Ever found yourself religiously following the lives of people you’ve never met on social media?

Be it your favourite artist, influencer – or someone you met once at a party – those of us “chronically online” are likely familiar with that strange phenomenon of feeling like you know someone – without actually knowing them at all.

That funny feeling is what psychologists call a parasocial relationship: a one-sided attachment or bond with someone despite a lack of reciprocity.

The term was first used by academics in 1956 with the advent of television, which facilitated the “illusion of face-to-face relationships” with “performers” on our screens.

Today, it’s increasingly associated with influencers and podcasters, given the amount – and often intimate nature – of what they put online.

“Unrequited relationships are nothing new,” Dr Veronica Lamarche, a social personality psychologist at the University of Essex, says. “Throughout history there are lots of examples of people forming one-sided connections.

“It’s a case of all your connection with that person coming solely through what you’re presented with through those channels – be it your favourite TV show or a social media profile.”

A 2024 study co-authored by Dr Lamarche revealed that while people found their emotional needs were still best met by friends and family, parasocial relationships with YouTubers were valued more than relationships with “real” acquaintances or colleagues.

“Parasocial relationships are available whenever we need them,” Dr Lamarche adds.

“In the middle of the night, if you’re feeling a bit sad, you can turn to your favourite content creator and get that feeling of solace – whereas it might be inappropriate to wake up your best friend to call them for a chat. There aren’t those same boundaries.”

Four influencers share their experiences of parasocial relationships

One follower ‘turned up at my house’

Charlie Pauly, 34, is a travel blogger and content creator who knows those blurred boundaries all too well.

He and his then partner started documenting their round-the-world trip in 2017 and unwittingly became “the UK’s biggest Instagram travel couple”.

But when the couple separated in 2022, not only did he have to navigate a break-up but his followers’ reactions – and many had been invested in their “couple goals” persona for years.

“The thing with social media is people love depth. They really want to get to know you – and people really believe that they know you,” he tells Sky News.

“I got lots of lovely messages of support, but it went crazy at first. I got [messages saying]: ‘I always knew she was gay’ and ‘he was definitely cheating on her’ – none of which was true.

“Even just recently a guy came up to me and kept saying ‘you were such a good couple’.

“I suppose that’s the perfect example of a parasocial relationship. I don’t know this person and yet he came and said all of this to my face. It’s just weird.”

When Charlie was living on a narrowboat near his hometown of Peterborough, a follower sent a picture of himself standing beside it.

“He just turned up at the boat when we weren’t there – I had no idea,” he recalls. “He took a selfie and sent it to me on Instagram.”

Charlie, who has now rebranded as a solo traveller, still isn’t sure whether it was meant maliciously or not, but he felt it crossed privacy and safety boundaries.

“He said he ‘just wanted to say hi’, but I got quite defensive about it. I told him: ‘I don’t know where your head’s at, but that’s not cool. Don’t ever turn up at my house again’.”

‘I hadn’t realised my follower had died’

Lifestyle content creator Kristabel Plummer says she has felt the effects of the parasocial relationship in reverse – when she found out one of her most loyal followers had died.

The 37-year-old from London has been making a living from her social media channels for the past 12 years, with around 80,000 followers on Instagram and “lives” on TikTok roughly three times a week.

Earlier this year, she realised she hadn’t heard from a follower she’d had on-off conversations with for years.

The follower, an aspiring influencer herself, would diligently follow tips and hacks Kristabel posted, and Kristabel had followed her back roughly two years ago.

“She was in South Africa and I’m not sure what the influencer scene is like there, but she wasn’t able to do it as a job – like me. So she would always remember very specific things I’d written and put them into practice,” she says.

She recalls: “She crossed my mind one day, so I checked her profile – only to find someone had posted about her passing away.”

Although she didn’t find out until eight months later, and she still doesn’t know how she died, Kristabel was brought to tears.

“It’s such a strange sort of relationship. If someone stops messaging you, you have no way of knowing what’s happened to them – so it was very upsetting to find out that way,” she adds.

Her experience is in line with academic research, which has shown people can still experience grief-like symptoms even if they have never met the person who has died, or if they’re not real.

Parasocial relationships ‘part of our psychological toolkit’

But there are plenty of positives to parasocial relationships. Dr Lamarche describes them as “part of our psychological toolkit for connection” when used in the right way.

Research has shown they can reduce social isolation, build confidence, and enhance our sense of identity.

Josh Fletcher, or ‘Anxiety Josh’, is a psychotherapist, author, and podcaster with around 240,000 Instagram followers and nearly two million podcast downloads.

After a breakdown in his early 20s, he was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD, and suffered from panic attacks and intrusive thoughts.

