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When Patricia Noble had to make the decision to end her dog’s life just hours after he fell ill, the grief was almost unbearable.

“When my dad died, I grieved for him, but he wasn’t in my life regularly,” she says. “Dougie felt like a support dog… it was like my world had crashed.”

Dougie, a 10-year-old miniature dachshund, seized up while on a walk near their home in Aberdeenshire on New Year’s Day 2020. “He was paralysed – alive and running one minute, by the end of the day he wasn’t there.”

Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020
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Blue Cross volunteer Patricia Noble lost her dog Dougie in 2020

The little dog had been a source of comfort for Patricia, who has struggled with depression throughout her life. After his death, she found herself in a “dark place, thinking, is it worth it? Would I have gone down that line?” she reflects. “Who knows?”

Searching for help, she came across a pet loss support service. Too emotional to speak on the phone, she got in touch and was soon exchanging regular emails with the same volunteer at the service run by Blue Cross, an animal welfare charity, over nine months. “It gave me a sense that I’m not the only one in the world that suffers this,” she says. “I felt I was being given my life back.”

Almost four years on, Patricia is now able to speak with a smile, her eyes twinkling, as she remembers Dougie, recalling how he was “utterly untrainable” but “a real sweetheart”.

“Boy, did he love barking – at the postie, visitors, for treats, especially if he was being ignored. But he was very loving. If I felt low he would jump against my legs, a signal to say, ‘lift me up – you need a cuddle!'”

She will always miss him. Grateful for the help she received, the 58-year-old is now one of 300 volunteers with Blue Cross’s pet loss support service, who offer “a listening ear”, pointing in the direction of counselling or other services if needed.

Pet loss and disenfranchised grief

Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services
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Blue Cross figures for the number of people using their support services

In the last 10 years, the number of people getting in touch has almost trebled, from 6,240 in 2013 to 17,367 in 2022. The figures so far for 2023 are currently 22% up on last year, while a private Facebook group set up by the charity in 2022, one of many such support groups on the site, now has more than 16,000 members.

But it’s a kind of grief that society doesn’t always understand. According to psychologists, pet owners can feel embarrassed when talking about the emotional impact the death of an animal has had on them, making it tricky to process their grief.

“People’s understanding in the past 10 years has grown but disenfranchised grief – where other people don’t understand – is still something we see a lot,” says Diane James, the head of pet bereavement support services at Blue Cross.

Dr Katie Lawlor, a pet loss psychologist based in San Francisco, California, was training to be a clinical psychologist before she realised there was very little, if any, support networks for those suffering due to the loss of a pet. After moving into the field and later setting up an Instagram account in March 2020, she now has almost 75,000 followers.

“For those who don’t have animals or don’t have that bond, they say, ‘oh, it’s just a dog, go get another one’,” she says. “But you would never tell somebody who’d lost a parent, ‘oh just go get a new dad’. For some of us, that bond is just as rich and as deep.”

‘My heart is absolutely broken’

Kate Beckinsale shared this picture on Instagram, commemorating her cat, Clive. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale
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‘How can a light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale’: Kate Beckinsale commemorated her cat, Clive, with this tattoo. Photo courtesy of Kate Beckinsale

Search for #petloss on Instagram and hundreds of thousands of posts pop up, while on TikTok the top videos have millions of views. A growing number of influencers and celebrities including Miley Cyrus, Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale have also shared their stories of loss online – as well as tattoos dedicated to their late pets.

“Every single part of my house feels like he should be in it,” Beckinsale wrote on Instagram as she announced Clive’s death in June. “My heart is absolutely and totally broken.”

Broadcaster and author Dawn O’Porter, who tackles the subject of navigating grief for an animal in her latest best-selling novel, Cat Lady, posted a poignant tribute following the death of her dog Potato at the beginning of 2022, telling followers how he was the ring-bearer at her wedding and there when she gave birth. “It was one of the great joys of my life to be his mum,” she wrote.

And there are many pet owners, like Patricia, who admit losing their animals has affected them as much if not more than the deaths of some relatives.

‘Everyone knew what he meant to me’

Leanne Freeman, 33, from Dartford, lost her house rabbit, Thumper, unexpectedly in February. When she realised he was dying, she cuddled him and tried to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. “I wanted to give him his favourite food so I ordered parsley on Deliveroo. I didn’t want to leave him.”

Thumper, a Netherland dwarf rabbit, who was almost five, had been with Leanne since he was eight weeks old. She says his death felt like losing a limb.

“It was a good 48 hours before I stopped randomly crying.” she says. “He was free to roam around the flat… if I went for a shower, he’d come and sit in the bathroom with me. He was happy to be carried over my shoulder like a baby and I would take him to my parents’ – we’d joke that it was ‘nanny and granddad’s house’.”

