NHL Power Rankings: Capitals take over No. 1 spot, plus each team’s fantasy MVP
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Sean Allen, Special to ESPN.com
The midway point of the 2024-25 NHL occurred recently, which led to a slew of content this week: Midseason grades for all 32 teams, the Panic Meter, and the Wyshynski Awards at midseason.
But which fantasy players have been the MVP at this juncture?
In this week’s edition of the Power Rankings, we have identified that player for each club. And a reminder, it’s not too late to sign up for a team!
How we rank: A panel of ESPN hockey commentators, analysts, reporters and editors sends in a 1-32 poll based on the games through Wednesday, which generates our master list.
Note: Previous ranking for each team refers to the previous edition, published Jan. 10. Points percentages and paces are through Thursday’s games.
Previous ranking: 2
Points percentage: 72.22%
Tom Wilson, RW. It’s honestly hard to pick one Capital for this fantasy MVP award, as it’s been such a great season. Logan Thompson, Connor McMichael, Dylan Strome, Jakob Chychrun … even an injury-shortened run from Alex Ovechkin has been epic so far. But Wilson is the team’s fantasy leader as of Wednesday, with one more fantasy point than Thompson, so let’s acknowledge the effort.
Next eight days: vs. PIT (Jan. 18), @ EDM (Jan. 21), @ SEA (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 3
Points percentage: 70.65%
Connor Hellebuyck, G. He’s not just the Jets’ fantasy MVP, he’s easily the NHL fantasy MVP this season! Hellebuyck has a 35-point lead on Nathan MacKinnon for the most overall fantasy points and is pushing into territory we haven’t seen in the modern NHL. Carey Price has the 15-year water mark at 313.6 fantasy points in 2014-15 and Hellebuyck is on pace to beat it.
Next eight days: vs. CGY (Jan. 18), @ UTA (Jan. 20), @ COL (Jan. 22)
Previous ranking: 1
Points percentage: 69.32%
Jack Eichel, C. Health has been a big reason why, but it’s still a shock to think that Eichel hasn’t scored more than 82 points in a season. Well, he’s going to blow the doors off that career mark this campaign as he’s well on his way to triple digits!
Next eight days: @ CAR (Jan. 17), @ CHI (Jan. 18), vs. STL (Jan. 20), @ STL (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 7
Points percentage: 67.78%
Leon Draisaitl, C. Chicken or egg, we may never know, but Draisaitl is the easy pick from the Oilers even though he’s on a team with the consensus best player on the planet. His fantasy returns are through the roof and he’s dominating in the offensive categories at a per-game rate only eclipsed by two other players. No one is sad even if he was picked first overall at the draft — which he probably wasn’t.
Next eight days: @ VAN (Jan. 18), vs. WSH (Jan. 21), vs. VAN (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 8
Points percentage: 64.77%
Jake Oettinger, G. It hasn’t been a straight line to get there, but here at the halfway mark, Oettinger is the top-five goaltender we drafted. That’s worthy of fantasy MVP on a team with most of the other personnel putting up totals that lag behind last season.
Next eight days: @ COL (Jan. 18), vs. DET (Jan. 19), vs. CAR (Jan. 21)
Previous ranking: 5
Points percentage: 64.44%
Kirill Kaprizov, LW. He’s missed 10 games and still has the lead in fantasy points for the Wild, though Filip Gustavsson might catch him). Actually, if Kaprizov wasn’t so extremely dialed in, Gustavsson may have been worthy of the nod here for answering the bell as the unquestioned starter after a down season in 2023-24.
Next eight days: @ NSH (Jan. 18), @ COL (Jan. 20), vs. UTA (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 9
Points percentage: 61.70%
Jacob Markstrom, G. Forget fantasy MVP, maybe just plain MVP. The Devils knew they needed a reliable goalie to change their fortunes in the standings, and Markstrom has more than filled that void. It’s a bonus for us in the fantasy game that the results have translated well and he’s (distant, admittedly) second to Connor Hellebuyck among all goalies.
