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When Patricia Noble had to make the decision to end her dog’s life just hours after he fell ill, the grief was almost unbearable.

“When my dad died, I grieved for him, but he wasn’t in my life regularly,” she says. “Dougie felt like a support dog… it was like my world had crashed.”

Dougie, a 10-year-old miniature dachshund, seized up while on a walk near their home in Aberdeenshire on New Year’s Day 2020. “He was paralysed – alive and running one minute, by the end of the day he wasn’t there.”

Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020
Image:
Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020

The little dog had been a source of comfort for Patricia, who has struggled with depression throughout her life. After his death, she found herself in a “dark place, thinking, is it worth it? Would I have gone down that line?” she reflects. “Who knows?”

Searching for help, she came across a pet loss support service. Too emotional to speak on the phone, she got in touch and was soon exchanging regular emails with the same volunteer at the service run by Blue Cross, an animal welfare charity, over nine months. “It gave me a sense that I’m not the only one in the world that suffers this,” she says. “I felt I was being given my life back.”

Almost four years on, Patricia is now able to speak with a smile, her eyes twinkling, as she remembers Dougie, recalling how he was “utterly untrainable” but “a real sweetheart”.

“Boy, did he love barking – at the postie, visitors, for treats, especially if he was being ignored. But he was very loving. If I felt low he would jump against my legs, a signal to say, ‘lift me up – you need a cuddle!'”

She will always miss him. Grateful for the help she received, the 58-year-old is now one of 300 volunteers with Blue Cross’s pet loss support service, who offer “a listening ear”, pointing in the direction of counselling or other services if needed.

Pet loss and disenfranchised grief

Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services
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Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services

In the last 10 years, the number of people getting in touch has almost trebled, from 6,240 in 2013 to 17,367 in 2022. The figures so far for 2023 are currently 22% up on last year, while a private Facebook group set up by the charity in 2022, one of many such support groups on the site, now has more than 16,000 members.

But it’s a kind of grief that society doesn’t always understand. According to psychologists, pet owners can feel embarrassed when talking about the emotional impact the death of an animal has had on them, making it tricky to process their grief.

“People’s understanding in the past 10 years has grown but disenfranchised grief – where other people don’t understand – is still something we see a lot,” says Diane James, the head of pet bereavement support services at Blue Cross.

Dr Katie Lawlor, a pet loss psychologist based in San Francisco, California, was training to be a clinical psychologist before she realised there was very little, if any, support networks for those suffering due to the loss of a pet. After moving into the field and later setting up an Instagram account in March 2020, she now has almost 75,000 followers.

“For those who don’t have animals or don’t have that bond, they say, ‘oh, it’s just a dog, go get another one’,” she says. “But you would never tell somebody who’d lost a parent, ‘oh just go get a new dad’. For some of us, that bond is just as rich and as deep.”

‘My heart is absolutely broken’

Kate Beckinsale shared this picture on Instagram, commemorating her cat, Clive. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale
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‘How can a light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale’: Kate Beckinsale commemorated her cat, Clive, with this tattoo. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale

Search for #petloss on Instagram and hundreds of thousands of posts pop up, while on TikTok the top videos have millions of views. A growing number of influencers and celebrities including Miley Cyrus, Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale have also shared their stories of loss online – as well as tattoos dedicated to their late pets.

“Every single part of my house feels like he should be in it,” Beckinsale wrote on Instagram as she announced Clive’s death in June. “My heart is absolutely and totally broken.”

Broadcaster and author Dawn O’Porter, who tackles the subject of navigating grief for an animal in her latest best-selling novel, Cat Lady, posted a poignant tribute following the death of her dog Potato at the beginning of 2022, telling followers how he was the ring-bearer at her wedding and there when she gave birth. “It was one of the great joys of my life to be his mum,” she wrote.

And there are many pet owners, like Patricia, who admit losing their animals has affected them as much if not more than the deaths of some relatives.

‘Everyone knew what he meant to me’

Leanne Freeman, 33, from Dartford, lost her house rabbit, Thumper, unexpectedly in February. When she realised he was dying, she cuddled him and tried to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. “I wanted to give him his favourite food so I ordered parsley on Deliveroo. I didn’t want to leave him.”

Thumper, a Netherland dwarf rabbit, who was almost five, had been with Leanne since he was eight weeks old. She says his death felt like losing a limb.