Luckily, colleagues at work were supportive after his death. “Some people have pictures of their kids on their desks, I had a picture of my rabbit. Everyone knew what he meant to me.”

Leanne Freeman's house rabbit Thumper died after suffering from the effects of a parasite called E cuniculi. She had him created at Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent
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Leanne Freeman’s house rabbit Thumper died earlier in 2023. She had him cremated at the Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent, and also kept a cutting of his fur (pictured below)

Leanne Freeman's house rabbit Thumper died after suffering from the effects of a parasite called E cuniculi. She had him created at Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium in Kent

One feeling that comes from the specific grief of losing a pet is the question of whether they understand how much they mean to you. Brad Webber, 35, and his partner Natalie lost their beloved chow chow, Kia, and have experienced this feeling. “You can tell a grandparent you’re going to miss them but animals… you can cuddle them and say comforting things but you can’t be satisfied that they know how much you care,” he says. “That’s hard.”

The couple now have two spaniels, and Brad says he sees parallels between the love he has for his pets and his toddler son.

“You see them grow and share first experiences,” he says. “You’re there when they’re scared, when they’re hurt and you build a mutual understanding. You recognise each other’s likes, dislikes and emotional qualities.”

Brad Webber's chow chow Kia died in 2021
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Brad Webber and his partner Natalie lost their chow chow Kia in 2021

Leanne and Brad are among many pet owners living in and around Kent who sought support from Cherry Tree Pet Crematorium, which offers keepsakes such as pawprints, jewellery and hair cuttings, as well as cremation services and euthanasia.

Another is Chloe Harding, 37, from Rochester, whose horses and dogs helped her deal with anxiety throughout her life, following the death of her father in a car accident when she was seven.

Just before the COVID lockdown in 2020, Chloe lost her three-year-old German shepherd, Maverick. Ten days later, her pony, Harry, also died suddenly; this all came in a period in which she had also lost her job.

“It was really tough because the next morning, you don’t have a horse to look after, a dog to walk… everything that I defined myself by had been stripped away.”

Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie
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Chloe Harding and her horse, Annie, and below with her husband and dog, Maverick

Chloe Harding and her husband with their dog, Maverick

‘I told my boss I’d lost a family member when my rabbit died’

Dr Lawlor cites statistics from studies on pet bereavement: 85% of pet guardians report loss and grief symptoms comparable to loss of family members, and a third of pet guardians have continued to grieve at six months, and almost a quarter still after a year.

When her rabbit Gem died in 2000, she requested time off work. “I wrote to my boss, who was not an animal person, and told her I’d lost a family member. For me, that’s true, and I stand by it. But I think there’s such a stigma around mourning an animal, sadly, that continues.”

Now, she posts on social media several times a week, sharing her own advice or kind words from others. “I was getting messages [when I started] saying, ‘thank you for normalising this’,” she says. “For so many of us, our primary and our preferred sources of love do come from animals.”

For many pet owners, the hardest part is making the decision to say goodbye. Dr Lawlor says she is asked most about euthanasia and guilt; according to a Royal Veterinary College (RVC) study published in 2021, looking into the deaths of 29,163 dogs in the UK over a one-year period, the vast majority – 26,676 (91.5%) – involved euthanasia, while just 2,487 (8.5%) were unassisted.

‘We know we’ll have to say goodbye – but we still do it’

Karen Barnard's dog Ruby lived until she was 15 - pic sent by Karen Barnard
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Karen Barnard’s dog Ruby lived until she was 15

Karen Barnard, who has 17 pets, including three dogs currently, and offers boarding for guinea pigs and other small animals at her home near Tunbridge, made the difficult decision to put her dog Ruby down at the age of 15. The King Charles cavalier spaniel’s kidneys had starting failing, and Karen didn’t want her to suffer.

She made sure Ruby was comfortable on her last day. “She had a whole box of Maltesers. And then she went to sleep with my other little dog by her side… I feel a lot of peace at being able to give her the goodbye she deserved.”

Animal bereavement specialist and author Angela Garner, who works with the Ease animal charity in the UK, agrees the emotions that come with this decision should not be underestimated. “It’s a big thing for people to cope with, to make that decision – to prevent unnecessary suffering and make the end of life as easy as possible for an animal who has become integral in their lives, part of the family. Finding the right time to actually say goodbye.”

Angela says the issue of pet grief is becoming more recognised, thanks to wider awareness about mental health over the past few years, but there is still work to be done.

“There’s such a highlight now in terms of mental health in this country that it is bound to create more awareness of what people have been suffering, probably silently,” she says. “We take our pets on knowing we are going to have to say goodbye at some point. But we still do it, because we care.”