Next eight days: vs. PHI (Jan. 18), vs. OTT (Jan. 19), vs. BOS (Jan. 22)
Previous ranking: 4
Points percentage: 63.04%
Anthony Stolarz and Joseph Woll, G. Maybe the fantasy MVP should be coach Craig Berube, who brought his defensive stylings to a team that seemed to have had an appetite for it all along. Both Stolarz and Woll have proven to be worthy of fantasy rosters — especially in leagues that allow daily lineup changes to pick the actual starter. They rank fourth and 13th respectively for fantasy points per game.
Next eight days: @ MTL (Jan. 18), vs. TB (Jan. 20), vs. CBJ (Jan. 22)
Previous ranking: 11
Points percentage: 61.11%
Shayne Gostisbehere, D. Averaging half a point per game with the man advantage, Gostisbehere is just what the Hurricanes needed to elevate their special teams this season. He’s not just a great fantasy starter, but he’s lifted all boats for the Hurricanes by making the power play more dangerous. That’s true fantasy MVP status.
Next eight days: vs. VGK (Jan. 17), @ CHI (Jan. 20), @ DAL (Jan. 21), vs. CBJ (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 6
Points percentage: 65.48%
Brandt Clarke, D. Though the sun is setting on his time in the spotlight and one could argue it’s been fading since his early season returns, Clarke did a stand-up job of filling in for Drew Doughty as the Kings power-play quarterback until the veteran returns, which for the record, is expected to be soon.
Next eight days: @ SEA (Jan. 18), vs. PIT (Jan. 20), vs. FLA (Jan. 22)
Previous ranking: 12
Points percentage: 59.78%
Nathan MacKinnon, C. One of only two skaters averaging 3.0 fantasy points per game, MacKinnon is a fantasy MVP even relative to his starting value, which couldn’t possibly have been any higher for the top player drafted in most leagues. There are no complaints if you want to give this to Mikko Rantanen or Cale Makar, who are right there with him.
Next eight days: vs. DAL (Jan. 18), vs. MIN (Jan. 20), vs. WPG (Jan. 22)
Previous ranking: 10
Points percentage: 59.78%
Sam Reinhart, RW. Leon Draisaitl, Alex Ovechkin, Dany Heatley … Reinhart? If he keeps up his current pace, he’ll join an exclusive group of players with consecutive 50-goal seasons in the post-lockout era. How’s that for an answer as to whether he can repeat his fantasy value from his contract season?
Next eight days: vs. ANA (Jan. 18), @ ANA (Jan. 21), @ LA (Jan. 22)
Previous ranking: 13
Points percentage: 59.30%
Nikita Kucherov, RW. Life without Steven Stamkos has been just fine for Kucherov, as Jake Guentzel has filled the void on the power play. He joins only Nathan MacKinnon in the rarified air of earning 3.0 fantasy points per game as a skater. Brandon Hagel emerging as a fantasy lock would be another consideration here, but Kucherov is too good to pass on.
Next eight days: vs. DET (Jan. 18), @ TOR (Jan. 20), @ MTL (Jan. 21)
Previous ranking: 15
Points percentage: 55.68%
Jonathan Huberdeau, LW. Cast aside after the terrible fantasy showing last season, Huberdeau was widely available for fantasy teams when it became clear he was having a bounce-back campaign. Rookie Dustin Wolf was an equally eligible choice here as he continues his takeover of the crease.
Next eight days: @ WPG (Jan. 18), vs. BUF (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 14
Points percentage: 54.55%
Kevin Lankinen, G. Although the fantasy value is starting to fade as Thatcher Demko creeps back into the picture, Lankinen was a boon to rosters for months as his replacement. And it was a very late replacement, as he wasn’t even on the Canucks roster until after some fantasy drafts. But with Demko still not seemingly 100 percent, maybe the ride isn’t over.
Next eight days: vs. EDM (Jan. 18), vs. BUF (Jan. 21), @ EDM (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 18
Points percentage: 55.56%
Zach Werenski, D. Mike Green’s 31 goals in 2008-09 still stands as the 21st century mark to beat for a defender. Werenski picked up two on Tuesday to put him on pace for 28. The results are only made better by the fact that he was a typically an 11th round draft pick in most leagues.
