Pet loss and grief: ‘My world crashed’ – The rising number of people seeking support over the deaths of their animals
When Patricia Noble had to make the decision to end her dog’s life just hours after he fell ill, the grief was almost unbearable.
“When my dad died, I grieved for him, but he wasn’t in my life regularly,” she says. “Dougie felt like a support dog… it was like my world had crashed.”
Dougie, a 10-year-old miniature dachshund, seized up while on a walk near their home in Aberdeenshire on New Year’s Day 2020. “He was paralysed – alive and running one minute, by the end of the day he wasn’t there.”
Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020
The little dog had been a source of comfort for Patricia, who has struggled with depression throughout her life. After his death, she found herself in a “dark place, thinking, is it worth it? Would I have gone down that line?” she reflects. “Who knows?”
Searching for help, she came across a pet loss support service. Too emotional to speak on the phone, she got in touch and was soon exchanging regular emails with the same volunteer at the service run by Blue Cross, an animal welfare charity, over nine months. “It gave me a sense that I’m not the only one in the world that suffers this,” she says. “I felt I was being given my life back.”
Almost four years on, Patricia is now able to speak with a smile, her eyes twinkling, as she remembers Dougie, recalling how he was “utterly untrainable” but “a real sweetheart”.
“Boy, did he love barking – at the postie, visitors, for treats, especially if he was being ignored. But he was very loving. If I felt low he would jump against my legs, a signal to say, ‘lift me up – you need a cuddle!'”
She will always miss him. Grateful for the help she received, the 58-year-old is now one of 300 volunteers with Blue Cross’s pet loss support service, who offer “a listening ear”, pointing in the direction of counselling or other services if needed.
Pet loss and disenfranchised grief
Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services
In the last 10 years, the number of people getting in touch has almost trebled, from 6,240 in 2013 to 17,367 in 2022. The figures so far for 2023 are currently 22% up on last year, while a private Facebook group set up by the charity in 2022, one of many such support groups on the site, now has more than 16,000 members.
But it’s a kind of grief that society doesn’t always understand. According to psychologists, pet owners can feel embarrassed when talking about the emotional impact the death of an animal has had on them, making it tricky to process their grief.
“People’s understanding in the past 10 years has grown but disenfranchised grief – where other people don’t understand – is still something we see a lot,” says Diane James, the head of pet bereavement support services at Blue Cross.
Dr Katie Lawlor, a pet loss psychologist based in San Francisco, California, was training to be a clinical psychologist before she realised there was very little, if any, support networks for those suffering due to the loss of a pet. After moving into the field and later setting up an Instagram account in March 2020, she now has almost 75,000 followers.
“For those who don’t have animals or don’t have that bond, they say, ‘oh, it’s just a dog, go get another one’,” she says. “But you would never tell somebody who’d lost a parent, ‘oh just go get a new dad’. For some of us, that bond is just as rich and as deep.”
‘My heart is absolutely broken’
‘How can a light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale’: Kate Beckinsale commemorated her cat, Clive, with this tattoo. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale
Search for #petloss on Instagram and hundreds of thousands of posts pop up, while on TikTok the top videos have millions of views. A growing number of influencers and celebrities including Miley Cyrus, Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale have also shared their stories of loss online – as well as tattoos dedicated to their late pets.
“Every single part of my house feels like he should be in it,” Beckinsale wrote on Instagram as she announced Clive’s death in June. “My heart is absolutely and totally broken.”
Broadcaster and author Dawn O’Porter, who tackles the subject of navigating grief for an animal in her latest best-selling novel, Cat Lady, posted a poignant tribute following the death of her dog Potato at the beginning of 2022, telling followers how he was the ring-bearer at her wedding and there when she gave birth. “It was one of the great joys of my life to be his mum,” she wrote.
And there are many pet owners, like Patricia, who admit losing their animals has affected them as much if not more than the deaths of some relatives.
‘Everyone knew what he meant to me’
Leanne Freeman, 33, from Dartford, lost her house rabbit, Thumper, unexpectedly in February. When she realised he was dying, she cuddled him and tried to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. “I wanted to give him his favourite food so I ordered parsley on Deliveroo. I didn’t want to leave him.”
Thumper, a Netherland dwarf rabbit, who was almost five, had been with Leanne since he was eight weeks old. She says his death felt like losing a limb.
“It was a good 48 hours before I stopped randomly crying.” she says. “He was free to roam around the flat… if I went for a shower, he’d come and sit in the bathroom with me. He was happy to be carried over my shoulder like a baby and I would take him to my parents’ – we’d joke that it was ‘nanny and granddad’s house’.”
