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Inspirational thought of the week:

Monday morning on the floor
Keep calling out for more and more
Stand up and get up, are you sure?
Best friend kicks you out the door
Upside down you lost the wheel
Raise your neck and bellow it out

Bad candy has got you now
Bad candy has got you now

— “Bad Candy,” Twisted Wheel

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located across the hallway from the mail room where David Pollack sends out his weekly handwritten complaints to referees to politely dispute every targeting call ever made, we are rifling through the bottom of the pillowcase we used on Halloween, sifting through that always sad selection of sweets that is left over as November arrives and trick-or-treating begins to grow smaller in our rearview mirrors.

No, it’s not a collection of Charlie Brown rocks, but there is a pile of those brown and orange wax paper-covered blobs that might as well be rocks. There’s the telltale dust of tasteless Necco Wafers that escaped from their wrappers to be pulverized into the cloth of the bag. There are Mary Janes, whatever those are. There’s candy corn with the skid mark of fake chocolate in the middle.

And look … there’s a sticker of the UMass logo, loose with lint and a toenail clipping stuck to the back of it. There’s an old No. 2 pencil that was stolen from a classroom at Akron. Then … wait … what’s this? An envelope? With the University of Connecticut seal in the corner? What’s inside? Is that … University of Maryland letterhead? It is! It has a $100 bill stapled to it. And what’s this note that’s scribbled on the stationery?

“Dear Kid. Here’s some of my bonus money from that time my team kicked a field goal against Liberty, triggering my ‘Field Goal In Every Game Even If It’s A Loss’ bonus. Now, take it and get the hell off my lawn. Boo. Sincerely, Randy Edsall.”

With apologies to Willy Wonka, West Virginia safety Hershey McLaurin and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 9 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. UMess (1-7)

The Minutemen served as the latest rung in the ladder Whew Mexico State has stepped on during their climb from being ranked at the top/bottom of these standings up and into the outside world. Think that scene in “The Dark Knight Rises” when Bruce Wayne climbs out of that giant prison hole, but if you could actually understand what anyone was saying. Come to think of it, the desert he found himself in kind of looked like Las Cruces. Next the Minutemen play The Artist Formerly Known As UCant, which is now in the business of putting teams in the Bottom 10 in their place. In related news, ESPN.com editor Steve Richards was on site as our Bottom 10 bureau reporter, but sources tell me he was escorted off the premises after repeatedly heckling the Other Aggies for “abandoning us!”

2. Akronmonious (1-8)

Speaking of teams that used to be in these rankings all the time but now are actually good — wait, don’t be confused, that wasn’t about Akron. It 100 percent deserves to be there. But it also is currently located in the midst of a schedule section packed with former Bottom 10 friends who have inexplicably left us behind. Akron just lost in overtime to My Hammy of Ohio, which is now only one game below .500. Now Akron faces the former Bottom 10 champion Eastern Michigan University Emus and the former contender Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, who have been to a combined seven bowl games since 2016. Then Akron will zip over to Northern Ill-ugh-noise for Thanksgiving, when we might all be thankful for a potential Pillow Fight of the End of the Year.

3. Colora-duh (1-7)

Speaking of Pillow Fights of the Week, the Buffs were rebuffed by then-Bottom 10 Wait Listers Arizona Skate. Both teams showed up for the game without a full-time head coach. It was like that time we had a class field trip to the zoo in third grade and the teacher forgot to show up. My pal Jody Blanton drove the bus over 30 mailboxes and 19 shrubs, but we got there.

4. No-vada (2-7)

The Oof Pack lost their seventh straight game. It’s the worst streak in Reno involving the word straight since a banker from Los Angeles tried to play a Broadway straight by using a queen of hearts that he’d snuck onto the Circus Circus casino floor inside his Members Only jacket sleeve and was last seen riding on a bass boat at Lake Tahoe alongside a hotel sales associate named Vinny Drywall.

5. “I’m a man I’m (losing by) forty (eight)!” (6-2)

Ah, the traditions of autumn. Leaves falling. Pumpkin spice everywhere. Political ads ruining everyone’s good mood. Oklahoma State losing a game that knocked them out of the Top 10 and into the Coveted Fifth Spot.

6. US(notC)F (1-6)

In Jeff Scott’s defense, it can’t be easy trying to coach your own team when your phone is constantly being blown up by Dabo Swinney asking, “Hey, bud, can you refresh my memory about those plays we used to run back in 2017?”

7. Temple of Doom (2-7)

The Temple Bowels have, er, passed a lot of teams this week thanks to back-to-back losses to a pair of Bottom 10 flirts in Living On Tulsa Time and Navy. Now, they host USF in the Pillow Fight of the Week. The Owls’ feathers are molting so badly that according to the magically and disturbingly accurate ESPN FPI computers, they have only a 40% chance of prevailing at home against a team with one win that is ranked one spot ahead/below them in these rankings. Then again, maybe as they were doing research for this game, the ESPN Stats & Info staffers ordered up some Philly cheesesteaks and got Cheez Whiz all over their calculators.

