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It’s more than 10 years since Tinder launched its way into our phones – and our love lives – promising romance at the swipe of a thumb.

Just under five million adults in the UK visited an online dating service (app and websites) last year, according to Ofcom’s Online Nation Report.

But analysts are questioning whether the novelty is starting to wear off, as usage of the 10 biggest apps dropped 16% between 2023 and 2024.

Tinder revolutionised romance as the first dating app in 2012 – and it is still the largest one in Match group’s portfolio. But even it lost more than half a million users in the last year.

“Dating fatigue” appears to dominate the cultural landscape – some 78% of dating app users say they feel “emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted” by them, according to a 2024 study by Forbes Health, and a 2023 YouGov survey found that 46% of Brits say their dating app experiences have been bad.

I have stayed off the apps entirely, except for one impulsive evening with Hinge – one of the more popular ones among my age group. I’m not sure love can be found through swiping on a screen, and it seems I’m not alone.

So what exactly has gone wrong with finding modern love – and how can we hope to find a connection?

Can we find love by swiping left and right?
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Can we find love by swiping left and right?

Frogs and filters

With 10% of adults visiting a dating site – and almost 4% visiting one daily according to Ofcom – there is no sign they are going anywhere fast, even if numbers are dropping.

Among the newcomers is Cherry.

It categorises users into three “vibes” – casual, go-with-the-flow and meaningful – to match intentions and ensure genuine connections.

There are also coaches available on the app because CEO Jo Mason believes people need to work on themselves before embarking on relationships with others.

Jo Mason is the founder of Cherry
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Jo Mason is the founder of Cherry

“They’re hiding behind filtered photos, they’re hiding behind a phone, they’re hiding behind something all the time,” Jo says.

The app’s slogan is “kiss fewer frogs”, and the brand ambassador – a frog’s mask – is sitting on the table next to us.

According to a Cherry study, 58% of people dating feel exhausted by the process of swiping and superficial interactions, while 40% say their motivation to meet someone has decreased as a result.

Jo tells me she built Cherry out of “frustration”, adding: “Your options of trying to meet someone are either at the gym, bump into them at the supermarket, or through work, other than that it’s apps.”

Jo's mascot is a frog, her slogan 'kiss fewer frogs'
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Jo’s mascot is a frog, her slogan ‘kiss fewer frogs’

‘Dating just seems to be all admin’

Thursday, an app launched in 2021, operates exclusively one day a week on – you guessed it, Thursdays – to encourage quick decision-making and in-person meetings.

Co-founder George Rawlings and I meet as we head to an over-30s singles event for users of the app in London at The Shard.

“We’re trying to destigmatise that whole thing around speed dating to make it normal,” George tells me.

“Is it awkward?” I ask, letting my intrusive thoughts win.

He laughs. “This is a different way of dating, we have obviously become so reliant on the apps for years but we’re giving people new opportunities to meet people in an ‘IRL’ way’.”

I want to know if these types of event are awkward - George tells me they can be
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I want to know if these types of event are awkward – George tells me they can be

I still can’t believe how that phrase – in real life – has become an acronym, but at the same time, it is not surprising.

“My resolution for this year is to meet someone organically,” one man tells me at the event.

“[Dating] isn’t as fun as it used to be, now it just seems to be all admin,” another says. A family member told me the same thing that week – going through the apps these days is like reading and responding to emails.

One person likens it to a networking event: “There is an unspoken pressure that everyone is single.”

Singles in the Shard
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Attendees at a singles event in The Shard

As I finish speaking to someone, a man approaches me and asks what I am filming.

When I tell him anyone who hasn’t given consent won’t be identified, he looks relieved.

“Phew,” he says, laughing.

“Because my wife will kill me if she finds out I am here.”

So what happens if you ditch the apps?

On the theme of meeting in real life, my friends and I – over 30 and single – decided to go out one evening in London to see the dating scene for ourselves.

Perhaps the future of dating isn’t found in an app but in the world right in front of us.

But we were wrong. We didn’t get approached once.

People are glued to their phones – from texting in the middle of conversations to scrolling through dating apps while sitting across from someone at dinner, it seems we are physically present but mentally elsewhere.

It felt like a brave act just going up to people and talking or asking dating questions.

“I feel a woman should never go look for a man,” one of my friends tells me afterwards. “That is probably why I am still single – because a lot of girls do shoot their shot now, they have the confidence to ask guys out.

