A Northern Illinois stunner, a Cy-Hawk thriller and the week chaos returned to college football
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David Hale, ESPN Staff WriterSep 8, 2024, 01:51 AM ET
Close- College football reporter.
- Joined ESPN in 2012.
- Graduate of the University of Delaware.
The best upsets are the ones no one sees coming.
Northern Illinois‘ stunning defeat of Notre Dame certainly fits the bill. Just a week ago, the Irish looked like a surefire playoff team after upending Texas A&M on the road.
The best upsets aren’t about luck.
There was nothing unconventional in NIU’s game plan. The Huskies were the more physical, more fundamentally sound, more deserving team Saturday.
The best upsets cast our collective consciousness backward, toward the other moments when the seemingly impossible suddenly became real.
In this case, NIU didn’t have to work too hard. Notre Dame is good for one of these every few years.
OK, so maybe Saturday’s stunner didn’t check every box — much of the game felt like watching two aging walruses attempt to nudge each other off a rock — but after a Week 1 that was mostly chalk, it served as the first serious twist in the story of the 2024 season.
(Technically Florida State‘s Week 0 defeat was the first big upset, but the Noles’ lawyers have filed a motion to quash any mentions of the 2024 season.)
It was a fitting release for a nation primed for chaos after Saturday’s early slate teased so many near misses.
In New Orleans, Tulane had No. 17 Kansas State on the ropes well into the second half, and only a controversial penalty kept the Green Wave from tying the game in the final moment.
Just watching that OPI call against Tulane that may have cost them the game and I can’t imagine anyone in Louisiana has been so angry about a football game since… oh, not that long ago actually. pic.twitter.com/cPelsC822r
— 💫🅰️♈️🆔 (@ADavidHaleJoint) September 7, 2024
In Happy Valley, James Franklin tried to put to rest the narrative that he beats all the pushovers but can’t win the big one by, instead, losing to one of those pushovers. Bowling Green took a 24-20 lead well into the third quarter before No. 8 Penn State finally found its footing.
In Stillwater, Oklahoma, Bobby Petrino’s subtle attempt to orchestrate his own Macbeth-like takeover at Arkansas took some wild turns, as the Razorbacks looked poised to actually win on the road against No. 16 Oklahoma State. But the Cowboys reeled off 21 straight points to open the second half and finished off the come-from-behind win with an Ollie Gordon II touchdown in overtime.
Shortly after kickoff in South Bend, Indiana, order had been restored elsewhere, leaving the Irish center stage, just in time for the nation to watch them run headlong into a brick wall.
It was beautiful.
Not because people were eager to laugh at Notre Dame’s misfortune. That’s just a pleasant byproduct. But because, for all the excitement of the sport’s return in Week 1, the real race to the playoff doesn’t begin until we get a massive dose of the unexpected, a twist so unlikely it forces us to reconsider everything we’d held as inherently true, a moment when we all sit back and think, “Jesus, take the wheel.”
Or, maybe that only happens after watching Payton Thorne throw another interception.
— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) September 7, 2024
The offseason, after all, is an endless parade of assurances that this ridiculous sport is still girded by some measure of logic, but deep down, we know better. Every year, some poor team wanders onto a field some September Saturday assuming the day will unfold like every Saturday before, and then some upstart from the MAC drops a piano on its head.
On this Saturday, that piano was destined to find Notre Dame.
Riley Leonard, a hero just seven days ago, threw costly interceptions.
The Notre Dame defense, which had utterly bludgeoned Texas A&M a week ago, couldn’t get off the field as Northern Illinois marched 31 yards on 11 plays, chewing up clock before ultimately booting a short field goal to take the lead with 31 seconds to play.
On a field where some of the most legendary players in the sport’s history have suited up, it was NIU’s Antario Brown who stole the spotlight with 225 total yards and a touchdown.
It would’ve been enough to shock the fans at Notre Dame Stadium to their core, if many of them hadn’t also been on hand for the Marshall or Stanford games in 2022.
But the good news for Notre Dame is, while it was the first to suffer the cruelty of college football’s fickle nature, it will not be the last.
It might be Alabama. The Tide flirted with disaster against South Florida, as Alabama put on a near shot-for-shot remake of last year’s quagmire as a gift to Nick Saban, who had the field at Bryant Denny named after him Saturday. Instead, Alabama scored 28 in the fourth quarter and won 42-16.
It might be Oklahoma. The Sooners couldn’t muster a lick of offense against lowly Houston but survived after forcing a safety on the Cougars’ last-gasp drive.