Next eight days: @ NYR (Jan. 18), @ NYI (Jan. 20), @ TOR (Jan. 22), @ CAR (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 16
Points percentage: 54.55%
Brady Tkachuk, LW. Five-category forwards are a rare commodity, but Tkachuk checks all the boxes for fantasy production. But he’s not just checking them, he’s filling the boxes in with a permanent Sharpie and signing them. He’s top 10 in both shots on goal and hits!
Next eight days: vs. BOS (Jan. 18), @ NJ (Jan. 19), @ NYR (Jan. 21), @ BOS (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 19
Points percentage: 53.26%
David Pastrnak, RW. Like … who else are we going to pick? Jeremy Swayman and Elias Lindholm are falling way short of high hopes, Charlie McAvoy — just placed on the IR — and Brad Marchand are treading water for value. Pasta hasn’t been as dominant as his recent seasons, but you probably aren’t mad you picked him for your team, which is going to have to be good enough for fantasy MVP here.
Next eight days: @ OTT (Jan. 18), vs. SJ (Jan. 20), @ NJ (Jan. 22), vs. OTT (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 17
Points percentage: 54.55%
Lane Hutson, D. It took him a little bit of time, but Hutson climbed the depth chart to the top of the blue line and is reaping the rewards. He has been a top-10 fantasy defenseman for the past month with 2.3 fantasy points per game and leads all Habs in fantasy points over that span.
Next eight days: vs. TOR (Jan. 18), vs. NYR (Jan. 19), vs. TB (Jan. 21), @ DET (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 22
Points percentage: 52.27%
Moritz Seider, D. With the way the offense has turned around after the coaching change, this answer might be different in a couple of weeks (Patrick Kane?), but for now, Seider returning the top-five defenseman value we hoped for is fantasy MVP-worthy.
Next eight days: @ TB (Jan. 18), @ DAL (Jan. 19), @ PHI (Jan. 21), vs. MTL (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 20
Points percentage: 52.17%
Dylan Holloway, C. After getting modest chances in Edmonton with the likes of Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl, it was far from expected that Holloway would start producing once he escaped them. Holloway ranks third on the Blues in total fantasy points and has only been improving his output as the season progresses — as in, this might not even be the ceiling yet.
Next eight days: @ UTA (Jan. 18), @ VGK (Jan. 20), vs. VGK (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 25
Points percentage: 51.14%
Will Cuylle, LW. Frankly, Cuylle shouldn’t be on fantasy rosters anymore since his early-season hot streak inevitably petered out, but giving him the fantasy MVP nod here is a message to the rest of the Rangers. No one has met, let alone exceeded fantasy hopes on this roster this season. Vincent Trocheck is just starting to get to a good place, but it’s thumbs down all around after him.
Next eight days: vs. CBJ (Jan. 18), @ MTL (Jan. 19), vs. OTT (Jan. 21), vs. PHI (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 24
Points percentage: 50.00%
Travis Sanheim, D. While Travis Konecny is the team leader for fantasy, he was also a popular pick at drafts. Sanheim was a bench addition defenseman in most leagues — if he was even drafted at all. Well, here he is, sandwiched between Quinn Hughes and Roman Josi for total fantasy points from the blue line at the halfway mark.
Next eight days: @ NJ (Jan. 18), vs. DET (Jan. 21), @ NYR (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 21
Points percentage: 48.86%
Ian Cole, D. Cole is easily having the quietest fantasy campaign in the league. He ranks 19th in fantasy points among all defensemen, yet remains available in 60% of leagues. The fuel for his performance are his 124 blocked shots, which rank second overall to Jacob Trouba. Cole even has more fantasy points than any forward on Utah’s roster.
Next eight days: vs. STL (Jan. 18), vs. WPG (Jan. 20), @ MIN (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 23
Points percentage: 47.83%
Rickard Rakell, RW. He was on radars at the start of the season, but he may not have even been in many top-five lists for Penguins with the most fantasy potential. So to have Rakell not only doing well, but leading the entire team in fantasy points — by a healthy margin — is fantastic news for those that picked him up in the early going. Heck, Rakell is 11th among all skaters in fantasy scoring!