Luckily, colleagues at work were supportive after his death. “Some people have pictures of their kids on their desks, I had a picture of my rabbit. Everyone knew what he meant to me.”
Leanne Freeman’s house rabbit Thumper died earlier in 2023. She had him cremated at the Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent, and also kept a cutting of his fur (pictured below)
One feeling that comes from the specific grief of losing a pet is the question of whether they understand how much they mean to you. Brad Webber, 35, and his partner Natalie lost their beloved chow chow, Kia, and have experienced this feeling. “You can tell a grandparent you’re going to miss them but animals… you can cuddle them and say comforting things but you can’t be satisfied that they know how much you care,” he says. “That’s hard.”
The couple now have two spaniels, and Brad says he sees parallels between the love he has for his pets and his toddler son.
“You see them grow and share first experiences,” he says. “You’re there when they’re scared, when they’re hurt and you build a mutual understanding. You recognise each other’s likes, dislikes and emotional qualities.”
Brad Webber and his partner Natalie lost their chow chow Kia in 2021
Leanne and Brad are among many pet owners living in and around Kent who sought support from Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium, which offers keepsakes such as pawprints, jewellery and hair cuttings, as well as cremation services and euthanasia.
Another is Chloe Harding, 37, from Rochester, whose horses and dogs helped her deal with anxiety throughout her life, following the death of her father in a car accident when she was seven.
Just before the COVID lockdown in 2020, Chloe lost her three-year-old German shepherd, Maverick. Ten days later, her pony, Harry, also died suddenly; this all came in a period in which she had also lost her job.
“It was really tough because the next morning, you don’t have a horse to look after, a dog to walk… everything that I defined myself by had been stripped away.”
Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie, and below with her husband and dog, Maverick
‘I told my boss I’d lost a family member when my rabbit died’
Dr Lawlor cites statistics from studies on pet bereavement: 85% of pet guardians report loss and grief symptoms comparable to loss of family members, and a third of pet guardians have continued to grieve at six months, and almost a quarter still after a year.
When her rabbit Gem died in 2000, she requested time off work. “I wrote to my boss, who was not an animal person, and told her I’d lost a family member. For me, that’s true, and I stand by it. But I think there’s such a stigma around mourning an animal, sadly, that continues.”
Now, she posts on social media several times a week, sharing her own advice or kind words from others. “I was getting messages [when I started] saying, ‘thank you for normalising this’,” she says. “For so many of us, our primary and our preferred sources of love do come from animals.”
For many pet owners, the hardest part is making the decision to say goodbye. Dr Lawlor says she is asked most about euthanasia and guilt; according to a Royal Veterinary College (RVC) study published in 2021, looking into the deaths of 29,163 dogs in the UK over a one-year period, the vast majority – 26,676 (91.5%) – involved euthanasia, while just 2,487 (8.5%) were unassisted.
‘We know we’ll have to say goodbye – but we still do it’
Karen Barnard’s dog Ruby lived until she was 15
Karen Barnard, who has 17 pets, including three dogs currently, and offers boarding for guinea pigs and other small animals at her home near Tunbridge, made the difficult decision to put her dog Ruby down at the age of 15. The King Charles cavalier spaniel’s kidneys had starting failing, and Karen didn’t want her to suffer.
She made sure Ruby was comfortable on her last day. “She had a whole box of Maltesers. And then she went to sleep with my other little dog by her side… I feel a lot of peace at being able to give her the goodbye she deserved.”
Animal bereavement specialist and author Angela Garner, who works with the Ease animal charity in the UK, agrees the emotions that come with this decision should not be underestimated. “It’s a big thing for people to cope with, to make that decision – to prevent unnecessary suffering and make the end of life as easy as possible for an animal who has become integral in their lives, part of the family. Finding the right time to actually say goodbye.”
Angela says the issue of pet grief is becoming more recognised, thanks to wider awareness about mental health over the past few years, but there is still work to be done.
“There’s such a highlight now in terms of mental health in this country that it is bound to create more awareness of what people have been suffering, probably silently,” she says. “We take our pets on knowing we are going to have to say goodbye at some point. But we still do it, because we care.”
For Patricia, volunteering has helped her get through the “dark tunnel of pet loss”. In the two-and-a-half years since she started, she has been there for almost 500 conversations over the phone or on webchat.
“It almost feels like a calling now. It means a lot to people to know we understand. It hurts. And every grief experience is valid.”
Entertainment
Oasis reunion: A high-five and a hug – the gestures were there, but ultimately it was all about the music
Oasis have reunited on stage for the first time in almost 16 years – with brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher sharing a high five and the briefest of hugs as they closed a performance that for fans was more than worth the wait.
