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Well, both Joe Biden and Donald Trump have clinched the nomination of their parties to run for re-election, which means historically this will be the longest general election in history between a pair of candidates too old for the job whom no one wants to see run again except those Republican voters who love Donald Trump and those Democrat voters who feel, well, at least Biden is not a goggle-eyed socialist lunatic like every other Democrat but only a senile semi-dead man being used like a ventriloquists dummy by a cabal of goggle-eyed socialist lunatics who hope they can destroy American freedom before anyone realizes theyre holding Biden upright by his shirtsleeves like in Weekend at Bernies although in this case Bernie is the goggle-eyed socialist holding Bernie up because Bernie is Joe and Joe is Bernie.

With a Biden-Trump rematch bearing down on us like a locomotive and America tied to the tracks screaming Help! Help! in a high-pitched voice in the hope some Canadian Mountie will rescue her, which seems unlikely since the Canadians are now a bunch of Left-wing fascists, corporate media outlets are assigning their best journalists to cover the all-important beat of what Trump will do in their hysterical womanish imaginations if hes re-elected.

For instance, CNNs Van Jones, reporting from his womanish imagination, said, If Trump is re-elected, Russian troops will march across western Europe in my womanish imagination until the whole world is as hysterical as I am. Trump will imprison his political opponents and destroy democracy which is why we have to put Trump in prison and let people vote by simply driving by the polling place and shouting Joe Bidens name out the window or what sounds to me like Joe Bidens name even if its Donald Trumps. This is Van Jones, reporting from my womanish imagination.

CNN Chief Executive Solitary McLonesome spoke about the new assignments in a speech to his childhood friend Pooky the Teddy Bear, saying, Listen, Pooky, we have got to go all out covering the Trump atrocities that will occur in our womanish imaginations or well be left behind in reality with a senile corruptocrat president ruining everything, and you know our audience doesnt want reality, Pooky-poo, because you are our audience. WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show

MSNBC has given Joe Scarborough the assignment of reporting on the imaginary bad things Trump will do if re-elected because of Scarboroughs long experience on the womanish imagination beat. NBC News President Idie OLog speaking to an inflatable life-sized El Chapo she keeps hidden in her bedroom closet said Viewers feel they can trust Joe Scarborough because they look into his eyes and see a cavernous darkness where his soul used to be, so they understand he will give them a full report on the terrible things Trump will do in his womanish imagination if re-elected, instead of the horrible truth about whats happening right now, which would just be disturbing, oh mi corazon.

As a model of expert coverage of the womanish imagination beat, journalists around the country are turning to the New York Times, a former newspaper, and their opinion page, known throughout the industry as Knucklehead Row. One shining example of the Timess Pulitzer Prize winning womanish imagination coverage came in a column by Charles Blows entitled, What Trump will do in My Womanish Imagination if he is Re-Elected. The column begins, When I consider the possibility that Trump will be re-elected, I peer into my womanish imagination and see a devastating vision of utter chaos created by journalists shrieking about whats happening in their womanish imaginations. The stories about Donald Trump rampaging through our hysterical daydreams will absolutely destroy our country by causing violent leftists to burn down cities while we pretend they arent because Trump is not doing the horrible things that we pretend he is.

At the Washington Post, leftist womanish imagination reporter Dana Milbank took a more humorous tack in a column and this is a real column called My Month of Living Republicanly. Milbank visited gun shows and Christian outlets where he found stickers and posters with outlandish assertions that distort the truth. Next week, Milbank will uncover outlandish leftist assertions that distort the truth by reading the Washington Post.

* * *

Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, The House of Love and Death, is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of The Andrew Klavan Show.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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US trade deal ‘possible’ but not ‘certain’, says senior minister

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US trade deal 'possible' but not 'certain', says senior minister

A trade deal with the US is “possible” but not “certain”, a senior minister has said as he struck a cautious tone about negotiations with the White House.

Pat McFadden, the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, told Sunday Morning with Trevor Phillips there was “a serious level of engagement going on at high levels” to secure a UK-US trade deal.

