There are days left until Christmas and once again, despite promising yourself you wouldn’t let your festive responsibilities creep up on you this time, you’ve left everything to the last minute.
No presents bought, turkey unordered – few things are as stressful as finding yourself unprepared for the big day.
But perhaps help has never been easier to come by. After all, if AI really is going to take all our jobs, then surely it should handle the pressure of Christmas planning?
In case you find yourself with the love and respect of your friends and family on the line, I decided to lean on some of the internet’s top AI tools to see if they could help salvage the big day at short notice.
Present ideas
ChatGPT was my choice for present ideas, concentrating on my immediate family.
Setting the budget at £50 a person, I told it my dad loves Arsenal, golf, and gadgets; mum enjoys cooking, cats, and arts and crafts; and my sister is obsessed with Taylor Swift.
For dad, it recommended Arsenal merch like a scarf, mug, or keychain, golf accessories like “a new set of golf balls, golf gloves or a golf towel”, or a “cool gadget” like a smartphone stand for his desk.
Rather dull suggestions, and “cool” is doing a lot of heavy lifting, but nothing offensive. I could work with it.
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For mum, how about some “quality cooking utensils or gadgets”? Maybe a sketchbook or knitting materials? Or how about finding her a “cute cat-themed apron or a cat-shaped cutting board”?
And for the ultimate Swiftie, I was told to consider her latest album or concert tickets “if she has a tour coming up”.
Taytay tickets for £50? Not in your wildest dreams.
When and where to buy
Sticking with ChatGPT, I asked for some shopping tips.
It didn’t get off to a great start, suggesting I indulge in Black Friday sales weeks after they’d finished.
But it said “many retailers have pre-Christmas sales and promotions in early to mid-December” too, and some “may offer last-minute discounts as Christmas approaches”.
“Consider shopping during off-peak hours or days to avoid crowds,” it added, and check online delivery times.
In terms of retailers, ChatGPT recommended Amazon, Etsy, Not On The High Street, Sports Direct and H&M, and encouraged exploring local book and craft shops.
Department stores like John Lewis and M&S were also proposed.
Personalised cards
Given my complete lack of creative talent, I thought AI might have the perfect chance to shine by making some personalised cards.
I used popular image generators Stable Diffusion and DALL-E 3.
For my sister, I asked Stable Diffusion to “design me a Christmas card cover featuring Taylor Swift holding up a boom box outside a girl’s bedroom window on a snowy evening singing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You'”.
These tools are known to struggle with hands and fingers and while this fake Taylor’s left hand looks OK, her right hand… not so much.
There’s also an unsettling nutcracker quality to her agape jaw.
I used DALL-E 3 to make a card for my nan.
I asked it for a one “featuring an elderly lady making her way through a big box of chocolates, and while watching ballroom dancing” (it refused to acknowledge Strictly).
It certainly took the “big” requirement very seriously.
And for maximum efficiency, I asked both to have a go at an Arsenal card I could send to a few friends.
“Design me a Christmas card cover featuring Arsenal players Gabriel Jesus, Bukayo Saka, and Martin Odegaard in Arsenal-themed Christmas jumpers delivering presents to Mikel Arteta outside the Emirates Stadium,” I wrote.
Who’s who is anyone’s guess – and DALL-E 3 made a rather embarrassing typo.
We’ll have three meat eaters and two vegetarians to look after, and – given this is all very last minute – I told it no supermarket for miles had any turkeys left.
I also asked for a recipe for some Christmas gingerbread biscuits.
BARD’S GINGERBREAD RECIPE – THE INGREDIENTS
350g plain flour
One teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
Two teaspoons ground ginger
One teaspoon ground cinnamon
125g butter, cut into cubes
175g dark muscovado sugar
75g golden syrup
One egg, lightly beaten
Royal icing, for decorating (optional)
Suggested appetisers were butternut squash soup and mini quiches with bacon, cheddar, and caramelised onions.
