Feast of the least: James Madison earns a seat at the Bottom 10 table
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Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior Writer
Inspirational thought of the week:
I’ve got eyes to see with
Ears to hear with
Arms to hug with
Lips to kiss with
Someone to adore
How could anybody ask for more?
My needs are small, I buy ’em all
At the five and ten cent store
Oh, I’ve got plenty to be thankful for
— Bing Crosby, “I’ve Got Plenty to Be Thankful For”
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the back of the plane Jesse Palmer lives in as he jets between college football games and the 37 reality shows he hosts, we never pass up a chance to express how thankful we are.
Thankful for the likes of R.O.C.K. in the U-T-S-A, Georgia State Not Southern, the New Mexico State Other Aggies, Arkansaw State and unLv, all of which were fighting for Bottom 10 titles seemingly only a few minutes ago but now are all going bowling and some are fighting for conference titles. They all feel like that surprisingly great Thanksgiving dish, the casserole prepared by that weird hippie your cousin married after they met at a furry convention. She slow-cooked a bunch of random ingredients that no one thought would work but it is totally delicious, especially when it finally finds its way into a bowl.
But we are also thankful for those teams that are still with us. The ones that have never forgotten their Bottom 10 roots and are held down by those roots as if they were battleship chains. On the Turkey Day table, they are the thing your Uncle Lonnie found in the back of his ice box, kept in a recycled Country Crock tub and labeled only with a scribbled blue magic marker, illegibly stating that it is either a “donut treat” or warning “do not eat.” It smells strange. It’s way too brown. But hey, it’s Thanksgiving and ol’ Lonnie, he could use a win. As could we all.
With apologies to Uncle Lonnie, SMU tight end Lonnie Johnson, Georgia Southern D-lineman Lonnie Leverette, Western Kentucky linebacker Lonnie Rice and Steve Harvey, here’s the Week 13 Bottom 10.
1. State of Kent (1-10)
Nick Saban’s alma mater became the nation’s first 10-loss team via its 34-3 nail-biter at Baller State. Now the Golden Flashes host Northern Ill-ugh-noise as a 19-point home dog. In related news, my home dog is expected to gain 19 pounds Thursday as I secretly feed her the “donut treat” under the Thanksgiving table.
2. ULM (pronounced ‘UHLM’) (2-9)
Ulm, the Warhawks have run their, ulm, losing streak to nine games after, ulm, starting the year 2-0. Now they, ulm, travel down to Louisiana not Louisiana-Monroe for, ulm, the Battle of the Bayou, which, ulm, if ulm, I mean, er, I’m being honest, I didn’t know was called that until just, ulm, now.
3. Akronmonious (2-9)
Fun fact: Before Terry Bowden took the job at ULM, he was the head coach at Akron. Which isn’t really a fun fact unless you are the pharmacist selling Bowden his ulcer medications.
4. UCan’t (2-9)
The Huskies have made a late run back to their once-familiar bottom rung of these rankings thanks to a pair of losses by a combined score of 103-9. Not even a confessional booth date 31-3 victory over Sacred Heart was enough to move them out of the top/bottom four, nor was it enough to avoid us labeling their matchup this weekend as the New England Wicked Smaht Pillow Fight of Da Freaking Week. Against who? Or whom? Or whomever? Keep reading …
5. James, mad as … son (10-1)
Sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that James Madison officials are now petitioning the NCAA to change its bylaws to say any overtime loss at home on the same day you’ve hosted “College GameDay” and gotten everyone all lathered up to support your initial NCAA petition to get a bowl berth doesn’t count.
6. Van-duh-bilt Commode Doors (2-9)
The good news is Vandy finally avoided a loss in the midst of its nine-game losing streak. The bad news is it’s only because it had a bye week. The worse news is it still didn’t cover the spread.
7. No-vada (2-9)
The Woof Pack opened the season 0-6. Then they won two in a row. Now they’ve lost three straight. It’s the best roller coaster in the state this side of the one bolted to the top of the Stratosphere in Vegas that constantly looks like it will fall off and land in the middle of Circus Circus.
8. Sam Houston, we have a problem (2-9)
The Bearkats rekonnected with their krummy outkomes by kurbing a konsecutive wins streak kompliments of a loss to Konference USA kompetitor Western Kentucky. They have only one kontest remaining on their kalendar. That’s kool with me bekause this replacing c’s with k’s konceit has been kinda overkooked for weeks.