It could surely be Oregon, who for the second straight week struggled to put away a team from Idaho, needing a field goal in the final minute on Saturday to escape Boise State, 37-34. The Ducks needed a punt return and a kick return for a touchdown to stay undefeated, which is probably not ideal before they’ve played a single Big Ten game.
It might be Georgia or Ohio State or Ole Miss. They all won handily against overmatched opposition in Week 2, but the odds will shift again in the future, and eventually, we’ll be blindsided again by a score we never could’ve imagined.
That’s the other great thing about a truly stunning upset. In illuminating how wrong our assumptions were, it also serves to remind us that we’ll be wrong again.
And it will be glorious.
Jump to:
Back to the future | Vibe shifts | Cy-Hawk thriller
Tennessee-NC State takeaways | Who wants to win?
Heisman five | Leaf it to the refs | Under the radar
Back to the future
Physicist Stephen Hawking theorized that, although likely unprovable, time travel was indeed possible.
Well, he was wrong. The first two weeks of this season have proved not only that it is possible, but also that we’ve somehow all tumbled through a wormhole back to 1994.
The proof? Texas is 2-0. Nebraska is 2-0. Miami is 2-0. Also Oasis is getting back together.
The Longhorns went to Ann Arbor and dispatched Michigan with ease. Quinn Ewers threw for 246 yards and three touchdowns, the defense created three takeaways and the social media department delivered the dagger.
the first Blue in the end zone today 🤘
3Q 2:39 | Texas 31 Michigan 6 pic.twitter.com/giv0bUdzqz
— Texas Football (@TexasFootball) September 7, 2024
It was a reminder that life has changed in short order for the Wolverines, who went from a national title in January to an utter lack of identity in September. The offense has struggled under QB Davis Warren, who in ’80s movie fashion somehow was elevated from the mailroom to the C suite, possibly due to a wish on an enchanted fortune teller machine or a mannequin coming to life. The defense, supposedly a strength, did little to disrupt Texas’ attack. And head coach Sherrone Moore has been hampered by not having the signals for every opponent Michigan faces.
Nebraska’s rise back to coherence took a big step forward Saturday with a 28-10 win over Colorado. The outcome was particularly surprising to Buffs coach Deion Sanders, who felt his team dominated in all three phases of the game: TikTok, Instagram and number of players related to Deion. Instead, it was Nebraska’s freshman phenom Dylan Raiola who led the charge by throwing for 185 yards and a touchdown and winning a Patrick Mahomes lookalike contest at halftime.
And Miami kept rolling in a 56-9 dispatching of Florida A&M, rushing for 225 yards and four touchdowns.
Texas, Nebraska and Miami are all 2-0 for the first time since 2016, which as long as you don’t look up the results for the rest of that season is great news for three programs eager to return to historic success.
Week 2 vibe shifts
Each week of the college football season results not only in major shake-ups to the rankings, but also subtle tweaks that might not be so obvious. That’s why we track not just wins and losses but vibes. We’re here to capture the next big trends and anticipate the next stunning collapses before they happen.
Trending up: Champagne shortages in Central New York
After Kyle McCord threw for 354 yards and four touchdowns in a Week 1 win over Ohio, Syracuse head coach Fran Brown said he planned to send a bottle of champagne to Ohio State‘s Ryan Day for allowing McCord to hit the transfer portal.
We’ll expect a full magnum of the good stuff headed to the Buckeyes’ coach after Saturday’s performance by McCord, who threw for 381 yards and four touchdowns in an upset over No. 23 Georgia Tech. McCord is the first ACC QB to throw for 350 yards and four scores in consecutive games since Kenny Pickett did it in three straight for Pitt in 2021. He ended the season as a Heisman finalist.
Reminder: A QB can’t be a real champagne player if he didn’t transfer from the Columbus region of Ohio.
McCord was widely cast as the fall guy for Ohio State’s inability to beat Michigan last season, and the Buckeyes moved on to Kansas State transfer Will Howard, which feels a lot like taking a major media company with international name recognition and rebranding as X. But who would do that?
Regardless, Brown has Syracuse riding high at 2-0, but that’s nothing new. Syracuse is now 13-2 in August and September games since 2021. The problem? The Orange are just 7-18 after that.
Trending down: Fast-food metaphors
After a Week 1 win against West Virginia, Penn State OC Andy Kotelnicki compared his offense to a Dairy Queen Blizzard — vanilla ice cream with a few of your favorite candies mixed in — but Saturday’s performance against Bowling Green often looked more like something ordered from a late-night drive-through at 2 a.m.