For the main, it was either herb-roasted rack of lamb with roasted root vegetables or stuffed portobello mushrooms filled with quinoa, roasted veg, and herbs.
Sides were to be shared: mashed potatoes with roasted garlic and thyme (mash with Christmas dinner?!), sauteed Brussels sprouts with bacon, and cranberry sauce.
And it’s sticky toffee pudding for dessert.
BARD’S GINGERBREAD RECIPE – THE INSTRUCTIONS
Preheat the oven to 180C (160C fan) and line two baking trays with parchment paper
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, bicarbonate of soda, ginger, and cinnamon
Rub in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs
Stir in the sugar, golden syrup, and egg until a dough forms
Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and chill in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes
On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough to a thickness of about 5mm
Cut out shapes using gingerbread cutters or other cookie cutters
Place the biscuits on the prepared baking trays and bake for 10-12 minutes, or until golden brown
Allow the biscuits to cool on the baking trays for a few minutes before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely
Fun and games
Some games to play at the dinner table was my next request.
Bard recommended Two Truths And A Lie, I Spy, The Name Game, Heads Up, and Scattergories.
Heads Up even came with a cheeky link to the app on the Google Play Store.
“The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the time with your family and friends,” it added.
Bard, you are hopelessly naive.
CHATGPT’S SUGGESTED CHRISTMAS WATCHLIST
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
A Christmas Carol (1984)
Home Alone (1990)
Elf (2003)
The Polar Express (2004)
The Grinch (2000)
Love Actually (2003)
The Holiday (2006)
Festive tunes
Given one of the big talking points of the year has been the threat AI poses to the arts, I thought I’d explore whether Mariah Carey has anything to worry about by requesting a new Christmas song.
Lyrics were written by ChatGPT, which I asked for a song about the role AI could play at Christmas.
AN AI CHRISTMAS BALLAD
In a world of lights and snow, where the holiday spirits grow,
There’s a tale of tech and cheer, a Christmas story we hold dear.
Underneath the mistletoe, where joy and wonder freely flow,
A new companion joins the scene, it’s AI, the festive dream.
Oh, AI Christmas, bright and smart,
Spreading joy in every part.
Bytes of love and lines of code,
In this season, we all download.
Santa’s sleigh now with a twist, guided by algorithms’ bliss,
AI elves in the workshop sing, crafting toys that dreams will bring.
Through the web, a virtual tree, ornaments in binary glee,
Lights of data softly hum, a carol in the cyber drum.
Oh, AI Christmas, bright and smart,
Spreading joy in every part.
Bytes of love and lines of code,
In this season, we all download.
Machine learning in the air, predicting wishes everywhere,
Naughty or nice, it understands, with circuits spun by nimble hands.
The warmth of ones and zeros glow, in this techy festive show,
A silicon heart, so pure and true, Christmas miracles it can do.
Family calls across the globe, through video calls, we share the strobe,
AI, a virtual friend so dear, bringing those we love so near.
In every pixel, love extends, transcending where the circuit bends,
A Christmas hug in binary, connecting hearts so seamlessly.
Oh, AI Christmas, bright and smart,
Spreading joy in every part.
Bytes of love and lines of code,
In this season, we all download.
So in this yuletide, let us find, in AI’s embrace, peace of mind,
A Christmas future, bright and new, where technology and love break through.
In the glow of screens agleam, Merry Christmas, in the digital dream.
I don’t know about you, but I think Mariah’s job is definitely safe.
To be fair, ChatGPT is a fan.
Asked for some songs to build a Christmas playlist, she came out top of the pile, with Wham, Bobby Helms, Jose Feliciano, and Dean Martin rounding out its favourite five.
Poundland will halt rent payments at hundreds of its shops if a restructuring of the ailing discount retailer is approved by creditors later this summer.
Sky News has learnt that Poundland’s new owner, the investment firm Gordon Brothers, is proposing to halt all rent payments at so-called Category C shops across the country.
