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Inspirational thought of the week:

Now the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Heartache’s going to the inside
My tears are holding back
They’re trying not to fall
My heart’s out of the running
True love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on, and it looks like heartaches
And the winner loses all
– “The Race is On” by George Jones

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in same room as the computer server that houses all the drafts of Lane Kiffin’s reserve supply of clapback tweets, we are up on the wheel with a lead foot in the throttle like Ross Chastain at Martinsville Speedway. There’s only one lap remaining in the race that is the 2022 college football regular season, and the white flag is out.

For those of you who don’t follow NASCAR, we must explain that the white flag doesn’t mean surrender, it means the end of the race is imminent and the next flag shown will be the checkers. In other words, there’s one week left before we declare a champion. But this also isn’t the Valleydale Meats 500, is it? It’s the Bottom 10. And in this world, everything is a surrender flag, no matter how hard any man — even a 12th man — might try to disguise it as something else.

With apologies to Cornelius Tacitus, E. King Gill, former Tennessee State defensive end Joe “Turkey” Jones and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 12, pre-Thanksgiving Bottom 10 rankings.


1. UMess (1-10)

The Minutemen lost their second consecutive Pillow Fight of the Week, following up the heartbreak of their near win at Arkansas State with a solid showing in front of tens of fans at Kyle Field, losing to Texas A&M 20-3 after trailing by only 10 points for most of the second half. This despite at least two of their players spending the entire game unable to hear anything because the Corps of Cadets decided to reenact the Battle of Lexington and Concord during the pregame.

2. Colora-duh (1-10)

Speaking of the American Revolution, Washington was victorious against the Buffaloes, a win iced by a fourth-quarter TD catch that was hauled in, of course, by a receiver named Sam Adams II.

3. Akronmonious (1-9)

Speaking of Buffaloes, Akron was supposed to have played the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, but apparently Elsa of Arendelle is either a Zips alum or has some money down on the Bottom 10 title race, because someone dumped 77 inches of snow on the city over the weekend and postponed the game indefinitely.

4. US(not C)F (1-10)

Speaking of Bulls and inclement weather, USF lost a 48-42 track meet to the Tulsa Golden Hurricane. It was just a warm-up for this week’s annual Thanksgiving weekend hyperactive rivalry matchup with UC(not S)F, aka the War on I-4. I’m not entirely sure that the Black Friday 2017 edition of this game ever actually ended, just as I am not entirely sure that anyone ever actually gets off I-4 once they get on it.

5. Good Ol’ Rocky Slop (Whew!) (9-2)

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, stunt pilot-turned-Air Force general Jimmy Doolittle trained his legendary Raiders for their bombing attack on Tokyo just outside of Columbia, South Carolina, not far from the Williams-Brice Stadium, home of the South Carolina Gamecocks. The fleet of B-25s would bomb the same piece of earth over and over and over and over again, refuel, and then bomb it again and again and again and again, day after day after day. On Saturday night in Columbia, with USC up 63-38, the ghost of Doolittle was heard saying, “Damn, Cocks, that’s enough.”

6. North by Northworstern (1-10)

Northwestern of now feels like the Northwestern of the 1980s as it rides the nation’s longest losing streak, a slump that has reached nine losses. According to the magically and creepily accurate ESPN FPI computers, there is an 81.7% chance that the Artists Formerly Known as Ill-ugh-noise will extend that streak to 10. If that happens, the Mildcats will be throwing a formidable résumé onto the table of the Bottom 10 Selection Committee next week. And seeing as how that table is actually just an old TV tray we found at a trailer park “estate auction,” there’s going to be quite the moment when it collapses and spills Natty Light all over the lap of committee chairman Charlie Weis.

7. Whew Mexico No-bos (2-9)

The Mountain West’s Bottom 10 incursion brings to mind the words of Lando Calrissian at the Battle of Endor when he asked, “I wonder what those Star Destroyers are waiting for?” Only instead of giant, weapons-laden spaceships, it’s a fleet of recycled Trailways buses. The No-bos have crashed this party via eight straight losses, and a season-ending tenth defeat at the hands of Bottom 10 Waiting Listers Colora-duh State could be what Whew Mexico needs to stage its own version of the Holdo Maneuver.

8. No-vada (2-9)

Meanwhile, the Oof Pack has also dropped nine straight, having already gotten their Colorado State loss out of the way back in Week 5. Now, suddenly, we have a Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year of the Century coming that was on no one’s radar just a few scant weeks ago, but now might be the game with the biggest impact on the final Bottom 10 standings. Against who? Or whom? Or whomever? Or whatever my English teacher would tell me to write here but I am too excited to recall correct grammar?

