When Patricia Noble had to make the decision to end her dog’s life just hours after he fell ill, the grief was almost unbearable.
“When my dad died, I grieved for him, but he wasn’t in my life regularly,” she says. “Dougie felt like a support dog… it was like my world had crashed.”
Dougie, a 10-year-old miniature dachshund, seized up while on a walk near their home in Aberdeenshire on New Year’s Day 2020. “He was paralysed – alive and running one minute, by the end of the day he wasn’t there.”
Image: Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020
The little dog had been a source of comfort for Patricia, who has struggled with depression throughout her life. After his death, she found herself in a “dark place, thinking, is it worth it? Would I have gone down that line?” she reflects. “Who knows?”
Searching for help, she came across a pet loss support service. Too emotional to speak on the phone, she got in touch and was soon exchanging regular emails with the same volunteer at the service run by Blue Cross, an animal welfare charity, over nine months. “It gave me a sense that I’m not the only one in the world that suffers this,” she says. “I felt I was being given my life back.”
Almost four years on, Patricia is now able to speak with a smile, her eyes twinkling, as she remembers Dougie, recalling how he was “utterly untrainable” but “a real sweetheart”.
“Boy, did he love barking – at the postie, visitors, for treats, especially if he was being ignored. But he was very loving. If I felt low he would jump against my legs, a signal to say, ‘lift me up – you need a cuddle!'”
She will always miss him. Grateful for the help she received, the 58-year-old is now one of 300 volunteers with Blue Cross’s pet loss support service, who offer “a listening ear”, pointing in the direction of counselling or other services if needed.
Pet loss and disenfranchised grief
Image: Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services
In the last 10 years, the number of people getting in touch has almost trebled, from 6,240 in 2013 to 17,367 in 2022. The figures so far for 2023 are currently 22% up on last year, while a private Facebook group set up by the charity in 2022, one of many such support groups on the site, now has more than 16,000 members.
But it’s a kind of grief that society doesn’t always understand. According to psychologists, pet owners can feel embarrassed when talking about the emotional impact the death of an animal has had on them, making it tricky to process their grief.
“People’s understanding in the past 10 years has grown but disenfranchised grief – where other people don’t understand – is still something we see a lot,” says Diane James, the head of pet bereavement support services at Blue Cross.
Dr Katie Lawlor, a pet loss psychologist based in San Francisco, California, was training to be a clinical psychologist before she realised there was very little, if any, support networks for those suffering due to the loss of a pet. After moving into the field and later setting up an Instagram account in March 2020, she now has almost 75,000 followers.
“For those who don’t have animals or don’t have that bond, they say, ‘oh, it’s just a dog, go get another one’,” she says. “But you would never tell somebody who’d lost a parent, ‘oh just go get a new dad’. For some of us, that bond is just as rich and as deep.”
‘My heart is absolutely broken’
Image: ‘How can a light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale’: Kate Beckinsale commemorated her cat, Clive, with this tattoo. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale
Search for #petloss on Instagram and hundreds of thousands of posts pop up, while on TikTok the top videos have millions of views. A growing number of influencers and celebrities including Miley Cyrus, Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale have also shared their stories of loss online – as well as tattoos dedicated to their late pets.
“Every single part of my house feels like he should be in it,” Beckinsale wrote on Instagram as she announced Clive’s death in June. “My heart is absolutely and totally broken.”
Broadcaster and author Dawn O’Porter, who tackles the subject of navigating grief for an animal in her latest best-selling novel, Cat Lady, posted a poignant tribute following the death of her dog Potato at the beginning of 2022, telling followers how he was the ring-bearer at her wedding and there when she gave birth. “It was one of the great joys of my life to be his mum,” she wrote.
And there are many pet owners, like Patricia, who admit losing their animals has affected them as much if not more than the deaths of some relatives.
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Leanne Freeman, 33, from Dartford, lost her house rabbit, Thumper, unexpectedly in February. When she realised he was dying, she cuddled him and tried to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. “I wanted to give him his favourite food so I ordered parsley on Deliveroo. I didn’t want to leave him.”
Thumper, a Netherland dwarf rabbit, who was almost five, had been with Leanne since he was eight weeks old. She says his death felt like losing a limb.
“It was a good 48 hours before I stopped randomly crying.” she says. “He was free to roam around the flat… if I went for a shower, he’d come and sit in the bathroom with me. He was happy to be carried over my shoulder like a baby and I would take him to my parents’ – we’d joke that it was ‘nanny and granddad’s house’.”
