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Inspirational thought of the week:

So put me in the ground

Put me six foot down

And let the stone say

“Here lies the girl whose only crutch, Was loving one man just a little too much”

If you go before I do, I’m gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two

Dig two

— “Better Dig Two,” The Band Perry

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the medical tent where the neck braces are stored to help Joey Galloway heal from whiplash after entire Saturdays of rapidly turning his head to go “WTH?” after every point made by Dan Mullen, we know that the college football seasons make the clubhouse turn into the back nine, the room where we live can become a rapidly emptying place.

At the start of each autumn, coaches love to remind us that every team in the land is beginning the season with a zero in the loss column. But never do they dare go through the Bottom 10 looking glass and allow themselves to be reminded that every team in the land also kicks off with a zero on the other side of that hyphen, or dash, or whatever it is, in the win column.

So, while those who claim to love the game continue to count and recount the dwindling number of FBS programs that remain undefeated, we here, who truly adore this sport on a deeper level, like to remind everyone of the other countdown of records. Those teams that are still seeking their first victory of the fall.

The room of undefeateds is still in double digits, a whopping 10. So what’s the point in applauding that? Here in the Bottom 10 Cinematic Universe, we are down to only two winless squads. The unbeaten room is so crowded we are going to call the fire marshal. Our room, the beaten room, college football’s most exclusive club, only needs a fire extinguisher.

With apologies to Deuce McAllister, David “The Deuce” Palmer, Duce Staley, Rob Base and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 8 Bottom 10 rankings:

The Golden(plated) Flashes lost their 16th straight game, to four-loss Boiling Green after losing a Pillow Fight of the Week to four-loss Baller State, and now they face three-loss Western Not Eastern Or Central Michigan, who sit atop the #MACtion standings. This is awesome if you’ve ever dreamed of seeing someone fall up a flight of stairs.


The New Owls on the Block (NO²TB) came off their bye week and resumed their chase of Kent as the nation’s only remaining oh-fer teams. Now Kennesaw Mountain will spend Wednesday night traveling to Liberty Mountain, where the undefeated Flames open every game with a prayer before leaving opponents without one.


The Eagles make a big jump/fall in these rankings, thanks in part to being one of the first FBS programs to fire its head coach (heeeey, East Carolina …) and also because they found a potential Fun Belt dancing partner for a potential season finale Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year of Century, or PFOWYOC, pronounced “puh-fow-yok,” which is also what Will Hall angrily called everyone in the front office as he was escorted out. And who is that PFOWYOC against?


The East Coast Trojans, who have charged into the top bottom four after three straight Fun Belt losses and now face the Fightin’ Butches of Arkansaw State, the same team that just ended Will Hall’s tenure in Hattiesburg.


A yellow flag was thrown on the field. Then Horns fans threw a bunch of stuff on the field. Then the flag was picked up off the field. Then the trash was picked up off the field. But … there was never another flag thrown because of the stuff thrown on the field?


The good news for the Blazers is that even though they keep losing, no one can see it because the entire state of Alabama is shrouded in thick white smoke from the dumpster fire on the Plains and the panic attacks in Tuscaloosa.


The Other Other Aggies continue their 2026 Pac-12 Admittance party by playing like a 2022 Pac-12 team, falling to 1-6 after losing to New Mexico’s non-Aggies. Now, while we are obsessing over current #MACtion PFOWYs and future Fun Belt PFOWYOCs, Utah State is hitting the road for a showdown that has snuck up on us, against …


The Chowboys knew the way to San Jose, but unfortunately, Spartans wideout Nick Nash knew the way to the end zone for the seventh straight game. If Wyoming is going to fulfill its dream of three-peating as Arizona Bowl champions, it can’t lose again this season.


New Duke head coach Manny Diaz has now successfully beaten the coach who embarrassed him at Texas, UNC’s Mack Brown, his alma mater FSU, and in two weeks has a chance to ruin the year for the school that fired him three years ago, Miami. The last time someone went through ACC country like this, they were carrying orders from Sherman.


The Buttermakers are 1-6 and 0-4 in conference play. After an open date, they host Northworstern, which is 3-4 and 1-3 in the conference. With all the changes in college football, especially in the Big Ten, this game is like being wrapped up in an old blanket from your grandma’s house. Sure, it needs to be washed and it smells like a gym sock dipped in kitty litter and VapoRub, but at least it’s familiar.

