‘Don’t man up, talk it through’ – men urged to confront mental health problems

Published

7 months ago

January 3, 2025

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It’s a rare thing, a group of men in a room, talking about their mental health. They have all led difficult lives, and they don’t usually talk about it.

They throw a ball around the room to indicate whose turn it is to speak. “When a man talks about his emotions he is often told, ‘don’t be a girl… man up’,” offers one participant, Harry Lambert.

He has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and describes not airing problems as like “allowing a poison to build up inside”.

This mentoring weekend, offered by the charity Oak London, is an opportunity for these men to release some of that poison.

Charities warn this time of year can be extra difficult for those struggling with their mental health.

Men are more likely to go missing, sleep rough, and become dependent on drugs and alcohol – all contributing to a higher suicide rate compared to women. It is the most common cause of death for men under 50.

In the room with sofas around the edge, the men – mostly in their 20s – have come from various unstable settings.

Some are referred from probation services, others have been homeless and responded to flyers put out in London hostels offering a retreat to Bristol and a weekend to “escape your everyday surroundings” and “develop your relationship with yourself and others”.

The first section of the session is about recognising the stereotypes of manhood. Participants offer up words for the whiteboard – including dominant, macho, stoic.

Physically, all of them size up more than most to these expectations, but as their tattooed hands write down shortcomings on pieces of paper, the insecurities come to light.

“You make people scared,” one writes.

‘A lot of people don’t show emotion’

This prompts a discussion about how they should respond when someone is visibly scared of them as they walk down the street.

“I feel like if I’ve scared you, I feel like the one thing I don’t want to then do, is approach you and say, like, ‘sorry’.”

The other men agree this wouldn’t work, but all recognise the sense of isolation their physical appearance can create. At the same time, they accept, they often want to look tough.

“A lot of people I know, they don’t show any sort of emotion,” says Shareef Venson, an ex-participant and now helper.

“But you can see that they’re struggling with certain issues. It’s just that they feel like they can’t physically show it.”

Several factors that affect men’s mental health

Benjamin Kuti, a soft-spoken young man, had a difficult childhood, often without his mother present. He has dyspraxia but says many factors can play on his mental health.

“Being unemployed, for example, or even just being isolated. That can just impact your psychological state. It’s a very small, blurred line. I really struggle to create meaningful relationships with people where it’s like, this person actually sees me, or this person actually likes me – for me.”

Wealth, and failing to accumulate it, is another recurring theme.

The handwritten sticky notes are attached to bricks and Shareef stands in the middle while the men pile them into his arms saying the words on the paper: “You scare people”, “you failed in your job”, “you have a low self-esteem”. One of the last ones reads, “you should jump”.

Loaded up with all the notes a mentor asks Shareef: “How would it feel going for a job carrying all those bricks?”

“I wouldn’t apply for anything,” he says.

And so, the lesson is to try to remove them, reject them, pass them back, put them on the floor, share them out, so you carry fewer.

Rare opportunity to talk about struggles

Mental health among men often goes undiagnosed. Only about half of those suffering from a mental health problem seek help. That means they often carry the burden alone.

Jos Lucas, founder of Oak London, says: “Because we’re outside of London, outside of distractions, outside of people having to look over their shoulder every minute… I think it naturally happens, in group discussions, that people do feel that they can trust each other, they can talk about things that they might not otherwise have the opportunity to talk about.”

Harry, who has self-harmed and struggled with depression and anxiety since the age of 13 says he didn’t get a diagnosis for his personality disorder until he was 19.

He describes his symptoms as “heightened anxiety, heightened depression, major mood swings, manic episodes and extremely depressive episodes, along with things like suicidal thoughts and tendency to things like addiction”.

He is still on the waiting list for therapy. The conversations he has had with other men at the Oak London project have been some of the most open and honest he’s ever had.

‘I can talk openly without being judged’

He said: “A lot of times you talk to your friends and especially with men, you talk to them and say, how are you doing People say ‘Yeah, I’m good,’ and they won’t be good because they think you either don’t care or they think you don’t hear it, or they’re worried that you’re going to judge them.”

“Whereas here in Oak London, this is the only place I’ve ever been to where I felt I can go and I can talk openly without being judged, while trying to help other people and help myself.

“It’s okay to be vulnerable. And I think that’s the message that urgently needs to be out there, because there’s so much stigma around how a man needs to be dominant, masculine and stoic, but if you’re an emotional man, a sensitive man, embrace that, that’s okay. And if you feel like you want to talk, talk to someone.”

