Cheryl Strayed: Tiny Beautiful Things writer on grief, wisdom and her kids reading her books
When Cheryl Strayed was still at college, her mother’s sudden death transformed her life.
She went from being a successful student to a heroin addict.
The grief she experienced, and the story of how she turned such loss around to become a best-selling author, has inspired fans around the world.
But the 54-year-old writer tells Sky News: “I have no interest in being anyone’s guru.”
Best known for her 2012 memoir Wild – an international bestseller adapted into the 2014 film both produced by and starring Reese Witherspoon – Strayed wasn’t always so willing to share her personal experiences with the world.
Laura Dern, Cheryl Strayed and Reese Witherspoon (L-R) at the premiere of Wild in 2014. Pic: AP
She describes her first deeply personal piece of writing, titled Heroin/e, as “a raw, personal essay about my grief, about my foray into drug use, and about the sorrow, the agony, essentially, I was in as a young woman – who didn’t have her mother”.
Published in a magazine called Double Take, she admits her first feeling on seeing her work in print wasn’t pride, but an urge to “go buy every copy of this magazine so nobody reads it”.
However, soon afterwards the magazine contacted her to say they’d received hundreds of letters – a bigger response than ever before – from readers saying they had truly connected with her work.
Strayed says: “That has really made me strong. I’m always afraid to publish personal things about myself. I’m always terrified.
“And yet every single time I’ve been terrified, they’re the times that people say, ‘Thank you for saying that, we needed that to be said. You saved me, you changed me, you helped me’…”
She goes on: “People need to hear the truth because they need to understand they’re not alone.”
Such a transparent approach to her life has won her a legion of fans, but Strayed admits she sometimes needs to take a step back.
“I feel like it is a gift that people feel that, kind of… open and warm towards me… But also, I’ve had to really learn.
“I’ve had to actually take some of the advice I would give to other people, learn how to maintain those boundaries.”
She adds: “I’ve already given you my best thing… The thing that I can give the world is through my writing… I have no interest in being anyone’s guru.
“And so I just try to greet people with gratitude and compassion and love, which I genuinely feel for the people who read my work and love it.”
‘Feeling less alone’
Now, following the success of Wild, another of her works has been adapted for the screen.
Disney+ original Tiny Beautiful Things is based on Strayed’s best-selling collection of essays Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar.
It was compiled from an advice column which she wrote anonymously on The Rumpus, an online literary magazine.
Kathryn Hahn plays a fictionalised version of Cheryl. Pic: Disney+
As much a personal memoir as an advice and self-help tool, Strayed says she began sharing her own personal experiences as part of her Dear Sugar advice in a nod to the many stories that had helped her during her own times of pain.
“When I was in the deep suffering in the years right after my mum died in my twenties, it was books I turned to, collections of poetry and collections of essays, and novels and plays, to see the humanity, to see the universal stories of love and loss and suffering and triumph.
“And all of those things made me feel less alone.”
Wisdom where you’d least expect it
Strayed says she has also learned to gain insights from the most unexpected of places.
“I think the most important thing ever is to stay awake and aware, and alive to wisdom in all of its forms,” she says.
“Sometimes it comes out of the mouth of your six-year-old child. Sometimes it comes from a stranger in the grocery store line.
“Sometimes it comes from a book, sometimes it comes from a therapist. Sometimes it comes from an advice columnist.
“[So it’s important] to stay awake to the fact that wisdom doesn’t come from a single source.”
Starring Kathryn Hahn, Sarah Pidgeon, Quentin Plair, and Tanzyn Crawford, Tiny Beautiful Things follows Clare – who is a fictionalised version of Strayed – as a struggling writer finding success as an advice columnist, while her own life is falling apart.
Sarah Pidgeon (L) in Tiny Beautiful Things. Pic: Disney+
No Hollywood version of grief
Touching on her mother’s death in the show, Strayed says one of the most important things for her was to portray the reality of grief – not a sanitised Hollywood version of it.
“It’s so important to me that we do not tell this false story about grief that gets told over and over again, which is like this idea that if you still experience grief years after somebody has died, that somehow, you’ve been held back and the way to heal is to let it go.
“To me, the way that grief functions is… of course, immediately after somebody has died – that is very often the fiercest, hardest grieving time.
“But you don’t leave that sorrow behind.”
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She says she has learned a valuable lesson about loss: “Grief is part of who I am. And it is both a very painful, hard thing that I wish didn’t happen to me and one of the greatest gifts of my life. And I will carry it always.
“I can carry it in a burdensome way that holds me back, that causes me pain, that forces me to be destructive, or do things that heavy weights can sometimes do.
“Or I can carry it like the basket of riches that it is…”
She goes on: “If you really want to honour that person you love so much, make something beautiful of that ugliness of that loss.”
And what do her children think?
A mother herself, she admits her children, son Carver, 18, and daughter Bobbi, 17, have yet to read any of her work.
So, does she ever worry about them learning so much about their mother’s life from her books?
On the contrary, Strayed says it’s the cherry on the cake: “It makes me feel happy that when they’re ready to know their mum on a deeper level, there’s a bunch of crazy stuff I wrote.”