According to a letter sent to creditors in the last few days, roughly 250 shops have been classed as Category C sites, with rent payments “reduced to nil”.
Poundland will have the right to terminate leases with 30 days’ notice at roughly 70 of these loss-making stores – classed as C2 – after the restructuring plan is approved, and with 60 days’ notice at about 180 more C2 sites.
The plan also raises the prospect of landlords activating break clauses in their contracts at the earliest possible opportunity if they can secure alternative retail tenants.
In addition to the zero-rent proposal, hundreds of Poundland’s stores would see rent payments reduced by between 15% and 75% if the restructuring plan is approved.
The document leaves open the question of how many shops will ultimately close under its new owners.
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A convening hearing has been scheduled for next month, while a sanction hearing, at which creditors will vote on the plan, is due to occur on or around August 26, according to one source.
The discounter was sold last week for a nominal sum to Gordon Brothers, the former owner of Laura Ashley, amid mounting losses suffered by its Warsaw-listed owner, Pepco Group.
The UK’s cost of living crisis hangover is facing fresh pressure from the Israel-Iran conflict and growing tensions across the Middle East.
Whenever the region, particularly a major oil-producing country, is embroiled in some kind of fracas, the potential consequences are first seen in global oil prices.
The Middle East accounts for a third of world output.
Iran’s share of the total is only about 3%, but it is the second-largest supplier of natural gas.
Add to that its control of the key Strait of Hormuz shipping route, and you can understand why any military action involving Iran has huge implications for the global economy at a time when a US-inspired global trade war is already playing out.
What’s happened to oil prices?
Global oil prices jumped by up to 13% on Friday as the Israel-Iran conflict ramped up.
It was the biggest one-day leap seen since Russia invaded Ukraine in February 2022, which gave birth to the energy-driven cost-of-living crisis.
From lows of $64 (£47) a barrel for Brent crude, the international benchmark, earlier this month, the cost is currently 15% higher.
Iran ships all its oil to China because of Western sanctions, so the world’s second-largest economy would have the most to lose in the event of disruption.
Should that happen, China would need to replace that oil by buying elsewhere on the international market, threatening higher prices.
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1:42
How the Middle East conflict escalated
How are natural gas prices holding up?
UK day-ahead prices are 15% up over the past week alone.
Europe is more dependent on Middle East liquefied natural gas (LNG) these days because of sanctions against Russia.
The UK is particularly exposed due to the fact that we have low storage capacity and rely so much on gas-fired power to keep the lights on and for heating.
The day-ahead price, measured in pence per therm (I won’t go into that), is at 93p on Monday.
It sounds rather meaningless until you compare it with the price seen less than a week ago – 81p.
The higher sum was last seen over the winter – when demand is at its strongest.
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0:18
Aftermath of Iranian missile strike in northern Israel
What are the risks to these prices?
Market experts say Brent crude would easily exceed $100 (£74) a barrel in the event of any Iranian threats to supplies through the Strait of Hormuz – the 30-mile wide shipping lane controlled by both Iran and Oman.
While Iran has a history of disrupting trade, analysts believe it will not want to risk its oil and gas income through any blockade.
What do these price increases mean for the UK?
There are implications for the whole economy at a time when the chancellor can least afford it, as she bets big on public sector-led growth for the economy.
We can expect higher oil, gas and fuel costs to be passed on down supply chains – from the refinery and factory – to the end user, consumers. It could affect anything from foodstuffs to even fake tan.
Increases at the pumps are usually the first to appear – probably within the next 10 days. Prices are always quick to rise and slow to reflect easing wholesale costs.
Energy bills will also take in the gas spike, particularly if the wholesale price rises are sustained.
The energy price cap from September – and new fixed-term price deals – will first reflect these increases.
But energy price rises are an inflation risk and a potential threat to future interest rate cuts.