Drew Allar was just 13-of-20 passing with a late interception, and Penn State trailed Bowling Green well into the second half. Luckily for Penn State, Kotelnicki remembered that Nicholas Singleton is the Twix bar of offensive mix-ins, and the tailback scored twice in the final 22 minutes of the game, including a game-clinching 41-yard scamper with 4:09 to play, and the Nittany Lions survived 34-27.
Trending up: Finding a true friend in this cruel world
It’s a cliché of melodrama to have two star-crossed lovers finally find each other, running across a verdant field or a sandy beach before a long-awaited embrace.
But change the setting to a blocked field goal return and suddenly what was once a trope of cheesy TV now feels like a heartwarming moment of pure joy.
Well, not for Baylor.
Utah blocks a Baylor FG and returns it for a TD
After Utah blocks Jack Bouwmeester’s field goal kick, Tao Johnson returns it 77-yard for a touchdown.
The 77-yard return for the score put Utah up 7-0, and the Utes went on to win 23-12. On the downside, QB Cam Rising left the game in the second quarter with a hand injury after a shove from a Baylor defender forced him to burst through a bank of watercoolers like the Kool-Aid man. So, probably shouldn’t high-five him for a while.
But for the losing Bears, maybe the real field goal was the friends we made along the way.
Trending down: Auburn boosters’ liquid assets
There is some good news for Auburn after another embarrassing home loss, this time 21-14 to Cal. Hugh Freeze was hired in the hopes the Tigers would finally have a coach who could beat Nick Saban, and as of 2024, there’s a strong chance Auburn will not lose any more games to Saban. So, mission accomplished.
On the downside, however, Auburn does seem to be losing a whole lot to everyone else.
Payton Thorne threw four interceptions in Saturday’s loss, a seemingly adamant statement that, no, the Auburn offense won’t be much better in Year 2 under Freeze. Auburn is now 24-27 over the past five seasons, and the War Eagle has been downgraded to a pigeon with a mild gluten intolerance.
But Freeze, himself, should be particularly concerned. In his past 16 games vs. FBS competition — a span dating back to his Liberty tenure — he’s just 5-11 with two home losses to New Mexico State and an offense that has averaged less than 24 points per game.
Trending up: Fashion fights
Each year, Western Kentucky turns its home opener into a “white out,” with the team donning white helmets and jerseys and fans showing up wearing white.
And this year, Eastern Kentucky decided that it had a tradition to uphold, too: Spiting a rival over something really petty.
WKU tweeted that EKU ruined their white out theme… EKU confirmed by posting their jerseys 😬😂 pic.twitter.com/ZSMlnCIhOV
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) September 4, 2024
That the whole thing feels like the B-plot of a “Sex and the City” episode is just delightful (EKU is such a Samantha!) but the Hilltoppers got the last laugh, winning 31-0, and finally decided to settle down with Mr. Big.
Trending down: The water table in Florida
What do you have to say for yourselves now, rural Central Florida basement dwellers?
Oh, it was fun having Billy Napier to kick around for a week after Florida was trounced by Miami at home, but it just goes to show how little the basement bloggers really know. Napier was never in any real danger because former university president Ben Sasse had already used Napier’s buyout money on a walk-in humidor and a bunch of Powerball tickets.
Regardless, Napier is back on the right track after the Gators dispatched with Samford 45-7 on Saturday behind 456 yards and three touchdowns from program savior DJ Lagway. Oh, sure, Samford is an FCS team, but we bet nobody said that to Will Muschamp in 2013.
The point is, if you cellar dwellers can hear Napier over the constant humming of your dehumidifiers and the infernal chugging of your sump pump, he’s just fine in spite of what you think.
Holding steady: Dabo
Clemson utterly dominated App State on Saturday, 66-20, behind five touchdown passes from Cade Klubnik. It was a stark contrast from the Week 1 drubbing by Georgia when the offense couldn’t string together a decent drive. Clemson was so much better in Week 2, it was almost as if it had transformed somehow, stepped through some — doorway? gateway? window? — ah, we can’t think of any word that would describe moving from one unhappy place to a new, better place. Alas, Swinney wouldn’t have read it anyway.
Coach Dabo Swinney on criticism surrounding @ClemsonFB after opening loss to No. 1 @GeorgiaFootball .
