‘Don’t man up, talk it through’ – men urged to confront mental health problems

Published

10 months ago

January 3, 2025

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It’s a rare thing, a group of men in a room, talking about their mental health. They have all led difficult lives, and they don’t usually talk about it.

They throw a ball around the room to indicate whose turn it is to speak. “When a man talks about his emotions he is often told, ‘don’t be a girl… man up’,” offers one participant, Harry Lambert.

He has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and describes not airing problems as like “allowing a poison to build up inside”.

This mentoring weekend, offered by the charity Oak London, is an opportunity for these men to release some of that poison.

Charities warn this time of year can be extra difficult for those struggling with their mental health.

Men are more likely to go missing, sleep rough, and become dependent on drugs and alcohol – all contributing to a higher suicide rate compared to women. It is the most common cause of death for men under 50.

In the room with sofas around the edge, the men – mostly in their 20s – have come from various unstable settings.

Some are referred from probation services, others have been homeless and responded to flyers put out in London hostels offering a retreat to Bristol and a weekend to “escape your everyday surroundings” and “develop your relationship with yourself and others”.

The first section of the session is about recognising the stereotypes of manhood. Participants offer up words for the whiteboard – including dominant, macho, stoic.

Physically, all of them size up more than most to these expectations, but as their tattooed hands write down shortcomings on pieces of paper, the insecurities come to light.

“You make people scared,” one writes.

‘A lot of people don’t show emotion’

This prompts a discussion about how they should respond when someone is visibly scared of them as they walk down the street.

“I feel like if I’ve scared you, I feel like the one thing I don’t want to then do, is approach you and say, like, ‘sorry’.”

The other men agree this wouldn’t work, but all recognise the sense of isolation their physical appearance can create. At the same time, they accept, they often want to look tough.

“A lot of people I know, they don’t show any sort of emotion,” says Shareef Venson, an ex-participant and now helper.

“But you can see that they’re struggling with certain issues. It’s just that they feel like they can’t physically show it.”

Several factors that affect men’s mental health

Benjamin Kuti, a soft-spoken young man, had a difficult childhood, often without his mother present. He has dyspraxia but says many factors can play on his mental health.

“Being unemployed, for example, or even just being isolated. That can just impact your psychological state. It’s a very small, blurred line. I really struggle to create meaningful relationships with people where it’s like, this person actually sees me, or this person actually likes me – for me.”

Wealth, and failing to accumulate it, is another recurring theme.

The handwritten sticky notes are attached to bricks and Shareef stands in the middle while the men pile them into his arms saying the words on the paper: “You scare people”, “you failed in your job”, “you have a low self-esteem”. One of the last ones reads, “you should jump”.

Loaded up with all the notes a mentor asks Shareef: “How would it feel going for a job carrying all those bricks?”

“I wouldn’t apply for anything,” he says.

And so, the lesson is to try to remove them, reject them, pass them back, put them on the floor, share them out, so you carry fewer.

Rare opportunity to talk about struggles

Mental health among men often goes undiagnosed. Only about half of those suffering from a mental health problem seek help. That means they often carry the burden alone.

Jos Lucas, founder of Oak London, says: “Because we’re outside of London, outside of distractions, outside of people having to look over their shoulder every minute… I think it naturally happens, in group discussions, that people do feel that they can trust each other, they can talk about things that they might not otherwise have the opportunity to talk about.”

Harry, who has self-harmed and struggled with depression and anxiety since the age of 13 says he didn’t get a diagnosis for his personality disorder until he was 19.

He describes his symptoms as “heightened anxiety, heightened depression, major mood swings, manic episodes and extremely depressive episodes, along with things like suicidal thoughts and tendency to things like addiction”.

He is still on the waiting list for therapy. The conversations he has had with other men at the Oak London project have been some of the most open and honest he’s ever had.

‘I can talk openly without being judged’

He said: “A lot of times you talk to your friends and especially with men, you talk to them and say, how are you doing People say ‘Yeah, I’m good,’ and they won’t be good because they think you either don’t care or they think you don’t hear it, or they’re worried that you’re going to judge them.”

“Whereas here in Oak London, this is the only place I’ve ever been to where I felt I can go and I can talk openly without being judged, while trying to help other people and help myself.

“It’s okay to be vulnerable. And I think that’s the message that urgently needs to be out there, because there’s so much stigma around how a man needs to be dominant, masculine and stoic, but if you’re an emotional man, a sensitive man, embrace that, that’s okay. And if you feel like you want to talk, talk to someone.”

Back in London, life’s troubles await these young men but addressing them by saying them out loud, and hearing of them in others, may just help.

UK

Manhunt for Epping hotel asylum seeker, jailed for sexually assaulting girl, after accidental release

Published

12 hours ago

October 24, 2025

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Manhunt for Epping hotel asylum seeker, jailed for sexually assaulting girl, after accidental release

A manhunt has been launched for an accidentally released asylum seeker who was jailed for 12 months earlier this year after he sexually assaulted a 14-year-old girl and a woman in Epping.