While LSEG data shows financial markets continuing to expect a further two interest rate cuts by the Bank of England this year, the rate-setting committee will be reluctant to cut if the pace of price growth is led higher than had been expected.
At a time when employers are grappling with higher taxes and minimum pay thresholds, and consumers a surge in bills following the ‘awful April’ hikes to council tax, water and other essentials, a fresh energy-linked inflation spike is the last thing anyone needs.
The cost of rural crime in Wales is at its highest in more than a decade, a new report has revealed.
Last year, rural crime cost an estimated £2.8m in Wales, according to insurance provider NFU Mutual.
That’s an 18% increase on the previous year, with Wales the only UK nation to have seen a rise.
For farmers like Caryl Davies, that makes their work harder.
The 21-year-old farms on a beef and sheep farm in Pembrokeshire.
She told Sky News that having the quad bike stolen from her family farm last August had made them feel “really unsafe at home”.
Image: Caryl Davies farms in North Pembrokeshire
The fact it happened in such a rural area was a “really big shock” for Ms Davies and her family.
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“We’d rely on the bike day in day out, to look after our cows and sheep, and it’s had a really negative impact on us,” she said.
The cost of replacing a bike exactly like theirs would be “close to £10,000”.
“They’re a really expensive piece of kit, but you can’t be without them, especially in these rural areas where we’ve got the mountain and maybe places that aren’t very accessible,” she added.
“The bike is totally crucial for our day-to-day running of the farm.”
Image: Caryl Davies
The incident was caught on camera in the calving shed, but the Davies family have since invested in an enhanced CCTV system. That comes at an additional cost.
“For some farmers, this is spare money that we haven’t really got,” Ms Davies added.
“Farming is hard enough as it is, without people stealing your things and having to spend this extra money on making your home farm safe.”
The total cost of rural crime across the UK has fallen since 2023 – down from £52.8m to £44.1m.
Quad bike and All Terrain Vehicles (ATVs) remained the top target for thieves during the past year, NFU Mutual’s figures show.
James Bourne farms in Pontypool, Torfaen, and claims to have had over 200 sheep stolen from common land adjoining his farm over a four-year period.
The 32-year-old told Sky News that losing sheep from his herd was a “big hit” on his business as well as the young family he is trying to support.
“The way agriculture is at the moment anyway, we’re struggling to make ends meet, and any profit that is in it is obviously being taken from me,” he said.
“So I really need to try and find out and get to the bottom of where they’re going because obviously it’s an ongoing issue.”
Image: James Bourne
Andrew Chalk, from NFU Mutual, told Sky News that while there had been a “significant drop” across the UK, there were “worrying signs”.
“In Wales,especially, rural crime’s gone up which just shows that organised criminals are looking for ways to target the countryside again and again,” he said.
“What we’ve found increasingly is that organised criminals are targeting certain areas of the countryside, so they’re hitting multiple farms in one night.
“They’re raiding them, they’re moving away to another area and then hitting multiple farms there. So it is hugely concerning.”
Image: Andrew Chalk
Mr Chalk said NFU Mutual had also heard reports of criminals using drones and other equipment to “look at the lay of the land”.
“What it does show is that organised criminals are always going to find new ways to target rural crime and that’s why we need to be on top of it and to work together to actually disrupt them,” he added.
Police forces in Wales say they are aware of the “significant impact” that rural crimes have on those affected.
A Dyfed-Powys Police spokesperson said the force had acquired new technology to help combat rural crime, including “advanced DNA asset-marking kits” and hopes to “empower farmers with effective tools and advice”.
The spokesperson acknowledged the difficulty of patrolling the entire police force area, “given the huge area” it has to cover, and thanked rural communities for their “continuing vigilance and for reporting any suspicious activity”.
Temporary Chief Superintendent Jason White, from Gwent Police, said the force would be “increasing resources” within the rural crime team throughout this financial year and urged anyone in a rural area who believes they have been a victim of crime to get in touch.