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Inspirational thought of the week:

We’re taking the train to Happy Valley
Won’t you come along there too
It’s beautiful there in Happy Valley
With wonderful things to do

The sun shines brightly the whole day long
Every bird sings a different song
There’s no need to worry, there’s joys untold
In Happy Valley you’ll never grow old

— “Happy Valley,” Rodd and The Cavaliers

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the giant lake of frying grease that is held in a secret location in metro Dallas until the State Fair of Texas starts and it’s time to cook balls of butter and funnel cake burgers, we used to roll our eyes at the term “unprecedented times.” Why? Because we once believed that all times are precedented. As William Shakespeare once wrote, “Past is prologue.” And as my Uncle Willie once said to me, shaking a spear of asparagus, “Don’t get all worked up, Ryno. Ain’t nothing gonna happen that ain’t never happened before.”

So, what changed our mind? Penn State went to the Rose Bowl Not The Rose Bowl Game to play UCLA.

So, what do we do now? A Coveted Fifth Spot team that earned that Coveted Fifth Spot by losing an OT game to a top-5 team, so we know the team isn’t actually that bad, turns right around and loses to a Bottom 10 team that we know is actually that bad. Does that mean that team should be back in the Coveted Fifth Spot because it isn’t actually that bad … or does it graduate from the Coveted Fifth Spot into the actual Bottom 10 because it is actually that bad? And what about the team that was definitely bad but beat that team? Does it graduate out of the Bottom 10 … or does it stay in the Bottom 10 because perhaps the team that we thought wasn’t bad is actually bad?

To quote Cal Naughton Jr., the NASCAR driver who thought he was bad only because teammate Ricky Bobby wouldn’t let him win, thus keeping him thinking he was bad: “My head’s all tied up like a pretzel. I got a pretzel in my head!”

And you know where they make the best pretzels? Pennsylvania.

With apologies to former SMU wide receiver Happy Nelson, former Florida State running back Happy Fick, current Kentucky D-lineman Nic “Happy” Smith and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 6 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Bearkats were krushed by New Mexiko State and now, after zero home kontests in September, kan kruise through most of Ocktober in the friendly konfines of Huntsville, Teksas.


The Beavers are the nation’s only six-loss team after traveling 4,477 miles round trip to lose a heartbreaker in Boone, North Carolina, to Appalachian State. Now they host Wake Forest, which will make a 4,624-mile round trip from Winston-Salem, North Carolina, to Corvallis and back. FWIW, Wake and App State are separated by 86 miles. The Beavs should have just stayed in North Carolina and spent the week in the foothills eating barbecue, drinking moonshine and watching the fall foliage turn orange and black, both the colors of Oregon State and the colors that your liver turns after drinking real Carolina moonshine.


It was the actual Minutemen who were perched on Bunker Hill, holding steady atop Boston as the British marched closer and closer, but refusing to engage because they had been ordered by their commanding officer, “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes!” That was us throughout the first six weeks of the season, as we waited not so patiently for Saturday’s Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year of the Century Mega Bowl, pitting UMass against …


“Don’t fire until you see the Golden Flashes of their eyes!”

“But, sir, we can’t see their eyes!”

“Why not?”

“Because their eye sockets and cheeks are so bruised and swollen from their trips to Florida State and Oklahoma!”


So, the answer to the question that we started with “So” in the intro to these rankings is that, yes, you can be a back-to-back Coveted Fifth Spot team. And all you Texas Longhorns fans can make your thank-you checks out to the Ryan McGee Key West Retirement Fund.


Last week I failed to have the Woof Pack in these rankings and I heard from a lot of folks in Reno about that, angry that their hometown team wasn’t included. But they didn’t see the comments I received during the weeks prior from folks upset that they were included. One of them was tied around the neck of a horse’s head that was in my bed, signed by someone named “Tahoe Tommy.”


I have also heard from a lot of people in central Tennessee, wondering why I haven’t had the Mob from Murfreesboro in these rankings more, especially since their only win of the year was over Nevada, and that was by only one point. One of those notes was tied around the neck of a possum’s head that was in my bed, signed by someone named “Chevy Tahoe Tammy.”


Oklahoma State’s leading passer, rusher and receiver have all combined for exactly zero touchdowns. The last time there was this little scoring in Stillwater was when I visited town for a Beanie Babies resale convention.


Let’s give credit to the Niners, who have played games on seemingly every day of the week but Saturday to get national TV exposure. It’s the perfect Halloween horror programming.


