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Inspirational thought of the week:

Oh, wait a minute, mister
I didn’t even kiss her
Don’t want no trouble with you
And I know you don’t owe me
But I wish you’d let me
Ask one favor from you …

Oh, won’t you gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
Gimme three steps towards the door?
Gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
And you’ll never see me no more

— “Gimme Three Steps,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the track and field sprinting facility where Molly McGrath prepares to run down head coaches for postgame interviews, we are in disbelief at how little time we have left. Not on this earth. That’s too sad. But rather how little time is left in the 2023 college football season. And, well, OK, now that we think about it, yes, that’s sad, too.

There are three weekends remaining. Three. Like the Rule of Threes. Like Babe Ruth. Like Dale Earnhardt. Like Dwayne Wade. Like Joe Montana at Notre Dame. And like the number of wins it will likely take in order for a team to find its way off this list before it becomes the final Bottom 10 standings for the season, forever etched in stone. Or, more realistically, forever saved on a free handout thumb drive that we received from a press junket for a since-defunct bowl game. The same one we use to keep a handful of old recipes and a list of passwords that no longer work, all stored in a folder alongside some low-res renderings of the logo for the San Jose Silicon Valley Classic.

With apologies to Tre Harris, RG3, Steven Threet and Steve Harvey, here’s the Week 11 Bottom 10.

1. Sam Houston We Have Problem (1-8)

The Bearkats kaptured their introduktory FCS viktory by konquering Kennesaw State 24-21 with a kick as the klock kounted down to the konklusion of the kontest. Per kontra, they unsukcessfully relokated from this ranking bekause Kennesaw’s only viktories on the 2023 kalendar kame against Tuskulum and Linkoln University.

2. State of Kent (1-8)

After a miserable couple of weeks of weeknight #MACtion misery, Nick Saban’s alma mater has a week off to reset to a weekend schedule and a likely Pillow Fight of the Week against Baller State on, fittingly, Week 13.

3. EC-Yew (1-8)

The Pie Rats nearly pulled off an upset of No. 24 Tulane, leading 10-0 in the first quarter before losing the map to the end zone and losing 13-10. The only group of pirates to score this little are the ones who have been trying to get that dog to hand them the keys to their Disneyland jail cell since 1967.

4. UCan’t (1-8)

The Huskies lost the $1.8 Million Paycheck Bowl to Tennessee 59-3 and now travel to undefeated James Madison for the Wait You Mean We Don’t Get A Bunch Of Money For This One, Too? Bowl.

5. Boomer Swooner (7-2)

How often does a team lock up consecutive Coveted Fifth Spots? Looking at the Bottom 10 record book, we can’t find evidence that it has happened before. OK, if we’re being honest, we couldn’t actually open the Bottom 10 record book because someone spilled a bunch of Billy Sims Barbecue Sauce all over it and the pages are stuck together. Also, we may or may not have put OU back in here because we just thought of that Swooner name and it was too good not to use.

6. Akronmonious (2-7)

The Zips celebrated last week’s Wagon Wheel victory over State of Kent by enjoying an open Saturday and then immediately traveling to Miami of Ohio for a Wednesday night matchup in which they are a 17.5-point underdog and, according to the magically and creepily accurate FPI formula, have a 6.3% chance of winning. It’s like that time I celebrated my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese, then as I walked across the parking lot afterward, was attacked by a flock of buzzards trying to take my leftover pizza.

7. ULM (pronounced “UHLM”) (2-7)

Ulm, speaking of agitated birds of prey, the, ulm, Warhawks jumped up/fell down these rankings after losing, ulm, 24-7 to another gaggle of angry birds, the then-fifth-ranked Southern Missed Golden Eagles. Now, ulm, Terry Bowden’s squad faces Troy and Ole Miss in back-to-back weeks, teams with a combined record of, ulm, 15-3. That seems ulmpossible.

8. Southern Missed (2-7)

The good news is that Southern Miss finally found its second victory of the season, snapping a seven-game losing streak that dated back to the season opener against Alcorn State. The bad news is that during the game Brett Favre went through everyone’s wallets and bought a bunch of volleyball nets.

