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Inspirational thought of the week:

“Are you surprised?”

“Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”

— Clark Griswold and Cousin Eddie, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the storage trailers that hold all of the makeup and rubber noses required to attempt to make Glen Powell look even remotely unattractive in “Chad Powers,” we, like Chad’s South Georgia Catfish teammates and coaching staff, sometimes struggle with recognizing who and what is actually standing before us. Then, when they reveal their true identities, which we’re assuming Chad will do at some point, we are left standing with our jaws on the floor and face in our hands like Hugh Freeze during another replay review.

See: Last week’s much-anticipated Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year Mega Bowl between what were then the Bottom 10 third-ranked UMess Minuetmen and the fourth-ranked State of Kent. And we weren’t alone in our anticipation of a close game. The wiseguys in the desert with their calculators next to the shrimp buffet had Kent as a 1.5-point favorite, and our ESPN Analytics team’s Ouija board Win Probability Index believed UMass had a 43.9% chance to emerge victorious.

Final score: Kent State 42, UMass 6.

See, Part 2: Penn State, which just three weekends ago came within a couple of knuckles of beating Oregon in overtime, was facing its second consecutive Bottom 10 contender, Northworstern, having lost to the then-ucLa Boo’ins the week before. And the Nittany Lions lost again, their third straight defeat, then fired James Franklin, who had coached them to within three points of playing for the national title just 10 months ago.

The point is that no one knows what the hell we are talking about. But talking about it is so much fun. Well, for us it is so much fun. In Amherst, Massachusetts, and State College, Pennsylvania, they are looking out the window at the silent majesty of a winter’s morn and a guy in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into their sewer.

With apologies to former North Texas tight end Robert Griswold, former Northwestern tight end Bob Griswold, Cousin Eddie George and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 7 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Minuetmen are currently ranked 130th in points against, 135th in rushing yards and 136th in points for. They are also ranked 111th in passing yards. Do you think those other units look at the passing guys and say, “Stop making the rest of us look bad”?


The Beavers traveled to North Carolina and lost to Appalachian State, then hosted and lost to another North Carolina team in Wake Forest, then fired head coach Trent Bray, who wasn’t even the biggest Coach Trent to lose his job this week …


The good news for the Bearkats is they kame the klosest to akkcomplishing viktory as they have all season before sukkumbing to Jacksonville State Not Jacksonville City 29-27. Up next on the kalendar is a Konference USA Pillow Fight of the Week. Against whom do they klash? Keep scrolling …


Yep, it’s the Minors, who will travel to Sam Houston State on Wednesday night. Hopefully someone reminds them that Sam Houston State isn’t actually in Houston; it’s an hour north in Huntsville. Hopefully someone reminds them that it’s not the Huntsville in Alabama, but the one in Texas, one town over from Arizona, which hopefully someone reminds them is the Arizona town in Texas, not the state of Arizona.


Sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that when James Franklin drove home from the office with his box of stuff, he was greeted in the driveway by Charlie Weis and Bobby Bonilla, who gave him a signed copy of “How To Make a Mattress From Your Pile of Money” by Scrooge McDuck.


The Woof Pack started the year with a loss to Penn State back when Happy Valley was still happy, and followed that with a win over Sacramento State. The rest of the year has been like another former Reno-based late-night show, HBO’s “Cathouse.” And just like that brothel reality program, we never admit that we’ve watched, but secretly we can’t look away.


If you were wondering when MTSU and Novada might play in their own version of the Pillow Fight of the Week, we have bad news. It already happened. The Blew Raiders scored two TDs in the final six minutes to win 14-13 back in Week 3.


When Trent Dilfer was fired by UAB, he went down to the locker room to tear a bunch of stuff up, but after 2½ seasons of him exploding like the red Anger guy from “Inside Out,” there was nothing left to break.


The Pillow Fight of the Week, Y’all Edition, is the college football equivalent of that pointing Spider-Man meme, as Georgia State Not Southern travels to Georgia Southern Not State, which is 2-4. The winner retains exclusive rights to “GSU” for the next year. The loser has to change all its logos to “GUS.”


For those of you — and we are talking to ourselves here — who are still bummed about the lack of substance in the UMass-Kent State game, picture in your mind Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda sitting on a Dagobah log as Luke Skywalker flies away to get his butt whipped by Darth Vader. “That boy was our last hope.” “No … there is another.” These Other Huskies travel to UMass on Nov. 12 … and host Kent State over Thanksgiving weekend. Also, how great would it be to see Obi-Wan and Yoda wearing #MACtion gear? Speaking of the Midwest, I’ve heard from a lot of Wisconsin fans that the Bad-gers should be in this spot. Yeah, I’ve seen your schedule. You’ll be here soon enough. To quote Luke’s dad — Skywalker, not Fickell — it is your destiny.