Next eight days: @ BUF (Jan. 17), @ WSH (Jan. 18), @ LA (Jan. 20), @ ANA (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 26
Points percentage: 46.59%
Anders Lee, LW. With only Lee and Noah Dobson approaching 2.0 fantasy points per game — and barely — across the Islanders’ entire roster, we don’t really have a choice but to go with Lee for the fantasy MVP, as we expected more from Dobson. But long story short, if Ilya Sorokin isn’t the fantasy MVP in an Isles season, we know things aren’t going to plan.
Next eight days: vs. SJ (Jan. 18), vs. CBJ (Jan. 20)
Previous ranking: 28
Points percentage: 44.57%
Joey Daccord, G. Look, the Kraken are an example of playing above the sum of its parts, but it means there are no superstars here. No player averages more than 1.7 fantasy points per game, which means some shallow leagues might be better off with no Kraken on any rosters. That said, Daccord has been an above average secondary fantasy goaltender when deployed with focus.
Next eight days: vs. LA (Jan. 18), vs. BUF (Jan. 20), vs. WSH (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 27
Points percentage: 46.67%
Jackson LaCombe, D. Before the season, if you had to guess the young defender that would the Ducks’ fantasy MVP at the halfway mark, LaCombe might have been your third guess. He’s playing top-pair minutes with Radko Gudas and patrolling the blue line on the power play to the tune of 1.9 fantasy points per game.
Next eight days: @ FLA (Jan. 18), vs. FLA (Jan. 21), vs. PIT (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 29
Points percentage: 44.32%
Jason Zucker, LW. A prime choice in deep-league fantasy games, Zucker has a lot going for him amongst a disappointing showing from his teammates in fantasy. A freebie pickup with 1.7 fantasy points per game? Nice. Gets most of his points on the power play? Excellent. Eligible at both LW and RW for leagues that use those? Beauty!
Next eight days: vs. PIT (Jan. 17), @ SEA (Jan. 20), @ VAN (Jan. 21), @ CGY (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 30
Points percentage: 42.05%
Roman Josi, D. Even though he ranks ninth among blueliners for fantasy points and is behind his pace from last season, Josi is as close to a fantasy MVP as we’ll get with this club. Maybe better days are ahead, but the Predators are a lesson in not betting too strongly on fantasy returns based on offseason moves.
Next eight days: vs. MIN (Jan. 18), vs. SJ (Jan. 21), @ SJ (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 32
Points percentage: 36.17%
Jake Walman, D. An extraordinarily pleasant surprise on the Sharks’ blue line, Walman is running the power play, firing shots, scoring goals and blocking shots. He wasn’t on any preseason shortlists as a sleeper, so to be getting quality production out of him as a free-agent addition has been helpful to those who jumped on board.
Next eight days: @ NYI (Jan. 18), @ BOS (Jan. 20), @ NSH (Jan. 21), vs. NSH (Jan. 23)
Previous ranking: 31
Points percentage: 34.44%
Alex Vlasic, D. The results are dipping of late, but Vlasic was a solid play overall this season, especially when Seth Jones was out of the lineup. Vlasic ranks second on the team in fantasy points and was even tied with Connor Bedard for the lead as recently as Dec. 27.
Next eight days: vs. VGK (Jan. 18), vs. CAR (Jan. 20)
Florida quarterback Tim Tebow and Florida State cornerback Deion Sanders were among the former college football stars named to The Associated Press’ All-Time All-America first team.
Ohio State and Pittsburgh each placed three players on the AP All-Time All-America team announced Thursday as part of the news organization’s celebration of the 100th anniversary of the storied honor for the top players in college football.
Since 1925, nearly 2,000 men have been named AP first-team All-Americans, one of the most prestigious honors in the sport.
Of the 25 players on the first team, five won the Heisman Trophy and 21 are in the College Football Hall of Fame, two are nominated for induction in 2026, and two are not eligible because they are not yet 10 years removed from their college careers.
A panel of 12 AP sportswriters who cover college football selected the all-time team. It won’t be, and shouldn’t be, considered definitive. There have been far more great players over the past century than spots available.
