Why does heartbreak hurt? The science behind what happens to your brain and your body
Breakups are not much fun.
Whether it’s your first time through it or an unfortunate familiarity, there are few more agonising gut punches.
Doubts and insecurities aplenty; wondering where, how and why things changed; and like an agonising Lionesses World Cup run, an overwhelming sense of “what if”.
Being a “science and tech journalist” has given me a fresh perspective on how it can impact us physically.
Where’s that headache come from? What about a sudden lack of energy? And why does eating anything, even a normal favourite, feel like an I’m A Celebrity challenge?
For when pictures of wistful poetry on Instagram just don’t cut it, it turns out science has some answers.
The holy trinity
As neuroscientist Dr Lucy Brown puts it, “we’re all miserable when we’ve been dumped” – and there’s a potent chemical cocktail that helps explain why.
Serotonin is the brain chemical associated with happiness, oxytocin with bonding, and dopamine gets pumped out whenever your mind’s reward system kicks in.
No surprise then that you feel good when that holy trinity is high and rough when it’s low.
The key chemical is dopamine: the ultimate natural drug.
‘It’s like we’re addicted’
Brown was one of a team of researchers who conducted a study into the impact of heartbreak, scanning the brain activity of 15 young adults who were going through unwanted breakups.
They were shown photos of their ex-partners, and the scans showed parts of the brain that power our sense of motivation and reward – where our dopaminergic neurons live – went into overdrive.
It’s an “overactivity” Brown compares to what you’d see in a cocaine addict trying to wean themselves off.
“It’s like we’re addicted to each other,” she says.
“When we lose someone, we’ve lost a very rewarding part of our lives and sense of self. They’ve provided novelty in your life that now isn’t there, so we need some other rewards.”
And like rewatching goals we may have thought had put the Lionesses’ name on the title, looking back at texts and holiday photos won’t do the trick.
Maybe next time… Pic: AP
A body under threat
Florence Williams had found herself intrigued by the pain her heartbreak caused.
Having seen her 25-year marriage suddenly fall apart, trauma was expected. But feeling physically sick and totally overwhelmed took her by surprise.
“I was of course stunned by the event itself, but then I was really confused and surprised by how different I felt physically going through it,” she says.
“That feeling of being plugged into a faulty electrical socket; this buzzing sense of background anxiety and hypervigilance and an inability to sleep well; the weight loss and general confusion.
“My body felt under threat.”
Williams’s experience and sense of confusion sent her on a global quest for answers documented in her book, Heartbreak: A Personal And Scientific Journey.
She found while everyone’s personal heartbreak is different, the bodily response is much the same: it’s time for that holy trinity of hormones to take a battering.
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Florence Williams. Pic: Casie Zalud
‘Very real’ physical symptoms
And it’s not just emotional pain you may struggle with. In Brown’s study, brain areas associated with physical pain were also activated.
She explains rejection triggers a part of the brain called the insular cortex – the same part that responds to distress around pain, like when panic sets in after an already painful bee sting.
When emotional stress causes physical symptoms, like headaches and nausea, its medical term is somatisation.
“If you’ve ever had butterflies when you’ve been nervous, you’ve experienced this,” explains Dr Abishek Rolands.
“The most important thing to remember is even though there is no physical cause, the symptoms are very real – they are not made up or ‘all in the head’.”
During her research, Williams, who has two adult children with her ex-husband, was particularly fascinated by the impact loss can have on our immune system.
“It’s important for our nervous systems that we feel safe,” she says.
“If we have people in our lives triggering cascades of healthy hormones, it’s really protective against illness. Our cells actually listen to our mental state.”
Indeed, previous studies have stressed the importance of meaningful social relationships to stay healthy.
And in 2021, US researchers suggested our immune system takes cues from our nervous system if it’s struggling – effectively making decisions that could make us sick.
Broken heart syndrome
In rare cases, this kind of emotional distress – especially when delivered suddenly – can even lead to the fittingly nicknamed “broken heart syndrome” – or takotsubo cardiomyopathy.
Sindy Jodar, a senior cardiac nurse at the British Heart Foundation, says the symptoms – chiefly shortness of breath and chest pain – are consistent with a heart attack.
“Most people have either been under a lot of physical or emotional stress, like losing a loved one,” she says.
“The only explanation we have at the moment is when the body is stressed, it releases a lot of catecholamines (adrenaline), and when lots of that is around in the body it can impact the heart.”
Unlike a heart attack, the condition does not cause blockages in the coronary arteries – but does totally change the shape of the heart’s left ventricle, which pumps oxygenated blood through the body.
It’s this which gives the condition its actual Japanese name, as the shape of the ventricle becomes reminiscent of a trap fishermen use to catch octopus: narrow at the top, larger at the bottom.