“It was a good 48 hours before I stopped randomly crying.” she says. “He was free to roam around the flat… if I went for a shower, he’d come and sit in the bathroom with me. He was happy to be carried over my shoulder like a baby and I would take him to my parents’ – we’d joke that it was ‘nanny and granddad’s house’.”

Luckily, colleagues at work were supportive after his death. “Some people have pictures of their kids on their desks, I had a picture of my rabbit. Everyone knew what he meant to me.”

Leanne Freeman's house rabbit Thumper died after suffering from the effects of a parasite called E cuniculi. She had him created at Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent
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Leanne Freeman’s house rabbit Thumper died earlier in 2023. She had him cremated at the Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent, and also kept a cutting of his fur (pictured below)

Leanne Freeman's house rabbit Thumper died after suffering from the effects of a parasite called E cuniculi. She had him created at Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent

One feeling that comes from the specific grief of losing a pet is the question of whether they understand how much they mean to you. Brad Webber, 35, and his partner Natalie lost their beloved chow chow, Kia, and have experienced this feeling. “You can tell a grandparent you’re going to miss them but animals… you can cuddle them and say comforting things but you can’t be satisfied that they know how much you care,” he says. “That’s hard.”

The couple now have two spaniels, and Brad says he sees parallels between the love he has for his pets and his toddler son.

“You see them grow and share first experiences,” he says. “You’re there when they’re scared, when they’re hurt and you build a mutual understanding. You recognise each other’s likes, dislikes and emotional qualities.”

Brad Webber's chow chow Kia died in 2021
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Brad Webber and his partner Natalie lost their chow chow Kia in 2021

Leanne and Brad are among many pet owners living in and around Kent who sought support from Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium, which offers keepsakes such as pawprints, jewellery and hair cuttings, as well as cremation services and euthanasia.

Another is Chloe Harding, 37, from Rochester, whose horses and dogs helped her deal with anxiety throughout her life, following the death of her father in a car accident when she was seven.

Just before the COVID lockdown in 2020, Chloe lost her three-year-old German shepherd, Maverick. Ten days later, her pony, Harry, also died suddenly; this all came in a period in which she had also lost her job.

“It was really tough because the next morning, you don’t have a horse to look after, a dog to walk… everything that I defined myself by had been stripped away.”

Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie
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Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie, and below with her husband and dog, Maverick

Chloe Harding and her husband with their dog, Maverick

‘I told my boss I’d lost a family member when my rabbit died’

Dr Lawlor cites statistics from studies on pet bereavement: 85% of pet guardians report loss and grief symptoms comparable to loss of family members, and a third of pet guardians have continued to grieve at six months, and almost a quarter still after a year.

When her rabbit Gem died in 2000, she requested time off work. “I wrote to my boss, who was not an animal person, and told her I’d lost a family member. For me, that’s true, and I stand by it. But I think there’s such a stigma around mourning an animal, sadly, that continues.”

Now, she posts on social media several times a week, sharing her own advice or kind words from others. “I was getting messages [when I started] saying, ‘thank you for normalising this’,” she says. “For so many of us, our primary and our preferred sources of love do come from animals.”

For many pet owners, the hardest part is making the decision to say goodbye. Dr Lawlor says she is asked most about euthanasia and guilt; according to a Royal Veterinary College (RVC) study published in 2021, looking into the deaths of 29,163 dogs in the UK over a one-year period, the vast majority – 26,676 (91.5%) – involved euthanasia, while just 2,487 (8.5%) were unassisted.

‘We know we’ll have to say goodbye – but we still do it’

Karen Barnard's dog Ruby lived until she was 15 - pic sent by Karen Barnard
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Karen Barnard’s dog Ruby lived until she was 15

Karen Barnard, who has 17 pets, including three dogs currently, and offers boarding for guinea pigs and other small animals at her home near Tunbridge, made the difficult decision to put her dog Ruby down at the age of 15. The King Charles cavalier spaniel’s kidneys had starting failing, and Karen didn’t want her to suffer.

She made sure Ruby was comfortable on her last day. “She had a whole box of Maltesers. And then she went to sleep with my other little dog by her side… I feel a lot of peace at being able to give her the goodbye she deserved.”