For a player to qualify, he must have been an AP first-team All-American at least once. His professional career, if any, was not to be considered. Also, a member of the all-time team could be listed only on the side of the ball where he was named first-team All-America. All-purpose players could come from any position.
Voters were cautioned against recency bias, but it is notable that only three of the first-team selections played before 1970. Of the 12 players who were three-time All-Americans, only four made the two all-time teams picked by AP.
Tebow edged Texas‘ Vince Young (2005) for all-time first-team quarterback. Tebow won the Heisman and made the AP All-America team as a sophomore in 2007, his first year as the starter.
He led the Gators to their second national championship in three years in 2008 and narrowly missed a chance at another when the 2009 team started 13-0 but lost to Alabama in the SEC championship game. Tebow remains the SEC career leader in rushing touchdowns and touchdowns responsible for.
Oklahoma State‘s Barry Sanders (1988) and Georgia‘s Herschel Walker (1980-82), both Heisman winners, are the running backs. Marshall‘s Randy Moss (1997) and Pittsburgh’s Larry Fitzgerald (2003) are the wide receivers.
The offensive line is made up of Ohio State’s Orlando Pace (1995-96) and Pitt’s Bill Fralic (1982-84) at tackle, Alabama’s John Hannah (1972) and Ohio State’s Jim Parker (1956) at guard and Penn’s Chuck Bednarik (1947-48) at center. The tight end is Georgia’s Brock Bowers (2023).
The all-purpose player is Heisman winner Johnny Rodgers of Nebraska (1972).
On defense, Pitt’s Hugh Green (1978-80) and Maryland‘s Randy White (1974) are the ends and Nebraska’s Ndamukong Suh (2009) and Minnesota‘s Bronko Nagurski (1929) are the tackles. The linebackers are Illinois‘ Dick Butkus (1964), Alabama’s Derrick Thomas (1988) and Ohio State’s Chris Spielman (1986-87).
The secondary is made up of Sanders (1987-88) and Heisman winner Charles Woodson of Michigan (1996-97) at cornerback and USC’s Ronnie Lott (1980) and Miami‘s Ed Reed (2000-01) at safety.
The specialists are Florida State kicker Sebastian Janikowski (1998-99) and Iowa punter Tory Taylor (2023).
Many fans might say Anthony Munoz and Ray Guy, among others, are glaring omissions.
Munoz, who played at USC from 1976 to 1979, is considered one of the greatest offensive linemen of all time, college or pro. He is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Alas, he was never a first-team AP All-American.
Guy, who played at Southern Mississippi from 1970 to 1972, remains the only punter selected in the first round of an NFL draft. But punters were not included on AP All-America teams until 1981.
The Big Ten led all conferences with seven selections, two more than the SEC.
First team offense
Tackles – Orlando Pace, Ohio State, 1995-96; Bill Fralic, Pittsburgh, 1982-84
Guards – John Hannah, Alabama, 1972; Jim Parker, Ohio State, 1956
Center – Chuck Bednarik, Penn, 1947-48
Tight end – Brock Bowers, Georgia, 2023
QB – Tim Tebow, Florida, 2007
Running backs – Barry Sanders, Oklahoma State, 1988; Herschel Walker, Georgia, 1980-82
Kicker – Sebastian Janikowski, Florida State, 1998-99
All-purpose – Johnny Rodgers, Nebraska, 1972
Tackles – Ndamukong Suh, Nebraska, 2009; Bronko Nagurski, Minnesota, 1929
Linebackers – Dick Butkus, Illinois, 1964; Derrick Thomas, Alabama, 1988; Chris Spielman, Ohio State, 1986-87
Cornerbacks – Charles Woodson, Michigan, 1996-97; Deion Sanders, Florida State, 1987-88
Safeties – Ronnie Lott, USC, 1980; Ed Reed, Miami, 2000-01
Punter – Tory Taylor, Iowa, 2023
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Dan Wetzel
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Dan Wetzel
ESPN
Dan Wetzel is a senior writer focused on investigative reporting, news analysis and feature storytelling.