For Patricia, volunteering has helped her get through the “dark tunnel of pet loss”. In the two-and-a-half years since she started, she has been there for almost 500 conversations over the phone or on webchat.

“It almost feels like a calling now. It means a lot to people to know we understand. It hurts. And every grief experience is valid.”

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White House responds to report Trump is considering commuting Diddy’s prison sentence

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White House responds to report Trump is considering commuting Diddy's prison sentence

A White House official has said there is “zero truth” to a report that Donald Trump is considering commuting Sean “Diddy” Combs’s prison sentence as early as this week.

On Monday, US entertainment site TMZ reported the US president was “vacillating” on whether or not to reduce the music mogul’s sentence, citing a “high-ranking White House official”.

Combs was sentenced to 50 months in prison and given a $500,000 fine at a hearing on 3 October, after being found guilty of prostitution charges relating to his former girlfriends and male sex workers at the end of his high-profile trial in the summer.

Earlier this week, the 55-year-old’s legal team filed a legal document officially signalling their intention to appeal.

Combs was in tears during his sentencing hearing. Pic: AP/ Elizabeth Williams
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Combs was in tears during his sentencing hearing. Pic: AP/ Elizabeth Williams

Now, a White House official has pushed back on TMZ’s report about a possible commutation.

There is “zero truth to the TMZ report, which we would’ve gladly explained had they reached out before running their fake news”, the official told NBC, Sky News’ US partner.

Mr Trump, “not anonymous sources, is the final decider on pardons and commutations”, the official added.

Casey Carver, a spokesperson for TMZ, said in a brief statement: “We stand by our story.”

In an update to the story on the outlet’s website, the news site said: “The White House Communications Office is saying our story is not true. We stand by our story. Our story is accurate.”

Lawyers for Combs did not immediately return a request for comment about the disparity between the White House statement and TMZ’s reporting. However, they previously told NBC News they had been pursuing a pardon.

Pardons and commuting – what is the difference?

In the US federal system, commutation of sentence and pardons are different forms of executive clemency, “which is a broad term that applies to the president’s constitutional power to give leniency to persons who have committed federal crimes”, according to the justice department.

Neither signifies innocence, but a pardon is an expression of a president’s forgiveness and can be granted in recognition of acceptance of responsibility and good conduct, reinstating rights such as the right to vote.

A commutation reduces a sentence either totally or partially but does not remove civil disabilities that apply as a result of criminal conviction.

What has Donald Trump said?

In August, before Combs’s sentencing, Mr Trump said in an interview that he had been approached about a possible pardon but implied he would not be granting one.

“You know, I was very friendly with him. I got along with him great and he seemed like a nice guy. I didn’t know him well,” the president said. “But when I ran for office, he was very hostile.”

When asked if he was suggesting he would not pardon Combs, he replied: “I would say so.”

“When you knew someone and you were fine, and then you run for office, and he made some terrible statements. So, I don’t know, it’s more difficult,” Mr Trump said. “Makes it more – I’m being honest, it makes it more difficult to do.”

The president has issued several pardons and commutations in his second term – including to around 1,500 criminal defendants in connection with the attack on the US Capitol in January 2021.

Last week, he commuted the sentence of disgraced former Republican congressman George Santos.

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Diddy sentencing: As it happened

Combs was found guilty of two counts of transportation for prostitution in July, but was cleared of more serious charges of racketeering conspiracy and sex-trafficking, which carried potential life sentences.

Ahead of his sentencing, he told the court he admitted his past behaviour was “disgusting, shameful and sick”, and apologised personally to Cassie Ventura and “Jane”, another former girlfriend who testified anonymously during the trial.

He told the court he got “lost in my excess and lost in my ego”, but since his time in prison he has been “humbled and broken to my core”, adding: “I hate myself right now… I am truly sorry for it all.”

The rapper is serving his sentence at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center, where his team has said conditions are “inhumane”.

He has asked to be moved to a low-security federal prison in New Jersey, but the Bureau of Prisons has yet to approve the request.

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Police should focus on ‘tackling real crime’, No 10 says, after Met Police halts non-crime hate probes

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All police forces urged to stop recording non-crime hate incidents

Officers should focus on “tackling real crime and policing the streets”, Downing Street has said – after the Metropolitan Police announced it is no longer investigating non-crime hate incidents.

The announcement by Britain’s biggest force on Monday came after it emerged Father Ted creator Graham Linehan will face no further action after he was arrested at Heathrow Airport on suspicion of inciting violence over three posts he made on X about transgender issues.

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Sir Keir Starmer’s spokesman said police forces will “get the clarity they need to keep our streets safe” when a review of non-crime hate incidents by the National Police Chiefs’ Council and College of Policing is published in December.