Hadush Gerberslasie Kebatu had been staying at The Bell Hotel in the Essex town, with the incident fuelling weeks of protests at the site.

The Ethiopian national was found guilty of two counts of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, inciting a girl to engage in sexual activity and harassment without violence earlier this month.

District judge Christopher Williams said Kebatu posed a “significant risk of reoffending” when he sentenced him to 12 months in prison in September.

Sky News understands Hadush Kebatu was being released from HMP Chelmsford as he was due to be immediately deported.

He was released on the expectation that he would be picked up by immigration enforcement, but it is currently unclear what happened next. It is understood that the Home Office was ready to take Kebatu to an immigration removal centre.

Sky sources say the search for Kebatu is within Essex, which launched a manhunt after he was accidentally freed on Friday morning.

Kebatu’s lawyer, Molly Dyas, told Chelmsford Magistrates’ Court during his trial that it was his “firm wish” to be deported.

Under the UK Borders Act 2007, a deportation order must be made where a foreign national has been convicted of an offence and received a custodial sentence of at least 12 months.

Deputy Prime Minister David Lammy is said to be furious and has ordered an investigation and is supporting police efforts, according to a Government source.

Mr Lammy said in a post on X that he is “appalled at the release in error”, adding: “Kebatu must be deported for his crimes, not on our streets.”

Reform UK leader Nigel Farage said: “The Epping hotel migrant sex attacker has been accidentally freed rather than deported. He is now walking the streets of Essex. Britain is broken.”

Tory leader Kemi Badenoch said Kebatu was released as a result of “the entire system collapsing under Labour”.

Chelmsford MP Marie Goldman said in a statement following the accidental release: “The police must do everything they can to ensure that this man is returned to custody immediately so that he is deported at once.

“Once the manhunt is over, there must be a full, rapid public inquiry into how this happened. This is utterly unacceptable and has potentially put my constituents in danger. I expect answers from the Prison Service.”

The Prison Service said in a statement that it was “urgently working with police to return an offender to custody following a release in error at HMP Chelmsford”.

“Public protection is our top priority and we have launched an investigation into this incident,” a spokesperson added.

It is understood that releases in error are incredibly rare and are taken extremely seriously by the Prison Service.

But policing and crime commentator Danny Shadow says that releases in error are actually not uncommon.

“Last year, there were 87 prisoners who were released in error. So that’s around six or so every single month. Seventy were released from error from prisons and another 17 from the courts,” the former Labour home affairs advisor told Sky News.

An officer has been removed from duties to discharge prisoners while the investigation is ongoing.

During his trial, the court heard that Kebatu had tried to kiss the teenager, put his hand on her thigh and brushed her hair after she offered him pizza.

The asylum seeker also told the girl and her friend he wanted to have a baby with them and invited them back to the hotel.

The incident happened on 7 July, about a week after he arrived in the UK on a boat.

The girl later told police she “froze” and got “really creeped out”, telling him: “No, I’m 14.”

Kebatu was also found guilty of sexually assaulting a woman – putting his hand on her thigh and trying to kiss her – when she tried to intervene after seeing him talking to the girl again the following day.

The incidents sparked anti-migrant protests and counter-protests outside the former Bell Hotel in Epping – as well as at hotels housing asylum seekers across the country.

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UK

Asylum seeker found guilty of hotel worker’s murder

Published

14 hours ago

October 24, 2025

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Asylum seeker found guilty of hotel worker's murder

An asylum seeker has been found guilty of murdering a hotel worker at a train station in the West Midlands.

Deng Chol Majek was caught on CCTV following Rhiannon Skye Whyte from the Park Inn hotel, in Walsall, where he lived and she worked, to the nearby Bescot Stadium station.

She was stabbed in the head with a screwdriver 19 times, and 23 times in total, on 20 October last year.

Mr Majek, who is from Sudan and claims to be 19 years old, had told Wolverhampton Crown Court he was at the hotel for asylum seekers at the time the 27-year-old was attacked.

A two-week trial heard that Mr Majek had previously been reported to security at the hotel after “spookily” staring at three female staff members for prolonged periods.

Ms Skye died in hospital three days after the attack, having been found injured in a shelter on the platform by the driver and guard of a train which pulled in about five minutes later.

Mr Majek, who is about ten inches taller than Ms Whyte, walked to the Caldmore Green area of Walsall after the attack to buy beer, and was recorded on CCTV apparently wiping blood from his trousers.

He returned to the hotel at 12.13am, changed his bloodstained flip-flops for trainers, and was seen dancing with other residents in the car park, within sight of emergency vehicles called to the station.

Asked by defence KC Gurdeep Garcha if he was at the train station when Ms Whyte was stabbed, Mr Majek replied: “No.”