Having found the resources he’d been given of little use, he decided to create a platform to help others like him. His posts aim to show what various conditions and their symptoms look like in reality – and how people can separate themselves from how they feel in that moment.

“When you’re anxious you feel alone, you feel isolated – sometimes you don’t even have the words to describe how you’re feeling,” the 35-year-old from Manchester tells Sky News.

“I live a happy life now, but by me saying ‘I’ve been there’ gives people hope.”

Researchers who specialise in parasocial relationships have consistently found that minority groups, particularly the LGBTQ+ community, often get the most benefits from them – especially if they lack those peers in their social circles.

“Being able to see yourself mirrored back to you is a great antidote to that loneliness and hopelessness that comes with a lot of mental health conditions,” Josh says.

He sees the benefits of his followers’ parasocial relationships with him in the messages he gets, he adds.

On his podcast Disordered, his listeners share things they’ve achieved with the help of his online community, despite their mental health challenges.

And in response to his latest book, And How Does That Make You Feel: Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Therapy, he’s had “hundreds” of messages from people inspired to follow in his footsteps because he has “taught them it’s okay be a therapist – and still not have your all s*** sorted”.

Risk of social withdrawal

While parasocial connections have proven benefits, they’re not without their risks.

Following someone else’s experiences day in, day out, inevitably leads to social comparison – and can risk people developing unhealthy ideals or expectations.

And for those with low self-esteem or attachment issues, there is a risk of withdrawing from in-person relationships in favour of parasocial ones.

“The reason they can be so harmful is that one-sidedness,” Dr Lamarche says.

“While they’re useful, they can’t ever fully satiate our needs, so when things get really challenging, these people can’t tailor their behaviours to us – because they don’t know who we are.

“So if someone with low self-esteem starts putting all their eggs in their parasocial basket, that withdrawal can make them more vulnerable and actually lower their wellbeing long-term.”

So how do you strike the right balance?

Both Charlie and Kristabel admit they are “still figuring out their boundaries” when it comes to these kinds of parasocial relationships.

But as a psychotherapist, Josh says he has always been mindful that they can form and feels a responsibility to navigate them carefully.

“That over-familiarity can lead to disappointment,” he says.

“I come across as this caring, considerate person on social media, but if people reach out to me and I don’t respond, that can be perceived as a rejection.

“I have to put ‘no DM advice’ on my profile because I can’t provide individual advice – it’s unethical.”

So how do you strike the right balance – particularly when you make a living from sharing your life online?

Michelle Elman is a life coach, author, content creator, and self-styled “queen of boundaries”.

Just over a year ago, having kept her relationship relatively private, she revealed that she had got engaged and discovered her fiance had been cheating on her with one of her followers – all on the same day.

Now, she has returned to posting about dating, friendships, and body positivity – having initially found internet fame for sharing pictures of her surgery scars.

“I think with my style of content there’s a perception that I share everything about my life – when I actually really don’t,” she tells Sky News.

Whenever she has felt the need to demonstrate this to her followers, she asks them how many siblings she has – so they realise they don’t know the answer.

“I’m very private about the people in my life – my family, friends, the people I’m dating,” she explains.

While she may share screenshots of WhatsApp messages or conversations on dating apps, she doesn’t reveal names or anything beyond the early stages of a relationship.

“Every so often, I might get a message asking ‘What happened to this guy?’, but I won’t answer, because the moment you start, it’s never going to be enough to meet people’s expectations.”

Asked how influencers can avoid the pitfalls of parasocial relationships, she advises them not to let followers dictate what they do and don’t talk about – and to be aware “oversharing” won’t increase their numbers.

“People can think that relatability thing, if you overshare, you’ll get a bigger following – but you have to ask yourself if that’s why you want people to follow you.

“If you look at my Instagram as a whole – it does sum up my life – but that doesn’t mean I’ve shared every thought I’ve ever had.”

A man has admitted arson after a major fire at an MP’s constituency office.

Joshua Oliver, 28, pleaded guilty to starting the fire which destroyed the office of Labour MP Sharon Hodgson, at Vermont House in Washington, Tyne and Wear.

The fire also wrecked a small charity for people with very rare genetic diseases and an NHS mental health service for veterans.

The guilty plea was entered at Newcastle Magistrates’ Court on the basis that it was reckless rather than intentional.

The Crown did not accept that basis of plea.

Oliver, of no fixed address, had been living in a tent nearby, the court heard.

Northumbria Police previously said it was “alerted to a fire at a premises on Woodland Terrace in the Washington area” shortly after 12.20am on Thursday.

“Emergency services attended and no one is reported to have been injured in the incident,” it added.

Drone footage from the scene showed extensive damage to the building.

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A spokesperson for the Crown Prosecution Service said: “Our prosecutors have worked to establish that there is sufficient evidence to bring the case to trial and that it is in the public interest to pursue criminal proceedings.

