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Inspirational thought of the week:

Woke up this morning my house was cold
Checked out the furnace she wasn’t burnin’
Went out and hopped in my old Ford
Hit the engine but she ain’t turnin’
We’ve given each other some hard lessons lately
But we ain’t learnin’
We’re the same sad story, that’s a fact
One step up and two steps back

— “One Step Up,” Bruce Springsteen

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in Room 02 on the second floor of a building located at address 0 2nd Street, we find ourselves after Week 2 obsessed with the number two. Like, we are sitting alone at a two-person desk, wearing a Deion Sanders No. 2 Florida State jersey, shakily holding a No. 2 pencil and scribbling on a double roll of two-ply toilet paper our 200-word, two-act play about two-time All-SEC running back Deuce McAllister.

Why such two-facedness? Because after two weeks of across-the-nation play, the long-term candidates for Bottom 10 residency are beginning two, er, I mean, to ease into a second lane of their own. And how do we identify these teams who are singing to a different twoon, er, tune? They are the ones who already have two losses. And of the 134 teams that play FBS football, their number is already down to 18, and all but one of those are 0-2. (No-vada, at 1-2, is out there rolling a lopsided snake eyes after its Week 0 kickoff.)

Now that peloton of two-loss squads heads downhill into Week 3. How many will continue to match losses with the week number like an octogenarian hoping to shoot their age on the golf course? Stay twoned, er, tuned. We already have our No. 3 Joe Montana college jersey at the ready, certainly more ready than his alma mater was for Week 2.

With apologies to Al Toon, Dave Duerson, Washington Huskies twins Jayvon and Armon Parker, Monmouth defensive back Deuce Lee and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 2 Bottom 10 rankings.


The Zips continued their march through the Big Ten, following a season-opening 56-6 loss at Ohio State with a 49-17 defeat at Rutgers. This week they host Colgate, which is good timing because they need someone to help repair all the teeth that were knocked out of their mouths during those first two weeks.


The Owls made their FBS home debut, hosting the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana and losing 34-10. Now they sing, “Do You Know the Way to San José?” as they go West to face the Spartans, a team they’ve never played before, who in turn are singing, “The First Time Ever I Kenne-saw Your Face.”


After an 0-2 start, the L-obos failed to cover the spread against the Fightin’ Byes of Open Date U. Now they travel to The Plains to face Coveted Fifth Spot contender Auburn, which means an uneasy phone call over to archenemy Whew Mexico State, which has beaten Hugh Freeze the past two years, once when he was coach at Liberty and once when he was at Auburn. Beep. “Um, hey guys, I know we had that whole thing last winter when we banned you from using our facilities for bowl practice because your QB peed on our logo and we know we play in two weeks in our most vicious rivalry contest but, well, um, LOL, bygones and all that, could you send us your Auburn film? Preferably without it being peed on?”


Our second-highest flying parliament of Strigiformes continues its pursuit of Kennesaw for Bottom 10 Owl air supremacy, following up their 48-point Week 1 loss to longtime pass-slingers Oklahoma with a 27-point defeat at Navy, which hasn’t thrown a pass since Roger Staubach graduated.


The Northern Ill-ugh-noise Huskies went to South Bend and: A. Ran the ball 45 times. 2. Committed no turnovers. Thirdly. Won nearly every other statistical category. IV. Cashed a check for $1.4 million. And E. Not only dropped Notre Dame into the Coveted Fifth Spot, they also produced a psychological sequel to Texas A&M’s Week 1 nightmare, “Notre Dame Loss 2: Electric NIU Boogaloo.”


The Minors were tunneled under at home by Southern Utah of FCS in OT. It was the best showing for a group of Thunderbirds in El Paso since the Air Force’s legendary fighter jet demo team did a flyover of the Sun Bowl and immediately realized they were at the wrong bowl game.


The Minutemen continued their march to MAC membership in 2025, opening the season with a home loss to Eastern Not Western Michigan and a Week 2 defeat at Toledo. Now they travel to see the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, ahead of midseason trips to My Hammy of Ohio and Notre Dame’s daddies in Dekalb. Wait, are we 100% sure they aren’t already in the MAC and we just didn’t realize it?


Speaking of #MACtion, the Bronc-nos are in fact currently a MAC member, though thus far 2024 feels like an audition for the Big Ten after opening with trips to Wisconsin and Ohio State. However, after losing by a combined score of 84-14, this audition is like the time I tried out for “American Gladiators.”


The Cowboys are an FBS program that for whatever reason people back East always seem to think is an FCS program. Meanwhile, the Idaho Vandals were an FCS powerhouse who moved up to FBS, and during that time, they played Wyoming frequently but could never beat them. Then, in 2018, Idaho became the first program to voluntarily move back down to FCS, thus a lot of people still think it’s in FBS. So, when Idaho finally beat Wyoming on Saturday, it was one of three FCS-over-FBS upsets over the weekend, but one that people either knew was an FCS-FBS upset but thought it was the other way around or didn’t realize it was an FCS vs. FBS game at all.