“The police should focus on tackling real crime and policing the streets,” he said.

“The home secretary has asked that this review be completed at pace, working with the National Police Chiefs’ Council and the College of Policing.

“We look forward to receiving its findings as soon as possible, so that the other forces get the clarity they need to keep our streets safe.”

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He said the government will “always work with police chiefs to make sure criminal law and guidance reflects the common-sense approach we all want to see in policing”.

After Linehan’s September arrest, Met Police Commissioner Sir Mark Rowley said officers were in “an impossible position” when dealing with statements made online.

File pic: iStock
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File pic: iStock

On Monday, a Met spokesperson said the commissioner had been “clear he doesn’t believe officers should be policing toxic culture war debates, with current laws and rules on inciting violence online leaving them in an impossible position”.

The force said the decision to no longer investigate non-crime hate incidents would now “provide clearer direction for officers, reduce ambiguity and enable them to focus on matters that meet the threshold for criminal investigations”.

Justice minister Sarah Sackman said it is “welcome news” the Met will now be focusing on crimes such as phone snatching, mugging, antisocial behaviour and violent crime.

Asked if other forces should follow the Met’s decision, she said: “I think that other forces need to make the decisions that are right for their communities.

“But I’m sure that communities up and down the country would want that renewed focus on violent crime, on antisocial behaviour, and on actual hate crime.”

The Met said it will still record non-crime hate incidents to use as “valuable pieces of intelligence to establish potential patterns of behaviour or criminality”.

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Bob Vylan on ‘death, death to the IDF’ chant: ‘I’d do it again tomorrow, twice on Sundays’

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Bob Vylan on 'death, death to the IDF' chant: 'I'd do it again tomorrow, twice on Sundays'

Bob Vylan’s frontman has said he does not regret chanting “death, death to the IDF” at Glastonbury – and would do it again.

The outspoken punk duo sparked controversy with their performance at the festival in June, with the broadcast also leading to fierce criticism of the BBC.

But speaking on The Louis Theroux podcast, Bobby Vylan said he stood by the chant, adding: “I’d do it again tomorrow, twice on Sundays.”

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BBC bosses grilled over Masterchef, Bob Vylan and Gaza documentary

The US condemned the act’s “hateful tirade” and revoked their visas, with several festivals cancelling their upcoming appearances.

Vylan claimed this backlash is “minimal” compared with what the people of Palestine are going through – with many losing members of their family or forced to flee their homes.

He said: “If I have their support, they’re the people that I’m doing it for, they’re the people that I’m being vocal for, then what is there to regret. Oh, because I’ve upset some right-wing politician or some right-wing media?”

The musician revealed he was taken aback by the uproar caused by the chant, which was described by the prime minister as “appalling hate speech”.

Vylan added: “It wasn’t like we came off stage, and everybody was like (gasps). It’s just normal. We come off stage. It’s normal. Nobody thought anything. Nobody. Even staff at the BBC were like: ‘That was fantastic! We loved that!'”

A spokesperson at Mindhouse Productions – which was founded by Theroux and produces The Louis Theroux podcast – told Sky News: “Louis is a journalist with a long history of speaking to controversial figures who may divide opinion. We would suggest people watch or listen to the interview in its entirety to get the full context of the conversation.”

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Calls for Bob Vylan concert to be cancelled

‘The response was disproportionate’

The BBC’s Executive Complaints Unit has since found that the broadcast of Bob Vylan’s set breached editorial standards related to harm and offence.

Theroux asked Vylan what he meant by chanting “death to the IDF” – with the musician replying: “It’s so unimportant, and the response to it was so disproportionate.

“What is important is the conditions that exist to allow that chant to even take place on that stage. And I mean, the conditions that exist in Palestine. Where the Palestinian people are being killed at an alarming rate.”

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Victim of Manchester synagogue attack speaks out

Pic: PA
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Pic: PA

He said he wanted an end to the oppression that the Palestinian people are facing – but argued chanting “end, end the IDF” wouldn’t have caught on because it doesn’t rhyme.

“We are there to entertain, we are there to play music,” Vylan added. “I am a lyricist. ‘Death, death to IDF’ rhymes. Perfect chant.”

He went on to reject claims that their set had contributed to a spike in antisemitic incidents that were reported a couple of days later.

“I don’t think I have created an unsafe atmosphere for the Jewish community. If there were large numbers of people going out and going like ‘Bob Vylan made me do this’. I might go, ‘oof, I’ve had a negative impact here’.”

Vylan’s conversation with Theroux was recorded on 1 October – before the Manchester synagogue attack, and prior to the ceasefire in Gaza coming into effect.

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