“I even see girls getting on one knee.”

Charlene Douglas, a relationship expert, specialising in psychodynamic counselling, who is a regular guest on the TV show Married At First Sight, admits then “men don’t always know where they fit in” when it comes to modern dating.

“To wait for a guy to approach us, I think it is a bit…1950s,” she says.

“I think in 2025, we can say hi to a guy or we can just strike up a conversation. We’re good at talking, us women, right?”

Charlene Douglas
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Charlene Douglas, a relationship expert, has worked on Married At First Sight

From online to artificial

It’s clear the emotional toll of online dating is becoming harder to ignore – so it comes as no surprise that some daters are turning to AI chatbots to help them respond to messages from strangers.

One woman, who wanted to remain anonymous, told me that she even inputs messages from men she is speaking to into ChatGPT because it offers reassurance and clarity when she feels in doubt.

Rather than speaking to friends about relationships, AI can suggest possible interpretations in a “non-biased” and “simplified” way, she says.

“I over analyse things a lot anyway. So ChatGPT just simplifies it for me.”

Apps such as Replika and Blush are designed to provide AI companions for emotional support, and in some cases, even mimic romantic or intimate human relationships.

It’s been reported that loneliness can be as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, according to the World Health Organisation – but is AI just a sticking plaster on a larger problem?

Read more:
My AI girlfriend saved my marriage
Can AI help with dating app success?

AI is having an increasing role in dating
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AI is having an increasing role in dating

Do people know what they want?

Milly has created a Singles’ Society group on Instagram where she posts daily affirmations. Her videos have reached millions of people – including me.

“I felt so alone in this whole dating world,” she says.

“I was honestly so surprised that everyone else was having similar experiences.”

She plans to start events, including speed dating.

But Milly has a theory when it comes to the problem with modern dating – “It all comes down to people not knowing what they want.”

Milly G
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Milly G, content creator, built the Single’s Society on Instagram

Relationship expert Charlene thinks the answer is more education in school.

“Young people try and work out how to do relationships themselves based on what they have seen at home and what they have seen around them,” she says. “But they don’t really always know how to have healthy relationships.”

So, despite the dating fatigue, I doubt dating apps are going anywhere, with new versions cropping up every day. And for some people, they can work.

Alex met her girlfriend Molly unexpectedly on one of the more popular apps, Hinge – they are now celebrating three years together: “We are currently in the flat we bought together, so I think you could say it is going quite well.”

Molly adds: “I think it’s quite good we had the option of online dating – I don’t think our paths would have crossed otherwise.”

Alex agrees: “With online dating, you get so many people, it almost feels like a numbers game, but it really does give you the opportunity to meet so many people that you wouldn’t otherwise.

“There are people out there – there are fabulous people out there, and you will find your person one day.”

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Jaysley Beck: Army’s handling of sexual assault complaint ‘played part in death’, coroner says

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Jaysley Beck: Army's handling of sexual assault complaint 'played part in death', coroner says

The Army’s failure to properly deal with a soldier’s sexual assault complaint played “more than a minimal” role in her death, a coroner has said.

Royal Artillery Gunner Jaysley Beck, 19, was found dead in her room at Larkhill Camp in Wiltshire on 15 December 2021.

An inquest today recorded a conclusion of suicide “after a prolonged period of stress after harassment by her line management and problems with a relationship”.

Gunner Beck complained to her family about thousands of unwanted messages from her line manager, Ryan Mason, in the months leading up to her death.

He also wrote a 14-page document detailing his “feelings towards Jaysley” and paid for rooms next to each other during a work trip a week before she died, the inquest heard.

Wiltshire Police told the inquest evidence did not support a harassment case against Mr Mason, who is now a driving instructor.

Gunner Beck also formally complained to the Army about the behaviour of Battery Sergeant Major Michael Webber, then 39.

She said he’d pinned her down and tried to kiss her after a drinking game during a team-building event in July 2021.

Gunner Beck, who joined the Army at 16, ended up sleeping in her car as she was so scared, the hearing in Salisbury was told.

WO Webber was given a “minor sanction” and wrote an apology letter – but was later promoted to Warrant Officer 2 rank

Coroner Nicholas Rheinberg said the Army should have reported the alleged incident to police instead of treating it with a “minor administrative action”.

He said this failure was “more than a minimal contributory factor” in Gunner Beck’s death.