Waiting list: State of Kent, EMU Emus, South Alabama Redundancies, Oklahoma State No Pokes, Charlotte 1-and-5ers, Wisconsin Bad-gers, Bah-stan Cawledge, UNC Chapel Bill, clapping with fingers.

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Any Given Saturday: New college football paradigm brings chaos, huge buyouts

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Any Given Saturday: New college football paradigm brings chaos, huge buyouts

Any Given Sunday. That’s pro football’s mantra about how even the league’s worst team is capable of beating its best.

The NFL’s average margin of victory this season: 10.8 points.

The average margin of victory in Southeastern Conference games this season? Try 10.03.

Parity — at least a measure of it — has come to college football. It’s a byproduct of the transfer portal, NIL and direct revenue-sharing. Anybody can be good these days … or at least good enough for one game.

Any Given Saturday.

Ancient Heismans in a trophy case and conference championship banners on the wall won’t hurt a program’s recruiting, but they sure don’t matter as much as they used to. This is about transactions, not tradition. The talent has spread.

In the top 10, the Associated Press poll features Indiana (2), Georgia Tech (7) and Vanderbilt (10).

Meanwhile, Penn State, Florida, Arkansas and UCLA have each already fired their coach this season. The mood also isn’t great at Florida State, Auburn, LSU or Wisconsin. There are even grumbles at 3-3 Clemson (among many others).

College football has never been this competitive, this wild — or this interesting. The fun isn’t being hoarded by a few super powers. The good teams aren’t as good and the bad teams aren’t as bad. The chase for the playoff now runs dozens of teams deep. Seasons can swing on a dime.

Two Saturdays ago, Arizona State lost to Utah by 32 points. Last Saturday, a sold-out stadium of Sun Devils stormed the field to celebrate beating then-No. 7 Texas Tech 26-22 and keeping ASU’s playoff hopes alive.

It’s fantastic.

It also has left college football in a strange place, caught between two eras.

In an earlier era, major programs that have invested heavily for generations are expected to beat the teams they have always beaten. Losses to non-name brands have traditionally been a sign of a failed operation with no hope for the future.

For example, two weeks ago Penn State should have handled a 3-2 Northwestern team the way the Nittany Lions once defeated 34 consecutive unranked opponents under James Franklin.

But we’ve entered a new day when just about any team can put together a strong roster on the fly. Even if those schools don’t surge up the polls as Indiana and others have, they can at least be competitive enough to beat you.

A new, active dollar, with money sent directly to players (or invested in top-line scouting) is more valuable than the old, passive dollar that paid for fancy locker rooms.

The result: Northwestern 22, Penn State 21. One of the difference-makers for Northwestern wasn’t a former five-star recruit, but Griffin Wilde, who caught seven passes for 94 yards and a touchdown. He arrived this season as a transfer … from South Dakota State.

Compounding everything is that programs of all sizes have asked their boosters to fund rosters, and that brings new expectations. It’s one thing to absorb a perceived bad loss when you’ve paid for a ticket to the game. It’s another when you’re helping to pay the quarterback. Rolled heads are demanded, ASAP.

Hence, Penn State fired Franklin despite his 104-45 record at the school.

Was Franklin’s dismissal justified? Or Billy Napier at Florida, or Sam Pittman at Arkansas, or Mike Gundy at Oklahoma State, or so on and so on thus far?

Sure. You get paid like these guys, you have to deliver. High salaries, high stakes. There is no such thing as “fair.”

Part of what makes college football great is that it is hardwired to reject patience and perspective, even if patient might be the exact thing programs need to be. No one was calling for Andy Reid’s job in Kansas City when the Chiefs started 0-2.

Yet here in late October, almost anyone not still in the playoff chase is thinking about canning their coach. Even a few who clearly can win the national title aren’t far removed from such discussions — do we have to fire up “The Paul Finebaum Show” from last month after Alabama lost to Florida State?

Regime change costs a fortune, yet it happens anyway. Penn State is on the hook for as much as $49 million for discarding Franklin. If Florida State cuts Mike Norvell, it owes $50 million-plus. He led the Seminoles to a 13-0 regular season in 2023. They are 5-15 since. Norvell is 44 years old. The last time Florida State won an ACC game, he was 42.

Castles crumble that fast these days.

Not everyone can win, but everyone thinks they should.

Not only are there not enough great coaches out there, and no one, in this system, can even say what makes a great coach. Old attributes such as recruiting charm or multiyear program development matter less. In-game strategy and talent identification matters more.

The margins are thin. The buyouts are huge. Half the sport is upside down.