Luckily, colleagues at work were supportive after his death. “Some people have pictures of their kids on their desks, I had a picture of my rabbit. Everyone knew what he meant to me.”
Image: Leanne Freeman’s house rabbit Thumper died earlier in 2023. She had him cremated at the Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent, and also kept a cutting of his fur (pictured below)
One feeling that comes from the specific grief of losing a pet is the question of whether they understand how much they mean to you. Brad Webber, 35, and his partner Natalie lost their beloved chow chow, Kia, and have experienced this feeling. “You can tell a grandparent you’re going to miss them but animals… you can cuddle them and say comforting things but you can’t be satisfied that they know how much you care,” he says. “That’s hard.”
The couple now have two spaniels, and Brad says he sees parallels between the love he has for his pets and his toddler son.
“You see them grow and share first experiences,” he says. “You’re there when they’re scared, when they’re hurt and you build a mutual understanding. You recognise each other’s likes, dislikes and emotional qualities.”
Image: Brad Webber and his partner Natalie lost their chow chow Kia in 2021
Leanne and Brad are among many pet owners living in and around Kent who sought support from Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium, which offers keepsakes such as pawprints, jewellery and hair cuttings, as well as cremation services and euthanasia.
Another is Chloe Harding, 37, from Rochester, whose horses and dogs helped her deal with anxiety throughout her life, following the death of her father in a car accident when she was seven.
Just before the COVID lockdown in 2020, Chloe lost her three-year-old German shepherd, Maverick. Ten days later, her pony, Harry, also died suddenly; this all came in a period in which she had also lost her job.
“It was really tough because the next morning, you don’t have a horse to look after, a dog to walk… everything that I defined myself by had been stripped away.”
Image: Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie, and below with her husband and dog, Maverick
‘I told my boss I’d lost a family member when my rabbit died’
Dr Lawlor cites statistics from studies on pet bereavement: 85% of pet guardians report loss and grief symptoms comparable to loss of family members, and a third of pet guardians have continued to grieve at six months, and almost a quarter still after a year.
When her rabbit Gem died in 2000, she requested time off work. “I wrote to my boss, who was not an animal person, and told her I’d lost a family member. For me, that’s true, and I stand by it. But I think there’s such a stigma around mourning an animal, sadly, that continues.”
Now, she posts on social media several times a week, sharing her own advice or kind words from others. “I was getting messages [when I started] saying, ‘thank you for normalising this’,” she says. “For so many of us, our primary and our preferred sources of love do come from animals.”
For many pet owners, the hardest part is making the decision to say goodbye. Dr Lawlor says she is asked most about euthanasia and guilt; according to a Royal Veterinary College (RVC) study published in 2021, looking into the deaths of 29,163 dogs in the UK over a one-year period, the vast majority – 26,676 (91.5%) – involved euthanasia, while just 2,487 (8.5%) were unassisted.
‘We know we’ll have to say goodbye – but we still do it’
Image: Karen Barnard’s dog Ruby lived until she was 15
Karen Barnard, who has 17 pets, including three dogs currently, and offers boarding for guinea pigs and other small animals at her home near Tunbridge, made the difficult decision to put her dog Ruby down at the age of 15. The King Charles cavalier spaniel’s kidneys had starting failing, and Karen didn’t want her to suffer.
She made sure Ruby was comfortable on her last day. “She had a whole box of Maltesers. And then she went to sleep with my other little dog by her side… I feel a lot of peace at being able to give her the goodbye she deserved.”
Animal bereavement specialist and author Angela Garner, who works with the Ease animal charity in the UK, agrees the emotions that come with this decision should not be underestimated. “It’s a big thing for people to cope with, to make that decision – to prevent unnecessary suffering and make the end of life as easy as possible for an animal who has become integral in their lives, part of the family. Finding the right time to actually say goodbye.”
Angela says the issue of pet grief is becoming more recognised, thanks to wider awareness about mental health over the past few years, but there is still work to be done.
“There’s such a highlight now in terms of mental health in this country that it is bound to create more awareness of what people have been suffering, probably silently,” she says. “We take our pets on knowing we are going to have to say goodbye at some point. But we still do it, because we care.”
