Well, both Joe Biden and Donald Trump have clinched the nomination of their parties to run for re-election, which means historically this will be the longest general election in history between a pair of candidates too old for the job whom no one wants to see run again except those Republican voters who love Donald Trump and those Democrat voters who feel, well, at least Biden is not a goggle-eyed socialist lunatic like every other Democrat but only a senile semi-dead man being used like a ventriloquists dummy by a cabal of goggle-eyed socialist lunatics who hope they can destroy American freedom before anyone realizes theyre holding Biden upright by his shirtsleeves like in Weekend at Bernies although in this case Bernie is the goggle-eyed socialist holding Bernie up because Bernie is Joe and Joe is Bernie.
With a Biden-Trump rematch bearing down on us like a locomotive and America tied to the tracks screaming Help! Help! in a high-pitched voice in the hope some Canadian Mountie will rescue her, which seems unlikely since the Canadians are now a bunch of Left-wing fascists, corporate media outlets are assigning their best journalists to cover the all-important beat of what Trump will do in their hysterical womanish imaginations if hes re-elected.
For instance, CNNs Van Jones, reporting from his womanish imagination, said, If Trump is re-elected, Russian troops will march across western Europe in my womanish imagination until the whole world is as hysterical as I am. Trump will imprison his political opponents and destroy democracy which is why we have to put Trump in prison and let people vote by simply driving by the polling place and shouting Joe Bidens name out the window or what sounds to me like Joe Bidens name even if its Donald Trumps. This is Van Jones, reporting from my womanish imagination.
CNN Chief Executive Solitary McLonesome spoke about the new assignments in a speech to his childhood friend Pooky the Teddy Bear, saying, Listen, Pooky, we have got to go all out covering the Trump atrocities that will occur in our womanish imaginations or well be left behind in reality with a senile corruptocrat president ruining everything, and you know our audience doesnt want reality, Pooky-poo, because you are our audience. WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
MSNBC has given Joe Scarborough the assignment of reporting on the imaginary bad things Trump will do if re-elected because of Scarboroughs long experience on the womanish imagination beat. NBC News President Idie OLog speaking to an inflatable life-sized El Chapo she keeps hidden in her bedroom closet said Viewers feel they can trust Joe Scarborough because they look into his eyes and see a cavernous darkness where his soul used to be, so they understand he will give them a full report on the terrible things Trump will do in his womanish imagination if re-elected, instead of the horrible truth about whats happening right now, which would just be disturbing, oh mi corazon.
As a model of expert coverage of the womanish imagination beat, journalists around the country are turning to the New York Times, a former newspaper, and their opinion page, known throughout the industry as Knucklehead Row. One shining example of the Timess Pulitzer Prize winning womanish imagination coverage came in a column by Charles Blows entitled, What Trump will do in My Womanish Imagination if he is Re-Elected. The column begins, When I consider the possibility that Trump will be re-elected, I peer into my womanish imagination and see a devastating vision of utter chaos created by journalists shrieking about whats happening in their womanish imaginations. The stories about Donald Trump rampaging through our hysterical daydreams will absolutely destroy our country by causing violent leftists to burn down cities while we pretend they arent because Trump is not doing the horrible things that we pretend he is.
At the Washington Post, leftist womanish imagination reporter Dana Milbank took a more humorous tack in a column and this is a real column called My Month of Living Republicanly. Milbank visited gun shows and Christian outlets where he found stickers and posters with outlandish assertions that distort the truth. Next week, Milbank will uncover outlandish leftist assertions that distort the truth by reading the Washington Post.
* * *
Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, The House of Love and Death, is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of The Andrew Klavan Show.
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
A parade marking the US Army’s 250th anniversary – and President Trump’s 79th birthday – is under way.
You can watch the event in the livestream above.
President Trump said it was going to be a “big day” and admitted: “We want to show off a little bit.”
Today is the first time in more than 30 years that tanks have rolled through the US capital.
Officials have estimated around 200,000 people could turn out, including protesters, plus 6,600 soldiers, 150 vehicles and 50 aircraft.
However, it appears far fewer have turned out – possibly due to the poor weather – and the president has warned any protesters who interfere “will be met with very big force”.