9. Van-duh-bilt Commode Doors (2-8)

Vandy opened the season with a win over season-long Bottom 10 Wait Listers Huh-Why-Yuh, then beat Alabama A&M, which is neither the Alabama nor the A&M you’re thinking of, before losing eight straight games and landing here. Now it lands in Columbia, South Carolina, where the disappointing 3-6 Gamecocks just beat the Jacksonville State Other Gamecocks. There is no other college football team in the nation that uses Commodores, but sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans people would be willing to have a West Side Story-style dance fight in the Garment District.

10. The Pitt and the Pendulum (2-7)

So Pitt has two wins, with one victory over then-14th-ranked Louisville. That earns the Panthers this spot over Virginia, which also has two wins, with one victory over then-10th-ranked North Carolina. And they both edged out Cincinnati, which has two wins, but one of those was over Pitt. And they all are a notch above/below Pur-don’t, which has two wins, with one over Virginia Tech, which has only four wins, but one of those came against Pitt. In related news, #goacc, y’all.

Waiting List: Virginugh, the Bearcats with a “c”, Pur-do’n’t, No-vada, Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater, Muddled Tennessee, hiding poorly on the Central Michigan sideline.

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Wetzel: Never mind the girlfriend kerfuffle. Belichick will always be fine.

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Wetzel: Never mind the girlfriend kerfuffle. Belichick will always be fine.

It once seemed improbable that the most compelling figure of the college football offseason would be Bill Belichick’s 24-year-old girlfriend, but somehow, here we are.

Jordon Hudson’s spot in Belichick’s life has always been a public talking point. After all, they started dating two years ago, when Belichick was 71. Of late, though, she’s become an obsession.

Belichick is arguably the greatest coach in the history of the sport, winner of six Super Bowls leading the New England Patriots. His jump to the college ranks and the University of North Carolina is, for purely football reasons, of great intrigue.

Would this work? Could this work?

Currently though, the focus is on Hudson, who takes an active role in managing Belichick’s affairs, including running point on publicity for his new book, “The Art of Winning: Lessons from My Life in Football.”

That includes a viral clip from a “CBS Sunday Morning” interview when Hudson shut down a question about how the two met and was deemed a “constant presence.” That led to all sorts of attention on the relationship, not to mention Belichick’s acuity and Hudson’s recent real estate holdings. Former Patriots great Ted Johnson even told WEEI radio in Boston that “the Tar Heels should consider firing Bill Belichick.”

A few days into this modern controversy, where a social media clip redefines someone with decades in the public eye, can we all settle down for a moment?

As with any relationship, only Belichick and Hudson are privy to what is transpiring between them. But as sensationalistic as all the TikTok comments and website stories currently are, when it comes to actually coaching a football team, let’s settle back on one undeniable truth.

This is Bill Belichick.

Sure, the current attention can be fairly labeled as the kind of “distraction” that might personally crush and professionally derail most people. Belichick is not most people.

“Never been too worried about what everyone else thinks,” Belichick told CBS.

If you allow his history — a lesson from his life in football, if you will — to inform, then you would know that there has rarely, if ever, been any personal feud, situation, tabloid headline or bit of accusational strife that has derailed the man’s single-minded focus on winning.

Belichick doesn’t just thrive in the briar patch of controversy — he seems to prefer it. The more external noise, the better.

A former player standing trial for murder? Win the Super Bowl.

Accused of illegally videotaping opponents? Post a 16-0 season.

A star quarterback alleged to have cheated to win the AFC Championship Game by deflating footballs? Name-drop “My Cousin Vinny” in a news conference, then win the Super Bowl.

Have the team get fined and stripped of a first-round draft pick and the quarterback suspended for the start of the season? Win another Super Bowl.

Maybe this isn’t what he was expecting from the book release, but let’s be clear, he was expecting to create a major media stir.

Belichick is famously passive-aggressive. When he never once mentioned Patriots owner Robert Kraft in his memoir — not even in the acknowledgments — he did so expecting a commotion. This was likely to make it clear that Belichick believed the Patriots’ success during their 24 years together was more based on the coaches and players than the very front-facing owner who, depending whose version you believe, fired Belichick in January 2024.

