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Inspirational thought of the week:

You’re not in Kansas anymore
Can’t be too careful that’s for sure
City lights will lead you on
Morning comes and they’ll be gone
So, write my number on your wall
And call me anytime at all
I’m so happy now, boy
You’re not in Kansas anymore

— “You’re Not in Kansas Anymore” Jo Dee Messina

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the safe where Mike Leach keeps the $10,000 per kid he offered for them to elope and none took it, we have spent this first week of October watching and rewatching “The Wizard of Oz” while simultaneously listening to “Dust in the Wind” and sniffing a sunflower while also gnawing on a barbecue rib.

Why? Because after spending so many years of watching bad football played in a stadium as barren as the Great Plains that surround it, now the entire college football world is migrating to Lawrence, Kansas, to see the 5-0, 19th-ranked Artists Formerly Known as the Kansas Nayhawks … and we aren’t invited.

I mean, you’d think College GameDay would at least call and ask us to sit with the Bear and provide some perspective gleaned from remaining dedicated to keeping tabs on a team that won 23 games over the dozen seasons before this one, right? A team that was as much a part of these rankings as Pillow Fights of the Week, the Coveted Fifth Spot and making fun of Randy Edsall. A program that was so bad for so long that we have annually included former head coach Charlie Weis on our Bottom 10 Playoff Selection Committee.

You really think Rece Davis has spent as much time watching Kansas over the past decade? OK, that’s a bad example. Rece watches every game and knows every player’s name and where they grew up and what their parents do for a living … but you get the point here, don’t you?

Though we may not be invited, we will be watching from afar. Like a dad on that pivotal day of high school when his child first turns to him and says, “Just drop me off at the corner and I’ll walk from there. I’m a cool kid now and I don’t want you to embarrass me.”

OK, Big Jay, have fun eating lunch at the middle table in the cafeteria with the cheerleaders and lettermen. Just know that when you inevitably snort milk through your beak when you laugh or trip over your own claws or fail to cover against the TCU Horned Frogs, the Plastics will once again turn on you. And we’ll be waiting around the corner, the ones in the repossessed U-Haul truck with bald tires, Kansas plates and the “2008 Insight Bowl Champions” bumper sticker.

With apologies to Paul Rudd, Mandy Patinkin and L. Frank Baum, here’s our post-Week 6 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. Colora-duh (0-5)

The Buffs take over the top spot, running past their instate rivals faster than Ralphie now sprints back to his trailer asking to get the hell out of Boulder and go back to his barn. Why? Because they fired not just the head coach, but the defensive coordinator as well. The interim head coach is offensive coordinator Mike Sanford, whom we all remember as the guy who led the Western Kentucky Hillstoppers to a spot in these rankings in 2018. Mike Sanford is actually Mike Sanford Jr., son of Mike Sanford, who coached unLv to multiple Bottom 10 rankings in the mid-2000’s. That whole paragraph reads better if you go back and read it aloud while also playing the theme from “Sanford and Son.”

2. Colora-duh State (0-4)

The Rams followed up their stunning Week 4 loss to Sacramento State with an even more shocking 21-3 loss to Open Date.

3. Huh-Why?-Yuh (1-4)

The Warriors managed to escape their own defeat against the Fightin’ Byes of Open Date U., but only because the visitors fell asleep on the beach.

4. Fres-No State (1-4)

How does a team jump/fall from the trailing edge of the Bottom 10 Waiting List all the way to No. 4? By losing on the road at UCan’t after being favored to defeat the Huskies by 23 points, that’s how. So, it takes over this spot that was occupied by Connecticut one week ago and UConn — wait … did UConn leave the Bottom 10 and move onto the Waiting List? That’s even more depressing than the whole Kansas thing!

5. The 13th Man (3-2)

Jimbo Fisher is slated to make $90 million over the next 10 years. In related news, $90 million was also the reported production budget for 2019’s movie version of “Cats.”