For Patricia, volunteering has helped her get through the “dark tunnel of pet loss”. In the two-and-a-half years since she started, she has been there for almost 500 conversations over the phone or on webchat.
“It almost feels like a calling now. It means a lot to people to know we understand. It hurts. And every grief experience is valid.”
A criminal investigation has been launched into the Glastonbury performances of Kneecap and Bob Vylan.
Police announced the decision on Monday afternoon after reviewing video footage and audio of both sets, which took place on Saturday.
It comes after the BBC said it regretted the decision not to pull the live stream for Bob Vylan’s Glastonbury performance, during which frontman Bobby Vylan shouted anti-IDF (Israel Defence Forces) chants.
Later on Monday, as the story had made headlines throughout the day, drummer Bobbie Vylan released a video statement on Instagram, saying politicians who have spent time criticising the band should be “utterly ashamed” for giving “room” to this over other issues.
He also addressed what was said on stage, saying: “Regardless of how it was said, calling for an end to the slaughter of innocents is never wrong. To civilians of Israel, understand this anger is not directed at you, and don’t let your government persuade you that a call against an army is a call against the people.”
Image: Moglai Bap and Mo Chara of Kneecap perform at Glastonbury. Pic: Reuters
In a statement, Avon and Somerset Police said that after reviewing footage of both performances, further enquiries are required and a criminal investigation is now being undertaken.
“A senior detective has been appointed to lead this investigation,” a spokesperson said. “This has been recorded as a public order incident at this time while our enquiries are at an early stage.”
The force said the investigation will be “evidence-led and will closely consider all appropriate legislation, including relating to hate crimes”.
“We have received a large amount of contact in relation to these events from people across the world and recognise the strength of public feeling,” it added. “There is absolutely no place in society for hate.”
What happened?
Image: Bob Vylan performing on the West Holts Stage, during the Glastonbury Festival at Worthy Farm in Somerset. Yui Mok/PA Wire
During Bob Vylan’s set, the duo performed in front of a screen that showed several messages, including one that said Israel’s actions in Gaza amount to “genocide”.
Bobby Vylan also led chants of “death to the IDF”.
The set was live streamed by the BBC as part of its Glastonbury coverage, but has not been made available on demand.
Politicians including the prime minister have criticised the performance. Glastonbury organiser Emily Eavis said the chants “crossed a line” and that there was no place at the festival for “antisemitism, hate speech or incitement to violence”.
A BBC spokesperson said the broadcaster respected freedom of expression “but stands firmly against incitement to violence”.
They added: “The antisemitic sentiments expressed by Bob Vylan were utterly unacceptable and have no place on our airwaves…
“The team were dealing with a live situation, but with hindsight we should have pulled the stream during the performance. We regret this did not happen.”
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What’s the Glastonbury controversy?
Media watchdog Ofcom said it was in talks with the BBC and that the broadcaster “clearly has questions to answer” over the stream.
Irish-language rap trio Kneecap were on stage afterwards. Before their appearance at the festival, there had been calls for Glastonbury to remove them from the bill – as rapper Liam Og O hAnnaidh (who performs as Mo Chara) is facing a terror charge, accused of displaying a flag in support of the proscribed group Hezbollah at a gig in London last November.
Glastonbury organisers kept them on the line-up, but the BBC chose not to stream their set live. An edited version was later made available on demand.
On stage, the band led chants of “f*** Keir Starmer”.
O hAnnaidh’s bandmate Naoise O Caireallain (Moglai Bap) said they would “start a riot outside the courts” for O hAnnaidh’s next appearance, before clarifying: “No riots, just love and support, and support for Palestine.”
Hundreds of people turned out in protest for his first court appearance earlier this month.
After the police investigation was announced, Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy criticised the “appalling and unacceptable” scenes at Glastonbury and said the government would not tolerate antisemitism.
She said she had called BBC director-general Tim Davie after the broadcast of Bob Vylan’s set to find out why it had aired, and why the feed had not been cut.
“I expect answers to these questions without delay,” she said.
Ms Nandy said she had spoken to members of the Jewish community, including attendees at Glastonbury, who said they were concerned by imagery and slogans and ended up creating their own “safe space”.
Christopher Landau, the US deputy secretary of state, said the band had been banned from the US ahead of a tour later this year due to their “hateful tirade” at the festival.