The NCAA Committee on Infractions’ long-awaited ruling in the Michigan advance-scouting case will be publicly announced Friday, sources told ESPN, as involved parties were made aware of the upcoming release Thursday.
The NCAA is expected to hold a news conference early Friday afternoon to detail the findings, sources told ESPN. It could mark the conclusion of one of the most explosive, strange and controversial cases in the long history of NCAA enforcement.
The NCAA charged Michigan and numerous coaches and staffers with 11 violations — six of them Level I, the most serious — in relation to a sign-stealing operation overseen by former staffer Connor Stalions.
Stalions is alleged to have arranged for people to attend games and film the sideline signals involving future Michigan opponents from 2021 to the middle of the 2023 season, when the scheme was uncovered and Stalions resigned.
Stealing signs in games is not against NCAA rules, but schools are not allowed to scout opponents in advance in person. Evidence emerged of Stalions purchasing tickets at nearly every Big Ten school.
According to a draft of the NCAA notice of allegations obtained by ESPN, Stalions arranged the impermissible scouting of at least 13 future opponents on at least 58 occasions from 2021 to 2023. That included scouting opponents multiple times, including one team that was watched seven times in 2022, according to the draft.
Michigan coach Sherrone Moore is expected to be suspended for at least two games in the upcoming season for deleting a thread of 52 text messages with Stalions. One of the mysteries of the upcoming ruling is whether that self-imposed sanction will be accepted or if there will be any additions to it.
Michigan has asked for that two-game ban to be served during the Wolverines’ third and fourth games.
Michigan and all of its current and former coaches involved in the matter have said they were unaware of Stalions’ alleged advanced scouting.
The school appeared before the NCAA infractions committee during a two-day hearing in early June.
Potential penalties for the other former Michigan coaches involved include suspensions, significant fines and other measures. Those are more likely than any significant program penalties for Michigan — other than a hefty potential fine — as recent NCAA precedent has steered the Committee on Infractions away from postseason bans in other cases.
Show-cause penalties — which work like a type of employment ban — could also be leveled on former coach Jim Harbaugh, now with the Los Angeles Chargers, Stalions and former assistant coaches named in the report. The Big Ten suspended Harbaugh for three games to conclude the 2023 regular season under the league’s sportsmanship rules.
In August 2024, Harbaugh received a four-year show-cause penalty from the NCAA tied to a separate case where he was found to have improper contract with recruits.
Moore was charged with failure to cooperate for deleting a text thread — which was later recovered — with Stalions on Oct. 19, 2023, the day the scandal broke. The messages, per the NCAA case, did not include any information to suggest Moore knew of Stalions’ alleged actions. Moore is considered a potential “repeat violator” by the NCAA because in August 2023 he negotiated a resolution to claims that he contacted recruits during a COVID-19 recruiting dead period, and he later served a one-game suspension.
Michigan went on to capture the 2023 national championship after Stalions’ resignation.
The Wolverines, who are ranked No. 14 in the preseason AP Top 25, open the season at home against New Mexico on Aug. 30 before visiting No. 18 Oklahoma on Sept. 6.
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Ryan McGee
Inspirational thought of the week:
What do you do when you love somebody
And you decide to go it alone?
Ah, no, no, it never pays to give up on someone
When on the inside the feelin’ is strong
Oh, here we go again
I thought what we had was over now
But here we go again
— “Here We Go Again” Isley Brothers
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located inside the 18-wheeler of tissues being delivered to the “College GameDay” set for Coach Corso’s final show, we have spent the offseason staring at the map. Specifically, a United States puzzle map. We picked up the piece labeled “Massachusetts” and held it while we kept one eye on the calendar and one eye on the clock.
Then, as the long hand hit 12 and it became midnight and thus was officially Tuesday, July 1, 2025, we slathered crazy glue onto the back of that wooden facsimile of the Codfish State and screamed, “UMASS IS WALKING BACK TO THE MAC, BABY!”
