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With the window for April Fool’s Day pranks now closed, we round up some of the more creative and canny jokes.

Search and rescue sheep deployed on Dartmoor

Anyone getting into trouble while hiking on the Bank Holiday could be aided by a rescue sheep, Dartmoor Search and Rescue Team announced.

They are equipped with hi-vis bandanas and bells around their necks so casualties can hear them coming.

“They’re the perfect animal to be searching,” team vet Ashley said.

“They’re already domesticated, there’s plenty of them, they’re adapted to our hill conditions, they come with their own jackets, you don’t need to carry food and water for them, they’re very easily trained.”

Detect estate agents’ BS

Purplebricks launched a "BS detector" app for April Fool's Day. Pic: Purplebricks
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Pic: Purplebricks

The BS detector app from real estate company Purplebricks promises to alert you to any lies from estate agents.

Using AI lie detector technology, it will give a warning “bleep” when it hears suspicious speech patterns.

Drug-detecting chickens

Swiss Police announced the newest weapon in their war on drugs: sniffer chickens.

The new flock of “Drogenspürhuhn”, or drug-detecting chickens, joined the squad after a successful testing phase, according to police.

Cheaper to train and keep than dogs, the chickens also lay a daily egg, police said, contributing to their cost-effectiveness.

Service cats

Putting the cat amongst the chickens, Zurich police also announced felines would be joining their canine unit.

“After [a period of] long planning, intensive selection, and many hours of training, today the time has come [to announce] we are supplementing our service dogs with service cats,” the Zurich City Police said.

“Their quiet velvet paws and compact body mass are ideal for use in confined spaces, but also for house searches and peaceful Mantrailing,” they said.

Sending toilet paper to Uranus

Who Gives A Crap says it will send toilet paper to Uranus. Pic: Who Gives A Crap
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Pic: Who Gives A Crap

Sustainable toilet paper company Who Gives A Crap is launching a toilet roll into space – all the way to Uranus.

“With billionaires chucking cars into space and taking their midlife crises to the moon, we thought it was time to do something truly meaningful,” the company said.

The 3.2 billion kilometre journey will take about nine years and names for the spacecraft are being crowdsourced on Instagram – current frontrunners are High Plyer and C.R.A.P. (Cosmic Roll Aerospace Program).

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Ant and Dec’s career move

The duo claimed to be hanging up their TV hats to focus on culinary ventures – including a “tell-all recipe book” and a pop-up restaurant.

“I believe that food has the power to bring people together and create cherished memories, that’s how my family feel when I make them beans on toast,” Ant said.

Dec said Ant would make a “brilliant pot washer” and he “adores” cooking as he gets to “snack on the ingredients (mostly cheese) as I go”.

Aldi launches dating show

Love Aisleland is the latest reality dating show looking for contestants, if Aldi is to be believed.

The supermarket chain invited potential applicants to tell them why they deserved to find love in the aisles.

But in a follow-up post – after midday, when the opportunity for playing April Fool’s jokes traditionally expires – the company said it was cancelling the show as it had not been shown to the legal team.

It added: “Because of this, our boss has now confirmed the show cannot go ahead and that although we give off the vibe that we love court cases, they are incredibly costly and going forward with this plan would not be ‘within our best interests’.”

Where canines and cardio collide

Gymbox is introducing a new class for April Fool's Day: Gymbarx. Pic: Gymbox
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Pic: Gymbox

London gym chain Gymbox is launching a workout class for you and you four-legged friend: Gymbarx.

“With more and more Londoners looking for new ways to treat their pets, it made perfect sense to not only let dogs visit Gymbox but to create their very own fitness class,” Gymbox brand and marketing director Rory McEntee said.

Expect downward dog stretches before moving into fence jumps, “furpees” and leash pulls, ending with tennis ball track sprints and a “hair of the dog” HIIT finisher.

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Removal of Andrew’s titles is seismic – but there is another major shift in palace’s statement

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Removal of Andrew's titles is seismic - but there is another major shift in palace's statement

The public and politicians had spoken, and the King, it seems, had no choice.

As head of the institution, family bonds took second place; the survival of the monarchy and its reputation in the end was paramount.

But while the removal of the titles, styles and honours, from the man now just known as Andrew, is seismic, there are other significant shifts in this bombshell pronouncement from the palace.