Meanwhile, everyone knew that Kent State’s loss to the St. Francis Red Flash was an FCS-over-FBS upset because their reaction to the 23-17 score was: “What in the name of St. Francis is a Red Flash?!”

Waiting list: FSU Semi-no’s, Snore Eagle, Big (Black and) Blue Nation, Minute Rice, UCan’t, Not The Jacksonville You Think It Is State, FA(not)I U, Charlotte 0-and-2ers, Sam Houston we have a problem, Actual Houston we have a problem, flopping.

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Machado makes Cubs pay for Imanaga ‘mistake’

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Machado makes Cubs pay for Imanaga 'mistake'

CHICAGO — Cubs manager Craig Counsell defended his decision to leave lefty Shota Imanaga in the game to face righty Manny Machado in the fifth inning of the San Diego Padresvictory in Game 2 of the NL Wild Card Series on Wednesday.

Machado hit a first pitch splitter for a two-run home run, extending the Padres’ lead to 3-0, the eventual final score.

A deciding Game 3 will be at Wrigley Field on Thursday.

“The results suggest that we should have done something different,” Counsell said after the loss. “Really just confidence in Shota, plain and simple there. I thought he was pitching well. I thought he was throwing the ball really well and, unfortunately, he made a mistake.”

The decision came after Fernando Tatis Jr. walked and then took second on Luis Arraez‘s sacrifice bunt. That created an open base. Counsell said he considered walking Machado but decided to pitch to him instead.

“Walking him wasn’t in my head,” Imanaga said through an interpreter. “That splitter was meant for down in the zone.”

Counsell had righty Mike Soroka ready, but he decided against going to him. It was a curious move, considering the Cubs used an opener to start Game 2, purposely allowing Imanaga to avoid facing Tatis and Machado in the first inning.

That wasn’t the case in the fifth.

“I don’t put a manager’s cap on,” Machado said when asked if he was surprised that he got to face Imanaga in that situation. “I’m 0-for-6 at that point. So yeah, I’m not thinking about that. For myself, I was just thinking about trying to get to Imanaga.”

Said Padres manager Mike Shildt: “I’ve got my hands full with my own club. I can’t be thinking about anybody else’s strategy.”

The teams will play a winner-take-all Game 3 on Thursday. The Padres will start former Cubs pitcher Yu Darvish. Righty Jameson Taillon will take the hill for Chicago.

“I’m excited,” Taillon said. “As [Game 2] got going there, I started to get excited for tomorrow. You do a lot of work throughout the season for big moments. I’m looking forward to it.”

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Yanks force G3 on Chisholm’s mad dash home

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Yanks force G3 on Chisholm's mad dash home

NEW YORK — Jazz Chisholm Jr. zipped all the way home from first base on Austin Wells‘ tiebreaking single in the eighth inning, and the New York Yankees extended their season Wednesday night with a 4-3 victory over the Boston Red Sox in Game 2 of their AL Wild Card Series.

Unhappy he was left out of the starting lineup in the opener, Chisholm also made a critical defensive play at second base that helped the Yankees send the best-of-three playoff to a decisive Game 3 on Thursday night in the Bronx.

“What a game. I mean, it has been two great games, these first two,” New York manager Aaron Boone said. “A lot of big plays on both sides.”

In the latest chapter of baseball’s most storied rivalry, the winner advances to face AL East champion Toronto in a best-of-five division series beginning Saturday. It will be the fourth winner-take-all postseason game between the Yankees and Red Sox, and the first since the 2021 AL wild card, a one-game format won by Boston.

“Should be a fun night,” Red Sox manager Alex Cora said.

Ben Rice hit an early two-run homer and Aaron Judge had an RBI single for the Yankees, who received three innings of scoreless relief from their shaky bullpen after starter Carlos Rodón put the first two batters on in the seventh.

Devin Williams worked a one-hit eighth for the win, and David Bednar got three outs for his first postseason save. Judge pumped his fist when he caught Ceddanne Rafaela‘s fly ball on the right-field warning track to end it.

Trevor Story homered and drove in all three runs for the Red Sox, who won the series opener 3-1 on Tuesday night behind ace lefty Garrett Crochet.

With the score tied in the seventh, Chisholm saved a run with a diving stop of an infield single by pinch hitter Masataka Yoshida.

“Unbelievable play,” Rice said. “That’s what you are going to get from him — just a guy who will give 110% every play.”

Story then flied out with the bases loaded to the edge of the center-field warning track to end the inning, and fired-up reliever Fernando Cruz waved his arms wildly to pump up the crowd.

“I almost got out of his way,” Boone said, drawing laughs. “There’s a passion that he does his job with, and it spilled over a little bit tonight. I am glad it was the end of his evening at that point.”

Said Rice: “I felt like I could see every vein popping out of his head.”

Chisholm also made a tough play to start an inning-ending double play with two on in the third — the first of three timely double plays turned by the Yankees.

“He’s a game-changer,” Judge said. “He showed up at the park today and had the biggest plays for us.”

There were two outs in the eighth when Chisholm drew a walk from losing pitcher Garrett Whitlock. Chisholm was running on a full-count pitch when Wells pulled a line drive that landed just inside the right-field line and caromed off the low retaining wall in foul territory.