“Y’all gonna write crap, y’all gonna write terrible stuff. And when we do great, y’all gonna write great stuff. That’s OK.” pic.twitter.com/fPl22ivq84
— Carmine Gemei (@CarmineGemei) September 3, 2024
Trending up: Pillaging mishaps
Colorado State debuted its battering ram on Saturday, and here’s an important lesson for you kids out there considering going to war with Scotland in the 15th Century: Watch the recall on these bad boys.
For the first time ever… The Battering Ram at Canvas Stadium. Go Rams!@CSUFootball @CSURams pic.twitter.com/xSgDqK4ZND
— 𝗕𝗲𝗻 𝗔𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿 Ⓐ (@GreenAaker) September 8, 2024
While we typically endorse all sideline weaponry — Oregon State‘s chainsaw, Nevada‘s trident, Brian Kelly’s temper — bruising the kidney of a random game ops guy with your battering ram continues an early season trend of epic fails for teams hoping to storm a castle after USC‘s Week 1 hype video got the history of the Trojan horse all wrong.
If this keeps up, by Week 10, Wisconsin will install an iron maiden at Camp Randall and Dabo Swinney will have accused the rest of the ACC of witchcraft.
Trending up: Celebrity naming rights
FIU kicked off its first game at the newly minted Pitbull Stadium in Week 2, demolishing Central Michigan 52-16. It was FIU’s biggest margin of victory against an FBS foe since 2019.
Clearly Mr. Worldwide was an inspiration to the Panthers, which should now be a model for other struggling programs. UMass should sell naming rights to The Pixies (or at least have them play “UMass” at halftime, it’s a banger), Akron could turn things around with a cash infusion from LeBron James, and Temple could be an American Conference contender if it played its home games at Hitchhiking Robot Memorial Stadium.
Ferentz returns, Iowa falters
Kirk Ferentz returned from a one-game suspension to much fanfare — and also 50 Cent’s “Many Men (Wish Death).” He then made it rain from the press box, which in Iowa terms translates into nine punts and less than 100 yards passing.
Didn’t have Kirk Ferentz returning from suspension to “Many Men” on my preseason bingo card. pic.twitter.com/BOdYgZobxh
— Adam Rittenberg (@ESPNRittenberg) September 7, 2024
Still, the Hawkeyes welcomed their coach back by jumping out to a 19-7 lead midway through the third quarter — a seemingly insurmountable margin given Iowa State hadn’t topped 17 in a Cy-Hawk game since 2017.
But times are changing in Iowa. Brian Ferentz is gone, which means plenty of offensive excitement like interceptions, runs up the middle for 2 yards and all the time of possession you can stand. In other words, Iowa didn’t score again.
The Cyclones, on the other hand, found some late mojo thanks to a 75-yard TD pass from Rocco Becht to Jaylin Noel, then in keeping with state law, limited the fourth quarter to just two field goals, including a 54-yard game winner with just 6 seconds to go.
After losing six straight in the series, Iowa State has now won two of the past three meetings with Iowa. But even more embarrassing for the Hawkeyes, Iowa State also finished with 21 more punt yards.
1. Nico Iamaleava is the clear face of the Vols, and hanging more than half a hundred on a top-25 opponent is genuinely impressive, even if he wasn’t at the top of his game in Saturday’s 51-10 win. He threw for 211 yards and two touchdowns and tossed two picks.
But the real story as Tennessee sets its sights on a playoff berth — or perhaps something more — is this defense is going to be a problem for a lot of teams. James Pearce Jr. is a magnet for double-teams, but he’s hardly alone on the Vols’ front, which racked up 13 tackles for loss against the Wolfpack. In all, NC State managed just 10 first downs, 143 total yards of offense and coughed up three turnovers. And somehow it was worse than those stats suggest.
Anyway, here’s hoping for the defense to shine in some low-scoring affairs the rest of the way, because once you’ve heard “Rocky Top” for the 200th time in the same game, you really don’t need to hear it again for a while.
2. Never trust a giant tub of mayonnaise with your special lady.
Tubby and Ms. Wuf hanging out during the commercial timeout pic.twitter.com/gvdVwnPrQY
— Jadyn Watson-Fisher (@jwatsonfisher) September 8, 2024
3. Tubby did deliver a few boxes of mayo-infused chocolate ganache macarons to the press box at halftime. Aside from Mr. Peanut, you rarely see that type of sophistication and class in a mascot.