After the split in 2009, for many years Noel said he would never go back – and for a long time, as the brothers exchanged insults through separate interviews (and on social media, for Liam), it seemed pretty unlikely to ever happen.
But now, here they are. As they walked out on stage at Cardiff’s Principality Stadium, all eyes were on the Gallaghers for a sense of their relationship – dare we say it, friendship? – now after all these years.
As it happened: How Oasis’s first gig together in 16 years unfolded
There was no reference to their fall-out or making up, but the gestures were there – lifting hands together as they walked out for the first time.
The headline “OASIS REUNITED” was shown on stage at the gig. Pic: PA
Fans at the Oasis gig. Pic: PA
Headlines and tweets of speculation and then confirmation of the reunion filled the screens as the show started. “This is happening,” said one, repeatedly.
In the end, it was all about the music.
Liam has received criticism in the past for his voice not being what it once was, but back on stage with his brother tonight he delivered exactly what fans would have hoped for – a raw, steely-eyed performance, snarling vocals, and the swagger that makes him arguably the greatest frontman of his day.
This was Oasis sounding almost as good as they ever have.
Fans sang along and held up their phones to film as Oasis performed. Pic: PA
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Oasis: ‘It’s good to be back’
They opened with Hello, because of course, “it’s good to be back”. And then Acquiesce, and those lyrics: “Because we need each other/ We believe in one another.”
The song is said to be about friendship in the wider sense, rather than their brotherly bond and sibling rivalry, but you can’t help but feel like it means something here.
Over two hours, they played favourite after favourite – including Morning Glory, Some Might Say, Cigarettes & Alcohol, Supersonic and Roll With It.
Liam Gallagher as Oasis takes to the stage in Cardiff. Pic: PA
In the mid-section, Liam takes his break for Noel to sing Talk Tonight, Half The World Away and Little By Little; the tempo slows but there is by no means a lull, with the fans singing all his words back to him.
Liam returns for hits including Stand By Me, Slide Away, Whatever and Live Forever, before sending the crowd wild (or even wilder) with Rock And Roll Star.
Noel Gallagher performing on stage. Pic: PA
An Oasis fan is pointing at the stage during the gig. Pic: PA
When the reunion announcement was made last summer, it quickly became overshadowed by the controversy of dynamic pricing causing prices to rocket. As he has done on X before, Liam addressed the issue on stage with a joke.
“Was it worth the £4,000 you paid for the ticket?” he shouted at one point. “Yeah,” the crowd shouts back; seemingly all is forgiven.
After Rock And Roll Star, the dream that very quickly became a reality for this band, Noel introduced the rest of the group, calling Bonehead a “legend”.
Paul ‘Bonehead’ Arthurs of Oasis. Pic: PA
Liam Gallagher carried a tambourine in his mouth during the concert. Pic: PA
Then he acknowledges all their young fans, some who maybe weren’t even born when they split. “This one is for all the people in their 20s who’ve never seen us before, who’ve kept this shit going,” he says before the encore starts with The Masterplan.
Noel follows with Don’t Look Back In Anger, and the screens fill with Manchester bees in reference to the arena bombing and how the song became the sound of hope and defiance for the city afterwards.
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‘I’d have paid £10,000 to see them’
Two fans sat on their friends’ shoulders as Oasis performed. Pic: PA
During Wonderwall, there’s a nice touch as Liam sings to the crowd: “There are many things I would like to say to you, but I don’t speak Welsh.”
It is at the end of Champagne Supernova, which closes the set, that it happens; Noel puts down his guitar, and they come together for a high-five and a back-slap, a blink-and-you’d miss it hug.
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What fans thought of band’s comeback
Read more:
What you need to know about the Oasis tour
Liam Gallagher hits out at council after fans branded ‘rowdy’
“Right then, beautiful people, this is it,” Liam had told the crowd as he introduced the song just a few minutes earlier. “Nice one for putting up with us over the years.”
From the roar of the audience, it’s safe to say most people here would agree it’s been worth it.
Oasis are set to kick off their reunion tour in Cardiff this weekend, with thousands expected to descend on the Welsh capital.
The 41-date Oasis Live 25 tour begins in the city on Friday and Saturday, amid warnings for people to plan ahead before they travel.
The Gallagher brothers’ last performance together was in 2009, and the tour sold out within hours of its announcement last August, with fans eager to catch a glimpse of the reunion.
But where is the tour heading – and why was Cardiff chosen as the city where the brothers will perform for the first time together in almost 16 years?
When does the tour start and where is it heading?
