Pet loss and grief: ‘My world crashed’ – The rising number of people seeking support over the deaths of their animals
When Patricia Noble had to make the decision to end her dog’s life just hours after he fell ill, the grief was almost unbearable.
“When my dad died, I grieved for him, but he wasn’t in my life regularly,” she says. “Dougie felt like a support dog… it was like my world had crashed.”
Dougie, a 10-year-old miniature dachshund, seized up while on a walk near their home in Aberdeenshire on New Year’s Day 2020. “He was paralysed – alive and running one minute, by the end of the day he wasn’t there.”
Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020
The little dog had been a source of comfort for Patricia, who has struggled with depression throughout her life. After his death, she found herself in a “dark place, thinking, is it worth it? Would I have gone down that line?” she reflects. “Who knows?”
Searching for help, she came across a pet loss support service. Too emotional to speak on the phone, she got in touch and was soon exchanging regular emails with the same volunteer at the service run by Blue Cross, an animal welfare charity, over nine months. “It gave me a sense that I’m not the only one in the world that suffers this,” she says. “I felt I was being given my life back.”
Almost four years on, Patricia is now able to speak with a smile, her eyes twinkling, as she remembers Dougie, recalling how he was “utterly untrainable” but “a real sweetheart”.
“Boy, did he love barking – at the postie, visitors, for treats, especially if he was being ignored. But he was very loving. If I felt low he would jump against my legs, a signal to say, ‘lift me up – you need a cuddle!'”
She will always miss him. Grateful for the help she received, the 58-year-old is now one of 300 volunteers with Blue Cross’s pet loss support service, who offer “a listening ear”, pointing in the direction of counselling or other services if needed.
Pet loss and disenfranchised grief
Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services
In the last 10 years, the number of people getting in touch has almost trebled, from 6,240 in 2013 to 17,367 in 2022. The figures so far for 2023 are currently 22% up on last year, while a private Facebook group set up by the charity in 2022, one of many such support groups on the site, now has more than 16,000 members.
But it’s a kind of grief that society doesn’t always understand. According to psychologists, pet owners can feel embarrassed when talking about the emotional impact the death of an animal has had on them, making it tricky to process their grief.
“People’s understanding in the past 10 years has grown but disenfranchised grief – where other people don’t understand – is still something we see a lot,” says Diane James, the head of pet bereavement support services at Blue Cross.
Dr Katie Lawlor, a pet loss psychologist based in San Francisco, California, was training to be a clinical psychologist before she realised there was very little, if any, support networks for those suffering due to the loss of a pet. After moving into the field and later setting up an Instagram account in March 2020, she now has almost 75,000 followers.
“For those who don’t have animals or don’t have that bond, they say, ‘oh, it’s just a dog, go get another one’,” she says. “But you would never tell somebody who’d lost a parent, ‘oh just go get a new dad’. For some of us, that bond is just as rich and as deep.”
‘My heart is absolutely broken’
‘How can a light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale’: Kate Beckinsale commemorated her cat, Clive, with this tattoo. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale
Search for #petloss on Instagram and hundreds of thousands of posts pop up, while on TikTok the top videos have millions of views. A growing number of influencers and celebrities including Miley Cyrus, Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale have also shared their stories of loss online – as well as tattoos dedicated to their late pets.
“Every single part of my house feels like he should be in it,” Beckinsale wrote on Instagram as she announced Clive’s death in June. “My heart is absolutely and totally broken.”
Broadcaster and author Dawn O’Porter, who tackles the subject of navigating grief for an animal in her latest best-selling novel, Cat Lady, posted a poignant tribute following the death of her dog Potato at the beginning of 2022, telling followers how he was the ring-bearer at her wedding and there when she gave birth. “It was one of the great joys of my life to be his mum,” she wrote.
And there are many pet owners, like Patricia, who admit losing their animals has affected them as much if not more than the deaths of some relatives.
‘Everyone knew what he meant to me’
Leanne Freeman, 33, from Dartford, lost her house rabbit, Thumper, unexpectedly in February. When she realised he was dying, she cuddled him and tried to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. “I wanted to give him his favourite food so I ordered parsley on Deliveroo. I didn’t want to leave him.”
Thumper, a Netherland dwarf rabbit, who was almost five, had been with Leanne since he was eight weeks old. She says his death felt like losing a limb.