4. Grayson McCall‘s final line: 15-of-22 for 104 yards and a pick-six.
It’s the worst performance Tennessee fans have seen by someone with a mullet not involving Billy Ray Cyrus.
5. NC State has perpetually lived at a base camp below college football’s summit, and each time it sets off for the peak, it’s kicked back down in the most agonizing way possible. So it was again on Saturday, with the Wolfpack’s latest chance to prove they belong on the short list of playoff contenders consumed by an avalanche of turnovers and busted coverages.
That’s the nice thing about NC State. It stays the same, so the rest of us can see how far we’ve come.
Anybody want to win?
Normally, a Pitt–Cincinnati game would simply be the easiest way to measure whether it’s better to put French fries inside a sandwich or cinnamon-flavored ground beef on top of spaghetti, but Saturday’s showdown was something so much more nauseating.
First, Cincinnati used an ugly Pitt interception and a failed fourth-down try near midfield to build a 27-6 lead with less than 5 minutes to play in the third quarter. Then its defense fell apart. Pitt engineered three straight touchdown drives but opted to go for two on each of the last two scores. It failed both times, thus leaving the Bearcats ahead 27-25.
But Cincinnati looked that gift dead in the eye and said, “No, thanks.” Then it immediately got its foot stuck in a bucket and tumbled down a flight of stairs. Worse, Pitt faced a fourth-and-3 with 1:22 left to play, but Cincinnati was flagged for disconcerting signals (which, to be fair, was about the least disconcerting thing Cincinnati had done in the fourth quarter) giving the Panthers a first down and, ultimately, setting up a go-ahead field goal.
The end result: Pitt 28, Cincinnati 27. Afterward, Pat Narduzzi and Scott Satterfield retreated to the parking lot and took turns stepping on a rake.
Leaf it to the refs
Kansas State‘s offense was far from crisp early Saturday, but linebacker Austin Romaine ensured it was still salad days in Manhattan, Kansas. Lettuce tell you how the Wildcats pulled off the comeback win.
K-State takes 4th-quarter lead on thrilling scoop-and-score
Kansas State goes ahead in the fourth quarter thanks to a clutch forced fumble, recovery and touchdown against Tulane.
Tulane was driving deep into Wildcats territory when Romaine remained as cool as an iceberg, shredding the O-line, sacking QB Darian Mensah and forcing a fumble. He scooped the ball, and with a full head of steam, he sprinted down the field endived into the end zone for the go-ahead TD. The play was downright radicchio-lous.
But lest any fans leaf early, Tulane wasn’t ready to kale it a day. Mensah wedged a throw to Yulkeith Brown just beyond the goal line for what appeared to be a game-tying touchdown, but the refs threw a flag for offensive pass interference, reversing the play before VJ Payne collard one last heave for an INT to seal the 34-27 win.
Tulane’s late TD catch called back for offensive pass interference
Tulane nearly ties the game against Kansas State with a last-second touchdown effort, but the score gets reversed due to a pass interference call.
There’s no dressing this up: For K-State, the victory was no little gem, even if Tulane will be green with envy for weeks to come.
Heisman five
Two weeks into the season is far too soon to properly handicap the Heisman race, but it seems unlikely anyone at NC State is going to win it.
1. Boise State RB Ashton Jeanty
The best player through two weeks has unquestionably been Jeanty. After rushing for 267 yards in the opener against Georgia Southern, Jeanty came within an eyelash of pushing Boise State past No. 7 Oregon with another 200 yards of offense and three touchdowns. Jeanty’s 459 rushing yards is the most by an FBS player through two games since Navy’s Shun White had 476 in 2008.
Sure, Miami played FCS Florida A&M in Week 2, which was hardly a major challenge. On the other hand, the No. 12 Canes were just 13-12 as a top-12 team since 2006 entering Saturday’s action, so anything that isn’t an epic disaster seems like progress. Ward was good — 304 passing yards, four total touchdowns — but the most important takeaway is, in the year 2024, Miami is the ACC’s standard bearer. Better late than never.
3. Texas QB Quinn Ewers
Three years ago, Ewers was college football’s version of the kid who hangs out in front of a 7-11 and bums smokes off people. Now, he’s a deputy sheriff in Fansville and just shredded one of the supposed best defenses in the country. It’s affirming to see such growth in our nation’s youth.
4. Colorado WR/CB Travis Hunter
He had nine catches for 89 yards, broke up a pass and had a tackle for loss. It all begs the question: Why doesn’t Colorado just build the whole team out of Travis Hunter?