After Cardiff, Oasis will go on to perform at Manchester, London, Edinburgh and Dublin on their UK and Ireland leg of the tour.
See below for a full list of tour dates:
Principality Stadium, Cardiff. Pic: PA
Why was Cardiff picked as the first stop?
Asked on X in May why Cardiff was chosen as the location for the opening leg, Liam Gallagher said “because Cardiff is the bollox”.
Principality Stadium is a 74,500-seat venue, known as the home of Welsh rugby, which played host to Bruce Springsteen and Taylor Swift concerts last year.
Businesses in the area are hoping the arrival of Oasis will bring an influx of trade to the city.
Gary Corp, manager of the City Arms, told Sky News that he was expecting the concert would “treble if not quadruple the footfall on the street”.
Meanwhile, Ethan John, events manager at Tiny Rebel, said Oasis choosing Cardiff to kick off their tour was “surreal” and that previous events such as Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour had a “massive impact” on footfall.
What travel advice is there in Cardiff?
Train operators say trains will be busy and people should allow plenty of time for their journey home.
Georgie Wills, from Transport for Wales, said the company was “thrilled to welcome thousands to Cardiff this summer”.
“Look out for our queuing systems and travel tips – and let’s make it a safe and smooth experience for everyone,” she added.
Cardiff Council has confirmed that roads around the stadium will close from 12pm until 12am on both Friday and Saturday.
The road closures come into force three hours earlier than is planned for upcoming Stereophonics, Kendrick Lamar and Catfish and the Bottlemen concerts later this summer.
The Cardiff Bus Interchange will close at 3pm and Cardiff Queen Street railway station will close at 10pm (apart from accessible travel or journeys to Cardiff Bay).
Liam Gallagher (left) and Noel Gallagher (right). Pic: PA
What time does the show start and who are the support acts?
Principality Stadium’s doors open at 5pm on both Friday and Saturday.
The band will be supported by indie rock band Cast and Richard Ashcroft (who formed alternative rock band the Verve) in Cardiff, Manchester, London, Edinburgh and Dublin.
Cast start their Cardiff set at 6pm, followed by Richard Ashcroft at 7pm.
Oasis will take to the stage at 8.15pm, and should finish by 10.30pm.
American rock band Cage the Elephant will support Oasis in Canada, Mexico and at the Chicago gig.
They will be joined again by Cast for the East Rutherford and Pasadena dates.
Australian indie rock band Ball Park Music will support in Australia.
Are tickets still available for the shows?
The tour is sold out, but the band has said it is possible some additional tickets may be released.
In an Instagram post on 25 June, the band advised members of Oasismynet to “keep an eye” on their inbox.
The final releases would come “over the coming days” once production was “fine tuned”, the band said.
Read more from Sky News:
The Gallagher brothers back together
The story of the rock ‘n’ roll brothers so far
What’s the weather going to be like?
Cardiff is set to be cloudy with sunny intervals on Friday afternoon, with highs of 21C and lows of 15C.
On Saturday, however, it will be slightly cooler with light rain during the afternoon, before clearing up in the evening.
Entertainment
Oasis reunion: It felt like it might never happen – but the Gallagher brothers are finally back
Listening to Noel Gallagher over the years, for a long time it didn’t feel like this was part of the masterplan.
He has spoken several times of the difficult decision he made to quit Oasis in 2009. The band was his life and the choice not made lightly, but ending things then was the best thing for everyone, he told Sky Arts a few years ago. The fact they didn’t continue was a big part of the reason they are now “up there with all the greats”.
The older Gallagher brother was well aware that the years apart – the brothers’ often funny but frustrating feud, the unanswered question of whether they would ever bury the hatchet and the hope that maybe, one day, it might just happen – all amplified their legend.
The Gallagher brothers got together for this picture in July, their first photograph together in years. Pic: Simon Emmett
Rumours have come and gone over the years, propelled in no small part by messages from Liam Gallagher on social media. He often teased, but never made any secret of wanting to bring Oasis back. The sticking point seemed to be Noel.
But in 2022, Liam played gigs at Knebworth – the site of Oasis’s most famous, history-making gigs. Last year, he got in early to mark the anniversary of their debut album Definitely Maybe with his own solo tour, no sign of the man who wrote the songs.
Noel created the music; Liam brings it snarlingly, viscerally alive. Him doing those shows alone felt like it could be a death knell for a reunion. When asked about Liam by a fan during one of his shows with his current band, the High Flying Birds, last summer, Noel reportedly said his younger brother should be “thankful for my genius” and told the crowd: “Just remember who wrote all the f***ing songs.”