“It was a good 48 hours before I stopped randomly crying.” she says. “He was free to roam around the flat… if I went for a shower, he’d come and sit in the bathroom with me. He was happy to be carried over my shoulder like a baby and I would take him to my parents’ – we’d joke that it was ‘nanny and granddad’s house’.”
Luckily, colleagues at work were supportive after his death. “Some people have pictures of their kids on their desks, I had a picture of my rabbit. Everyone knew what he meant to me.”
Leanne Freeman’s house rabbit Thumper died earlier in 2023. She had him cremated at the Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent, and also kept a cutting of his fur (pictured below)
One feeling that comes from the specific grief of losing a pet is the question of whether they understand how much they mean to you. Brad Webber, 35, and his partner Natalie lost their beloved chow chow, Kia, and have experienced this feeling. “You can tell a grandparent you’re going to miss them but animals… you can cuddle them and say comforting things but you can’t be satisfied that they know how much you care,” he says. “That’s hard.”
The couple now have two spaniels, and Brad says he sees parallels between the love he has for his pets and his toddler son.
“You see them grow and share first experiences,” he says. “You’re there when they’re scared, when they’re hurt and you build a mutual understanding. You recognise each other’s likes, dislikes and emotional qualities.”
Brad Webber and his partner Natalie lost their chow chow Kia in 2021
Leanne and Brad are among many pet owners living in and around Kent who sought support from Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium, which offers keepsakes such as pawprints, jewellery and hair cuttings, as well as cremation services and euthanasia.
Another is Chloe Harding, 37, from Rochester, whose horses and dogs helped her deal with anxiety throughout her life, following the death of her father in a car accident when she was seven.
Just before the COVID lockdown in 2020, Chloe lost her three-year-old German shepherd, Maverick. Ten days later, her pony, Harry, also died suddenly; this all came in a period in which she had also lost her job.
“It was really tough because the next morning, you don’t have a horse to look after, a dog to walk… everything that I defined myself by had been stripped away.”
Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie, and below with her husband and dog, Maverick
‘I told my boss I’d lost a family member when my rabbit died’
Dr Lawlor cites statistics from studies on pet bereavement: 85% of pet guardians report loss and grief symptoms comparable to loss of family members, and a third of pet guardians have continued to grieve at six months, and almost a quarter still after a year.
When her rabbit Gem died in 2000, she requested time off work. “I wrote to my boss, who was not an animal person, and told her I’d lost a family member. For me, that’s true, and I stand by it. But I think there’s such a stigma around mourning an animal, sadly, that continues.”
Now, she posts on social media several times a week, sharing her own advice or kind words from others. “I was getting messages [when I started] saying, ‘thank you for normalising this’,” she says. “For so many of us, our primary and our preferred sources of love do come from animals.”
For many pet owners, the hardest part is making the decision to say goodbye. Dr Lawlor says she is asked most about euthanasia and guilt; according to a Royal Veterinary College (RVC) study published in 2021, looking into the deaths of 29,163 dogs in the UK over a one-year period, the vast majority – 26,676 (91.5%) – involved euthanasia, while just 2,487 (8.5%) were unassisted.
‘We know we’ll have to say goodbye – but we still do it’
Karen Barnard’s dog Ruby lived until she was 15
Karen Barnard, who has 17 pets, including three dogs currently, and offers boarding for guinea pigs and other small animals at her home near Tunbridge, made the difficult decision to put her dog Ruby down at the age of 15. The King Charles cavalier spaniel’s kidneys had starting failing, and Karen didn’t want her to suffer.
She made sure Ruby was comfortable on her last day. “She had a whole box of Maltesers. And then she went to sleep with my other little dog by her side… I feel a lot of peace at being able to give her the goodbye she deserved.”
Animal bereavement specialist and author Angela Garner, who works with the Ease animal charity in the UK, agrees the emotions that come with this decision should not be underestimated. “It’s a big thing for people to cope with, to make that decision – to prevent unnecessary suffering and make the end of life as easy as possible for an animal who has become integral in their lives, part of the family. Finding the right time to actually say goodbye.”
Angela says the issue of pet grief is becoming more recognised, thanks to wider awareness about mental health over the past few years, but there is still work to be done.
“There’s such a highlight now in terms of mental health in this country that it is bound to create more awareness of what people have been suffering, probably silently,” she says. “We take our pets on knowing we are going to have to say goodbye at some point. But we still do it, because we care.”