That’s when the lights came on. Standing in the doorway were the kids from whose playroom I’d stolen the puzzle. They were crying. There was a dog, apparently named Mac, who thought I’d called him for a walk. Now he was crying. Then there was my wife, in her pajamas and mad because I’d woken her up. She pointed to my hand, still held high in the air about to slap Massachusetts into the heart of the Mid-American Conference and said, “Nice job, moron. You palmed the side with the crazy glue. I hope you like UMass as much as you say you do, because I’m out of nail polish remover. That’s gonna still be in your hand when the season starts.”
With apologies to former Villanova running back Larry Glueck, Lester Hayes, Harry Cover and Steve Harvey, here’s the 2025 preseason Bottom 10 rankings.
The defending Bottom 10 champs have lost 21 games in a row and fired coach Kenni Burns. But they let him stick around until spring practice had already started and said they didn’t fire him because his record was 1-23 but rather because of a list of reasons presented by university leaders. That included maxing out his $20K “P-card” which stands for personal card, not something the doctor has you use to check your alkaline levels.
Our Bottom 10 JortsCenter investigative unit has discovered a pile of wilted flowers and an accompanying thank you note, found in a dumpster behind the Kent State football offices, with a Kennesaw State return address. The card reads: “Thanks for botching your coach firing so bad because it made people forget our even worse coach firing last fall. Love, The Owls (not the ones at Rice, FAU or Temple).” Why were we digging through the dumpster at Kent? Because we heard that Greg McElroy said that Nick Saban was going back to coach his alma mater.
The Amherst Amblers are indeed back where the Bottom 10 football gods want them, rejoining #MACtion after nearly a decade away. They were in the MAC from 2012 to 2015, during which time they won eight games over four seasons. Then they went rogue, during which time they earned 18 wins over nine seasons. Is it weird to leave a conference and then return? Sure. But did we really believe that a group of Minutemen could resist the idea of independence?
The 2025 roster of Brett Favre Disaster Relief U. has 17 transfers from the SEC, nine from the Big 12 and five from the ACC. The last time there were this many out-of-towners in Hattiesburg they were on their way to siege Vicksburg.
5. The State U. Fightin’ Accountants
Between rev share and payrolls and school shoe deals promising unprecedented NIL payouts and the Kansas Nayhawks receiving a $300 million donation and players kinda sorta not really gambling and court settlements that were supposed to fix everything but then we find out that, no, there’s more that has to be sorted out to players’ parents complaining about unfulfilled financial promises to everyone from Tom Brady to Shane Gillis telling us that college sports cash is screwed up but no one has any real solutions … can we please just kick off the games already?
Sources have also told Bottom 10 JortsCenter that New Mexico State officials have looked into the possibility of not playing any games this year and instead hosting stadium jumbotron SEC Network watch parties to see all their former players winning games at Vanderbilt.
The Golden Hurricane lost their last four games of 2024 by surrendering an average 55.75 points per contest. It was the most excruciating finish we’ve been forced to witness since the “Game of Thrones” finale.
The Panthers Not Owls moved up to FBS football nearly 25 years ago and since then have posted only four winning seasons, the last coming in their legendary 9-4 campaign in 2018 that ended with a win in the Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl. Over the past five years, they have averaged 2.6 wins. Exactly how I feel after I have eaten too much Popeye’s.
Speaking of moving up to FBS, the Bears are doing so after 115 years of playing at lower levels. During that time, they posted an FCS playoff record of 1-4 and a bowl mark of 0-4, including two losses in the Mineral Water Bowl. College Football Playoff, here they come!
Speaking of repeating ourselves, the Fightin’ Blue Hens are also movin’ on up, but bringing a very different résumé to the FBS job fair. Delaware claims six national titles, five in Division II and the 2003 FCS championship. Plus, it was the first program of the Level Formerly Known as 1-AA to draw more than 20,000 fans per game. The Blue Hens open the season versus Delaware State, not be confused with the State of Delaware. If they had to fight the entire state of Delaware, that wouldn’t seem fair. Though, if it was set to the music of George Thorogood and there was blue crab being served, I would totally be there.
Waiting list: Georgia State Not Southern, Baller State, Akronmonious, Temple of Doom, ULM (pronounced “uhlm”), UTEPid, Muddled Tennessee, coach girlfriend headlines.
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