An Army report in October 2023 described “an intense period of unwelcome behaviour” and said it was “almost certain this was a causal factor” in her death.

gunner jaysley beck
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Gunner Jaysley Beck

Staff Sergeant Cory Budd, who said he’d been in a relationship with Gunner Beck at the time of her death – while he was still married, found her body.

Police concluded there was no third-party involvement.

The coroner said that despite Jaysley being three times over the drink-drive limit when she died, he was satisfied she had still intended to take her own life.

Gunner Beck’s mother, Leighann McCready, attended the inquest with her partner and daughter.

Speaking outside court, she said her Jaysley was “bright”, “fantastic at her job” and exactly what the Army was looking for.

Ms McCready said no apology could bring her back and called for the Army to be stripped of the power to conduct its own investigations into harassment and bullying cases.

She said victims often feel like they can’t speak up and that “no one should have to suffer in silence”.

gunner jaysley beck
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Jaysley Beck with her mum

‘It’s weighing me down’

Ms McCready had told the court how her daughter “did not feel safe” as the situation with her line manager intensified, with Ryan Mason sending 3,600 messages in November 2021.

In one reply, she wrote: “This whole falling in love with me… it’s becoming a bit too much, I have just come out of a relationship and I’m just not wanting to be involved in anything like this.

“It’s weighing me down a little bit, I’ll be totally honest with you.”

Jaysley Beck
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Jaysley Beck

The inquest also heard how Gunner Beck had been too afraid to return to her room after the alleged assault by WO Webber, locking herself in her car and making a complaint in the morning.

A colleague said she had been “frightened and in tears” and described her superior allegedly “waiting for a moment for them to be alone” before pinning her down and trying to kiss her.

Ms McCready said her daughter had been angered by the apology letter – which ended by saying his “door was open” for her.

The Army report said this was “possibly a factor that may have influenced her failure to report other events that happened subsequently”.

Its report also highlighted family issues, including bereavement, as playing a part in Gunner Beck’s death – but her family rejects this.

The Army report outlined three “contributory factors”, including:

  • The “significant strain” of a sexual relationship with a married colleague in the last few weeks of her life;
  • A relationship which ended in November 2021 which involved “repeated allegations of unfaithfulness on the part of the boyfriend”;
  • An “unhealthy approach to alcohol, with episodes of binge drinking”.

WO Webber and Mr Mason declined to answer a number of questions at the inquest relating to their alleged behaviour towards Gunner Beck.

George Higgins, a former sergeant, also declined to answer questions about whether his relationship with Gunner Beck had begun when she was a recruit in Harrogate.

Army: ‘We should have done more’

Brigadier Melissa Emmett, head of the army personnel services group, said it accepts failures were made.

“We let her down in so many ways for which we have already apologised, and if I can apologise again, for what it’s worth, I would do,” she said.

“On a personal level, listening to the doubt and the fear that she had, the good encouragement of her friends to report, but the lack of confidence that they had in reporting, and the well-meaning but erroneous actions of the chain of command, I have found personally very grieving.

“We could have, and we should have, done more.”

Anyone feeling emotionally distressed or suicidal can call Samaritans for help on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org in the UK. In the US, call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK.

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Suspect in Valentine’s Day shooting outside Kent pub believed to be dead, police say

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Suspect in Valentine's Day shooting outside Kent pub believed to be dead, police say

The suspect in the fatal shooting of a woman outside a pub in Kent is believed to be dead, police have said.

Lisa Smith, 43, was killed after she was shot outside a pub in Main Road, Knockholt, on the evening of Friday 14 February.

A car, driven by a man known to Lisa, was later found abandoned on the Queen Elizabeth II Bridge at Dartford.

Police say a handgun was found inside the vehicle, and enquiries have since established that the suspect entered the water below.

 Sunday 16/02/2025 GVs from The Three Horseshoes pub in the village of Knockholt, Kent, where a woman was shot on Friday night. 
Ingest 26 NM26 SAF SEVENOAKS PUB SHOOTING MURDER GVS
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Flowers were left at The Three Horseshoes pub over the weekend


In an update on Thursday, Detective Chief Inspector Dave Higham, from Kent Police, said: “We have carried out a full and extensive investigation into Lisa’s tragic murder and our enquiries have concluded that the suspect is believed to have died after falling into the River Thames.