Animal bereavement specialist and author Angela Garner, who works with the Ease animal charity in the UK, agrees the emotions that come with this decision should not be underestimated. “It’s a big thing for people to cope with, to make that decision – to prevent unnecessary suffering and make the end of life as easy as possible for an animal who has become integral in their lives, part of the family. Finding the right time to actually say goodbye.”

Angela says the issue of pet grief is becoming more recognised, thanks to wider awareness about mental health over the past few years, but there is still work to be done.

“There’s such a highlight now in terms of mental health in this country that it is bound to create more awareness of what people have been suffering, probably silently,” she says. “We take our pets on knowing we are going to have to say goodbye at some point. But we still do it, because we care.”

For Patricia, volunteering has helped her get through the “dark tunnel of pet loss”. In the two-and-a-half years since she started, she has been there for almost 500 conversations over the phone or on webchat.

“It almost feels like a calling now. It means a lot to people to know we understand. It hurts. And every grief experience is valid.”

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Stalker who believed Strictly Come Dancing judge Shirley Ballas was his aunt avoids jail

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Stalker who believed Strictly Come Dancing judge Shirley Ballas was his aunt avoids jail

A man who stalked Strictly Come Dancing judge Shirley Ballas for six years has avoided jail.

Kyle Shaw, 37, got a 20-month suspended sentence and a lifetime restraining order on contacting Ballas, her mother, niece, and former partner.

Liverpool Crown Court heard that he thought Ballas was his aunt and “began a persistent campaign of contact”.

“He believed, and it’s evident from what he was told by his mother, that her late brother was his father,” said prosecutor Nicola Daley.

The court heard there was no evidence he was wrong, and “limited evidence” he was correct.

Ms Daley said Shaw’s messages had accused Ballas of being to blame for the death of her brother, who took his own life in 2003 aged 44.

He also set up social media accounts in his name.

Shaw had pleaded guilty to stalking the former dancer between August 2017 and November 2023 at a hearing in February.

Incidents included following Ballas’s 86-year-old mother, Audrey Rich, while she was shopping and telling her she was his grandmother.

The court heard in messages to Mrs Rich, Shaw had asked: “Where’s my dad?”

Ballas was so worried for her mother’s safety that she moved her from Merseyside to London.

Shaw outside court on the day of his sentencing. Pic: PA
Image:
Kyle Shaw outside court on the day of his sentencing. Pic: PA

In October 2020, Ballas called police after Shaw messaged her and said: “Do you want me to kill myself, Shirley?”

Posts on X included one alongside an image of her home address that warned: “You ruined my life, I’ll ruin yours and everyone’s around you.”

Another referenced a book signing and said: “I can’t wait to meet you for the first time Aunty Shirley. Hopefully I can get an autograph.”

The court was told Ballas’s niece Mary Assall, former partner Daniel Taylor and colleagues from Strictly Come Dancing and ITV’s Loose Women were also sent messages.

‘I know where you live’

On one occasion in late 2023, Shaw called Mr Taylor and told him he knew where the couple lived and described Ballas’s movements.

The court heard the 64-year-old TV star become wary of socialising and stopped using public transport.

Prosecutor Ms Daley said: “She described having sleepless nights worrying about herself and her family’s safety and being particularly distressed when suggestions were made to her that she and her mother were responsible for her brother taking his own life.”

Man accused of stalking Shirley Ballas
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Ballas has been head judge on Strictly Come Dancing since 2017. Pic: PA

Shaw cried and wiped away tears as he was sentenced on Tuesday.

The judge said the stalking stemmed from his mother telling him Ballas’s brother, David Rich, was his biological father.

“I’m satisfied that your motive for this offending was a desire to seek contact with people you genuinely believed were your family,” he said.

“Whether in fact there’s any truth in that belief is difficult, if not impossible, to determine.”

Kyle Shaw leaves Liverpool Crown Court, where he is charged with stalking Strictly judge Shirley Ballas.
Pic: PA
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Shaw pictured at court in February. Pic: PA

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Defence lawyer John Weate said Shaw had been told the story by his mother “in his mid to late teens” and had suffered “complex mental health issues” since he was a child.

He added: “He now accepts that Miss Ballas and her family don’t wish to have any contact with him and, importantly, he volunteered the information that he has no intention of contacting them again.”

Shaw, of Whetstone Lane in Birkenhead, also admitted possessing cannabis and was ordered to undertake a rehab programme.