This was throwing red meat to the sports media machine. It just turned out that the Hudson situation represented even more red meat to the far larger American pop culture/social media machine.

Belichick might not have seen this coming, but this is how he has always operated. He welcomes speculation and even being painted as the villain. Even his closest confidants, from Bill Parcells to Tom Brady, often wind up in prolonged, public ice-outs. There are the endless scraps with the media, the league office, officials or other coaches.

The public questioning his actions and motivation? Please.

Consider that back nearly two decades ago, the NFL made a deal with Reebok for its coaches to wear approved clothes. Belichick bristled at being told what to wear. In an act of fashion defiance, both Patriots and Belichick sources say, he took a plain gray sweatshirt and cut off the sleeves to make it ugly. (It inadvertently became a huge seller, labeled the “BB Hoodie” in the Patriots Pro Shop.)

Or when, in an effort to protest the NFL making teams categorize player injuries — doubtful, questionable, etc. — Belichick began listing Brady as “probable” on the report with a shoulder injury week after week for years despite there being no known injury. Brady would just laugh when asked about it.

Or when he thought the NFL was getting too commercialized, so he refused to have his name used by EA Sports in the Madden video game — “NE Coach” was all that was listed — even though he would make money for literally doing nothing.

Or maybe consider in 2000, when he reversed course on accepting the head coaching job with the New York Jets. Rather than get all apologetic, he handwrote a note that read: “I resign as HC of the NYJ.”

He loves this stuff. Like many highly competitive people, finding an enemy, or some doubt, or some negative opinion about him seemingly feeds him. It certainly doesn’t cause him to wilt.

The current kerfuffle isn’t much different from past ones. He’s been through divorce, and his dating life was even fodder for the New York tabloids. It didn’t matter. He just kept winning.

All of that makes it unlikely that Hudson is somehow bossing Belichick around — or that she would even want to. This is just BB.

Whatever happens with the couple — we wish them the best — is one thing, but anyone who thinks Belichick is somehow incapable of weathering some gossip or jokes, or won’t be laser-focused on coaching, teaching and preparing his players, hasn’t been paying attention.

Here’s guessing Belichick will be fine. He always has been.

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Clemson PF takes Dabo offer, joins football team

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Clemson PF takes Dabo offer, joins football team

For months, Clemson football coach Dabo Swinney had joked with Ian Schieffelin that the 6-foot-8 power forward for the Tigers‘ men’s basketball team would make an excellent tight end, but Schieffelin assumed it was all in good fun. Two weeks ago, however, he got a call from Swinney with a serious offer: spend the next six months with the Tigers football team and see what happens.

Schieffelin announced on Instagram on Friday that he is taking Swinney up on the offer, forgoing any pro basketball prospects for now in favor of one last season in a Clemson jersey — this time on the gridiron instead of the hardwood.

“I’ve been just training for basketball, getting ready for the next level,” Schieffelin told ESPN. “Dabo just walked me through the opportunity he was willing to give me, and it all sounded great, something I wanted to jump on. It really just sparked my interest in wanting to try, and being able to put on a Clemson jersey again was very enticing to me. To be able to be coached by Dabo and [tight ends coach Kyle] Richardson is just a huge opportunity I couldn’t pass up.”

Schieffelin blossomed into one of the key cogs for the Tigers’ hoops team the past two years. He averaged 12.4 points and 9.4 rebounds per game last season as Clemson earned a 5-seed in the NCAA tournament, losing to McNeese in the first round.

He had entered the transfer portal last month hoping for a fifth year of eligibility amid several ongoing lawsuits against the NCAA, though Schieffelin said the likelihood of an outcome in time for him to play basketball in 2025-26 was slim. He had been preparing for a crack at the pros — likely overseas or in the G League — when Swinney called with the offer.

“I’d never rule out me going back to basketball,” Schieffelin said. “I’ll see how these next six months go, see how development goes, see if I really like playing football. But I think this is a good opportunity for the next six months.”