“We have worked closely with Northumbria Police as they carried out their investigation.”

Oliver was remanded in custody and will appear at Newcastle Crown Court on Tuesday, 14 October.

Sir Keir Starmer may end up regretting sacking Lucy Powell.

The former Commons leader, who has been described as “scrappy” and a “formidable” organiser with connections right across the Labour Party, will take on Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson in the race to replace Angela Rayner as deputy leader following her dramatic resignation from government.

Ms Powell’s presence on the ballot paper, confirmed on Thursday night after she won the backing of 117 MPs, turns the internal battle into an effective referendum on the prime minister’s leadership, at a time when the mood in the party likely reflects the wider mood in the country.

The Manchester Central MP, who previously served as an aide to Ed Miliband, was part of a contingent of North West MPs who were sacked in last week’s reshuffle.

Sky News understands that Ms Powell asked the prime minister three times why she was being removed from her post – but did not receive an answer.

She has emerged as the backbenchers’ candidate, in contrast to Ms Phillipson, the loyalist education secretary, who is seen as Number 10’s choice. It is a label that may prove to harm rather than help the cabinet minister’s chances.

After her place on the ballot was confirmed, Ms Powell called for a “change of culture” in Downing Street.

“We’ve got a bit of a groupthink happening at the top, that culture of not being receptive to interrogation, not being receptive to differing views,” she told The Guardian newspaper.

Allies of Ms Powell say it is her ability to engage with MPs and network that has landed her on the ballot paper, and she is also a beneficiary of the prime minister’s poor handling of his own party, evidenced by the way he handled the reshuffle – not to mention other mishaps over the past year regarding winter fuel payments and welfare.

‘Inept people management’

Many of the ministers who were sacked expected to receive a phone call from Sir Keir himself, but Sky News understands they instead received the news through either Darren Jones, his chief secretary, or Jonathan Reynolds, the former business secretary who was himself demoted to chief whip.

One minister who spoke to Sky News said it was not Sir Keir who told them they were being sacked.

“It’s inept people management that is going to come back to bite him,” they said.

“There’s a lot of people who see this deputy leadership contest as an opportunity to reinforce that point.

“People need a way to air their concerns, and if the debate is shut down because there isn’t a contest, it will just explode later on at a much higher volume.”

Labour insiders say Sir Keir’s lack of personal touch has fuelled “resentment and revenge” in the PLP that will directly benefit Ms Powell – with one saying Sir Keir had turned her into a “martyr”.

They draw parallels with the government’s mishandling of internal splits over Gaza which resulted in a large rebellion while in opposition, and more recently the uproar over welfare cuts that was only minimised when Ms Rayner was brought in to bridge the gap with MPs.

Powell a ‘shop steward’ of the PLP

Karl Turner, the Labour MP for Hull East, told Sky News he believed that sacking Ms Powell actually strengthened her chances in the race.

“Lucy Powell will, I am sure, prove to be the most popular candidate amongst ordinary members once the contest is opened up because members will see her as not being the choice of Downing Street,” he said.

“I have no doubt that Keir Starmer saved the Labour Party from itself not too many years ago, but I am worried that we are in danger of losing the entire Labour movement unless we change stance, fast.”

He added: “I’m supporting Lucy Powell because I know she will be the shop steward for the PLP. Lucy is fearless and will speak truth to power without fear or favour. We must act fast as a political party and absolutely must not allow this deputy leadership contest to become a referendum on the prime minister’s premiership.”

Another backbencher summed up the contest as a chance to give Sir Keir “a bloody nose”, while a separate source said removing Ms Powell was “utterly egregious”.

“It’s given Andy Burnham the biggest energy boost.”

As well as mobilising the PLP, Ms Powell’s sacking has fuelled speculation of a comeback for Andy Burnham, the mayor of Greater Manchester who is her close friend and has long been known to harbour leadership ambitions.

There is speculation that should a Manchester MP stand down, Mr Burnham may be inclined to run in the ensuing by-election.

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Mr Burnham has not given any indication that he is planning to run again for parliament but has also not ruled out a return to Westminster in the future.

Such a scenario would present the ultimate crisis for Number 10 – long suspecting the openly critical mayor has designs on the prime minister’s job.

Number 10 would be forced to choose between allowing Mr Burnham to run in the by-election and thus make it easier for him to launch a potential leadership challenge, and blocking him from the ballot paper and risk gifting the seat to Reform, while causing an outcry among MPs.

Some have been at pains to point out that this deputy leadership contest is not about the heart and the soul of the Labour Party – and Ms Powell has stressed her time serving in government – it is about Sir Keir’s leadership.

As one union source put it: “If Lucy can run this as a referendum on the direction of the government, she’d win.”