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Gary Glitter made bankrupt after failing to pay £500k compensation to victim

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Gary Glitter made bankrupt after failing to pay £500k compensation to victim

Gary Glitter has been made bankrupt after failing to pay more than £500,000 in damages to a woman he abused when she was 12 years old.

She sued the disgraced singer, whose real name is Paul Gadd, after he was found guilty of attacking her and two other schoolgirls between 1975 and 1980.

Glitter, 80, was jailed for 16 years in 2015 and released in 2023 but was recalled to prison less than six weeks later after breaching his parole conditions.

A judge awarded the woman £508,800, including £381,000 in lost earnings and £7,800 for future therapy and treatment, saying she was subjected to abuse “of the most serious kind”.

The court heard she had not worked for decades due to the trauma of being repeatedly raped and “humiliated” by the singer.

Gary Glitter has lost a parole board bid to be freed from jail.
Pic:Met Police/PA
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Glitter was jailed for 16 years in 2015. Pic: Met Police/PA

Glitter was made bankrupt last month at the County Court at Torquay and Newton Abbot, in Devon – the county where he is reportedly serving his sentence in Channings Wood prison, in Newton Abbot.

Richard Scorer, head of abuse law at Slater and Gordon, the law firm representing the woman, said: “We confirm that Gadd has been made bankrupt following our client’s application.

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“As he has done throughout, Gadd has refused to cooperate with the process and continues to treat his victims with contempt.

“We hope and trust that the parole board will take his behaviour into account in any future parole applications, as it clearly demonstrates that he has never changed, shows no remorse and remains a serious risk to the public.”

Glitter was first jailed for four months in 1999 after he admitted possessing around 4,000 indecent images of children.

He was expelled from Cambodia in 2002, and in March 2006 was convicted of sexually abusing two girls, aged 10 and 11, in Vietnam where he spent two-and-a-half years in prison.

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His sentence for the 2016 convictions expires in February 2031.

Glitter was automatically released from HMP The Verne, a low-security prison in Portland, Dorset, in February 2023 after serving half of his fixed-term determinate sentence.

But he was back behind bars weeks later after reportedly trying to access the dark web and images of children.

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Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan revealed in line-up for Sam Mendes’ four Beatles films

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Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan revealed in line-up for Sam Mendes' four Beatles films

Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan will play Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in the upcoming Beatles films – with a Stranger Things star also portraying one of the Fab Four.

The two Irish actors will be joined by London-born performers Harris Dickinson as John Lennon, and Joseph Quinn as George Harrison.

The cast for the Sam Mendes project was revealed at the CinemaCon event in Las Vegas, with all four appearing on stage and taking a bow together in Beatles style.

Paul Mescal, Joseph Quinn, Barry Keoghan and Harris Dickinson stand onstage to promote the upcoming "The Beatles" movies during a Sony Pictures presentation.
Pic: Reuters
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(L-R) Mescal, Quinn, Keoghan and Dickinson appeared together at the announcement. Pic: Reuters

Mendes is making four interconnected films – one from the perspective of each of the band members – and they are all set to be released “in proximity” to each other in April 2028.

It marks the first time The Beatles and the families of John Lennon and George Harrison have granted full life story and music rights for a scripted film.

Playing McCartney is another big role for 29-year-old Mescal, who recently starred in the Gladiator sequel and was nominated for an Oscar in 2023 for Aftersun.

Barry Keoghan – who also got an Oscar nod for The Banshees of Inisherin – will portray the other surviving Beatles member, Ringo Starr.

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The Beatles
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Pic: PA

Meanwhile, Stranger Things star Joseph Quinn, who appeared with long hair as Eddie Munson in the fourth series, takes up the role of George Harrison.

Harris Dickinson has the challenge of stepping into the shoes of perhaps the most famous Beatle, John Lennon.

The 28-year-old recently starred in erotic thriller Babygirl with Nicole Kidman and also appeared in satire Triangle of Sadness.

Mendes told the industry audience at CinemaCon there is “still plenty to explore” despite the Beatles’ rise having being well chronicled.

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The Oscar-winning British director is known for films including American Beauty, First World War movie 1917, and Bond outings Skyfall and Spectre.

Sony Pictures boss Tom Rothman said the close release of all four films in three years’ time will be “the first bingeable theatrical experience”.

“We are going to dominate the culture that month,” he added.

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