Image: Pic: AP
Image: Pic: AP
Image: Pic: AP
Image: Pic: Reuters
Mr Trump is watching alongside the first lady and defence secretary as troops and military hardware file past – accompanied at times by up tempo rock music.
The event started half an hour early due to forecasted heavy rain, with cloud forcing the cancellation of a flypast by fighter jets.
Helicopters such as Apaches, Chinooks and Black Hawks are still taking part however.
Image: Pic: Reuters
Image: Pic: Reuters
Image: Pic: Reuters
Military parachutists from the Golden Knights began the parade by swooping in, and some of the soldiers are parading in historic uniforms, complete with horses and wagons.
Vehicles from the Second World War era are also taking part.
President Trump stood and saluted many of the passing soldiers. He is said to have got the idea for the parade after being impressed with France’s Bastille Day celebrations during a visit in 2017.
Metal plates have been put down on some of Washington’s streets to protect the tarmac against the heaviest tanks – the 60-ton M1 Abrams.
Even so, the US Army has set aside several million dollars in case of any damage.
The last time such a major display took place in the US was 1991 when tanks and troops paraded to celebrate the ousting of Saddam Hussein’s army from Kuwait.
Image: Pic: Reuters
Image: Pic: Reuters
Image: Pic: Reuters
The event has been criticised by some for being something more associated with a dictatorial regime such as Russia or North Korea.
An estimated cost as high as $45m (£33.33m) has also raised eyebrows given the administration’s efforts to slash the budget of many federal departments.
Among the critics is California governor Gavin Newsom, who has been trading barbs with Mr Trump since the outbreak of riots in LA.
“And we all know, this Saturday, he’s ordering our American heroes – the United States military – forcing them to put on a vulgar display to celebrate his birthday, just as other failed dictators have done in the past,” he said.
Image: Pic: AP
Image: Pic: Reuters
Image: Pic: Reuters
The show of military might also comes as more than 1,500 protests against the Trump administration, organised under the slogan ‘No Kings’, have been planned across the US on Saturday.
Los Angeles is the scene of one demonstration, with police firing tear gas to disperse people and US Marines stationed outside the city’s federal building.
Unless Bitcoin upgrades its core cryptography in the next five years, the trust it has built over 16 years could be wiped out by a single quantum attack. Urgent upgrades are needed to protect the world’s leading cryptocurrency.
The son of an Air India plane crash victim, who was sitting one row behind the man who survived, has told Sky News he will relive “her last moments” until the day he dies.
Manju Mahesh Patel, 79, was on the London Gatwick-bound plane when it crashed in Ahmedabad shortly after take-off on Thursday.
In an interview with Sky News, Chirag Mahesh Patel, Manju’s son, said he hopes his mother’s death was “instant” and “painless”.
“To the day I die I will think, ‘what were her last moments?’,” he said.
Pointing to a framed family photograph of Ms Patel at the family home, he added: “I want to remember mum like this.
More on India
Related Topics:
“I don’t want to have to go and identify a burnt corpse, your own parent. How does someone, how do you ever get over that? That will be with me, that’s with me for life.”
Ms Patel had been staying in Ahmedabad for the past few months doing charity work at a temple. She was due to be picked up by her son at Gatwick on Thursday night.
Image: A family photo of Chirag Mahesh Patel with his mother
In tears, Mr Patel described his mother as “very strong” and a woman “who really loved her family”.
“The thing about my mum,” he said, “is her bond with her faith. It’s unbreakable.
“She had ultimate faith… and in times of stress she would always say God’s name… So, I know that upon take-off, I know that she was saying his name.”
Please use Chrome browser for a more accessible video player
1:57
What could have caused the India plane crash?
Mr Patel said that when he realised his mother was on the flight it was just “a normal day” and “it didn’t seem real”.
He said the last time he had spoken to her he had reminded her to take her diabetes medicine and had then missed a call from her at 4am to say she had arrived at the airport.
He described “the most heartbreaking thing” was how much Ms Patel was looking forward to seeing her grandchildren, saying “it was everything to her”.
She had told him she packed her suitcase with lollipops for her six-year-old grandson, and special crisps for her 15-year-old older grandchild.