The condition only impacts around 5,000 people a year in the UK, and is more common in menopausal women, with most recovering after a few weeks.
The condition’s symptoms are consistent with a heart attack
Giving up the addiction
Just as science can explain why heartbreak, rejection, and loss makes us feel the way we do, it also offers solutions.
Brown says heartbreak should be treated like “having to give up an addiction”, though she admits the “craving is stronger when we’ve lost someone”.
But there are plenty of roads to go down without gorging ice cream while watching La La Land.
Williams stresses the importance of working to activate the parasympathetic part of your nervous system by doing things that make you feel calm. The other part of our autonomic nervous system, sympathetic, is what causes anxiety and hypervigilance.
“Connection to nature is really calming,” she says, likewise to friends and family. “And there’s lots of data showing the more meaning you derive from work, the more purpose you feel, the happier you’ll be.”
Williams says such lessons apply to anyone “going through an emotional life quake”.
“People who end a relationship also face big emotions – guilt, sadness, loneliness,” she adds.
Walks in nature are great for clearing your mind
And as Brown says, there’s novelty – that sense of excitement that needs refreshing in a healthy, sustainable way.
Ice cream makes a compelling dinner once, but you’d probably best hope it wears off.
“A good strategy is beginning things you didn’t do during a relationship, like running or travelling,” says Brown.
“People always remember a heartbreak – it’s very painful. But you do change, and can for the better.”
Ghislaine Maxwell has filed a petition asking a US federal judge to overturn her sex trafficking conviction and free her from prison, claiming “substantial new evidence”.
The disgraced British socialite and ex-girlfriend of the convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein is serving a 20-year sentence for sex trafficking.
In the petition, Maxwell’s lawyers argue that information which would have resulted in her exoneration at her 2021 trial was withheld, and that false testimony was presented to the jury.
They say the cumulative effect is a “complete miscarriage of justice.”
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Maxwell was jailed in 2022 for sex trafficking after recruiting young girls for Epstein during the 1990s and early 2000s.
Her latest legal bid for freedom came on Wednesday, two days ahead of the deadline for the release of the Epstein files – which include all material related to civil and criminal cases involving Epstein, who took his own life while awaiting trial on sex trafficking charges in 2019.
Ghislaine Maxwell said she would petition her conviction since August. File pic: PA/US Department of Justice
Maxwell’s lawyers have claimed that releasing the files – required after US President Donald Trump signed the Epstein Transparency Act – would harm her bid for a retrial.
The argument came in a letter from her legal team to a New York judge, which Sky News saw at the start of December. The lawyers argued the release of “grand jury materials from her case, which contain untested and unproven allegations” would “foreclose the possibility of a fair retrial”.
The letter also reveals the plan for the habeas corpus petition, filed this week.
The petition, filed in a Manhattan federal court, argues: “Since the conclusion of [Maxwell’s] trial, substantial new evidence has emerged from related civil actions, government disclosures, investigative reports, and documents demonstrating constitutional violations that undermined the fairness of her proceeding.
“In the light of the full evidentiary record, no reasonable juror would have convicted her.”
It is unclear what new material the lawyers are referring to.
In October, the US Supreme Court rejected Maxwell’s attempts to appeal against her sentence, meaning the petition or a presidential pardon from Mr Trump are her only chances at being freed before her projected release date in 2037.
Earlier in December a New York judge gave the go ahead for the US Department of Justice to publish material from Maxwell’s sex trafficking case, as part of the Epstein files release.
Democrats have released dozens of Epstein images
Several dozen photos related to Epstein have already been released by Democrats in the US, ahead of this week’s deadline for the release of the full files which are expected to include thousands of pages of material.
As it happened: Trump ‘knows nothing about’ images released
Last Friday, images of Mr Trump, Steve Bannon, former President Bill Clinton, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, and others were shared by the Democrats on social media.
There was no suggestion that the pictures implied any wrongdoing. The US president, Mr Bannon, Mr Clinton and the former prince have all denied any wrongdoing in relation to Epstein.
Other images included sex toys and condoms with Mr Trump’s likeness.
China is to tax contraception for the first time in more than three decades in a move aligned with efforts to get more families to have children.
Contraceptive drugs and products such as condoms will no longer be exempt from China’s 13% value added tax from January 1, the country’s newest tax laws have revealed.
The move comes as the country’s birth rate declines. In 2024, 9.5 million babies were born in China, about one-third fewer than the 14.7 million born in 2019, according to the National Bureau of Statistics.
China has moved on from the decades when it used a one child policy in an attempt to curb a massive population boom. Pic: Reuters.