9. EC-Yew (2-9)
East Carolina lost to Navy 10-0, marking the first time an ECU team was held scoreless in 26 years, but certainly not the first time a group of Carolina-based pirates was caught off guard by the Navy. Sorry, Blackbeard, too soon?
10. UMess (3-8)
The Minuetmen return to these rankings after a long in-season absence just in time for that New England Wicked Smaht Pillow Fight of Da Freaking Week we teased earlier, against their old pals from down Route 32, UConn. UMass opened the season with a win over New Mexico State and followed that with a 45-point loss to Auburn. But New Mexico State just crushed Auburn 31-10. So, naturally, if UMass beats UConn then they should play Auburn, which is coached by Hugh Freeze, who left Liberty last year and Liberty is the team that just beat UMass. Can I get a thumbs up? Preferably from a press box hospital bed?
Waiting list: San Diego Stank, Southern Missed, Living on Tulsa Time, Temple of Doom, Charlotte 3-and-8ers, covering sweet potatoes with walnuts.
BOSTON — Boston Red Sox first baseman Triston Casas suffered a ruptured tendon in his left knee and is out for the remainder of the season, the team said.
The 25-year-old Casas ruptured his patellar tendon running to first on a slow roller up the line and fell awkwardly in Boston’s victory over the Minnesota Twins on Friday night. After laying on his back in pain — not moving the knee — he was carted off on a stretcher before being taken to a Boston hospital.
The team announced Sunday that he had surgery for a left patellar tendon repair at Massachusetts General Hospital. The surgery was performed by Dr. Eric Berkson.
“I talked to him last night,” chief baseball officer Craig Breslow said in a news conference on Saturday discussing the injury outside Boston’s clubhouse. “We exchanged text messages [Saturday]. We all care deeply about just his overall wellbeing.”
Manager Alex Cora said Casas worked hard during the offseason to play every day after missing a large amount of last year with torn cartilage in his rib cage.
“He did an outstanding job in the offseason to put himself in that situation. It didn’t start the way he wanted it to,” Cora said of Casas’ struggles. “He was going to play and play a lot. Now we’ve got to focus on the rehab after the surgery and hopefully get him back stronger than ever and ready to go next year.”
Casas batted just .182 with three homers and 11 RBIs, but Breslow said his loss will be felt, especially with the team’s lack of depth at the position.
“He certainly struggled through the first month of the season but that didn’t change what we believe his production was capable of being,” Breslow said. “It’s a big loss. In addition to what we think we were going to get on the offensive side, he was kind of like a stabilizing presence on the defensive side of the field — also a big personality and a big part of the clubhouse.”
During spring training, Casas talked about how his focus at the plate this season was being more relaxed.
“You really want it until you don’t,” he said, explaining his thoughts while standing at his locker. “Then you can’t want it that much.”
Now, he’ll have to focus on his recovery plan for next season.
Casas, a left-handed batter, was placed on the 10-day injured list Saturday with infielder/outfielder Abraham Toro selected from Triple-A Worcester.
Cora said Toro — a switch-hitter — will split time at first along with Romy Gonzalez. who bats right-handed.
Breslow said the team might be exploring a long-term replacement.
“This is unfortunately an opportunity to explore what’s available,” he said. “We’ll look both internally and outside as well.”
Cora said there are no plans to move Rafael Devers, who was replaced at third by offseason free-agent acquisition Alex Bregman and moved to DH.
“We asked him to do something in spring training that in the beginning he didn’t agree with it and now he’s very comfortable doing what he’s doing,” Cora said. “Like I told you guys in spring training, he’s my DH.”
TORONTO — Cleveland Guardians star Jose Ramirez was back in the lineup for Sunday’s game against the Toronto Blue Jays, two days after the third baseman left in the third inning because of a mild right ankle sprain.
The six-time All-Star was injured when he stumbled and fell while crossing first base on an infield single. Ramirez went down after being struck in the back by a throw from Blue Jays right-hander Chris Bassitt.
Ramirez was batting third Sunday against right-hander Bowden Francis.
Ramírez sat out Saturday when Cleveland beat Toronto 5-3. He went 2 for 2 before departing Friday, boosting his average to .274. He has five home runs and 15 RBIs in 31 games.
In last Thursday’s 4-3 victory over Minnesota, Ramirez became the first primary third baseman to reach 250 homers and 250 stolen bases.
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