For Patricia, volunteering has helped her get through the “dark tunnel of pet loss”. In the two-and-a-half years since she started, she has been there for almost 500 conversations over the phone or on webchat.
“It almost feels like a calling now. It means a lot to people to know we understand. It hurts. And every grief experience is valid.”
Tom Hollander says he’s not worried about AI actors replacing real ones and thinks the creation of synthetic performers will only boost the value of authentic, live performance.
The 58-year-old plays entrepreneur Cameron Beck in The Iris Affair, a drama about the world’s most powerful quantum computer.
Dubbed “Charlie Big Potatoes” – it could eat ChatGPT for breakfast.
It’s a timely theme in a world where Artificial Intelligence is advancing at pace, and just last week, the world’s first AI starlet – Tilly Norwood – made her Hollywood debut.
Hollander is not impressed. He suggests rumours that Norwood is in talks with talent agencies are “a lot of old nonsense”, and questions the logistics of working with an AI actor, asking “Would it be, like a blue screen?”
Norwood – a pretty, 20-something brunette – is the creation of Dutch actor and comedian Eline Van der Velden and her AI production studio Particle6. It’s planning to launch its own AI talent studio, Xicoia, soon.
Hollander tells Sky News: “I’m perhaps not scared enough about it. I think the reaction against it is quite strong. And I think there’ll be some legal stuff. Also, it needs to be proven to be good. I mean, the little film that they did around her, I didn’t think was terribly interesting.”
The sketch – shared on social media and titled AI Commissioner – poked fun at the future of TV development in a post-AI world.
Stars including Emily Blunt, Natasha Lyonne and Whoopi Goldberg have objected to Norwood’s creation too, as has US actors’ union SAG-AFTRA.
Hollander compares watching an AI performer to watching a magic trick: “You know with your brain that you’re watching something that’s bullshit… If they don’t have to tell you, that would be difficult. But if they’ve told you it’s AI, then you’ll watch it with a different part of your brain.”
Pic: Sky Atlantic
Always screen-ready, with no ego and low salary requirements, Norwood is being billed as a studio’s dream hire. In line with Hollywood’s exacting standards for female beauty, she’ll also never age.
Hollander’s Iris Affair co-star Niamh Algar, who plays genius codebreaker Iris Nixon in the show, doesn’t feel threatened by this new kid on the block, poking fun at Norwood’s girl-next-door persona: “She’s a nightmare to work with. She’s always late. Takes ages in her trailer.”
But Algar adds: “I don’t want to work with an AI. No.”
She goes on, “I don’t think you can replicate. She’s a character, she’s not an actor.”
Pic: Sky Atlantic
Algar says the flaw in AI’s performance – scraped from the plethora of real performances that have come before it – is that we, as humans, are “excited by unpredictability”.
She says AI is “too perfect, we like flaws”.
Hollander agrees: “There’ll be a fight for authenticity. People will be going, ‘I refuse makeup. Give me less makeup, I want less makeup because AI can’t possibly mimic the blemishes on my face'”.
He even manages to pull a positive from the AI revolution: “It means that live performance will be more exciting than ever before…
“I think live performance is one antidote, and it’s certainly true in music, isn’t it? I mean, partly because they have to go on tour [to make money], but also because there’s just nothing like it and you can’t replace it.”
Algar enthusiastically adds: “Theatre’s going to kick off. It’s going to be so hot.”
Pic: Sky Atlantic
As for using AI themselves, while Hollander admits he’s used it recently for “a bit of problem solving”, Algar says she tries to avoid it, worrying “part of my brain is going to go dormant”.
Indeed, the impact of technology on our brains is a source of constant inspiration – and torture – for The Iris Affair screenwriter Neil Cross.
Cross, who also created psychological crime thriller Luther, tells Sky News: “We are at a hinge point in history.”
He says: “I’m interested in what technological revolution does to people. I have 3am thoughts about the poor man who invented the like button.
“He came up with a simple invention whose only intention was to increase levels of human happiness. How could something as simple as a like button go wrong? And it went so disastrously wrong.
“It’s caused so much misery and anxiety and unhappiness in the human race entire. If something as simple as a small like button can have such dire, cascading, unexpected consequences, what is this moment of revolution going to lead to?”
Indeed, Cross says he lives in “a perpetual state of terror”.