Back in London, life’s troubles await these young men but addressing them by saying them out loud, and hearing of them in others, may just help.

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Detective who helped catch ‘sadistic’ serial killer Peter Tobin believes there are more victims out there

Published

10 hours ago

July 19, 2025

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Detective who helped catch 'sadistic' serial killer Peter Tobin believes there are more victims out there

What started as a missing person case led to the capture of an “evil” serial killer who “got sadistic sexual pleasure” from murdering women.

Peter Tobin died in October 2022 at the age of 76 while serving three life sentences for the murders of Angelika Kluk, Vicky Hamilton and Dinah McNicol.

Former detective superintendent David Swindle helped to unmask the murderer and has always believed there are more victims out there.

Mr Swindle told Sky News: “Peter Tobin was evil. And, you know, there’s a lot of speculation – nature, nurture or born evil. He’s evil. This is someone that got sadistic sexual pleasure from killing people.

“And when we look back at his life, we see that he cut the head off a dog. He tortured animals – a trait that featured with Ian Brady killing a cat.

“This kind of stuff – he was progressing, he had all the traits early on. And then we traced various partners that he had, and they describe horrific, violent domestic abuse.

“This is someone progressing towards it. And Tobin is evil. He’s killed other people, but we don’t know how many else he’s killed.

“And the reason we don’t know it, is because he targeted vulnerable people and he was forensically aware. So, there could be others, there will be other cases.”

Tobin’s secret reign of terror was unveiled following the disappearance of Polish student Angelika Kluk in September 2006.

The 23-year-old had been enjoying her second summer at St Patrick’s Church in Glasgow, where she was living and working as a cleaner to help finance her Scandinavian studies course at the University of Gdansk.

She was reported missing after failing to turn up to work and was last seen alive in the company of the church’s handyman, “Patrick McLaughlin”.

The caretaker initially spoke to police before sparking suspicion by disappearing himself.

Following a public appeal, the force discovered “McLaughlin” was instead registered sex offender Tobin.

In 1993, Tobin attacked two 14-year-old girls while living in Havant, Hampshire.

He attempted to evade justice for the horrific sex assaults but was jailed the following year and spent a decade behind bars before returning to his home county of Renfrewshire in 2004.

In 2005, he fled Paisley after being accused of attacking a woman and managed to avoid detection until Angelika’s case.

Mr Swindle said he can still remember the day he was brought onto the case after Tobin’s true identity was discovered.

Angelika instantly became a high-risk missing person as she was last seen in the company of a registered sex offender.

Officers were sent back to search the church, where Angelika’s body was thereafter discovered under the floorboards.

Forensic scientist Carol Rogers ordered for the body not to be moved and crawled under the floorboards to collect vital DNA evidence from the bloody crime scene.

Angelika suffered a violent death in the sexually motivated murder. A post-mortem examination revealed she had been bound and gagged, raped, beaten with a piece of wood, and stabbed 16 times in the chest.

Mr Swindle said the “ferocity” of what had happened to Angelika was “absolutely horrendous”.

He said: “I’ve worked on hundreds of murder investigations in my long time in the police, mostly in the CID. This was horrendous, absolutely horrendous, and it was organised.

“The way he had put poor Angelika under the floor and concealed her remains and stayed at the scene – this is someone that’s cool, calculating, someone that knew what he was about.”

A manhunt was launched for Tobin, who had absconded to London.

He was eventually captured after admitting himself to a hospital under the name “James Kelly”. His deception was foiled after a staff member recognised Tobin from the media coverage.

Tobin was initially brought back to Scotland for failing to comply with his sex offender requirements.

Mr Swindle said: “So, you’ve got the person, you’ve got the individual, but you need to work round it all.

“Meanwhile, it’s very fast moving. There was huge media interest, rightly so, and you’re always thinking, ‘okay, it’s him, we’ve got to prove this’.

“And you have to prove it beyond reasonable doubt, and that was the issue. And then later on that week, we got the DNA. It was Tobin’s DNA. That is a significant development.”

Tobin denied any wrongdoing and went to trial despite the DNA evidence stacked against him.

Dorothy Bain KC, Scotland’s now lord advocate, was the prosecutor in the case.

Jurors heard how semen recovered from Angelika’s body linked back to Tobin, as did fingerprints on tarpaulin left at the scene of the crime. The victim’s blood was also found on a wooden table leg and on Tobin’s watch.

The defence, led by Donald Findlay KC, claimed any sex was consensual.

Suspicions were instead cast on to the parish priest at the time, who claimed he’d had a sexual relationship with Angelika, as well as a married man the victim was having an affair with.