Right fielder Nate Eaton made a strong, accurate throw to the plate, but the speedy Chisholm beat it with a headfirst slide as Wells pumped his arms at first base.

“Any ball that an outfielder moves to his left or right, I have to score, in my head,” Chisholm said. “That’s all I was thinking.”

With the Yankees threatening in the third, Boston manager Alex Cora lifted starter Brayan Bello from his first postseason outing and handed the game to a parade of relievers who held New York in check until the eighth.

Hard-throwing rookie Cam Schlittler (4-3, 2.96 ERA) will start Game 3 for New York, and rookie left-hander Connelly Early (1-2, 2.33 ERA) will pitch for Boston in place of injured Lucas Giolito. It will be the second winner-take-all game in MLB postseason history in which both starting pitchers are rookies.

Schlittler, 24, grew up in Boston, where he attended Northeastern University, but has said he always wanted to play for the Yankees. Early has made four major league starts since his debut on Sept. 9.

Information from The Associated Press and ESPN Research was used in this report.

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Rocchio HR sparks Guardians, forces decisive G3

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Rocchio HR sparks Guardians, forces decisive G3

CLEVELAND — How far can a team go by repeatedly dancing away from a season-ending precipice? The Cleveland Guardians are determined to find out.

The Guardians, boosted by a five-run eighth-inning outburst that began with an unlikely home run from Brayan Rocchio, beat the Detroit Tigers 6-1 on Wednesday to force a decisive Game 3 in the AL Wild Card Series.

In many ways, it was fitting that Rocchio ignited the season-saving rally because the trajectory of his rags-to-riches season has been in lockstep with the team around him. And, yes, the blast was unlikely, but unlikely is where the Guardians seem to be most comfortable.

“We always say we try to always play without pressure,” Rocchio said through the team’s interpreter. “That’s our type of ball. We just play and we realize we’re going to play until the last out. Even if we’re down by 10, we’ll know we’ll continue to try to play that type of ball.”

For seven innings, the Guardians and Tigers engaged in the kind of low-scoring, close game that frustrates hitters and thrills pitchers alike. For Cleveland, the frustration came from an inability to do much of anything after George Valera‘s first-inning home run. Through seven frames, Cleveland had just two hits and five baserunners overall.

For Detroit, the frustration was very different. The Tigers stranded 15 baserunners for the game. One Cleveland pitcher after another managed to wriggle out of trouble, usually with an inning-ending strikeout.

“It was a tough day,” Tigers manager A.J. Hinch said. “Obviously, they made the most of their opportunities and we left 15 guys on. I think that paints the picture that was today.”

The score was tied 1-1 entering the Cleveland half of the eighth. With one out, Rocchio stepped to the dish against Detroit fireballer Troy Melton.

“Just velo and the plus stuff,” Hinch said when asked why he went with Melton in that situation. “We needed to extend the game.”

Melton might have been the least of Rocchio’s problems. The afternoon shadows make things miserable for the hitters, with Guardians manager Stephen Vogt noting that in those conditions, batters simply can’t pick up the spin on a pitch, making everything look more or less like a fastball.

Rocchio got an actual fastball from Melton, a four-seamer in the heart of the plate that registered at 99.9 mph, per Statcast. The sheer velocity of the pitch was the first thing that made Rocchio’s homer so unlikely. According to ESPN Research, only Oscar Mercado, in a 2020 regular-season game, had gone deep on a pitch that fast for Cleveland over the past decade.

Rocchio connected and sent a shot toward right field. But even so, a home run still seemed very unlikely thanks to a howling wind that had been blowing in from that direction and played havoc with fly balls all afternoon.

“Funny enough, when the game started, I was thinking with this wind, we have to put the ball on the ground, try to get ground balls,” Rocchio said. “When I get that mindset to get the ball on the ground is when I get better and better results.”

Indeed, the ball settled into the right-field seats, giving Cleveland the lead and sparking an offensive surge capped by Bo Naylor‘s three-run blast later in the inning.

But forget the conditions — the shadows, the wind, the pitcher — and just think how unlikely it was that Rocchio was there, taking a high-leverage at-bat in a postseason elimination game.

Rocchio struggled so badly early this season that he spent six weeks at Triple-A despite helping the Guardians to the 2024 AL Central title and becoming a Gold Glove finalist at shortstop.

When Rocchio did return to the majors, his club was on its way to digging a 15½-game hole beneath Detroit in the AL Central. Nevertheless, there they were in Game 2, Rocchio and the Guardians, getting a postseason win in a season that has at various times been on life support.

“I think it’s important to just understand that we’re here for a reason,” Naylor said. “We’re here because we trust the guys that are in that clubhouse at our side.”

The Tigers won’t be daunted by their Game 2 loss, though they will join the Guardians in facing an elimination game Thursday. But if experience in playing with your back against the wall means anything, that edge has to go to a Guardians squad that has been there for three months.

“This is who we are,” Vogt said. “Couldn’t be more proud of our guys. Back against the wall. Back’s still against the wall tomorrow. We’ll come out ready to go and so will they. It will be another dogfight tomorrow. I guarantee it.”

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