Pic: Oasis/Michael Spencer Jones
‘They hadn’t spoken in goodness knows how long’
Even last year’s new artwork for Definitely Maybe (pictured above), released for the 30th anniversary, showed a reworking of that famous album cover – shot at guitarist Bonehead’s house in Manchester – this time with the band members absent from the room. With no Liam on the floorboards, no Noel staring up at the spinning globe, it felt like a statement: Oasis really had left the building.
Designer Brian Cannon, who worked on the artwork for all of Oasis’s early music and now runs the Microdot memorabilia stores, says he was as surprised as anyone by the reunion announcement.
“A lot of people say to me, it’s all a big marketing ploy,” he says, of the brothers’ fall-out. “No, it isn’t, they genuinely hadn’t spoken to each other for goodness knows how long. And Noel’s got a very successful solo career that he’s very content with and doing very well. I didn’t see this coming, I really didn’t.”
Photographer Michael Spencer Jones, who captured the images for all the Oasis albums and singles in the band’s heyday, says the sibling rivalry was always there. “It’s such a major part of the potion that was Oasis.”
Read more:
Cool Britannia: Life in the UK in the ’90s
A timeline of Britpop’s most successful band
Noel Gallagher has had success with the High Flying Birds. Pic: Reuters/Dylan Martinez
But there had been whispers for months, reports from industry insiders saying it was only a matter of time. In January 2023, Noel announced his separation from his now ex-wife Sara MacDonald, who did not get on with Liam, leading to speculation he might become more open to making amends.
Then last year, following reports of shows booked for Wembley, fans once again pointed to teases from Liam on social media – “I never did like that word FORMER” he posted in the days before the announcement – and an interview given by Noel in which he spoke in complimentary terms about his little brother’s voice: “When I’d sing a song it would sound good. When he’d sing it, it would sound great.”
Neither of these things made a reunion a certainty. While Noel may not have liked his brother at times, he never underestimated the shared power their bristling sibling rivalry brought to Oasis. “I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without him, he wouldn’t have got anywhere without me,” he told journalists at an awards ceremony in 2019.
Liam Gallagher has been performing as a solo artist for several years. Pic: PA
‘The stars have aligned’ – but statement gives little away
Oasis in their heyday were like no other live band. The shows were electrifying, the energy raw, in an era of optimism and fun in the 1990s that the Gallagher brothers defined. In later years, Noel may not have been a fan of the Cool Britannia tag, but that’s exactly what it was.
So now, will this reunion just be about the gigs? Will there be new music? Could the Gallagher brothers even be friends again?
The reunion statement gave little away. “The guns have fallen silent. The stars have aligned. The great wait is over. Come see. It will not be televised.” Further details said there was “no great revelatory moment”, but rather “the gradual realisation that the time is right” – but the Gallaghers have still not really addressed the small matter of not being on speaking terms for years. We want to know who reached out first? How did they finally come to an agreement? And what did their mum, Peggy, say about her sons finally getting their acts together?
Whatever has happened behind the scenes, the frost has definitely thawed. In 2020, Liam said Oasis had been offered £100m to reform – a claim quickly denied by Noel, who suggested the remark was a publicity move to promote a single. The deal they have signed now is worth millions. But even before the announcement was made, Liam was quick to put anyone suggesting this was only about the money in their place.
“Your attitude stinks” was his reply to anyone questioning their motives. Positivity received a different response: “Your attitude is BIBLICAL.”
Read more:
‘Everyone was out of control in the ’90s’
The ‘unsolvable conundrum’ of Oasis’s biggest album
You only have to look at the crowds at Liam’s solo shows – full of teenagers, as well as those of us who were there the first time round – to see how the music has filtered through generations. The singer has said several times he would like younger fans to see the full Oasis live experience.
Now, they just have to deliver.
“There’s two schools of thoughts on this and at one time I would have fallen into the latter,” says Cannon. “One being: great, yes, fantastic. The second: no, leave it be, let it lie, it’s gone, you might tarnish the past.
“But. We’re living through strange times in this country at the minute, globally as well. There’s a lot of division, recent events have been quite shocking. [A reunion] will undoubtedly bring a lot of happiness to a lot of people and I’m all in favour of a lot of people being happy. So, yeah, it’s got to be a good thing.”
“There should be an album, I think,” says Spencer Jones. “It would be great if there was more music to come.”
This year also marks the 30th anniversary of their second album, (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? Both Noel and Liam will be well aware of the expectation, how much these shows mean to fans.
Get them wrong, and there’s the potential for the legacy, the memories, to be spoiled.
Get them right, and Oasis live forever – all over again.
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