5. Syracuse QB Kyle McCord
There’s a lot of John Hughes plotting to what’s happening at Syracuse right now. McCord gets dumped by the cutest girl at school (Ohio State), unexpectedly shows up at prom with one of the kids from the loser’s lunch table (Syracuse) and suddenly everyone sees things in a new light. McCord finds happiness in a relationship that isn’t purely about status, while Syracuse borrows its dad’s 1963 Corvette and starts wearing sunglasses indoors. We haven’t figured out how to get Molly Ringwald involved yet, but there’s a lot of season left to go.
Under-the-radar game of the week
It had been nearly five full years since the Division II Clarion Golden Eagles won on their home field. In the interim — a span of 1,798 days or three Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez marriages — we endured a global pandemic, the milk crate challenge and the entire Jeff Hafley era at Boston College.
But, thankfully, our long national nightmare is over. Clarion gave the home crowd (though no attendance was actually reported) something to cheer about, knocking off Lincoln (Pa.) University 20-9 on Thursday.
Clarion is actually off to a 2-0 start to the season, despite finishing with a losing record every year since 2015.
Clarion’s home-field win bodes well for other things that have been dormant since 2019, including Fyre Festival documentaries, basic cable and Clemson‘s offense.
So, pop on your favorite version of “Old Town Road” and crack open a White Claw. It’s feeling like old times.
Under-the-radar play of the week
There wasn’t a ton of speed on the field for Duke‘s double-OT win over Northwestern, but a rabbit loose in the end zone provided some needed athleticism in the second half.
Checking in on the Duke-Northwestern game… featuring a mascot chasing off an actual rabbit, followed by a fumble in the game. 🏈🐇 pic.twitter.com/XFhAC1D6es
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) September 7, 2024
So, to sum up: A cat mascot chasing a wild rabbit was followed immediately by a fumble that led to a game-tying field goal. After that, all that happened was a field goal with 14 seconds remaining to send the game to overtime, a 25-yard Maalik Murphy TD pass to send it to a second OT, another Murphy score and a Duke sack that sealed the game sometime around 2 a.m. Eastern, all on a field Northwestern built next to the lake using Lincoln logs and some loose wiring swiped from O’Hare Airport.
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Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior WriterNov 13, 2024, 11:40 AM ET
Close- Senior writer for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com
- 2-time Sports Emmy winner
- 2010, 2014 NMPA Writer of the Year
Inspirational thought of the week:
“Honestly, when we lose, I don’t even get in the shower until early this morning. I’ll just be mad. I just brush my teeth. It’s like, I don’t deserve soap.”
— Syracuse head coach Fran Brown
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the “sorry, not sorry” bouquet of water hemlocks sent to the Big 12 officiating office from Utah athletic director Mark Harlan, we know all too well the sting of losing football games. We see it every week in every game we watch.
Yeah, yeah, we know what you’re thinking. “Come on, dummy, someone loses every game that anyone watches.” That’s true. At least now it is. We are also old enough to remember when games ended in ties. That was way worse.
But here in the Bottom 10 Cinematic Universe, losses are worse because that’s all you experience. You’d think we’d get used to it, numb from the pain like when you keep accidentally biting that same spot on your tongue to the point that it just becomes sensory free. But instead, it’s like Bruce Banner explained about being the Hulk: “You see, I don’t get a suit of armor. I’m exposed. Like a nerve. It’s a nightmare.”
However, as we learned in “Age of Ultron,” even after one of his worst losses, Bruce Banner does take a shower. So, Coach Brown, take it from us, in a world where every team has a helluva lot more losses than Syracuse … dude, wash up. Seriously. We can smell you from here. And we’re in Kent, Ohio.
With apologies to Mr. Clean, former Miami (Ohio) quarterback Mike Bath, former Southern Illinois running back Wash Henry and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 11 Bottom 10 rankings.
The Golden(plated) Flashes are still America’s last winless FBS team, losing their 18th straight game when they were edged by Ohio 41-0. Now they travel to My Hammy of Ohio, where they are given a 2.8% chance to win by the ESPN Analytics Ouija board, er, I mean Matchup Predictor. But honestly, that game will only be the appetizer ahead of the, yes, Week 13 main course that is the Wagon Wheel showdown with Akronmonious. And by appetizer we mean way-past-the-expiration-date freezer-burned mini-pizza bagels.