6. UMess (1-4)

The Minutemen fell to a former Bottom 10 regular, the Eastern Michigan University Emus. Over the remainder of the season, UMess will run through a banana peel gauntlet of current Bottom 10 contenders from Whew Mexico State and Arkansaw State to UCan’t and … oh looky there on Nov. 19 … it’s Texas A&M! Meanwhile, EMU faces Western Michigan before hosting…

7. Northern Ill-ugh-noise (1-4)

The Other Huskies were upset by Baller State in a clash of then-1-3 teams, the first act of a two-act Pillow Fight of the Week #MACtion Double Feature. Now everything that transpires in the MAC feels like a muddy trudge to a regular season finale that is sure to put the “thanks” in Thanksgiving, a Nov. 26 visit from…

8. Akronmonious (1-4)

The Zips lost by three at home to fellow 1-3 MAC daddy Boiling Green. Now they play Ohio Not Ohio State, which has won 13 of the past 14 against Akron. Oddly, Akron and Ohio don’t have any sort of rivalry trophy, despite being in the same state, only three hours apart. Akron and Kent State have the Wagon Wheel. Maybe Ohio and Akron should have the Wheelhouse, as in, “Here at Ohio, beating Akron is always in our Wheelhouse.”

9. Charlotte 1-and-5ers

It could be worse. They could be Charlotte’s other football team, the Carolina Panthers.

10. Whew Mexico State (1-4)

The Other Aggies made a statement by beating Hawai’i and leaving the top bottom spot in these rankings. But then they made another statement by losing to Bottom 10 Waiting Listers FI(not A)U at home. What kind of statement will they make this weekend when they play no one? Because you could make a pretty good argument that they already played no one over the past two weeks and they still only hit .500.

Waiting List: U-Can’t, US(not C)F, Georgia State Not Southern, Arizona Skate, Strandford, FI(notA)U, Utah State Other Other Aggies, Lose-iana Tech, firing a guy who had you in the Rose Bowl like 10 minutes ago.

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U.S. advances at hockey worlds; Canada now 6-0

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U.S. advances at hockey worlds; Canada now 6-0

PRAGUE — Dylan Cozens scored two goals and had an assist to rally Canada past Switzerland 3-2 for its sixth win in six games at the ice hockey world championship on Sunday.

Canada leads Group A with 17 points, two more than the Czech Republic in second with Switzerland another point back in third. The three teams had already clinched a spot in the playoff round.

Cozens has scored six goals at the tournament and is tied atop the scoring table with American Brady Tkachuk and Finland’s Oliver Kapanen.

Nick Paul also scored for Canada and goaltender Jordan Binnington made 20 saves including a penalty shot in the second period when the score was 2-2.

Cozens found the roof of the net on a power play 1:42 into the game to give Canada an early lead.

Switzerland answered with two goals.

Kevin Fiala wristed an equalizer past Binnington in the opening frame on a power play.

Romain Loeffel put the Swiss 2-1 up in the middle period with a slap shot from the blue line.

Cozens tied it again at 2-2 from the top of the left circle on a power play.

Paul scored the winner for Canada on a power play, completing a series of passes by scoring into an open goal midway through the second.

Canada will complete the preliminary round on Tuesday against the Czech Republic, when Switzerland will face Finland.

In Group B, Latvia prevailed over Slovakia 3-2 in a penalty shootout. The result sent the United States to the next round.

Tkachuk scored three power play goals and added an assist to help the United States rout Kazakhstan 10-1.

Its fourth victory lifted the Americans to second place in Group B with 13 points, one ahead of Germany and Slovakia with a game against Latvia, which has nine points, on Tuesday to play in the preliminary round.

Johnny Gaudreau had a goal and four assists to become the United States record scorer with 43 points, one more than Patrick Kane.

Matt Boldy scored twice and had four assists, Brock Nelson and Luke Kunin both had a goal and an assist, and Gavin Brindley and Kevin Hayes also scored.

Alex Nedeljkovic made 13 saves.

In a four-goal opening period, Tkatchuk tipped in a shot by Zach Werenski on a power play to increase the U.S. lead to 2-0, and buried a rebound to make it 4-0 on a power play.

He completed his hat trick to increase the advantage to 8-0 with a one-timed shot from the right circle on another power play in the final period.

Alikhan Omirbekov scored the consolation goal for Kazakhstan when his team was 9-0 down.