Mr Swindle said: “What happened very early on with the murder of Angelika Kluk was what you see so many times in cases – victim blaming and victim shaming.”

Jurors saw through Tobin’s lies and found him guilty.

Judge Lord Menzies described the rapist and murderer as an “evil man” as he handed down a life sentence with at least 21 years behind bars in May 2007.

The killer kicked a press photographer to the ground as he was led from the High Court in Edinburgh.

Following Tobin’s conviction, what was then Strathclyde Police launched Operation Anagram to investigate his life.

Mr Swindle said: “As soon as I saw what Peter Tobin had done to poor Angelika – how organised he was, how methodical he was, the fact that he was using a false name, the fact that he gave a statement to the police in a false name before the heat was on him.

“He was 60 years of age. He’s done this before.”

Mr Swindle said “fortunately” there aren’t many serial killers in the UK.

He added: “Serial killers – they’re cunning, they’re controlling, they’re conniving, they can be charming, and that’s what we actually found out about Tobin, and they can be clever.”

Mr Swindle likened Tobin’s traits to that of Moors murderer Ian Brady and fellow Scot Dennis Nilsen, who admitted murdering at least 15 young men between 1978 and 1983.

Mr Swindle said: “And that’s when I thought we have to look at his whole life.”

As officers mapped the thrice-married Tobin’s movements over the years, it was discovered he was living in Bathgate at the time of Vicky Hamilton’s disappearance in February 1991.

Vicky was just 15 when she went missing from a bus stop in the West Lothian town.

The teenager had been staying with her older sister in Livingston and vanished during a cold weather snap while making her way home to Redding, near Falkirk.

She was last seen alive eating from a bag of chips while waiting for her connecting bus.

The case was one of Scotland’s most high-profile missing person enquiries.

Sadly, Vicky’s heartbroken mother, Janette, died in 1993 without knowing what happened to her daughter.

In June 2007, police searched Tobin’s old Bathgate home and recovered a dagger hidden in the loft space. A piece of Vicky’s skin was recovered from the weapon.

Vicky’s purse, which had been discarded in Edinburgh following her disappearance in an attempt to fool police she had run away, was submitted for testing and found to contain traces of saliva linking back to Tobin’s then young son.

It is believed the toddler may have put the purse in his mouth while playing with it.

There was no sign of Vicky, but the mystery would soon unravel nearly 500 miles away.

In October 2007, a search was conducted at Tobin’s old home in Margate, Kent, where he had moved to a few months after Vicky went missing.

Officers believed he may have been involved in the disappearance of 18-year-old Dinah McNicol.

The Essex teenager vanished in August 1991 after accepting a ride while hitchhiking home from a music festival in Hampshire.

Her male friend was dropped off by the man, but she was never seen again.

Following Dinah’s disappearance, large sums of money were withdrawn from her bank account along the south coast. The location of the ATMs linked back to places Tobin had lived.

After 16 years, the mystery surrounding the disappearance of both Vicky and Dinah came to a close with the discovery of their bodies in the back garden of Tobin’s old Margate home.

Vicky had been dismembered.

Prosecutors argued Tobin drugged the teenagers with amitriptyline, which he was prescribed at the time, before raping and murdering them.

Tobin once again denied any wrongdoing – despite his fingerprints being found on the refuse bags used to wrap the bodies – but was found guilty of both murders.

In December 2008, he was sentenced to at least 30 years in jail for killing Vicky. The following year he received a whole life order for the death of Dinah.

Tobin died on 8 October 2022.

The HMP Edinburgh inmate had been receiving palliative care at the city’s royal infirmary following a fall in his cell the previous month.

A fatal accident inquiry was held last year, which revealed Tobin was suffering from bronchial pneumonia, vascular disease and prostate cancer at the time of his death.

The serial killer’s ashes were later scattered at sea as no one came forward to claim them.

Tobin has long been suspected by police of murdering other women due to the sheer amount of aliases, cars, and homes he held over his lifetime.

Mr Swindle said: “Tobin’s killed other people – there’s no doubt about it.”

However, Tobin took his secrets to the grave.

Mr Swindle said: “Police Scotland were at his bedside when he was dying and asked him to do the right thing. He didn’t.

“It’s the ultimate control. It’s like Ian Brady – a narcissist. They lack empathy, it’s all about them.”

Tobin’s name was linked to the disappearance of Louise Kay, 18, from Beachy Head in Eastbourne in 1988.