As deaths have outpaced births in China, India overtook it as the world’s most populous country in 2023.
But the tax change has been ridiculed on on Chinese social media by people who have joked that they would be fools not to know that raising a child is more expensive than using condoms, even if they are taxed.
“That’s a really ruthless move,” said Hu Lingling, mother of a 5-year-old who said she is determined not to have another child. She said she would “lead the way in abstinence” as a rebel.
“It is also hilarious, especially compared to forced abortions during the family planning era,” she said.
More seriously, experts are raising concerns over potential increases in unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases due to higher costs for contraceptives.
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In previous decades China’s huge population growth prompted the ruling Communist Party to ban couples from having more than one child in a rule that enforced from about 1980 until 2015, through fines and other penalties.
In some cases women underwent forced abortions and children born over the one child limit were deprived of an identification number, effectively making them non-citizens.
The government raised the birth limit to two children in 2015. Then, as China’s population began to peak and then fall, it was lifted to three children in 2021. Contraception has previously been actively encouraged and easily accessed, sometimes for free.
The limit was lifted to three children in 2021 under President Xi Jinping. Pic: AP
Director of the University of Virginia’s Demographics Research Group, Qian Cai said: “Higher prices may reduce access to contraceptives among economically disadvantaged populations, potentially leading to increases in unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Those outcomes could, in turn, lead to more abortions and higher health-care costs.”
She also said the new taxes would have a “very limited” effect on reproductive decisions.
“For couples who do not want children or do not want additional children, a 13% tax on contraceptives is unlikely to influence their reproductive decisions, especially when weighed against the far higher costs of raising a child,” she said.
But University of Wisconsin-Madison senior scientist Yi Fuxian said imposing the tax was “only logical”.
“They used to control the population, but now they are encouraging people to have more babies; it is a return to normal methods to make these products ordinary commodities,” he said.
EU leaders will meet in Brussels today to try to agree the release of €210bn (£184bn) to help fund Ukraine’s war with Russia.
The money, which comes from Russian assets frozen after Moscow’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine in 2022, is mostly held in the Belgian-headquartered clearing house, Euroclear.
The money is seen as vital to Ukraine’s ability to keep fighting, because the country faces bankruptcy in early 2026 if it doesn’t receive more international assistance. That means Kyiv would no longer be able to pay soldiers, police and civil servants or buy weapons to defend itself.
Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Sir Keir Starmer, French President Emmanuel Macron and German Chancellor Friedrich Merz. Pic: Reuters
Last night, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, who is expected to brief the EU leaders today, wrote on X: “The result Europe produces – must make Russia feel that its desire to continue the war next year is pointless, because Ukraine will have support. This rests entirely with Europe.”
The Belgian government has so far prevented the move amid fears it will expose the small country to Russian legal action in the future.
The EU is racing to find solutions to Belgium‘s concerns, including passing an emergency bill that secures the sanctions against Russia indefinitely, superseding the need to renew them every six months and thereby insulating it from veto votes from Russian-leaning EU member states like Hungary and Slovakia.
Belgium also wants guarantees that all EU members will share any financial cost of Russian action against it.
Why the push to use Russian assets?
The US, which has so far given billions of dollars to Kyiv, is losing interest under Donald Trump and can no longer be relied upon for financial support.
Previously, the EU had been giving the interest generated from the frozen assets to Ukraine, but was worried it might destabilise the Eurozone economy if it touched the assets itself.
That has changed, however, as Ukraine’s need has become more acute and fears over Russia’s wider imperialist ambitions have grown in recent months.
This unlocking of seized Russian assets is also being seen as a way to buy Brussels more leverage in peace negotiations, as well as reducing Kyiv’s dependency on Washington.
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Friedrich Merz. Pic: Reuters
German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, who has been leading the campaign to release the funds, warned that “Europe would be severely damaged for years” if they fail to pass the vote and “this step is not about prolonging the war but about bringing the war to an end as soon as possible”.
In short, the consequences of using the frozen assets are now considered less risky than the consequences of not taking this action.
What’s at stake?
Vladimir Putin is hoping Ukraine’s allies end up divided. Pic: Sputnik/Reuters
Trump wanted the money to be invested in two US investment funds, something the EU rejects. The US president has recently been scathing of European leaders, and the EU sees Thursday’s meeting as an opportunity to show its strength and unity.
In theory, the EU could pass the policy by majority vote, thereby sidelining the Belgian government, but officials are reluctant to go down this path for fear of alienating Belgium and causing a diplomatic rift in the alliance.
Much is riding on the meeting. If the EU fails to pass the vote, its credibility will take a severe blow. It will likely become even more irrelevant in peace talks, and Vladimir Putin might look to take advantage of a divided Europe.
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