Follow latest news and reaction: Andrew no longer Duke of York

The decision to publicly state that “Their Majesties wish to make clear that their thoughts and utmost sympathies have been, and will remain with, the victims and survivors of any and all forms of abuse” is huge.

In all the years that the allegations have rumbled on against Andrew – accusations he denies – I have never publicly heard the royal family come out in support of the victims around this story.

Andrew himself, during his Newsnight interview, never offered any kind of sympathy or apology to Jeffrey Epstein’s wider victims.

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Can Andrew still become King?

With both Queen Camilla and the Duchess of Edinburgh working to support victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence, the family’s silence has always felt difficult to fully understand.

Read more:
Why King could no longer ignore public opinion
Everything we know as Andrew loses titles

I have no doubt that pressure from other members of the family will have meant now was the right time for the King to make their position clear.

We also understand this latest action was taken to acknowledge serious lapses in judgement from Andrew.

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Andrew loses titles: What you need to know in two minutes

Again, the palace has never gone this far. In the past, they have simply tried to distance themselves from the constant drip of revelations.

While this is a King mindful of the future of the monarchy, he has also worked hard to build a reputation as an empathic and socially engaged man.

The noise around Andrew was deafening, he has listened, and as a result, his actions are monumental.

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Andrew pays the ultimate price after years of public disdain

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Andrew pays the ultimate price after years of public disdain

Andrew always denied the allegations – but the repeated accusations would not go away.

And his associations risked real reputational damage to the Royal Family.

His friendship with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, his dealings with an alleged Chinese spy, and then the posthumous publication of his accuser, Virginia Giuffre’s memoir.

Her family said she brought down a British prince with her truth and extraordinary courage.

The piling pressure was starting to overshadow the work of Andrew’s wider family. And with the Prince of Wales soon heading to Brazil for his Earthshot award, enough was enough.

We understand the Royal Family, including Prince William backed the King’s leadership on this matter.

The King made the decisions, his family supported them.

More on Jeffrey Epstein

Both Andrew, and former secretary of state Peter Mandelson's public lives have been dismantled by their relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. Pic: PA
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Both Andrew, and former secretary of state Peter Mandelson’s public lives have been dismantled by their relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. Pic: PA

Andrew will leave Royal Lodge, his large home on the Windsor estate. His ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, who also lived there, will “make her own arrangements”.

It was their family home for many years. Both daughters, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, who grew up there, will keep their titles.

Andrew's ex-wife has continued to live at the Royal Lodge estate but will now be left to make her own housing arrangements. Pic: PA
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Andrew’s ex-wife has continued to live at the Royal Lodge estate but will now be left to make her own housing arrangements. Pic: PA

As for Andrew, he will soon move to Sandringham – the King’s private Norfolk estate – where the family traditionally gathers for Christmas; and he will be funded privately by the King.

Read more:
Andrew allegations should be examined in ‘fullest ways’

This is all a formal process carried out in consultation with official authorities, but the government supports the decision taken.

This will not have been easy for the King, but he knew he could not ignore public opinion. The criticism and anger directed at Andrew was never going to stop – and only he had the power to take the ultimate action against his own brother.

For years, Andrew enjoyed the perks and privileges of his powerful position, but his birthright could not withstand withering public disdain.

And now he’s paid the ultimate price.

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Damning report into UK’s ‘complacent’ fast jets programme

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Damning report into UK's 'complacent' fast jets programme

Repeated delays to the UK’s multibillion-pound F-35 fast jet programme, because of a lack of cash, has increased costs and harmed the plane’s ability to fight, a report by MPs has said.

Exacerbating the problem, an “unacceptable” shortage of pilots and engineers is limiting how often the aircraft can fly, the Public Accounts Committee revealed.

It also raised questions about a major announcement by Sir Keir Starmer in June that the UK would purchase a variant of the aircraft that is able to carry American nuclear weapons, saying there did not appear to be a timeframe for when this capability would be operational nor an estimate of the additional price tag.

The strong criticism will likely make uncomfortable reading for Air Chief Marshal Sir Richard Knighton, Britain’s new military chief. He was previously the head of the Royal Air Force and before that the top military officer at the Ministry of Defence (MoD) in charge of capability.