The murder of Jessie Earl, 22, in 1980 was also reinvestigated as part of Operation Anagram.

Her remains were recovered in 1989 in thick undergrowth on Beachy Head, a place she would often take walks and the same area Louise disappeared.

Mystery continues to surround dozens of pieces of jewellery recovered from Tobin’s possessions in Glasgow after he fled the church following Angelika’s murder.

Mr Swindle believes Tobin’s plan was to move Angelika’s body away from the crime scene – as what he did with Vicky – but police arrived before he could dispose of the evidence.

Mr Swindle said: “That phrase that’s used quite a lot – trophies. I don’t like that phrase. I think the word trophy sounds like a victory. I call it souvenirs from a horrible act.

“And Tobin, I thought, ‘he’s kept them, they’re souvenirs from a terrible act’.

“And to take it further, the jewellery is examined and there’s DNA profiles on that jewellery. Profiles of women, which we’ve never identified. Trophies is a horrible word.”

Tobin has also been mentioned in connection with the Bible John killings, a series of murders that brought terror to Glasgow in the late 1960s.

The deaths of the three young women – who met their killer at the city’s renowned Barrowland Ballroom – remain unsolved.

Mr Swindle said: “I’m not convinced the same person was involved in these three murders.

“And there’s no evidence, I don’t think professionally and evidentially, that Peter Tobin killed these women either.”

Police Scotland has since scaled back Operation Anagram.

Mr Swindle retired from the force in 2011 but went on to set up David Swindle Crime Solutions.

As well as offering expert crime advice and spearheading independent case reviews, he can also be found on tour with his latest stage show, Murder: A Search For The Truth.

Mr Swindle additionally established Victims Abroad to help support families who lose a loved one in a foreign country due to homicide or suspicious death and are faced with confusing updates and legal processes in different languages.

Speaking of Operation Anagram, Mr Swindle said: “Throughout my long police career, I’ve worked in some big, big investigations.

“This, for me, is a career defining moment and also a personal and professional defining moment in my life.

“I’ve never worked on anything like it, and I hope never ever to experience it again. And I hope no other serving officers have to experience such horrendous things.”

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‘I think it’s appalling’: Man who had leg amputated after hit-and-run criticises sentence given to driver

Published

10 hours ago

July 19, 2025

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'I think it's appalling': Man who had leg amputated after hit-and-run criticises sentence given to driver

A man who had his leg amputated after a hit-and-run has criticised the “appalling” sentence given to the motorist – as he backed a campaign to increase the “shoddy” penalties for uninsured drivers.

Ieuan Parry also suffered a fractured skull when he was struck by the driver of a white Mitsubishi fleeing police at high speed near Ebbw Vale, South Wales.

The uninsured motorist fled the scene and Mr Parry – who had been working on the roadside of a closed lane – was left with devastating injuries and the “agony” of “phantom pain” following his amputation.

The driver – who had reached speeds of more than 130mph during the police chase – later tried to blame the incident on his ex-partner by calling 999 and falsely claiming she had stolen his vehicle, according to reports.

He was jailed for three years and four months in February 2024 after pleading guilty to causing serious injury by dangerous driving and perverting the course of justice. It is understood he has since been released from prison.

Mr Parry – who asked Sky News not to name the motorist – said he felt “extremely frustrated” and “angry” about the driver’s actions and believes he should have received a longer prison term.

“I think it’s appalling to be honest with you,” the 27-year-old told Sky News.

“(The sentence was) not harsh enough for the seriousness of his crime.”

The Motor Insurers’ Bureau (MIB), which has been supporting Mr Parry, is now calling for fines for uninsured drivers to increase from £300 to £1,200, saying the current penalty “simply isn’t enough of a deterrent”.

Mr Parry was 24 when he was struck by the car while working by the A465 Heads of the Valleys road near Ebbw Vale in November 2021.

Describing the incident, he said he was using a leaf blower on the roadside shortly after noon when he heard a “droning noise” and looked up to see the vehicle coming towards him at speed.

“Before I had chance to do anything or move, I was struck – hit off my feet,” he said.

“That’s where the nightmare started.”

‘Excruciating pain’

Mr Parry suffered a fractured skull and a badly broken left leg that later had to be amputated below the knee.

“(I was in) excruciating pain on the side of the road,” he said.

“I remember asking: ‘Is my leg okay? Will I lose my leg?'”

Despite the severity of his injuries, Mr Parry tried to reach for his phone to contact work colleagues while lying in the road.

“I was more concerned about how it had happened – because I was in a coned-off lane,” he said.