The Emus barely edged out Northern Ill-ugh-noise in a #MACtion showdown for the Not So Coveted Tenth Spot. But that was merely a virtual showdown. This weekend they will meet in an actual showdown, kicking off 1½ hours before the UMass-Kent State game. Let’s call it the Throw Pillow Fight of the Week, because it’s the slightly smaller pillow we have to move to get to the actual pillow.

Waiting list: UCLA Boo-ins, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, UTEPid, Bah-stan Cawledge, UNC Chapel Bill, Georgia State Not Southern, Stanfird, My Hammy of Ohio, South Alabama Redundancies, Give Me Liberty Or Give Me 1-4, the definition of a catch.

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Jays knock out Yankees, reach 1st ALCS since ’16

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Jays knock out Yankees, reach 1st ALCS since '16

NEW YORK — Vladimir Guerrero Jr. and George Springer each drove in a run, and eight Toronto pitchers shut down the New York Yankees in a 5-2 victory Wednesday night that sent the Blue Jays to the American League Championship Series for the first time in nine years.

Nathan Lukes provided a two-run single and Addison Barger had three of Toronto’s 12 hits as the pesky Blue Jays, fouling off tough pitches and consistently putting the ball in play, bounced right back after blowing a five-run lead in Tuesday night’s loss at Yankee Stadium.

AL East champion Toronto took the best-of-five Division Series 3-1 and will host Game 1 in the best-of-seven ALCS on Sunday against the Detroit Tigers or Seattle Mariners.

Those teams are set to decide their playoff series Friday in Game 5 at Seattle.

Ryan McMahon homered for the wild-card Yankees, unable to stave off elimination for a fourth time this postseason as they failed to repeat as AL champions.

Despite a terrific playoff performance from Aaron Judge following his previous October troubles, the 33-year-old star slugger remains without a World Series ring. New York is still chasing its 28th title and first since 2009.

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Cubs use 4-run 1st inning to keep season alive

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Cubs use 4-run 1st inning to keep season alive

CHICAGO — If the Chicago Cubs could just start the game over every inning, they might get to the World Series.

For the third consecutive game in their National League Division Series against the Milwaukee Brewers, they scored runs in the first, only this time it was enough to squeak out a 4-3 win and stave off elimination. All four of their runs came in the opening inning.

“I’m going to tell our guys it’s the first inning every inning tomorrow,” manager Craig Counsell said with a smile after the game. “I think that’s our best formula right now, offensively.”

The Cubs scored three runs in the first inning in Game 2 but lost 7-3. They also scored first in Game 1, thanks to a Michael Busch homer, but lost 9-3. Busch also homered to lead off the bottom of the first in Game 3 on Wednesday after the Cubs got down 1-0. He became the first player in MLB history to hit a leadoff home run in two postseason games in the same series.

“From the moment I was placed in that spot, I thought why change what I do, just have a good at-bat, stay aggressive, trust my eyes,” Busch said.

Counsell added: “You can just tell by the way they manage the game, he’s become the guy in the lineup that everybody is thinking about and they’re pitching around him, and that’s a credit to the player. It really is.”

Going back to the regular season, Busch has seven leadoff home runs this season in just 54 games while batting first.

The Cubs weren’t done in Wednesday’s opening inning, as center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong came through with the bases loaded for a second time this postseason. In the wild-card round against the San Diego Padres last week, he singled home a run with a base hit. He did one better Wednesday, driving two in on a two-out single to right. That chased Chicago-area native Quinn Priester from the game and gave the Cubs a lead they would never relinquish.

“I’m pretty fortunate in a couple of these elimination games to just have pretty nice opportunities in front of me with guys on base, and I think that makes this job just a little bit easier sometimes,” Crow-Armstrong said.

Crow-Armstrong is known as a free swinger, but batting with the bases loaded gives him the opportunity to get a pitch in the strike zone. He made the most of it — though that would be the last big hit of the game for the Cubs. The eventual winning run scored moments later on a wild pitch.

“I thought we played with that urgency, especially in the first — we just did a great job in the first inning,” Counsell said. “We had really good at-bats.”

The Cubs sent nine men to the plate in the first while seeing 53 pitches, the most pitches seen by a team in the first inning of a playoff game since 1988, when pitch-by-pitch data began being tracked.

“We had more chances today than Game 2 but couldn’t get the big hit [later],” left fielder Ian Happ said. “That’ll come.”

The Cubs were down 1-0 after an unusual call. With runners on first and second in the top of the first, Brewers catcher William Contreras popped the ball up between the pitcher’s mound and first base but Busch couldn’t track the ball in the sun. The umpires did not call for the infield fly rule as it dropped safely, allowing runners to advance and the batter reach first base. Moments later, Christian Yelich scored on a sacrifice fly.