The UK only has 37 out of a planned 138 F-35 jets in service – almost four decades since the programme, led by the US, was conceived and nearly a quarter of a century since Britain initially started paying tens of billions of pounds for it.

The aircraft are among the most advanced, stealthy and lethal jets on the planet, provided they have the right technology, weapons and – crucially – software updates.

A persistent squeeze on UK defence budgets, though, means military chiefs developed a bad habit of slowing down the F-35 procurement and scrimping on orders to save money in the short term – only for taxpayers to be hit with a much larger bill overall and for the RAF and the navy’s Fleet Air Arm to be left with jets that are unable to meet their full potential.

F-35B Lightning jets on the flight deck of the Royal Navy aircraft carrier HMS Prince of Wales. Pic: PA
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F-35B Lightning jets on the flight deck of the Royal Navy aircraft carrier HMS Prince of Wales. Pic: PA

The Public Accounts Committee laid bare the impact of this behaviour, highlighting five key issues:

One:

A short-term cost-saving decision by the MoD in 2021 to save £82m by delaying an investment in what is known as an Air Signature Assessment Facility – which is vital for the F-35’s stealth capabilities to fly undetected – will add an extra £16m when it is finally built in 2032.

More worryingly, this limits the UK’s ability to deploy the jets.

Two:

A cost-saving move to delay by six years building infrastructure for the naval squadron that operates the F-35 jets means the cost for that construction will almost treble to £154m from £56m.

Three:

A failure by the MoD to accurately update the total acquisition cost of the F-35s.

The department only this year said the whole-life cost until 2069 to acquire a total of 138 aircraft will be almost £57bn – up from £18.4bn for the first 48 jets out until 2048.

But even the new higher price tag was dismissed by the MPs as “unrealistic” – because it does not include additional costs such as fuel.

Four:

The current fleet of F-35B jets will not be armed with conventional missiles to hit targets on the land from a safe distance until the early 2030s.

This is a critical capability in modern warfare when operating against a country like Russia that has sophisticated air defence weapons that can blast jets in range out of the sky.

Five:

The military will claim its F-35B jump jets have met “full operating capability” by the end of the year – a timeline that is already years late – even though they do not have the long-range missiles and are blighted by other woes.

The report will make uncomfortable reading  for Defence Secretary John Healey (L) and Air Chief Marshal Sir Rich Knighton. Pic: PA
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The report will make uncomfortable reading for Defence Secretary John Healey (L) and Air Chief Marshal Sir Rich Knighton. Pic: PA

A ‘leaky roof’ mistake

Sir Geoffrey Clifton-Brown MP, the committee chair, said: “Making short-term cost decisions is famously inadvisable if you’re a homeowner with a leaky roof, let alone if one is running a complex fighter jet programme – and yet such decisions have been rife in the management of the F-35.”

The UK’s existing F-35Bs are designed to fly off the Royal Navy’s two aircraft carriers.

The nuclear weapons-capable A-variant only operate off the land.

The MoD has said it will purchase an additional 15 F-35Bs and 12 of the As at an anticipated cost of £3.2bn.

However, there is no estimate yet of the cost to certify the F-35As to join a NATO mission, carrying American nuclear warheads.

Read more:
Can UK’s new air defence missile systems protect us?

The MPs said they were told work on becoming certified to operate with US nuclear weapons “is at an early stage and the department did not provide any indication of forecast costs”.

‘Very complacent’

The report flagged concerns about personnel shortages and how that impacted the availability of the few F-35s the UK does operate.

This included the need for an extra 168 engineers – a 20% increase in the current workforce and a shortfall that “will take several years to resolve”, the MPs said.

The report also highlighted 'substandard' accommodation at RAF Marham, home of the Lightning programme. Pic: PA
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The report also highlighted ‘substandard’ accommodation at RAF Marham, home of the Lightning programme. Pic: PA

Making the recruitment and retention dilemma even worse is “substandard” accommodation at RAF Marham, which has been the home for the F-35 force since 2013. This has again been caused by budget shortfalls, meaning insufficient funds to invest in infrastructure.

The MoD said some upgrades would be completed by 2034. The Public Account Committee said this “is very complacent and should be given greater priority”.

An MoD spokesperson said: “Many of the decisions referenced in the report were taken under the previous government, and we have set out plans to tackle historic issues with procurement, infrastructure, recruitment, and skills through the Strategic Defence Review.”

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