He also denied being “responsible for that fatal assault” on the platform.

Prosecutor Michelle Heeley KC said of Mr Majek’s behaviour after the murder: “He is celebrating, his mood has changed from that prolonged scowl before the murder to dancing and joy after the murder. It is utterly callous.”

Mr Majek said he had spent time in Libya, Italy and Germany before arriving in the UK to claim asylum in July last year.

He will be sentenced at a later date.

‘She was always happy’

Rhiannon’s sister, Alex Whyte, said her sibling “always wanted to make everyone else around her happy”.

She said: “Rhiannon had such a quirky personality. You would hear her before you’d see her.

“No matter what her day had been, she always wanted to make everyone else around her happy. She always prioritised family. That was the most important thing to Rhiannon. Obviously, she has a brother and three sisters. And my mum, who was her best friend.”

She added: “Rhiannon is the second youngest. But our baby sister would always say ‘I’m your big little sister’, because Rhiannon was very soft.

“So, no matter what, we always wanted to protect her. That was our priority most of our life, because Rhiannon never saw danger – Rhiannon never understood how scary the world really could be.

“But no matter what Rhiannon was just happy, always.”

UK

Labour dealt historic loss in Caerphilly by-election – as Plaid Cymru win seat

Published

1 day ago

October 24, 2025

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Labour dealt historic loss in Caerphilly by-election - as Plaid Cymru win seat

Plaid Cymru have won the by-election in the Senedd seat of Caerphilly for the first time.

The Welsh nationalist party secured 15,960 votes – and candidate Lindsay Whittle cried as the result was announced.

Mr Whittle is 72 years old and had stood as a Plaid candidate 13 times since 1983. He will now hold the seat until the Welsh Assembly’s national elections next year.

This by-election was widely regarded as a two-horse race between Plaid Cymru and Reform UK, and the result marks a considerable blow for Nigel Farage.

His candidate Llyr Powell received 12,113 votes – denying a victory that would have strengthened claims that Reform can convert a large lead in opinion polls into election wins.

Nonetheless, the party’s performance is a marked improvement on 2021, when it received just 495 votes.

More than anything, the result is a humiliating and historic defeat for Labour, who had held Caerphilly at every Senedd election since it was created in 1999 – as well as the Westminster seat for over a century.

Its candidate Richard Tunnicliffe secured 3,713 votes and finished in third place, with Welsh Labour describing it as a “by-election in the toughest of circumstances, and in the midst of difficult headwinds nationally”.

Turnout overall stood at 50.43% – considerably higher than during the last ballot back in 2021.

Giving his acceptance speech after the result was confirmed, Mr Whittle began by paying tribute to Hefin David – who was Welsh Labour’s Member of the Senedd for Caerphilly until his death in August.

“He will be a hard act to follow,” Mr Whittle said. “I will never fill his shoes – but I promise you, I will walk the same path that he did.”

The Plaid politician described how he had been “absolutely heartened” by how many young people were involved in the by-election – and said the result sends a clear message.

He said: “Listen now Cardiff and listen Westminster – this is Caerphilly and Wales telling you we want a better deal for every corner of Wales. The big parties need to sit up and take notice.

“Wales, we are at the dawn of new leadership, we are at the dawn of a new beginning – and I look forward to playing my part for a new Wales, and in particular, for the people of the Caerphilly constituency. I thank you with all my heart.”

Mr Whittle quipped Plaid’s victory “was better than scoring the winning try for Wales in the Rugby World Cup”.

And looking ahead to the next year’s elections, he added: “[This] result shows what’s possible when people come together to back practical solutions and protect what matters most.

“We’ve beaten billionaire-backed Reform and, with the same determination, we can do it again in May 2026. Caerphilly has shown the way – now Wales must follow.”

Speaking to Sky’s chief political correspondent Jon Craig just before the declaration, Plaid Cymru leader Rhun ap Iorwerth said: “There’s clearly a real significance to the result – we are seeing the disillusionment with Labour writ large. I’ve heard it on hundreds of doorsteps, we’ve seen it in opinion polls.”

He conceded there was tactical voting in this by-election – with Labour and Conservative supporters alike backing Lindsay Whittle to keep out Reform.

However, Mr ap Iorwerth added: “I’ve spoken to literally hundreds and hundreds of people who told me – time and time again – ‘I’ve been a Labour supporter all my life, and we’re backing you this time.’

“Not begrudgingly, but because they see that’s the direction we’re going in – not just in this by-election, but as a nation. I’m calling on people to get behind that positive change – not just today, but ahead of next May.”

First Minister Eluned Morgan congratulated Mr Whittle on his return to the Senedd and said: “Welsh Labour has heard the frustration on doorsteps in Caerphilly that the need to feel change in people’s lives has not been quick enough.

“We take our share of the responsibility for this result. We are listening, we are learning the lessons, and we will be come back stronger.”

The Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats were among the parties who lost their deposits.