The New Owls not only used their talons to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at UTEP, losing in double overtime, they earned Bottom 10 Bonus Points for firing their head coach — and during their first year as an FBS team, no less. Though the AD issued a statement that Brian Bohannon had “stepped down,” Bohannon himself responded on social media: “Contrary to what’s been reported, I want to be clear that I did not step down.” But there is no confusion as to whether the Owls have stepped up or down in these rankings, where every move up is also a move down.
Brett Favre Funding U. lost to We Are Marshall 37-3, meaning all eight of their defeats this season have been by double digits. In related news, I also received double digit political texts on Election Day — and one of those was from Favre. No, for real. I wonder, did he cover the data charges himself or did he steal change from the donation jar at his grocery store checkout?
Sometimes in this life we are asked to do things that go against the fiber of our being. Like taking your daughter to the concert of an artist you’ve never heard of. Or me having to use Earth’s most annoying instrument, the leaf blower. This weekend this team of Minutemen will be asked to try to defeat Liberty.
5. The Sunshine State
The Coveted Fifth Spot has never been more crowded. The FBS, FCS and NFL teams of Florida posted a 1-11 record over the weekend, salvaged only by the Miami Dolphins’ win over the Los Angeles Rams on “Monday Night Football.” UC(not S)F, US(not C)F, FA(not I)U, Stetson, Florida A&M and Bethune-Cookman all lost, led in misery by the Wildcats’ five-overtime loss to Southern. The Flori-duh Gate Doors celebrated the announced retaining of coach Billy Napier by losing to Texas in a squeaker 49-17. And My Hammy of Florida finally spotted an opponent a lead too large for a Cam Ward comeback and took its first loss of the season, falling to unranked Georgia Tech. If only someone else in the state could relate to that …
The Semi-No’s are continuing to work around the Coveted Fifth Spot by earning their Bottom 10 keep the old-fashioned way, not only losing to semi/sorta/kinda ACC member Notre Dame by a scant 52-3, but also earning a pile of their own Bottom 10 Bonus Points not by firing head coach Mike Norvell, but because Norvell fired both his offensive and defensive coordinators and a wide receivers coach. In related news, over the weekend a friend of mine steered his bass boat into a giant pile of sharp rocks and reacted by throwing his shirt and hat overboard.
It was three weekends ago that the Buttermakers lost to then-second-ranked Oregon 35-0. On Saturday, they lost to then-second-ranked Ohio State 45-0. Now they play sixth-ranked Penn State, and in two weeks end their season playing currently eighth-ranked Indiana. We have to assume that a team of professors from Purdue’s legendary mechanical engineering department is studying this experience as a way to assess the stress put on a school bus that is attempting to drive over a lava field covered in landmines.
The Minors have a weekend off to continue their post-Kennesaw victory party. And what’s the best way to snap yourself out of a two-week hangover? Hair of the dog? A cold bucket of water over the head? How about the hair of a coontick hound and a bucket of water from the river during a Week 13 trip to Neyland Stadium to play Tennessee?
Whatever is left of UTEP after Knoxville will then play whatever is left of the Other Aggies after their Week 12 trip to face the OG Aggies of Texas A&M. If there’s any justice in this world, then the loser and/or winner of that Aggie Bowl would go on to play …
The Other Other Aggies lost to the one-loss team the nation forgot about, Warshington State. But if you consider the week before that, we find a Bottom 10 conundrum. Utah State beat WhyOMGing? but the week before that lost to Whew Mexico by five points. Meanwhile, Wyoming, who lost to Utah State two weeks ago, spent last weekend beating New Mexico by five points. Perhaps we will be given some clarity when Wyoming ends the year at Washington State. Or perhaps we will have already given up. As so many here in the Bottom 10 seem to do.
Waiting list: Miss Sus Hippie State, Georgia State Not Southern, FA(not I)U, Akronmonious, Meh-dle Tennessee, WhyOMGing?, Temple of Doom, Living on Tulsa Time, You A Bee?, Standfird, people who put all those election signs up but now won’t take them down.
Sports
Bans remain for Bad Bunny agency execs, agent
Published
14 hours agoon
November 13, 2024By
admin-
Associated Press
Nov 13, 2024, 12:44 PM ET
NEW YORK — An arbitrator upheld five-year suspensions of the chief executives of Bad Bunny’s sports representation firm for making improper inducements to players and cut the ban of the company’s only certified baseball agent to three years.
Ruth M. Moscovitch issued the ruling Oct. 30 in a case involving Noah Assad, Jonathan Miranda and William Arroyo of Rimas Sports. The ruling become public Tuesday when the Major League Baseball Players Association filed a petition to confirm the 80-page decision in New York Supreme Court in Manhattan.