Waiting list: UMess, FI(notA)U, UTEPid (aka the team that just beat FIU), Temple of Doom, Living on Tulsa Time (aka the team that just lost to Temple of Doom), Whew Mexico State, Me-dle Tennessee, Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-Tech, Baller State, Miss Sus Hippie State, Snore Eagle, Akronmonious, flopping.

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Filly Thorpedo Anna wins Horse of the Year

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Filly Thorpedo Anna wins Horse of the Year

PALM BEACH, Fla. — Thorpedo Anna won Horse of the Year honors at the Eclipse Awards on Thursday night, becoming only the second 3-year-old filly to beat male competition for the top trophy.

Trained by Ken McPeek, she earned six Grade 1 victories last year, including the Kentucky Oaks, and finished second in the Travers to Fierceness. She also claimed 3-year-old filly honors in the 54th annual ceremony at The Breakers Palm Beach.

Thorpedo Anna received 193 out of a possible 240 first-place votes. Sierra Leone finished second with 10 votes and Fierceness received five.

Filly Rachel Alexandra was the 2009 Horse of the Year.

Sierra Leone, winner of the Breeders’ Cup Classic in November, won 3-year-old male honors.

Chad Brown won his fifth career Eclipse as Trainer of the Year. He trains Sierra Leone, who lost a dramatic three-way photo finish to the McPeek-trained Mystik Dan in the Kentucky Derby and finished third in the Belmont Stakes. Brown was the leading money earner among North American trainers with over $30 million in purses.

“I finally beat Ken McPeek in a photo,” Brown joked. “If you want to trade photos, I’ll take the Derby.”

Flavien Prat, who won two Breeders’ Cup races last year including the Classic, was voted top jockey. The 32-year-old Frenchman broke Jerry Bailey’s record with 56 graded stakes victories in the year.

“It’s a lot of hard work, dedication and it couldn’t have been done without the support of all the owners, the trainers, their dedicated staff and horses, of course,” Prat said.

Erik Asmussen, the youngest son of North America’s all-time leading trainer, Steve Asmussen, earned apprentice jockey honors. The 22-year-old, who is based in Texas, rode his first career winner last January at Sam Houston Park. Asmussen’s uncle, Cash, won the same award in 1979.

“This game means everything to me,” an emotional Asmussen said. “Thank you to my family. I got the best group around me. Most importantly, just thank you to the horses. They’re special.”

Godolphin LLC was honored as outstanding owner for the fifth consecutive year, while Godolphin was voted as top breeder.

Citizen Bull was named the 2-year-old male champion, while 2-year-old filly honors went to Immersive.

Other winners were: National Treasure as older dirt male; Idiomatic as older dirt female; Straight No Chaser as male sprinter; Soul of an Angel as female sprinter; Ireland-bred Rebel’s Romance as male turf horse; Moira as female turf horse; and Snap Decision as steeplechase horse.

The awards are voted on by the National Thoroughbred Racing Association, Daily Racing Form and the National Turf Writers and Broadcasters.

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Ichiro wants to have drink with lone HOF holdout

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Ichiro wants to have drink with lone HOF holdout

COOPERSTOWN, N.Y. — Ichiro Suzuki wants to raise a glass with the voter who chose not to check off his name on the Hall of Fame ballot.

“There’s one writer that I wasn’t able to get a vote from,” he said through an interpreter Thursday, two days after receiving 393 of 394 votes from the Baseball Writers’ Association of America. “I would like to invite him over to my house, and we’ll have a drink together, and we’ll have a good chat.”

Suzuki had been to the Hall seven times before attending a news conference Thursday with fellow electees CC Sabathia and Billy Wagner. The trio will be inducted July 27 along with Dave Parker and Dick Allen, voted in last month by the classic era committee.

Suzuki struggled to process being the first player from Japan elected to the Hall.

“Maybe five, 10 years from now I could look back and maybe we’ll be able to say this is what it meant,” he said.

BBWAA secretary-treasurer Jack O’Connell recalled Suzuki was at the Hall in 2001 when he called to inform the Seattle star he had been voted American League Rookie of the Year. Suzuki received 27 of 28 first-place votes, all but one from an Ohio writer who selected Sabathia.

“He stole my Rookie of the Year,” Sabathia said playfully.

Sabathia remembered a game at Safeco Field on July 30, 2005. He had worked with Cleveland pitching coach Carl Willis in a bullpen session on a pitch he could throw to retire Suzuki, which turned out to be a slider.