“The basic thing that we look for is ordinary effort,” umpire supervisor Larry Young told a pool reporter. “We don’t make that determination until the ball has reached its apex — the height — and then starts to come down.

“When it reached the height, the umpires determined that the first baseman wasn’t going to make a play on it, the middle infielder [Nico Hoerner] raced over and he wasn’t going to make a play on it, so ordinary effort went out the window at that point.”

The Brewers chipped away after getting down in that first inning but fell short in a big moment in the eighth when they loaded the bases following a leadoff double by Jackson Chourio. Cubs reliever Brad Keller shut the door, striking out Jake Bauers to end the threat.

Keller pitched a 1-2-3 ninth inning to earn the save and keep the Cubs’ season alive. They are down 2-1 in the best-of-five series. Game 4 is Thursday night.

“That was a lot of fun to get in there and get four outs and come away with a win,” Keller said. “That was such a team effort there. We’re looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.”

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Báez leads Tigers breakout; Skubal on tap for G5

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Báez leads Tigers breakout; Skubal on tap for G5

DETROIT — For weeks, the Tigers have teetered on the edge of seeing their once promising season come to an abrupt stop. With an offensive breakout occurring just in time Wednesday, Detroit now finds itself in the position it hoped to be all along.

Javier Báez homered, stole a base and drove in four runs, leading a midgame offensive surge as the Tigers beat the Seattle Mariners 9-3 in Game 4 and evened the American League Division Series at 2-2.

Riley Greene hit his first career postseason homer, breaking a 3-3 tie to begin a four-run rally in the sixth that was capped by Báez’s two-run shot to left. Gleyber Torres also homered for Detroit, which had hit just two homers in six games this postseason entering Wednesday.

“I’m proud of our guys because today’s game was symbolic of how we roll, you know?” Tigers manager A.J. Hinch said. “It’s a lot of different guys doing something positive, multiple guys.”

After Seattle grabbed an early 3-0 lead, the Tigers plated three runs in the fifth to tie the score. Báez capped the rally with a 104 mph single a couple of pitches after he just missed a homer on a moon shot that soared just outside the left-field foul pole.

“We knew we had a lot of baseball left, a lot of innings left to play,” Báez said. “We believe, and we’re never out of it until that last out is made.”

Báez is hitting .346 in the postseason with a team-high nine hits, stirring memories of when he helped lead the Chicago Cubs to the 2016 World Series crown. These playoffs have been a high point of Báez’s Detroit career and continue a resurgent season after he hit .221 over his first three seasons with the Tigers.

“World Series champion all those years ago,” Torres said. “He knows how to play in those situations. I’m not surprised but just really happy. Everything he does for the team is really special.”

The Tigers flirted with disaster in the fourth inning when the Mariners loaded the bases with no outs after Hinch pulled starter Casey Mize, who struck out six over three innings, and inserted reliever Tyler Holton.

Kyle Finnegan came on to limit the Mariners to one run in the inning, keeping the game in play and setting the table for what had been an ailing offense. The comeback from the three-run deficit tied the largest postseason rally in Tigers history, a mark set three times before. The record was first set in the 1909 World Series.

Detroit entered the day hitting .191 during the playoffs, with homers accounting for just 17% of its run production. During the regular season, that number was 42%.

“I think hitting is contagious and not hitting is also kind of contagious, too,” said Tigers first baseman Spencer Torkelson, who chipped in with two hits and a run. “It’s a crazy game that we decided to play, but that’s why I love it so much.”

The deciding Game 5 is Friday in Seattle, and the ebullient Tigers rejoiced knowing who they have lined up to take the hill: reigning AL Cy Young winner Tarik Skubal, who has a 1.84 ERA with 23 strikeouts over 14⅔ innings in two starts this postseason.

After everything — the Tigers’ late-season swoon that cost them a huge lead in the AL Central and the offensive struggles during the playoffs that hadn’t quite yet knocked them out of the running — Detroit is one win from the ALCS, with the game’s best pitcher ready to take the ball.

“This is what competition is all about,” Skubal said. “This is why you play the game, for Game 5s. I think that’s going to bring out the best in everyone involved. That’s why this game is so beautiful.”

It’s the scenario the Tigers would have drawn up before the season, but even so, they know they can’t take Skubal’s consistent dominance for granted. Everyone can use a little help.

“We’re confident,” Torres said. “We know who is pitching that last game for us. But we can’t put all the effort on him.”

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