Supercomputer ‘Charlie Big Potatoes’. Pic: Sky Atlantic
He goes on: “I’m always going to be terrified of something. The world’s going to look very different. I think in 50 or 60 years’ time.
He takes a brief pause, then self-edits: “Probably 15 years’ time”.
With The Iris Affair’s central themes accelerating out of science fiction, and into reality, Cross’s examination of our instinctual fear of the unknown, coupled with our desire for knowledge that might destroy us is a powerful mix.
Cross concludes: “We’re in danger of creating God. And I think that’s the ultimate danger of AI. God doesn’t exist – yet.”
The Iris Affair is available from Thursday 16 October on Sky Atlantic and streaming service NOW
Entertainment
I Swear: The film fighting back against abuse and ‘cheap laughs’ at Tourette’s expense
When John Davidson was 10 years old, he experienced his first symptoms of Tourette syndrome – small facial tics and eye blinking.
By the time he was 13, the neurological condition was causing full-body movements so extreme he compares himself with the young heroine in horror film The Exorcist.
John tells Sky News: “There’s a scene where the girl’s on the bed and her whole body’s twitching about and screaming. That’s almost what it felt like. My tics became so extreme that I was hurting myself. I was pulling muscles. I was tired all the time.
“I would break down and cry so many times in a day because I was totally out of control. Something had completely taken over my mind and my body.”
John Davidson’s life story has been made into a film, with Robert Aramayo in the lead role. Pic: StudioCanal
Growing up in Galashiels in the Scottish Borders, John was repeatedly told his symptoms were in his head – or worse, intentional – when a chance meeting with a visiting junior doctor while in hospital led to a diagnosis.
Largely unheard of in the 1980s, today, high-profile figures including Scottish musician Lewis Capaldi and US star Billie Eilish have publicly spoken about living with Tourette’s.
Affecting more than 300,000 people in Britain, it’s more common than many think. One schoolchild in every hundred is estimated to be affected by the syndrome, according to NHS England.
While severity can range, there is currently no cure.
And while the University of Nottingham is working on a device which uses electrical pulses to suppress tic urges, the wristband – called Neupulse – is currently awaiting full medical approval.
John Davidson MBE, with his black Labrador Suki. Pic: StudioCanal
‘Medication turned me into a zombie’
Treated with drugs as a child, John suffered devastating side-effects: “Anti-psychotic medications turned me into a zombie. I’ve got probably about a two-year period in my teens where I have no real proper memories.”
Frustrated by the lack of support available to him growing up, John is now a Tourette syndrome campaigner, recognised for his work with an MBE.
But even that came with challenges unique to his condition. At the 2019 ceremony at Holyrood Palace, when collecting his award, John shouted “F*** the Queen” at Elizabeth II.
He says: “It was horrific for me. It was like the last thing I ever wanted to have to shout. And I think that’s the nature of the coprolalia, part of the condition, where it’s the worst possible thing you could say in that situation.”
Affecting a minority of the Tourette’s population, coprolalia is the involuntary utterance of socially inappropriate words or phrases.
While less common, it’s the feature of Tourette’s most often portrayed in the media.
John goes on: “It came as much of a shock to me as to everyone else, you know? But I’m the one in the moment having to deal with those emotions and feelings of wanting the ground to swallow me up. [Thinking] I don’t want to be here any more.”
Maxine Peake also stars in the film. Pic: StudioCanal
‘Living with it is absolutely awful’
Now, in a bid to tackle the stereotype, a film is being made about John’s life based on his 2025 memoir, with Game Of Thrones star Robert Aramayo playing the lead role.
No stranger to media exposure himself, John has appeared in numerous documentaries over the years, following on from the groundbreaking 1989 documentary about his life, John’s Not Mad. But it hasn’t always been a positive experience.
John says: “Every time they make a documentary, they make such a thing about the swearing part, which then stigmatises the condition because people are then left to assume that everyone with Tourette’s swears and shouts obscenities.”
In reality, coprolalia is not typical of the condition and only affects around one in 10 people with Tourette’s.
John acknowledges there is a comedic element to this: “When people think of uncontrollably swearing like that, it’s funny. ‘Oh my God’, you know, ‘shock, horror’. But for the one living with it, it’s absolutely awful.”
Scottish actor Peter Mullan with Robert Aramayo. Pic: StudioCanal
‘Let’s have sex!’