“I get two strikes on Ichi and he hits it off the window,” Sabathia said of the 428-foot drive off the second-deck restaurant in right field, at the time the longest home run of Suzuki’s big league career. “Come back around his next at-bat, throw it to him again, first pitch he hits it out again.”

Suzuki’s second home run broke a sixth-inning tie in the Mariners’ 3-2 win.

As the trio discussed their favorite memorabilia, Suzuki mentioned a mock-up Hall of Fame plaque the Hall had created — not a design for the real one — that included his dog, Ikkyu.

“Our dog and then Bob Feller’s cat are the only animals to have the Hall of Fame plaque. That is something that I cherish,” Suzuki said, referring to a mock-up with the pitcher’s cat, Felix.

Sabathia helped the New York Yankees win the World Series in 2009 after agreeing to a $161 million, seven-year contract as a free agent. Sabathia started his big league career in Cleveland, finished the 2008 season in Milwaukee and was apprehensive about signing with the Yankees before he was persuaded by general manager Brian Cashman.

“Going into the offseason, I just heard all of the stuff that was going on, the turmoil in the Yankees clubhouse,” Sabathia said. “Pretty quick, like two or three days into spring training, me and Andy [Pettitte] are running in the outfield, I get a chance to meet [Derek] Jeter, we’re hanging out, and the pitching staff, we’re going to dinners, we’re going to basketball games together. So it didn’t take long at all before I felt like this was the right decision.”

Sabathia was on 342 ballots and Wagner on 325 (82.5%), which was 29 votes more than the 296 needed for the required 75%. While Suzuki and Sabathia were elected in their first ballot appearance, Wagner was voted in on his 10th and final try with the writers.

Even two days after learning of his election, Wagner had tears streaming down his cheeks when he thought back to the call. His face turned red.

“It’s humbling,” he said, his voice quavering before he paused. “I don’t know if it’s deserving, but to sit out 10 years and have your career scrutinized and stuff, it’s tough.”

Wagner, who is 5-foot-10, became the first left-hander elected to the Hall who was primarily a reliever. He thought of the words of 5-foot-11 right-hander Pedro Martínez, voted to Cooperstown in 2015.

“I hope kids around see that there is a chance that you can get here and it is possible, that size and where you’re from doesn’t matter,” Wagner said. “I think Pedro said it first, but if I can get here, anyone can get here.”

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Braves sign outfielder Profar to 3-year, $42M deal

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Braves sign outfielder Profar to 3-year, M deal

Outfielder Jurickson Profar and the Atlanta Braves agreed on a three-year, $42 million contract Thursday, uniting the veteran coming off a career year with a team that has struggled in recent years to find a suitable left fielder.

Profar, 31, was a revelation for the San Diego Padres last year, hitting .280/.380/.459 with a career-high 24 home runs and 85 RBIs. Once the top prospect in all of baseball, Profar made his first All-Star team and won a Silver Slugger — all on a one-year, $1 million deal.

He cashed in with the Braves, who outbid a number of teams interested in Profar’s on-base skills as well as his energy that invigorated Padres supporters and infuriated rival fan bases.

Profar will join center fielder Michael Harris II and right fielder Ronald Acuña Jr., the former National League MVP coming off a torn left ACL just three years after tearing the ligament in his right knee. Without Acuña for most of last season, the Braves’ offense suffered a deep regression from 2023, when they set a single-season team record with a .501 slugging percentage.

The switch-hitting Profar can slot almost anywhere in the lineup, though he figures to begin the season toward the top as Acuña continues to rehab his knee. Beyond Harris and Acuña, Atlanta’s lineup includes All-Star third baseman Austin Riley, second baseman Ozzie Albies and first baseman Matt Olson. Profar will receive $12 million this year and $15 million in 2026 and 2027.

Atlanta is typically one of the most aggressive teams in baseball, striking early in free agency and with trades. After trading slugger Jorge Soler in late October, the Braves dabbled in minor league deals and watched as starter Max Fried went to the New York Yankees, starter Charlie Morton went to the Baltimore Orioles and reliever A.J. Minter went to the New York Mets.

Profar is Atlanta’s first real addition this winter after sneaking into the postseason at 89-73 and promptly getting swept by San Diego. He has spent all 11 years of his major league career in the West divisions, debuting at 19 with the Texas Rangers. Profar never fulfilled his potential there and went to Oakland in 2019 before settling with the Padres, where he became a full-time outfielder. Over 1,119 games in his career, Profar has hit .245/.331/.395 with 111 home runs and 444 RBIs in 4,291 plate appearances.

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