“I wondered, ‘would there be more cars coming behind this car?'”

Describing his feelings towards the driver, Mr Parry said: “Obviously extremely frustrated… angry.

“God forbid it never happens, but if I ever found myself in a situation where I’d injured someone, the last thing I’d be doing is thinking about fleeing from the accident.”

Leg amputated

Mr Parry spent 17 days at the University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff where he underwent surgery on five occasions.

Recalling the moment he was told his leg would have to be amputated, he said: “A lot of things went through my mind in terms of work, the relationship with my girlfriend… how everything in my life that I’ve worked towards thus far was going to be flipped round on its head.

“I did find that very difficult to deal with… losing your independence, not being able to go to the toilet on your own, not being able to wash yourself, not being able to do even the simplest of tasks.”

Since the amputation, Mr Parry said he has dealt with the “weird sensation” of “phantom pain”, which he continues to face to this day.

“It’s basically the nerves that still reside in my amputated leg sending signals to the brain,” he said.

“It’s almost like you feel as if your amputated limb is still there and you can get various sensations, from pins and needles and numbness…. through to quite severe pain.

“It almost feels like someone’s got a set of pliers on your toe and is squeezing it.

“Those sorts of pains, although they are getting better now, are still fairly frequent and they can immobilise you with agony.”

‘My life is never going to go back to normal’

Mr Parry has also faced feelings of anxiety over the “massive change” in his appearance and his inability to do tasks he once found “very straightforward”.

He said he was “eternally grateful” for the support of his close family – particularly his partner Sophie who he married in June last year.

“There’s no way on this I’d have been able to cope with it on my own,” he added.

Since the collision, Mr Parry has started his own fencing and groundwork company but said: “I’ve come to the realisation that my life is never going to go back to normal as it was before.”

He added: “I’m always going to have disadvantages and issues with mobility and completing tasks, where I would not even have thought twice about it before.”

Campaign to increase uninsured driving penalties

The MIB is calling on the government to increase the current £300 fine for driving uninsured to £1,200 as part of its new five-year strategy, called Accelerating To Zero, which aims to end uninsured driving for good.

A YouGov poll of more than 2,000 people found 78% did not think a £300 fine was enough of a deterrent and three-quarters supported increasing the fine to £1,200, according to the MIB.

The MIB’s chief executive Angus Eaton said uninsured drivers “wreck lives”, adding: “We believe that the current penalty of £300, which hasn’t changed in over 10 years, simply isn’t enough of a deterrent.

“We’re calling for the penalty to be raised so that it is double the average premium, to help eradicate the issue.”

Mr Parry has backed the campaign, saying a fine for uninsured driving “definitely needs to be a lot more than £300”.

“For the fine to be less than an average insurance premium for the year, I think it’s a bit shoddy,” he added.

A Department for Transport spokesperson said: “We take uninsured driving very seriously – it is dangerous and unacceptable.

“That is why the department is considering policy options on the motoring offences as part of the Road Safety Strategy.”

UK

Child who died in Minehead school coach crash was 10-year-old boy, police say

Published

1 day ago

July 18, 2025

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Child who died in Minehead school coach crash was 10-year-old boy, police say

The child who died in a school coach crash in Somerset on Thursday was a 10-year-old boy, Avon and Somerset Police have said.

A specially trained officer is supporting the child’s family, the force said, adding that two children taken to Bristol Royal Hospital for Children by air ambulance remain there as of Friday.

Four children and three adults also remain in hospital in Somerset.

There were between 60 to 70 people on board when the incident happened near Minehead, just before 3pm on Thursday.

The coach was heading to Minehead Middle School when it crashed on the A396 between Wheddon Cross and Timbercombe.

Police said that 21 people were taken to hospital, including two children who were taken via air ambulance.

Gavin Ellis, chief fire officer for Devon and Somerset, said the coach “overturned onto its roof and slid approximately 20ft down an embankment”.

Rachel Gilmour, MP for Tiverton and Minehead, said the road where it happened is “very difficult to manoeuvre”.

“You have a very difficult crossing at Wheddon Cross, and as you come out to dip down into Timbercombe, the road is really windy and there are very steep dips on either side,” she told Sky’s Anna Botting.

It comes after a teacher at Minehead Middle School praised the “incredibly brave” pupils for supporting each other after the coach crash.

“You have looked after each [other] in what was a life-changing event, we will get through this together,” they wrote on Facebook.

“I feel so lucky to be your teacher. I am so grateful to my wonderful colleagues during this time who were also fighting to help as many people as we could.”