Welcome to the chaos. Enjoy the show.

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Clemson WR Wesco out remainder of season

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Clemson WR Wesco out remainder of season

Clemson leading receiver Bryant Wesco Jr. will miss the rest of the season after sustaining a back injury against SMU this past weekend.

Coach Dabo Swinney said Monday that Wesco had a “very serious” back injury but did not disclose more details. Wesco was injured on a punt return, when he landed almost directly on his head/neck area after a low tackle sent him somersaulting in the air upside down.

Though he got up and walked to the sideline on his own, he never returned to the field and was taken to the hospital in Greenville, South Carolina, for further evaluation.

Swinney said Wesco was released from the hospital Monday and was resting at home, and that the injury could have been far worse.

“It was a very, very scary injury, and the doctors did an amazing job,” Swinney said in a teleconference with local reporters.

“The doctors are very confident he’ll make a full recovery. Definitely something that’ll keep him out the rest of this season, but thankful that all indications are he’s going to be OK. Just a real blessing for that.”

Wesco leads Clemson with 31 catches for 537 yards and six touchdowns. He thanked those who sent him prayers on his Instagram stories Monday.

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Saban: High-profile firings product of pay-for-play

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Saban: High-profile firings product of pay-for-play

Former Alabama coach Nick Saban said he isn’t surprised by the recent string of high-profile firings in college football because fans and alumni who donate money to programs now are more influential than ever because of name, image and likeness, and revenue sharing.

There have already been nine in-season firings at FBS schools this season, including six at programs in Power 4 conferences.

“You know, I’m not [surprised] because everybody’s raising money to pay players,” Saban said. “So, the people that are giving the money think they have a voice and they’re just like a bunch of fans. When they get frustrated and disappointed, they put pressure on the [athletics directors] to take action, and it’s the way of the world.”

On Sunday, Florida fired Billy Napier, who was 22-23 in four seasons. The Gators owe Napier about $21 million, with half of that buyout due within 30 days. The remainder will be paid in three annual installments starting next summer.

Penn State owes former coach James Franklin roughly $49 million after it fired him on Oct. 12. It’s the second-biggest buyout in college football history behind only Jimbo Fisher’s $76 million buyout from Texas A&M following his firing in 2023.

It’s unfair as hell,” Saban, now an ESPN analyst, told Franklin during the fired coach’s appearance on “College GameDay” last Saturday. “For you to go to the Rose Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, get to the final four [of the CFP], come out being ranked [No. 2] this year — an expectation that you created by what you accomplished at Penn State — and for those people not to show enough appreciation for that and gratitude for all the hard work that you did, I’m saying it’s unfair.”

Some of what the Nittany Lions owe Franklin, whose teams had a 104-45 record in his 11-plus seasons, might be offset by his salary at his next coaching job.

Sam Pittman (Arkansas), Mike Gundy (Oklahoma State), DeShaun Foster (UCLA) and Brent Pry (Virginia Tech) also were let go this season.

Foster, Gundy, Pittman and Pry were fired before October.

Stanford fired Troy Taylor on March 25 after two outside firms had found he bullied and belittled female athletic staffers and sought to have an NCAA compliance officer removed.

According to reports, the nine schools who have fired their head coaches are on the hook for about $116 million in buyout money, some of which will be offset if they get new jobs.

“It’s really different,” said Saban, who retired from Alabama in January 2024.

“Not in a good way from a developmental standpoint; a good way from a quality-of-life standpoint [for the players]. But we need to find a system that improves the quality of life of players but still focuses on the right stuff — development, getting an education, all those kinds of [things].”

Nine weeks into the 2025 season, the coaching carousel seems far from over. On Monday, Florida State AD Michael Alford said in a statement that a comprehensive review of the football program will occur after the season.

The Seminoles dropped their fourth straight game 20-13 at California on Saturday, to fall to 0-4 in the ACC. FSU has dropped nine straight ACC games going back to the 2024 season.

The Seminoles would owe embattled coach Mike Norvell about $54 million in buyout money. It would cost FSU about $72 million to pay off Norvell and his staff, sources told ESPN’s Andrea Adelson.

Wisconsin‘s Luke Fickell, who has a 15-18 record in his third season with the Badgers, received a vote of confidence from athletics director Chris McIntosh on Monday.

In a letter to Wisconsin fans, McIntosh wrote that the athletics department would make a stronger commitment to the football program and would move ahead with Fickell, who would be owed more than $25 million if he were fired this season.

Auburn‘s Hugh Freeze, Kentucky‘s Mark Stoops, Maryland‘s Mike Locksley, Clemson‘s Dabo Swinney and LSU‘s Brian Kelly are also catching heat after disappointing starts this season.

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