However, Mr McFadden, a key ally of Sir Keir Starmer, struck a more cautious tone than Chancellor Rachel Reeves on the prospect of a US trade deal, saying: “I think an agreement is possible – I don’t think it’s certain, and I don’t want to say it’s certain, but I think it’s possible.”

He went on to say the government wanted an “agreement in the UK’s interests” and not a “hasty deal”, amid fears from critics that Number 10 could acquiesce a deal that lowers food standards, for example, or changes certain taxes in a bid to persuade Donald Trump to lower some of the tariffs that have been placed on British goods.

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And asked about the timing of the deal – following recent reports an agreement was imminent – Mr McFadden said: “We’ll keep working with the United States and keep trying to get to an agreement in the coming weeks.”

As well as talks with the US, the UK has also ramped up its efforts with the EU, with suggestions it could include a new EU youth mobility scheme that would allow under-30s from the bloc to live, work and study in the UK and vice versa.

Mr McFadden said he believed the government could “improve upon” the Brexit deal struck by Boris Johnson, saying it had caused “an awful lot of bureaucracy and costs here in the UK”.

He said “first and foremost” on the government’s agenda was securing a food and agriculture and a veterinary agreement, saying it was “such an important area for the UK and an area where we’ve had so much extra cost and bureaucracy because of Brexit”.

He added: “But again, as with the United States, there’s no point in calling the game before it’s done. We’ve still got work to do, and we’re doing that work with our partners in the EU.”

The Cabinet Office minister also rejected suggestions the UK would have to choose between pursuing a trade deal with the US and one with the EU – the latter of which has banned chlorinated chicken in its markets – as has the UK – but which the US has historically wanted.

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On the issue of chlorinated chicken, Mr McFadden said the government had “made clear we will not water down animal welfare standards with either party”.

“But I don’t agree that it’s some fundamental choice beyond where we have to pick one trading partner rather than another. I think that’s to misunderstand the nature of the UK economy, and I don’t think would be in our interests to put all our eggs in one basket.”

Also speaking to Trevor Phillips was Tory leader Kemi Badenoch, who said the government should be close to closing the deal with the US “because we got very close last time President Trump was in office”.

She also insisted food standards should not be watered down in order to get a deal, saying she did not reach an agreement with Canada when she was in government for that reason.

“What Labour needs to do now is show that they can get a deal that isn’t making concessions, so we can have what we had last month before the trade tariffs, and we need serious people doing this,” she said.

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From mining giants to Big Oil, major players are jumping on the ‘white hydrogen’ bandwagon

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From mining giants to Big Oil, major players are jumping on the 'white hydrogen' bandwagon

The construction site of a plant for the production of hydrogen in Germany. 

Picture Alliance | Picture Alliance | Getty Images

A growing number of sizable companies, from mining giants to energy majors, are embracing the hype for natural hydrogen.

It comes as buzz continues to build over the potential for a resource that advocates say could radically reshape the global energy landscape.

Natural hydrogen, sometimes known as white, gold or geologic hydrogen, refers to hydrogen gas that is found in its natural form beneath Earth’s surface. The long-overlooked resource, first discovered by accident in Mali nearly 40 years ago, contains no carbon and produces only water when burned.

Investor interest in the nascent natural hydrogen sector has been intensifying in recent months, fueling optimism initially driven by research startups and junior exploration companies.

Over the past year or so, some of the sector’s established backers include mining giants Rio Tinto and Fortescue, Russia’s state-owned energy giant Gazprom, the venture capital arm of British oil giant BP and Bill Gates‘ clean tech investment fund Breakthrough Energy Ventures.

We can use it to make metals, make fuels, you could even make food, and all with far fewer emissions than conventional approaches.

Eric Toone

Chief technology officer at Breakthrough Energy

Exploratory efforts are currently underway in several countries across the globe, with Canada and the U.S. leading the way in terms of project counts over the last year, according to research published by consultancy Rystad Energy.

Analysts expect the year ahead to be a pivotal one, with industry players hoping their exploration campaigns can soon locate the elusive gas.