9. unLv (4-7)

These guys! Our old friends from Earth’s largest Roomba are in these rankings for the first time this season. Is it unusual for a four-win team to be here this late in the season? Yep. But that’s what happens when you slide into the end of that season like me when I lived in Connecticut, thinking I could drive my Pontiac Grand Am on ice. The Other Rebels’ losing streak just reached six thanks to a 31-25 loss at season-long Bottom 10 stalwart Huh-why-yuh.

10. Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas (4-7)

Okay, first off, you don’t get out of the Bottom 10 after barely beating the top/bottom team at home, even if you were only in the Coveted Fifth Spot, and especially when you started the fall in the preseason Top 10. Secondly, you totally are docked lack-of-style points when you fire a cannon at a couple of dudes praying in the pregame and also that shirtless towel relay thing. And finally, did I do this just to get a rise out of people in College Station because it’s Thanksgiving and angry SEC fans in my inbox are just as delicious as dressing with gravy and those baked marshmallows scraped off the top of the sweet potato pie and eaten all on their own like candy? You can’t see me right now, but I am responding with a “Gig ’em” thumbs up. And yes, that’s a baked marshmallow on the end of my thumb.

Waiting List: Arkansaw State, Colora-duh State, Huh-why-yuh, Lose-ee-anna Tech, Charlotte 3-and-9ers, Old Duh-minions, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Stampford, In A Rut-gers, No-braska, Temple of Doom, your drunk uncle taking the turkey leg and eating it in front of your face while talking politics.

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Sources: Tkachuk dodges discipline, will play G4

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Sources: Tkachuk dodges discipline, will play G4

Florida Panthers forward Matthew Tkachuk will not receive supplemental discipline for his hit on Tampa Bay Lightning forward Jake Geuntzel in Game 3, sources told ESPN on Sunday.

Tkachuk’s hit, in the third period of his team’s 5-1 loss, received a five-minute major. According to sources, the NHL Department of Player Safety determined that was enough, considering Guentzel had recently touched the puck and Tkachuk didn’t make contact with Guentzel’s head.

The department also believed that the force in which Tkachuk hit Guentzel was far lesser than the hit Tampa’s Brandon Hagel made on Florida captain Aleksander Barkov in Game 2, which earned Hagel a one game suspension.

The plays led both coaches to trade jabs in the media. After Barkov went down in Game 2, Florida Panthers coach Paul Maurice said: “The only players we hit are the one with pucks.”

Barkov missed the end of the third period, but played in Game 3. Game 4 is Monday at Amerant Bank Arena.

At his postgame press conference, following Tkachuk’s hit on Guentzel, Tampa Bay coach Jon Cooper deadpanned the exact same line as Maurice.

Tkachuk leads the series in scoring with three goals and an assist through three games. Guentzel has two goals and two assists for Tampa Bay.

The Battle of Florida is living up to the billing as one of the most contentious rivalries in hockey; either Tampa or Florida has made it to the Stanley Cup Final in each of the last five seasons.

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Jets’ Hellebuyck allows five goals, pulled again

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Jets' Hellebuyck allows five goals, pulled again

ST. LOUIS — Connor Hellebuyck, a two-time Vezina Trophy winner who is among the favorites to win the award again this season, allowed five goals before being pulled early in the third period as the top-seeded Winnipeg Jets fell to the St. Louis Blues 5-1 on Sunday, evening their Western Conference first-round series at 2-2.

Hellebuyck has now been pulled in back-to-back games in St. Louis, during which he has allowed 11 goals and posted a paltry .744 save percentage. Eric Comrie made five saves in relief of Hellebuyck on Sunday, but the game had long been decided by that point.

His performances have not only energized the Blues, the No. 8 seed who lost the first two games of this series, but their fans, as well. In the third period Sunday, the St. Louis faithful chanted, “We want Connor” as he sat on the Jets’ bench.

Brayden Schenn, Tyler Tucker and Justin Faulk each scored second-period goals to give the Blues a 4-1 lead, and Robert Thomas scored 2:01 into the third, ending Hellebuyck’s day.

Across the ice, St. Louis goaltender Jordan Binnington, who defeated Hellebuyck in the 4 Nations Face-Off final in February when Canada outlasted Team USA, made 30 saves in the win. The Blues have now won 14 straight regular-season and playoff games at home dating back to Feb. 23.

“The last 10 minutes, we gave up three goals,” Winnipeg coach Scott Arniel said of the second period. “Those are coverage goals, and those are situations that we usually handle pretty well. They are finding ways to get that puck in the net.”

Kyle Connor scored for the Jets, staking the road team to a 1-0 lead, but the powerful Winnipeg offense that helped the club win the Presidents’ Trophy was never heard from again.

“This is obviously not what we wanted,” Winnipeg forward Mark Scheifele said. “But it’s a best two-of-three series now.”

