End-of-season Bottom 10: Stacking up the best of the worst
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Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior Writer
Inspirational thought of the week:
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying, “I’m sorry for that night”
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine
I’d go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
— Taylor Swift, “Back to December”
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the giant industrial fans used to cool the massive warehouse of computer servers that store Pete Thamel’s contact list, we come once again to Championship Weekend, which means it’s time for us at the Bottom 10 to make like the head coach of a college football team named the Owls and get the hell out of town.
But before we commenced with our annual Scotch-Irish exit out the side door that sets off the fire alarm, we assembled our Bottom 10 Selection Committee to help sort out the final rankings. When we shouted into the air “Bottom 10, assemble!” we were immediately joined by our usual list of longtime esteemed colleagues that includes me, my dad, Captain Morgan (aka my stepdad), former LSU coach Ed Orgeron, current Northwest Oklahoma defensive coordinator Jerry Glanville and Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero, the man who joined forces with Sinbad and Supervisory Special Agent Dwayne Cassius Pride to save the Texas State Armadillos from the death penalty.
Bo Pelini served on the committee one year ago but never showed up this time around, so we replaced him with Mack Brown, who immediately tried to cast five votes for North Carolina. For the second consecutive season, we also invited Jimbo Fisher but were told that he was too busy racing Rich Rod and Anthony Becht in kayaks up the Monongahela River toward Morgantown.
As per usual, we were told by the posh Gaylord Texan, where the hoity-toity College Football Playoff people hang out, that there was no room at the inn. So we hotwired an RV from a nearby Buc-ee’s and parked it behind an abandoned Dickey’s BBQ adjacent to the Gaylord, so close that it allowed Coach O to irritate Mike Riley and Gary Pinkel by aiming a laser pointer at them through the conference room blinds.
One more sleep until the final #Bottom10 rankings of 2024. It’s crowded in here, but the Bottom 10 Selection Committee is used to cramped quarters…and potpourri spray. pic.twitter.com/0TD6NaTpVU
— Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) December 3, 2024
And once again we leaned on our Bottom 10 FPI formula. No, not the ESPN Football Power Index, but rather the Faux Pas Index.
Because everyone loves math, here’s how it works. Teams receive one point for each win, minus one point for each loss, minus one point for each loss of their longest losing streak of the year, plus a minus-10 bonus if that longest losing streak is currently active. We also subtract the number of points they have surrendered on the season from the number of points they scored, subtract or add points based on their season turnover margin and subtract their weakness of schedule (WoS) ranking. If a team fired its head coach, that earned a 50-point subtraction, aka the Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus.
Divide all of that by the number of games played, and there’s your Bottom 10 FPI score. See? Simple as pie. A Shaker lemon cherry rhubarb strawberry walnut pecan quiche with lattice crust and cranberry-pear cookie crumble topping.
So, with apologies to Tulsa lineman Ender Aguilar, former Toledo Rocket Alex Enders, former Wisconsin kicker Andrew Endicott and Steve Harvey, here are the season-ending Bottom 10 rankings for 2024.
Wins: +0
Losses: -12
Longest losing streak: -12 (current -10)
Point differential: -362 (167 for, 529 against)
Turnover margin: -9
WoS: -46
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -451
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -37.58
Nick Saban’s alma mater successfully defended its 2023 Bottom 10 title by finishing the season as the nation’s only 12-loss team. Saban also lost 12 games … over his last nine years at Alabama.
Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -19 (current -10)
Point differential: -202 (117 for, 319 against)
Turnover margin: -19
WoS: -110
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -420
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -35
The Molden Eagles nearly swooped in for the Bottom 10 upset as Kent’s season finished early with some midweek #MACtion and Southern Miss played one more game, a 10th straight loss, the nation’s third-longest active losing streak. They did so by surrendering 21 points in less than two minutes to season-long Bottom 10 Wait Lister Troy Bolton State. The bad news is all of the above. The good news is that Brett Favre has already filed the paperwork to see if the season qualifies for disaster relief so he can use the funds to buy the team the gold-plated private plane used in the movie “Richie Rich.”
Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -4 (current -10)
Point differential: -210 (300 for, 510 against)
Turnover margin: -7
WoS: -133
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -420
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -35
In other gold-covered natural disaster news, the Golden Hurricane didn’t just lose their last four games, they lost them by surrendering 59, 38, 63 and 63 points, including three games against EC-Yew, You A Bee? and FA(not I)U, all of whom spent large chunks of time in the Bottom 10 this season.
Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -11 (current -10)
Point differential: -290 (189 for, 479 against)
Turnover margin: -14
WoS: -6
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -391
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -32.58
The Buttermakers churn into winter riding the nation’s second-longest losing streak, their only 2024 win coming in Week 1 against the Indiana State Sycamores. In their defense, they did play the nation’s sixth-toughest schedule, according to our ESPN Analytics Ouija board of truth. Also in their defense, Sycamores are tough to chop down, so they were pretty tired.
Ryan Day is 66-10 at Ohio State, but 1-4 against Michigan. On the flip side, Jim Harbaugh at Michigan was 0-5 against Ohio State before winning his last three. On the flip side of that, Harbaugh also had that guy named after a bunch of horses stealing signs for him. On the flip side of that, I’ve tried to watch that Netflix documentary about that guy like five times but keep turning it off because I can’t see that sign-stealing guy as the sort of sympathetic genius that he wants me to. On the flip side of that, Ohio State fans are having a hard time seeing Day as a sympathetic genius, either.
Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -6
Point differential: -176 (198 for, 374 against)
Turnover margin: -6
WoS: -132
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -378
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -31.5
Who outlasted all Owl-based FBS programs this season? Kennesaw, that’s who. That’s who also beat out the Rice Owls, FA(not)U Owls and Temple of Doom Owls, all of who-m fired their head owls this season. But who fired their coach, who then showed up to hoot it with his former pigskin parliament the next weekend anyway? These Owls, that’s who.
Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -5
Point differential: -176 (259 for, 435 against)
Turnover margin: -13
WoS: -108
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -308
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -25.67
The Other Aggies had climbed out of the Bottom 10 like Bruce Wayne from that deep-hole prison in that movie where no one could understand what the bad guy was saying and appeared to be in the clear after outdueling fellow CUSA scrambler Muddled Tennessee State two weekends ago. But then they dropped the season’s final Pillow Fight of the Week, literally, with two fumbles that were returned for two UTEPid touchdowns. It was a finale fight almost as badly choreographed as that same movie’s finale fight between Batman and Bane.
Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -4 (current -10)
Point differential: -156 (270 for, 426 against)
Turnover margin: -1
WoS: -74
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -303
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -25.25
The Minuet-men employed the same battle tactics they employed at Bunker Hill, waiting until they saw the whites of their enemies’ eyes. Unfortunately, in football that means you’ve already been run over.
Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -6
Point differential: -151 (185 for, 336 against)
Turnover margin: -16
WoS: -11
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -192
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -16
The Semi-No’s spent their entire offseason in court desperately trying to prove they had no business playing football in the ACC. Then they spent the entire season proving beyond a shadow of doubt that, no, they certainly didn’t.
Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10)
Point differential: -101 (326 for, 427 against)
Turnover margin: -8
WoS: -35
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -169
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -14.08
Back in July, the Fightin’ Gundys were picked by many to be spending this weekend playing in the Big 12 championship game. Instead, they went 0-9 in the conference and ended the season with the nation’s fourth-longest losing streak. It’s enough to make someone declare that they are a man and they are 40, even after a season like this one, when they looked 90.
Waiting list: Miss Sus Hippie State, FI(not A)U, FA(not I)U, Temple of Doom, Baller State, Georgia State Not Southern, Why OMG?, UTEPid, Muddled Tennessee State, treating flag planting like a TikTok trend.
Hard-throwing rookie Jacob Misiorowski is a National League All-Star replacement, giving the Milwaukee Brewers right-hander a chance to break Paul Skenes‘ record for the fewest big league appearances before playing in the Midsummer Classic.
Misiorowski was named Friday night to replace Chicago Cubs lefty Matthew Boyd, who will be unavailable for the All-Star Game on Tuesday night in Atlanta because he is scheduled to start Saturday at the New York Yankees.
The 23-year-old Misiorowski has made just five starts for the Brewers, going 4-1 with a 2.81 ERA while averaging 99.3 mph on his fastball, with 89 pitches that have reached 100 mph.
If he pitches at Truist Park, Misiorowski will make it consecutive years for a player to set the mark for fewest big league games before an All-Star showing.
Skenes, the Pittsburgh Pirates right-hander getting ready for his second All-Star appearance, had made 11 starts in the majors when he was chosen as the NL starter for last year’s All-Star Game at Texas. He pitched a scoreless inning.