Not everyone’s convinced about the clean energy potential of natural hydrogen, however, with critics flagging environmental concerns and distribution challenges. For its part, the International Energy Agency has warned there is a possibility that the resource “is too scattered to be captured in a way that is economically viable.”

A global scramble for ‘white gold’

Minh Khoi Le, head of hydrogen research at Rystad Energy, said it’s difficult to predict whether natural hydrogen can live up to its promise in 2025.

“I guess last year was the year that things got really interesting for the natural hydrogen space because that’s when many companies started to plan drilling campaigns, extraction testing and we started to see some major players start to get involved as well,” Le told CNBC by video call.

“Since then, I would say the progress has been relatively slow. There are only a few companies that have actually started drilling,” he added.

Gauges that are part of the electrolysis plant of the geological hydrogen H2 storage facility.

Alex Halada | Afp | Getty Images

Rystad’s Le, who characterized the global pursuit of natural hydrogen as a “white gold rush” last year, said that while there’d been no major progress over the last 12 months, an upswing in investor interest could help to deliver some meaningful results.

“Now, we are starting to see companies getting investment, so they have money to fund their drilling campaigns. So, if we are to get an answer of whether this thing will work, we’ll get to that conclusion a bit faster this year,” Le said.

Hydrogen has long been billed as one of many potential energy sources that could play a key role in the energy transition, but most of it is produced using fossil fuels such as coal and natural gas, a process that generates significant greenhouse gas emissions.

Green hydrogen, a process that involves splitting water into hydrogen and oxygen using renewable electricity, is one exception to the hydrogen color rainbow. However, its development has been held back by soaring costs and a challenging economic environment.

Clean, homegrown energy

Australia’s HyTerra announced an investment of $21.9 million from Fortescue in August last year, noting that the proceeds would be used to fully fund expanded exploration projects.

A spokesperson for Fortescue, one of the leading green hydrogen developers, said its push into the natural hydrogen sector was in line with its “strategic commitment to exploring zero emissions fuels.”

Acknowledging that more work is required to fully assess natural hydrogen’s emissions profile, Fortescue’s spokesperson described the technology as a “promising opportunity” to accelerate industrial decarbonization.

A hydrogen-powered haul truck, right, at the Fortescue Metals Group Ltd. Christmas Creek mine in the Pilbara region of Western Australia, Australia, on Tuesday, Oct. 17, 2023.

Bloomberg | Bloomberg | Getty Images

Elsewhere, BP Ventures, the venture capital arm of BP, led a Series A funding round of U.K.-based natural hydrogen exploration startup Snowfox Discovery earlier this year, while France-based start-up Mantle8 recently received 3.4 million euros ($3.9 million) in seed funding from investors, including Breakthrough Energy Ventures, a climate and technology fund founded by Bill Gates in 2015.

Eric Toone, chief technology officer at Breakthrough Energy, said the fund had backed the likes of Mantle8 and U.S.-based startup Koloma because the promise of natural hydrogen is such that it “could unlock a new era of clean, homegrown energy.”

“Hydrogen is pure reactive chemical energy. If we have enough hydrogen and it’s cheap enough, we can do almost anything. We can use it to make metals, make fuels, you could even make food, and all with far fewer emissions than conventional approaches,” Toone told CNBC via email.

“We know it’s out there and not just in isolated pockets. Early exploration has identified natural hydrogen across six continents. The challenge now is figuring out how to extract it efficiently, move it safely, and build the systems to put it to work,” he added.

In search of the ‘eureka moment’

Aurian Durbuis, chief of staff at France’s Mantle8, said momentum certainly appears to be building from a venture capital perspective.

“There is a growing interest, indeed, especially given the dynamics with green hydrogen right now, unfortunately. People are turning their eyes to other solutions, which is in our favor,” Durbuis told CNBC by video call.

Taking the evolution of US shale-gas as an analogy, even if large finds are made, it will likely take decades to achieve industrial production.

Arnout Everts

Member of the Hydrogen Science Coalition

Based in Grenoble, in the foothills of the French Alps, Mantle8 is targeting the discovery of 10 million tons of natural hydrogen by 2030 to complement the European Union’s goals.