Image: Ms Patel with her six-year-old grandson
“It’s unimaginable even in my worst nightmare,” he said. “And the thing that kills me… is she was so looking forward to seeing us… she kept saying I bought this for you, I bought that, I bought the things for the kids.”
Mr Patel and his wife are due to fly to India on Saturday night to provide a DNA sample to help identify his mother’s remains.
He expressed his anger at what he called a “disgusting” and “appalling” lack of communication from Air India – which he said passed his details to a hospital but never contacted him personally.
He described feeling “neglected” by the airline, which he said would only offer him an Air India flight – and no help organising accommodation.
Mr Patel said he refused to get on the Gatwick flight back to Ahmedabad and has booked with another provider to travel to India instead.
Image: Ms Patel with her elder grandchild
“I said [to the airline] all of this happened on Thursday, you’re telling me on Friday afternoon, do you want that flight this evening? That one crashed? The one coming back where 172 goes out? They asked do you want Air India 172? I said how can you ask me that. My mum just died on Air India.”
Mr Patel said he wanted “answers” and transparency in any air accident investigation.
Air India said in a statement: “Air India stands in solidarity with the families of the passengers who tragically lost their lives in the recent accident. Our teams on the ground are doing everything possible to extend care and support during this incredibly difficult time.
“As part of our continued efforts, Air India will be providing an interim payment of ₹25 lakh or approximately £21,000 each to the families of the deceased and to the survivor, to help address immediate financial needs. This is in addition to the ₹1 crore or approximately £85,000 support already announced by Tata Sons.
“All of us at Air India are deeply saddened by this loss. We mourn with the families, loved ones, and everyone affected.”
Please use Chrome browser for a more accessible video player
3:24
Families in India wait for bodies of relatives
The company’s chief executive and managing director Campbell Wilson said in a video message posted on social media that over 200 “trained caregivers” were now in place to offer dedicated assistance to families, along with counselling and other services.
He said Air India was in the process of completing precautionary safety checks on Boeing 787 aircraft as directed by regulator the Directorate General of Civil Aviation (DGCA), which would “be completed within the timelines prescribed by the regulator”.
Spotify
This content is provided by Spotify, which may be using cookies and other technologies.
To show you this content, we need your permission to use cookies.
You can use the buttons below to amend your preferences to enable Spotify cookies or to allow those cookies just once.
You can change your settings at any time via the Privacy Options.
Unfortunately we have been unable to verify if you have consented to Spotify cookies.
To view this content you can use the button below to allow Spotify cookies for this session only.
Mr Wilson said he had also visited the crash site and said other members of the management team would remain present “for as long as it takes”.
The aircraft’s data recorder, often referred to as a black box, has been recovered and will form part of the investigation into the worst aviation crash in a decade.
‘He was too young’: Families grieve those lost in Air India crash
It was an emotional service at Derby’s Geeta Bhawan Hindu temple, as dozens of friends, colleagues and neighbours gathered to remember Dr Prateek Joshi, his wife Komi, their daughter Miraya, and twin sons Nakul and Pradyut.
Some wiped tears from their eyes, as a colleague was asked spontaneously to pay tribute to Dr Joshi, who had been bringing his family to live in the city, when the Air India flight they were on crashed seconds after take-off.
“He was too young, too much still to give, too much still to be done, too much to offer,” his friend told worshippers.
“He was taken from us in a very cruel and abrupt way, and his family as well, and we all think about his family back in India who is missing a son, missing a daughter-in-law and missing all their grandchildren who they’ll never see growing up.”
Derby South MP Catherine Atkinson said Dr Joshi, who was a radiologist at the Royal Derby hospital, had been “contributing to our NHS and the health of so many in our city and beyond”.
She said his wife was a pathologist who had resigned from her job in India.
“I won’t forget the photograph of them on the plane, full of optimism about their new adventure,” she said, as her voice broke.
“The losses make us all hug our families and loved ones a little closer and remind us how precious our time together is.”
Dr Joshi was described as a “warm, smiling man, full of joy” who enjoyed walking in the Peak District and who had discovered “a love of fish and chips”.
His neighbour and colleague Manoj Ramtohal told Sky News Dr Joshi always had time for people.
“He was very caring and very polite, very friendly, you couldn’t meet a better man than Prateek,” he said.