In Group A, Austria beat Norway 4-1 and is tied for fourth place with Finland.

The top four from each group advance to the playoff round.

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Source: Boeser (blood clots) not expected in G7

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Source: Boeser (blood clots) not expected in G7

Vancouver Canucks right wing Brock Boeser is not expected to play in Game 7 of their second-round series against the Edmonton Oilers on Monday because of a blood-clotting issue, a source told ESPN, confirming a report.

There’s no timeline for his return to action. The Canucks had no comment on Boeser’s status.

Boeser didn’t skate in practice Sunday. Coach Rick Tocchet would only say at a media availability that “he needed the maintenance day.”

Boeser, 27, leads the Canucks in goals (7) and is tied for the lead in points (12) during the postseason. He established career highs in goals (40), points (73) and games played (81) during the regular season.

The Canucks winger has had some MVP moments during their playoff run. His hat trick in Game 4 against the Nashville Predators led them to a comeback win. Boeser’s three points in the first period of Game 3 led Vancouver to a win over Edmonton.

It’s the second significant injury for Vancouver in the playoffs after a regular season of relatively good health for the team’s core players. Starting goaltender Thatcher Demko, a finalist for the Vezina Trophy as the NHL’s best netminder, hasn’t played since Game 1 of the first round because of a knee injury. Edmonton won Game 6 at home Saturday night to force Monday’s Game 7, the only seventh game of the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. The winner faces the Dallas Stars in the Western Conference finals.

The Boeser injury news was first reported by Vancouver-based hockey journalist Irfaan Gaffar.

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Canes re-sign Brind’Amour off latest playoff run

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Canes re-sign Brind'Amour off latest playoff run

RALEIGH, N.C. — The Carolina Hurricanes re-signed coach Rod Brind’Amour and his staff to multiyear contracts, keeping one of the best in the NHL behind the bench around for the long term.

The team announced the re-signings Sunday for Brind’Amour, assistants Jeff Daniels and Tim Gleason, goaltending coach Paul Schonfelder and video coach Chris Huffine.

“Rod has been instrumental to the success we’ve had over the last six seasons,” team president and general manager Don Waddell said. “Ever since he joined the organization 24 years ago, Rod has embodied what it means to be a Hurricane. We hope to keep him a Hurricane for life.”

Brind’Amour was in the final year of a deal reached in 2021, when he was the winner of the Jack Adams Award as the league’s top coach. His status had become a talking point around the NHL as jobs changed hands, though Brind’Amour — as well as Waddell — had expressed confidence that a deal would get done.

“I never had a doubt in my mind he [would] come back,” Carolina center Sebastian Aho said earlier in the day when asked about the reports of a deal. “Not surprised, I would say.”

Brind’Amour took over in 2018 to lead a franchise that had missed the playoffs for nine straight years. The Hurricanes have gone to the playoffs six times in as many seasons under the captain of Carolina’s 2006 Stanley Cup winner. Carolina has also won at least one series in each of the past six postseasons, marking the first time a team has accomplished that since the Detroit Red Wings did it from 1995 to 2000. The Canes also reached the Eastern Conference finals twice in the past six seasons.

Carolina finished three points behind the New York Rangers for the Metropolitan Division title and Presidents’ Trophy (presented to the league’s top regular-season team), another season in which it ranked among the NHL’s top teams with an aggressive forechecking style.

The Hurricanes beat the New York Islanders in five games in Round 1 then lost to the Rangers in a six-game second-round series after falling in a 3-0 hole.

Brind’Amour, 53, arrived in Raleigh in a January 2000 trade from the Philadelphia Flyers and played there until his retirement in 2010. He then spent seven seasons as an assistant coach before taking over as a first-time head coach.

Multiple players were asked earlier Sunday about Brind’Amour’s status during end-of-season interviews. None expressed concern that he wouldn’t return or that it had been any type of distraction.

“He’s one of the main pieces that turned this organization around from where it was when I first got here,” defenseman Jaccob Slavin said. “So I think anyone would want him to stay as well. I know he wants to be here. I’m confident it’ll get done.”

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