Hellebuyck has been pulled in consecutive games only one other time in his career, and given the Jets lost in Round 1 last season to the Colorado Avalanche, the Winnipeg goaltending situation figures to be a storyline the rest of this series.

“At the end of the day, you know what, they took advantage of home ice,” Arniel said of the Blues. “We’ve put ourselves in this position. And our best players have to be better than their best players.”

The Jets and Blues return to Winnipeg for Game 5 on Wednesday night.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

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Williams out as Yanks’ closer; Weaver to get a shot

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Williams out as Yanks' closer; Weaver to get a shot

NEW YORK — Devin Williams has been removed from his role as New York Yankees closer “for right now,” manager Aaron Boone said Sunday.

The move comes two days after Williams endured another rough outing and was booed off the mound at Yankee Stadium in a loss to the Toronto Blue Jays. The 30-year-old right-hander has a 11.25 ERA with career-worst marks in strikeout rate (18.2%), whiff rate (24.1%) and walk rate (15.9%) in eight innings across 10 appearances this season.

“He’s still got everything to be great, right? This is a guy that is in the prime of his career and he’s just going through it a little bit,” said Boone, who informed Williams of the decision Saturday. “I tell our players all the time, you make a career that’s long enough and you’re going to face some challenging moments. You’re going to face some adversity along the way. And good news for Devin is he’s got everything to get through this and come out better on the other side. And that’s my expectation.

“But, for right now, I think it’s best for everyone that we pull him out of that role and try and start building some good rhythm and confidence and momentum and fully expect him to be a central figure for us moving forward.”

Boone said setup man Luke Weaver, who has a 0.00 ERA in 13 innings pitched this season, will assume “a lot of” the team’s save opportunities. Boone maintained he is open to using Weaver in high-leverage spots earlier in games and other relievers to close.

As for Williams, Boone said he won’t have a specific role — whether pitching in low-leverage situations or tight spots just earlier in games — as he seeks to re-establish himself for a team with the ninth-best bullpen ERA in the majors despite his struggles.

The key will be for Williams to avoid falling behind in counts as he did against the three hitters he faced Friday, leading to the home crowd again showering him with loud boos while adding a “We want Weaver!” chant.

Williams wound up surrendering two runs on three hits without recording an out to blow the save and continue his alarming troubles.

The Yankees hope his changeup-fastball mix will baffle hitters again and allow him to return to the pitcher he has been for his entire career.

“Count leverage is a big thing for pitchers, understandably, as it is for hitters,” Boone said. “And I think he’s been behind a number of times. He’s also had it not bounce his way in a number of these games where it’s gotten away.

“But I think the biggest thing for a guy as good as he is, as good as his track record is, and where he is from an age standpoint in the prime of his career, it’s just about, I think, man, having it start to click, getting in a good rhythm and then off we go.”

The Yankees acquired Williams in December to replace Clay Holmes as the club’s closer with one year of team control remaining before reaching free agency. The trade, which sent left-hander Nestor Cortes and prospect Corbin Durbin to Milwaukee, figured to cement the Yankees’ bullpen as one of the best in the majors.

Williams established himself as one of baseball’s premier relievers over six seasons with the Brewers using a singular screwball-like changeup known as “The Airbender.” The right-hander posted a 1.83 ERA with a 39.4% across 241 appearances in Milwaukee. He won the 2020 National League Rookie of the Year Award as a setup man for Josh Hader and made two All-Star teams. His status was undisputed.

But Williams’ Yankees tenure has been turbulent from start. After emerging as the catalyst to have the Yankees’ decades-long no-beard policy changed during spring training, he was booed at Yankee Stadium during his sloppy debut on Opening Day against his former club.

Boone acknowledged the fans’ treatment could have an impact on Williams’ performance.

“I think there’s that adjustment,” Boone said. “Devin’s really been nothing but successful at the big-league level. He’s dominated. So, that’s all part of it. That’s what I talk to these guys all the time about is like, again, you’re going to go through a tough moment. When I came here in 2003 at the trade deadline, Mariano Rivera was getting booed in August. I couldn’t believe it. And then he’s still Mariano Rivera, recoups and goes on to do what he does.

“So, I’m sure there’s some shock to that and some … getting settled. He’s with a new team in a new environment. That’s all part of it. But my reminder to him is you have all the equipment to do this at an elite level and that’s still a reality.”

In other developments, Luis Gil, the reigning AL Rookie of the Year Award winner, started his throwing program Sunday. He has been sidelined since Feb. 28 because of a high-grade lat strain, is on the 60-day injured list and is projected to return in June at the earliest.

Also, right-hander Jonathan Loáisiga, who is returning from internal brace elbow surgery, started his rehab assignment for Class A Tampa on Saturday and threw 11 pitches with one strikeout in a clean inning. He could rejoin the Yankees as early as late May.

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