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Bob Vylan were set to perform in Chicago, Brooklyn and Philadelphia in the autumn. They are due to perform at Radar Festival in Manchester on Saturday and Boardmasters, a surfing and music festival in Newquay, Cornwall, in August.
Sharing a statement on Instagram after the Glastonbury set, Bobby Vylan said: “Teaching our children to speak up for the change they want and need is the only way that we make this world a better place.
“As we grow older and our fire starts to possibly dim under the suffocation of adult life and all its responsibilities, it is incredibly important that we encourage and inspire future generations to pick up the torch that was passed to us.”
The war in Gaza, which has continued for more than 18 months, began after Hamas militants launched attacks in Israel on 7 October 2023, killing 1,200 people and taking roughly 250 hostages.
More than 860 Israeli soldiers have been killed since the war began, more than 400 of them during the fighting in Gaza.
Israel’s offensive in Gaza has devastated the enclave and killed around 56,500 people, according to the Hamas-run health ministry, which does not differentiate between civilians and combatants, but says more than half of the dead are women and children.
An inquest has found drag queen The Vivienne did not intend to take their life when they died after taking ketamine.
Coroner Jacqueline Devonish concluded The Vivienne, whose real name is James Lee Williams, died by “misadventure” after suffering cardio respiratory arrest.
In March, the star’s family revealed the performer had died “from the effects of ketamine use causing a cardiac arrest”, saying they wanted to raise awareness about the dangers of the drug.
Cheshire Coroner’s Court heard five drug snap bags were found, including in a bedroom draw and a bin in the bathroom, in their home in Chorlton-by-Backford, near Chester.
Police attended and confirmed there were no suspicious circumstances.
The inquest heard friends and family had no worries about Williams’s mental health and the performer was looking forward to future roles on TV and in the theatre, although did “occasionally” take ketamine.
The star’s family told the hearing the performer should not be remembered for their use of the Class B drug and that drugs did not define the person they were.
Williams’s father Lee Williams described them as “an outgoing character who was full of life” and “just wanted to make people laugh”.
“He achieved his goals. He had future goals he wanted to achieve. Along the way he always wanted to try to help his community, which he did and try to help other drag queens,” he said.
“He was always available. He never turned anybody down. He never turned his back on anybody. He never said no.
“He loved the stage, that’s where he saw the rest of his career being, on the stage, in the theatre. That’s what he loved to do.”
Williams’s funeral in Bodelwyddan, Denbighshire, North Wales, was attended by RuPaul’s Drag Race UK contestants Tia Kofi and Baga Chipz, along with Steps singer Ian “H” Watkins, TV personality Kim Woodburn and Coronation Street actress Claire Sweeney.
Image: The Vivienne at the premiere of the film ‘Wicked’ in November 2024. Pic: AP
During their time on the show, under their drag name, Williams admitted having been a drug addict for four years.
“It was party, drugs, but I couldn’t leave the drugs at the party, it was constant for me,” they said.
They added that their addiction was a “habit that caught on a bit too quick and a bit too hard”.
The TV personality, who grew up in Colwyn Bay, North Wales, before moving to Liverpool, came third in the 2023 edition of Dancing On Ice.
The star performed as the Wicked Witch of the West in a UK and Ireland tour of The Wizard Of Oz musical and reprised the role in the West End at the Gillian Lynne Theatre last year.
They were due back on stage in March as the Childcatcher in a tour of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, a role they first played last year.
The government is seeking expert advice after illegal use of ketamine surged to record levels.
In the year ending March 2023, an estimated 299,000 people aged 16 to 59 had reported use of the substance, which is controlled as class B, according to the Home Office.
At their Glastonbury set on Saturday, punk-rap duo Bob Vylan’s singer led chants of “death, death to the IDF”.
The chants have been labelled antisemitic by the BBC and the organisation has since apologised for airing the performance.
But shadow home secretary Chris Philp has called for the broadcaster to be prosecuted, saying it “should not be transmitting hateful material designed to incite violence and conflict”.
Avon and Somerset Police has now launched a criminal investigation into the Glastonbury performances of Bob Vylan and Kneecap.
What should the BBC have done – and will the corporation face prosecution?
Host Sarah-Jane Mee speaks to Channel Four’s former head of news and current affairs, Dorothy Byrne, to understand what the BBC should have done differently. She also speaks to legal expert Joshua Rozenberg about whether Bob Vylan’s performance constitutes a hate crime and if the BBC may be prosecuted for broadcasting it.