It’s a sentiment the film’s director echoes.
Kirk Jones first met John in 2022. Meeting him at his house to discuss the potential of making the film, John opened the door and, after inviting him in, shouted in his face: “Let’s have sex!”
His first introduction to John’s verbal ticks, the director admits it was a “steep learning curve”.
He tells Sky News: “There’s something about Tourette’s, which I don’t think has made it a very friendly or accessible condition. I think that’s down to the fact that people who have coprolalia come across as being aggressive or argumentative or difficult or upsetting people, and I think that’s unfair. They need as much support as anyone else.”
The director says it took him some time to gain John’s trust, showing he wanted to do more than just revisit tired stereotypes.
He says: “The Tourette’s community had been kind of abused in the past. They’ve been invited to appear on TV shows or radio or be in newspaper articles, under the guise of helping people to understand Tourette’s more. But what the TV channel or the radio show really wanted was just a cheap laugh.
“When I first met John and started talking about the idea of the film, he was understandably suspicious.”
Handing over some creative control, John is also an executive producer on the film.
Actor Francesco Piacentini-Smith as Murray. Pic: StudioCanal
‘When you laugh, it breaks the ice’
Now, at 54, and having lived with the condition for over 40 years, John believes people are becoming more tolerant of Tourette’s, but would love to see further acceptance.
“It’s about not being shocked. It’s not about being dead serious with a straight face. Feel free to laugh, because when you laugh, it breaks the ice.
“I wish people had the confidence to approach people with Tourette’s and just deal with it as if it was an everyday thing.”
The director, too, hopes the film will have a real-world impact and open people’s eyes to the reality of the condition.
He says: “I hope this film can play a small part in starting to refocus people’s attention on helping and supporting people rather than just laughing or mocking.”
I Swear is in UK and Irish cinemas from Friday 10 October.
Anyone looking for support or information about Tourette syndrome can access resources at Tourettes Action or Tourette Scotland for those living in Scotland.
Dolly Parton has declared she “ain’t dead yet” after her sister raised concerns about the singer’s health by asking people to pray for her.
“There are just a lot of rumours flying around. But I figured if you heard it from me, you’d know that I was okay,” the 79-year-old singer said in a new two-minute video posted on social media.
“I’m not ready to die yet. I don’t think God is through with me. And I ain’t done working,” she added.
In the footage, captioned “I ain’t dead yet!”, the 9 to 5 singer is seen on a set speaking directly to the camera.
On Tuesday, a Facebook post shared by her sister Freida Parton escalated concerns around Parton’s health when she wrote that she had been “up all night praying for my sister, Dolly”.
Hours later, Freida Parton followed up with a clarification. “I want to clear something up. I didn’t mean to scare anyone or make it sound so serious when asking for prayers for Dolly,” she wrote.
“She’s been a little under the weather, and I simply asked for prayers because I believe so strongly in the power of prayer.”
Dolly Parton during a concert in Nashville, Tennessee, in March. Pic: AP
Last month, Parton postponed her first Las Vegas residency in 32 years, citing “health challenges”.
She was scheduled to perform six shows at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace in December. The dates have been moved to next September
Parton offered her own clarification about her health condition in Wednesday’s video.
Read more from Sky News:
Dame Jilly Cooper dies after fall
Man guilty of stalking Myleene Klass
“Everyone thinks that I am sicker than I am. Do I look sick to you? I’m working hard here! Anyway, I wanted to put everybody’s mind at ease, those of you who seem to be real concerned, which I appreciate,” she continued.
“And I appreciate your prayers because I’m a person of faith. I can always use the prayers for anything and everything.”
Dolly Parton performs with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders in 2023. Pic: Reuters
She also referenced her late husband of nearly 60 years Carl Dean who died earlier this year at the age of 82.
“I want you to know that I’m OK. I’ve got some problems as I’ve mentioned. Back when my husband Carl was very sick, that was for a long time, and then when he passed, I didn’t take care of myself. So I let a lot of things go that I should’ve been taking care of,” she said.
“So anyway, when I got around to it, the doctor said: ‘We need to take care of this. We need to take care of that.’ Nothing major, but I did have to cancel some things so I could be closer to home, closer to Vanderbilt, where I’m kind of having a few treatments here and there.”
And in true Parton fashion, she ended with a joke: “I wanted you to know that I’m not dying”.
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