Clemson lost starting tight end Jake Briningstool after last season. Briningstool, who signed as an undrafted free agent with the Kansas City Chiefs last week, played in 48 games and made 127 catches over four years at Clemson. The Tigers’ depth chart at the position is thin on experience, with Josh Sapp (13 catches), Olsen Patt-Henry (12 catches) and Banks Pope (1 catch) the only tight ends on the team to have recorded a reception.

In October, Swinney teased his interest in adding Schieffelin to his roster, suggesting he would fit in nearly anywhere on the field for the Tigers.

“He could play tight end, D-end. He could play whatever he wanted to play. He’d be an unbelievable left tackle,” Swinney said. “I’ll definitely have a spot. We have a lot of rev share ready too if he wants to pass up wherever he’s going [after basketball].”

Schieffelin said he hadn’t taken Swinney’s suggestions seriously during basketball season, assuming the coach was just teasing, but when the opportunity became real, he quickly understood the vision Swinney had for him.

“The call two weeks ago was very serious,” Schieffelin said, “and I thought, maybe it’s an opportunity to stay around a little longer and join a national championship contender.”

Schieffelin said he is not expecting to earn serious NIL money but does think his body type could allow him to blossom into a potential NFL prospect.

He played quarterback as a ninth grader before opting to focus on basketball the following year. Schieffelin said he will spend the next few months working on conditioning and strength gains to prepare for the rigors of football as well as working to build relationships with his new teammates, but he said he doesn’t have any set expectations for the season.

“Playing college basketball for four years, I’m used to the grind and used to work,” Schieffelin said. “But it looks different on the football side, so just getting in the weight room and learning everything.”

Before making his decision, Schieffelin said he spoke with Colts tight end Mo Alie-Cox, who was a four-year starter in basketball for VCU before signing with Indianapolis. Alie-Cox hadn’t played football since his freshman year of high school but is now entering his eighth NFL season.

“We talked about what went into his decision to go the football route,” Schieffelin said. “He helped me just knowing why he decided, and it made me decide to just give it a chance and see where I could take it.”

Alie-Cox is one of a handful of basketball players who have made a successful transition to football. Greg Paulus played hoops at Duke before becoming the starting quarterback at Syracuse in 2009. Jimmy Graham and Julius Peppers played both sports in college before becoming All-Pro NFL players. Antonio Gates played basketball at Kent State before giving football a try. He was announced as a Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee in February.

“Just being able to compete with these guys and impact the team any way I can,” Schieffelin said of his goals. “I’m going into this very optimistic and ready to learn. Being able to compete every day is something I enjoy. To learn football and have fun.

“Maybe I’ll be really good, maybe I’ll be really bad. It’s something that was worth a shot. And being able to put a Clemson jersey on again is really special to me, and to do it this time in Death Valley is going to be amazing.”

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Yankees place Chisholm (oblique) on 10-day IL

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Yankees place Chisholm (oblique) on 10-day IL

NEW YORK — New York Yankees second baseman Jazz Chisholm Jr. was placed on the 10-day injured list Friday, the team announced, three days after sustaining a right oblique strain on a swing against the Baltimore Orioles.

Chisholm had been scheduled to undergo an MRI in New York on Thursday, an off day for the Yankees. The move is retroactive to April 30. Infielder Jorbit Vivas was recalled from Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre to replace Chisholm on the active roster.

Chisholm, 27, is batting .181 with seven home runs and a .714 OPS in 30 games; 10 of his 19 hits have been for extra bases. He has been a plus defender in his return to second base this season, his original position in the majors, after primarily playing center field for the Miami Marlins and third base for the Yankees last season.

Vivas, 24, has yet to make his major league debut. The Yankees called him up in late April, but he was sent back to Triple A three days later without appearing in a game.

Vivas is batting .319 with two home runs, an .862 OPS and 15 walks to eight strikeouts splitting time between second base and third base in the minors this season. The Yankees acquired him, alongside left-hander Victor Gonzalez, from the Los Angeles Dodgers for prospect Trey Sweeney in December 2023.

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