Tiny Beautiful Things is streaming now on Disney+ in the UK, and on Hulu in the US.
Angelina Jolie says although she appreciates being an artist, she would prefer for her legacy to be “a good mother” and to be known for her “belief in equality and human rights”.
The Oscar-winning actress stars as Maria Callas in the new Pablo Larrain film about the opera singer’s life.
Pic: StudioCanal
She has called Maria “the hardest” and “most challenging” role she has had in her career and put months of preparation into immersing herself into the world of opera.
Jolie, who recently reached a divorce settlement with actor Brad Pitt, told Sky News: “To be very candid, it was the therapy I didn’t realise I needed. I had no idea how much I was holding in and not letting out.
“So, the challenge wasn’t the technical [side of opera], it was an emotional experience to find my voice, to be in my body, to express. You have to give every single part of yourself.”
The biopic combines the voice of the Maleficent actress with recordings of Maria Callas.
Jolie believes it “would be a crime to not have [Callas’] voice through this because, in many ways, she is very present in this film”.
Who was Maria Callas?
Born in New York in 1923, Maria Callas was the daughter of Greek immigrants who moved back to Athens at the age of 13 with her mother and sister.
After enrolling at the Athens Conservatory, she made her professional debut at 17 and went on to become one of the most famous faces of opera, travelling around the world and performing at Covent Garden in London, The Met in New York and La Scala in Milan.
Callas’s final operatic performance took place at Covent Garden in 1965 when she was 41 but she continued to work conducting master classes at Juilliard School, doing concert tours and starring in the 1969 film Medea.
Written by Peaky Blinders creator Steven Knight, Maria focuses on the artist’s final years in the 1970s when she moved to Paris and disappeared from public view.
She died on 16 September 1977 at the age of 53.
Pic: StudioCanal
Jolie on changing motivations as an actor
Maria follows the life of an artist fully consumed by the art she creates and even remarks that “happiness never developed a beautiful melody”.
Reflecting on her own life in the spotlight, Jolie said she noticed her own career motivations change over the years.
“There’s this kind of study of being human that we do when we create, and we communicate with an audience because our work is not in isolation – it’s a connection.
“I think when I was younger, I had different questions about being human and different feelings and now as I’ve gotten older, I understand some things and now I have different questions.
“It’s a matter of life, right? And so maybe that’s interesting that this now is a character really contemplating death and really contemplating the toll of certain things in life that I, of course, couldn’t have understood in my 20s”.
Jolie at the New York Film Festival in September with three of her children (L-R) Pax, Zahara and Maddox. Pic: AP
A family affair
Two of Jolie’s children, Maddox and Pax, took on production assistant roles during the filming of Maria and witnessed their mother perform opera for the first time in public.
She says the film allowed them to create new experiences together and for her children to see her approach to playing a difficult role.
“Everyone in my home, we all give each other space to be who we are and we’re all different.
“I’m the mom, but I’m also an artist and a person and so my family has been very kind and gives me their understanding. They make fun of me, and they support me and just as you’d hope it would be.”
She adds: “When you play somebody who is dealing with so much pain, it’s very important to come home to some kindness.”
Maria is in cinemas now.
Tom Holland’s dad has confirmed his son’s engagement to Zendaya – revealing how the 28-year-old meticulously planned the proposal.
Zendaya, also 28, sparked engagement rumours when she attended last Sunday’s Golden Globes wearing a sparkling diamond on her ring finger.
Neither star has publicly addressed the rumours but Tom’s comedian father, Dominic Holland, has now confirmed the pair are set to wed.
He wrote in a post on his Patreon account: “Tom, as you know by now was very incredibly well prepared. He had purchased a ring.
“He had spoken with her father and gained permission to propose to his daughter.”
“Tom had everything planned out… When, where, how, what to say, what to wear,” he added.
Zendaya arrived at the Golden Globes with a noticeable piece of new jewellery. Pic: Invision/AP
Dominic also noted that while most men worry about being able to afford an engagement ring, he suspects his actor son was “more concerned with the stone, its size and clarity, its housing, which jeweller”.
Tom and Zendaya met on the set of Spider-Man: Homecoming in 2016, when they played the titular hero and his love interest MJ, respectively. Their romance was confirmed in 2021.
In his post, Tom’s father admitted fears over whether being in the spotlight could put a strain on the couple’s relationship.
He wrote: “I do fret that their combined stardom will amplify their spotlight and the commensurate demands on them and yet they continually confound me by handling everything with aplomb.”
“And even though show business is a messy place for relationships and particularly so for famous couples as they crash and burn in public and are too numerous to mention […] yet somehow right at the same time, I am completely confident they will make a successful union.”
More entertainment news:
Paris Hilton’s home destroyed in fires
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Zendaya rose to fame after landing a role in Disney sitcom Shake It Up, and became a household name after starring in Euphoria.
Holland – who has starred in three Spider-Man films opposite his now-fiancée – made his stage debut in Billy Elliot the Musical in 2008.
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