The union issued a notice of discipline on April 10 revoking Arroyo’s agent certification and denying certification to Assad and Miranda, citing a $200,000 interest-free loan and a $19,500 gift. It barred them from reapplying for five years and prohibited certified agents from associating with any of the three of their affiliated companies. Assad, Miranda and Arroyo then appealed the decision, and Moscovitch was jointly appointed as the arbitrator on June 17.
Moscovitch said the union presented unchallenged evidence of “use of non-certified personnel to talk with and recruit players; use of uncertified staff to negotiate terms of players’ employment; giving things of value – concert tickets, gifts, money – to non-client players; providing loans, money, or other things of value to non-clients as inducements; providing or facilitating loans without seeking prior approval or reporting the loans.”
“I find MLBPA has met its burden to prove the alleged violations of regulations with substantial evidence on the record as a whole,” she wrote. “There can be no doubt that these are serious violations, both in the number of violations and the range of misconduct. As MLBPA executive director Anthony Clark testified, he has never seen so many violations of so many different regulations over a significant period of time.”
María de Lourdes Martínez, a spokeswoman for Rimas Sports, said she was checking to see whether the company had any comment on the decision. Arroyo did not immediately respond to a text message seeking comment.
Moscovitch held four in-person hearings from Sept. 30 to Oct. 7 and three on video from Oct. 10-16.
“While these kinds of gifts are standard in the entertainment business, under the MLBPA regulations, agents and agencies simply are not permitted to give them to non-clients,” she said.
Arroyo’s clients included New York Mets catcher Francisco Alvarez and teammate Ronny Mauricio.
“While it is true, as MLBPA alleges, that Mr. Arroyo violated the rules by not supervising uncertified personnel as they recruited players, he was put in that position by his employers,” Moscovitch wrote. “The regulations hold him vicariously liable for the actions of uncertified personnel at the agency. The reality is that he was put in an impossible position: the regulations impose on him supervisory authority over all of the uncertified operatives at Rimas, but in reality, he was their underling, with no authority over anyone.”
Sports
Franco weapons charge: Court mandates check-ins
Published
14 hours agoon
November 13, 2024By
admin-
Juan Recio
Nov 13, 2024, 10:47 AM ET
Tampa Bay Rays shortstop Wander Franco on Wednesday was assigned monthly court-mandated check-ins while he awaits a court date to face charges of illegal use and possession of a firearm related to his arrest on Sunday after an armed altercation in the Dominican Republic countryside.
Franco, 23, was arrested in San Juan de la Maguana, 116 miles west of Santo Domingo, after what police said was an altercation in the parking lot of an apartment complex in which guns were drawn. Franco was held for questioning by police and granted provisional release.
He was brought by military police to court on Wednesday for his arraignment wearing a light grey hoodie covering his head and most of his face and kept his head bowed as he was led into the courtroom. He did not speak to reporters.
Prosecutors said a Glock with its magazine and 15 rounds of ammunition registered to Franco’s uncle was found in Franco’s black Mercedes-Benz at the time of the altercation.
The confrontation occurred Sunday between Franco, another man and the father of that man over Franco’s relationship with a woman prosecutors said lived in the apartment complex.
There were no injuries, and the involved parties agreed they will not press charges.
The use and possession of illegal firearms carries a maximum sentence of three to five years plus a fine. As part of Franco’s supervised release he will be responsible for checking in at the San Juan de la Maguana court on the 30th of each month. No court date has yet been assigned to hear the weapons charge.
Franco, who was placed on indefinite administrative leave from Major League Baseball on Aug. 22, 2023, is due to stand trial in the Dominican Republic on Dec. 12 in a separate case involving charges of sexual abuse, sexual exploitation against a minor and human trafficking that could result in a sentence of up to 20 years.
Franco was placed on MLB’s restricted list in July, sources had told ESPN, after prosecutors in the Dominican Republic accused him of having a sexual relationship with a then-14-year-old girl.
He is also under an MLB investigation under its domestic violence, sexual assault and child abuse policy until the case is resolved.
The court summoned Franco and the mother of the girl for the trial after an investigation that opened in 2022. The case will be heard by a panel of three or five judges.
The Rays gave Franco an 11-year, $182 million extension in 2021, just 70 games into his major league career.
He made the All-Star team for the first time in 2023.
Information from The Associated Press was used in this report.
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