“The question is can we find producible reservoirs, in the oil and gas terminology. That’s really what we need to figure out as an industry,” Durbuis said.

“We think we can drill in 2028 and hopefully that is the eureka moment because if we can find something at that time, then it could obviously be a game changer. If we find highly concentrated hydrogen, with pressure, then this just changes everything,” he added.

What’s next for natural hydrogen?

The Hydrogen Science Coalition, a group of academics, scientists and engineers seeking to bring an evidence-based view to hydrogen’s role in the energy transition, said exploration for natural hydrogen is still at an “embryonic stage” — but even so, the likelihood of locating large finds of nearly pure hydrogen that can be extracted at scale look “relatively slim.”

The world’s only producing hydrogen well in Mali, for example, supplies “just a fraction of the daily energy output of a single wind turbine,” Arnout Everts, a geoscientist and member of the Hydrogen Science Coalition, told CNBC via email.

The team from the Geological Agency of the Ministry of Energy and Mineral Resources (ESDM) took samples of natural hydrogen gas found in One Pute Jaya Village, Morowali Regency, Central Sulawesi Province, Indonesia, 23 October 2023.

Nurphoto | Nurphoto | Getty Images

“Taking the evolution of US shale-gas as an analogy, even if large finds are made, it will likely take decades to achieve industrial production,” Everts said.

Ultimately, the Hydrogen Science Coalition said the pursuit of natural hydrogen risks distracting focus from the renewable hydrogen needed to decarbonize industries today.

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UK growth could be ‘postponed’ for two years, report warns

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UK growth could be 'postponed' for two years, report warns

UK economic growth could be “postponed” for two years amid a toxic cocktail of headwinds for confidence, according to a respected forecast which says further interest rate cuts may help lift the mood.

EY ITEM Club, which uses the Treasury’s economic modelling, downgraded expectations for output in both 2025 and 2026 in its latest report.

It warns of a direct hit from Donald Trump‘s trade war and from persistent high inflation in the UK economy.

But the forecast says the biggest impact would come from weaker sentiment among both households and businesses, given the surge in uncertainty and hits to global growth caused by the imposition of tariffs.

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A “baseline” 10% tariff on imports from most countries around the world is in place while UK-produced steel, aluminium and cars are subject to duties of 25%.

Around 16% of all goods shipped abroad head for the United States typically but the study said that weaker demand for exports would likely hit that number.

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It forecast UK growth of 0.8% this year – down from the 1% it expected three months ago – and a figure of 0.9% for 2026.

That last figure represented a downgrade of 0.6 percentage points.

These are not the numbers the Treasury will want to see, coming in even lower than the International Monetary Fund’s downgrades last week, as it leads work on the government’s stated priority of securing economic growth.

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What IMF said about the economy

It has been accused of an own goal through the chancellor’s tax increases on business, which came into effect at the beginning of this month.

At the same time, households are grappling a surge in bills, including those for energy, water and council tax, which are threatening to depress spending power further.

Data on Friday showed a renewed slump in consumer confidence and sharp increases in the number of firms in “critical” financial distress and going to the wall.

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US trade deal ‘possible, not certain’

EY said the weaker global economic backdrop and spiralling levels of uncertainty would weigh on both families and businesses.

It warned the consumer mood remained “cautious” amid the continuing pressures on household budgets, further limiting demand for major purchases.

Anna Anthony, regional managing partner for EY UK & Ireland, said: “There had been signs that the economy was exceeding expectations in the opening months of 2025, but a combination of global trade disruption, uncertainty, and persistent inflation look likely to postpone the UK’s return to more moderate levels of growth.

“Businesses thrive on certainty, so it’s unsurprising that an unpredictable global market is translating into lower levels of business investment over the short term.

“While conditions remain challenging, there are still some grounds for optimism.

“The services-led UK economy is projected to see continued growth this year and gradual interest rate cuts should slowly bolster business and household spending.

“Over time, the unpredictable global landscape may offer opportunities for the UK to position itself as a stable, attractive destination for investment.”

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