“Multiple searches of several areas of the river have since been assisted by the Metropolitan Police, London Fire Brigade and Coastguard, but at this stage we have not recovered a body.

“These searches are ongoing and whilst our investigation will continue, we will be preparing our findings and reports to assist the coroner.

“This murder has led to the senseless loss of a beloved daughter and mother and our thoughts remain with Lisa’s family.”

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CCTV captures sound of gunshots near fatal shooting site

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While officers said the victim and suspect were known to each other, they have not revealed how they are connected.

Michelle Thomas, who runs The Three Horseshoes pub near Sevenoaks, told Sky News she heard two loud bangs that she initially “thought were fireworks” on the night of the shooting.

She said there was “so much commotion – screaming, shouting, crying” and the attack had left the community in “absolute shock”.

She said the victim, Ms Smith, had been to the pub before “mostly in the summer” but “wasn’t a regular”.

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British boots on the ground: What could a UK-Europe force in Ukraine look like?

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British boots on the ground: What could a UK-Europe force in Ukraine look like?

British and other European troops could be deployed to Ukrainian cities, ports and nuclear power plants to help secure the peace following any ceasefire deal with Russia, Western officials have said.

Protecting Ukraine’s skies and coastline will also be key.

The officials declined to give numbers on the size of any potential force but signalled it would be under 30,000 personnel.

Sir Keir Starmer is due to meet with Donald Trump in the US in the coming days. It is unclear whether the European troop plan will be discussed.

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Soldiers would not be posted close to frontline areas in the east and they would not be operating as “peacekeepers”.

Instead, the officials indicated that they would be a “reassurance” force for the public and to help encourage the return of millions of Ukrainians who fled the country because of Russia’s war.

This – should any such deployment be agreed – could include troops being located in major cities, ports and at sites of critical national infrastructure, such as nuclear power plants.

More on Russia

Satellites, spy planes and drones could also help in the effort.

Fleshing out details of ideas that are being discussed among European allies, led by the UK and France, it is understood that there could also be a kind of air policing-style mission, using fast jets based outside Ukraine, to assist with reopening Ukrainian airspace to civilian passenger planes once again.

An RAF Typhoon jet takes off on a training exercise at Amari Airbase in Estonia. Here a squadron of RAF Eurofighter Typhoon jets are deployed for Operation Azotize, Nato's Baltic air policing mission to police the airspace over Nato's eastern border. Picture date: Wednesday July 26, 2023.
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RAF Typhoons could be used to help open up Ukrainian airspace. Pic: PA

No civilian flights have been possible since the start of Vladimir Putin’s full-scale war.

The UK and other NATO countries already perform this task in the Baltic states and Romania, patrolling the airspace to deter threats.

In addition, deploying warships to the Black Sea is a possibility, with the need for demining efforts as well as patrols to aid the resumption of maritime traffic off the Ukrainian coast.

Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the Ukrainian president, has already said the Royal Navy would be a good partner to help secure Ukraine’s shipping lanes along with its Nordic allies.

Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
Pic: AP/Tetiana Dzhafarova
Image:
Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
Pic: AP/Tetiana Dzhafarova

However, any kind of European-led reassurance mission would only work if there is what Sir Keir has described as a US “backstop”.

He has not elaborated on what that means but it is thought US involvement is vital to deliver the deterrent effect to ensure that Russia would not try to re-attack Ukraine for fear of triggering a US response.

This backstop could involve American military aircraft based outside Ukraine.

Donald Trump has not said whether he would support any such operation, while his defence secretary, Pete Hegseth, has categorically ruled out any American troops being sent to Ukraine.

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For its part, Russia has said the deployment of any European or NATO forces in Ukraine would be “unacceptable”.

Ukraine’s president has previously said any international security force would have to be about 110,000-strong.

But the Washington Post reported that discussions among European allies envisaged a contingent of between 25,000 and 30,000 personnel.

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Speaking on Wednesday, Mr Zelenskyy said his country would need security guarantees provided by its NATO partners.

Or it would need financing and weapons to build its own one-million-strong army, backed by a comprehensive air defence system”.

He was referring to the US Patriot system, saying if Washington would not give Kyiv any more of these, perhaps it would be possible to buy them or receive a licence to build them in Ukraine.

“Ukraine is in a situation where we do not have many security guarantee options available,” Mr Zelenskyy said. “Creating something entirely new, something global, is unrealistic. We need security guarantees this year because we want to end the war this year.”

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