“I’m speechless,” said a teary-eyed Misiorowski, who said he was given the news a few minutes before the Brewers’ 8-3 victory over Washington. “It’s awesome. It’s very unexpected and it’s an honor.”
Misiorowski is the 30th first-time All-Star and 16th replacement this year. There are now 80 total All-Stars.
“He’s impressive. He’s got some of the best stuff in the game right now, even though he’s a young pitcher,” said Yankees slugger Aaron Judge, who is a starting AL outfielder for his seventh All-Star nod. “He’s going to be a special pitcher in this game for a long time so I think he deserved it and it’s going be pretty cool for him and his family.”
Carlos Rodón, Carlos Estévez and Casey Mize were named replacement pitchers on the AL roster.
The New York Yankees‘ Rodón, an All-Star for the third time in five seasons, will replace teammate Max Fried for Tuesday’s game in Atlanta. Fried will be unavailable because he is scheduled to start Saturday against the Chicago Cubs.
In his final start before the All-Star game, Rodón allowed four hits and struck out eight in eight innings in an 11-0 victory over the Cubs.
“This one’s a little special for me,” said Rodón, an All-Star in 2021 and ’22 who was 3-8 in his first season with the Yankees two years ago before rebounding. “I wasn’t good when I first got here, and I just wanted to prove that I wasn’t to going to give up and just put my best foot forward and try to win as many games as I can.”
The Kansas City Royals‘ Estévez replaces Texas’ Jacob deGrom, who is scheduled to start at Houston on Saturday night. Estévez was a 2023 All-Star when he was with the Los Angeles Angels.
Mize takes the spot held by Boston‘s Garrett Crochet, who is scheduled to start Saturday against Tampa Bay. Mize gives the Tigers six All-Stars, most of any team and tied for the franchise record.
Royals third baseman Maikel Garcia will replace Tampa Bay‘s Brandon Lowe, who went on the injured list with left oblique tightness. The additions of Estévez and Garcia give the Royals four All-Stars, matching their 2024 total.
The Seattle Mariners announced center fielder Julio Rodríguez will not participate, and he was replaced by teammate Randy Arozarena. Rodríguez had been voted onto the AL roster via the players’ ballot. The Mariners, who have five All-Stars, said Rodríguez will use the break to “recuperate, rest and prepare for the second half.”
Arozarena is an All-Star for the second time. He started in left field for the AL two years ago, when he was with Tampa Bay. Arozarena was the runner-up to Vladimir Guerrero Jr. in the 2023 Home Run Derby.
Rays right-hander Drew Rasmussen, a first-time All-Star, is replacing Angels left-hander Yusei Kikuchi, who is scheduled to start Saturday night at Arizona. Rasmussen is 7-5 with a 2.82 ERA in 18 starts.
San Diego added a third NL All-Star reliever in lefty Adrián Morejón, who replaces Philadelphia starter Zack Wheeler. The Phillies’ right-hander is scheduled to start at San Diego on Saturday night. Morejón entered the weekend with a 1.71 ERA in 45 appearances.
DETROIT — Cal Raleigh hit his 37th and 38th home runs in Seattle‘s 12-3 victory over Detroit on Friday night to move within one of Barry Bonds’ 2001 major league record for homers before the All-Star break.
Raleigh hit a solo homer off former teammate Tyler Holton in the eighth to tie the American League record of 37 before the All-Star break set by Reggie Jackson in 1969 and matched by Chris Davis in 2013.
“[Holton] and I are really good friends, and I’ve caught a lot of his pitches,” said Raleigh, who was in the lineup as the designated hitter instead of at catcher. “I don’t think that helped much, but I’m sure he’s not very happy with me.”
Raleigh hit a grand slam off Brant Hurter in the ninth.
“I didn’t even know it was a record until just now,” Raleigh said. “I don’t have words for it, I guess. I’m just very grateful and thankful.”
It was Raleigh’s eighth multihomer game this season, tying Jackson (also in 1969) for the most such games before the All-Star break in MLB history, according to ESPN Research. He also tied Ken Griffey Jr. for the most multihomer games in Mariners franchise history.
Seattle has two games left in Detroit before the break.
“Cal Raleigh … this is just unbelievable,” Mariners manager Dan Wilson said. “He’s already set the AL record and now he’s only one short of Barry. There are two games, so who knows?”
Raleigh hit 10 homers in March and April, 12 in May, 11 in June and has five in July.
“This is a very boring comment, but baseball is all about consistency,” Wilson said. “This hasn’t been one hot streak, he’s doing this month after month. That says everything.”
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
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