being excluded from the Range School for possessing a knife in 2019.
“However, it may be said to be apparent that AR’s parents were aware of other aspects of AR’s conduct that might have been expected to give rise to a concern,” he added.
The inquiry has asked Rudakubana’s parents about any steps that they took to recover knives from their son, and whether they considered reporting the incident to the police or any other agency.
The inquiry continues.
UK
Labour peer Lord Glasman got a ‘discreet suggestion to shut up’ after warning No 10 about Mandelson
A Labour peer has claimed he was “discreetly” told to “shut up” by Number 10 after issuing warnings about the appointment of Peter Mandelson as US ambassador.
Maurice Glasman, who was the only Labour figure to attend Donald Trump’s inauguration, said he was shown “photos of Peter Mandelson blowing out birthday candles with Jeffrey Epstein” while in the US in January.
The peer told Sophy Ridge on the Politics Hub that he reported this back to Downing Street, and was given a “discreet suggestion to basically shut up about that”.
Lord Mandelson was sacked as the UK’s ambassador to the US last Thursday after details of his close relationship with disgraced financier Mr Epstein emerged in the media.
Politics Live: Speaker grants emergency debate on Mandelson
He had always admitted to having known Epstein, but emails between Lord Mandelson and the convicted paedophile showed the diplomat had sent messages of support even as the financier faced jail for sex offences in 2008.
Lord Glasman, who founded the Blue Labour movement in 2009 as a counter to New Labour, told Sophy that he “held the line” on Lord Mandelson even as he was presented with photographs of the ambassador and Epstein together.
Peter Mandelson was sacked as the UK’s ambassador to Washington on Thursday. Pic: PA
He said he “reported back to No 10, that really I would think again about this appointment because really [his dismissal] was bound to happen”.
“It was not out of the clear blue sky, was it?”
The peer said he was asked to send back a report on the matter, which he did, and “that was that”.
“I did say when I got back, I’d think again about this publicly. And then I did get a discreet suggestion to basically shut up about that. And I did.”
Sir Keir Starmer said on Monday he would have “never appointed” Lord Mandelson as US ambassador if he knew then what he knows now.
The prime minister said Lord Mandelson went through a proper due diligence process before his appointment.
But, he added: “Had I known then what I know now, I’d have never appointed him.”
Sir Keir said he knew before Prime Minister’s Questions on Wednesday that Lord Mandelson had not yet answered questions from government officials, but was unaware of the contents of the messages that led to his sacking.
He said Lord Mandelson did not provide answers until “very late” on Wednesday, which was when he decided he had to be “removed”.
Lord Mandelson has said he regrets his relationship with Epstein, claiming repeatedly he wishes they had never met.
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