8. North by Northworstern (1-7)

Speaking of crunching numbers, there are a lot of really smart human calculators at Northwestern, home to one of Earth’s most respected mathematics and statistics departments. Perhaps they can explain how a team surrenders 33 points to Iowa, which has spent all fall avoiding end zones as if they were full of killer bees.

9. Huh-why-yuh (2-7)

The Rainbow Warriors will finish the season facing a quartet of fellow Mountain West members in Fresno State, Utah State, UNLV and San Jose State. The bad news? According to FPI, over the month they will average around a 22% chance of winning any one of those games. The good news? If they go 0-4 and make a late run at the Bottom 10 title, they will still spend their offseason in Hawai’i.

10. #gobc(c) (2-6)

Boston College and UConn are located only 80 miles apart, yet last weekend was just the 15th meeting since their first matchup back on Nov. 7, 1908. It was also the Huskies’ first-ever win over the Eagles. That’s what happens when you score only three points. Unless you’re Miami and Virginia and you only score three points, but you just keep doing that over and over again. Reminder: BC beat Louisville, who just crushed Wake Forest, who beat Florida State, who beat LSU, who beat Ole Miss, who beat Miami, who beat Virginia Tech, who beat Boston College who … aw hell, I give up. #goacc indeed.

Waiting List: Charlotte 2-and-7ers, Virginia Tech No-kies, Lose-iana Tech, Arkan-saw State, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Central not Western or Eastern Michigan, Whew Mexico, ULM (pronounced “Uhlm”), political ads during great games, saying “Let’s ride!”

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Texas overcomes sloppy start to nab 1st SEC win

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Texas overcomes sloppy start to nab 1st SEC win

AUSTIN, Texas — No. 1 Texas got its first SEC win behind the arm of Arch Manning, who helped the Longhorns overcome a slow start and some self-inflicted setbacks to beat Mississippi State 35-13 on Saturday.

Manning was 26-of-31 for 324 yards and two touchdowns and added 33 rushing yards and another score, despite Johntay Cook II dropping a wide-open touchdown pass that would’ve added another 62 passing yards in the second quarter. A week after throwing two interceptions in his first start against UL Monroe, Manning said he felt more relaxed.

“I think last week I didn’t have as much fun as I wanted to,” Manning said. “I think I had a little bit more fun today even though it was a little rocky.”

It was rocky because running back Jaydon Blue lost two fumbles — one in the red zone — Cook dropped a touchdown and there were eight penalties on the Texas offense. Coach Steve Sarkisian criticized himself for kicking a field goal, then going for it on fourth down after a defensive penalty gave the Longhorns another chance. Texas failed to convert, taking three points off the board.

The Longhorns went into halftime with a 14-6 lead, with Mississippi State running a ground-heavy approach behind true freshman quarterback Michael Van Buren Jr. The Bulldogs ran 73 plays on the night to Texas’ 62, but the Longhorns outgained them 522 yards to 294. There were also 17 penalties in the game, many with lengthy reviews.

“It was hard for the game to get a rhythm to it,” Sarkisian said.

But he was pleased that the Longhorns navigated this stretch of the season and Quinn Ewers‘ injury to start 5-0. It’s the second straight season Texas has started 5-0, marking just the second time in the past 50 years the Longhorns have done it in back-to-back years. Texas has an off week coming up, followed by the Red River Rivalry in Dallas against Oklahoma, before Georgia comes to Austin the following week.

Sarkisian said the Longhorns showed poise, and he was pleased they were able to survive their first SEC challenge while letting Ewers recover from a strained oblique injury without having to rush him back.

“We need Quinn back because he’s our quarterback and he’s our leader,” Sarkisian said. “I think that impacts the entire team and belief, but what I think we learned and what Arch learned here over the last 2½ games is this team can count on him too.”

Manning said he’s ready for Ewers’ return whenever that might be.

“I think Quinn’s proved himself,” Manning said. “I mean, he led us to the Sugar Bowl last year and he’s played really well this year, so this is his team. I think he’s going to come back and play really well, but I’ll be ready for when my number’s called if they need me. So we’re just going to try and keep this thing rolling.”

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‘Business as usual’ for 4-0 UNLV without Sluka

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'Business as usual' for 4-0 UNLV without Sluka

LAS VEGAS — UNLV made a statement Saturday in its first game without former starting quarterback Matthew Sluka: The Rebels are going to be just fine.

Rolling to a dominant 59-14 win over Fresno State and moving to 4-0, UNLV proved it will be a contender in the Mountain West Conference race regardless of its quarterback change.

Hajj-Malik Williams threw for 182 yards, rushed for 119 yards and accounted for four total touchdowns in his first start for the Rebels after Sluka opted to leave the program Wednesday over a dispute about his NIL compensation.

“It was business as usual,” UNLV coach Barry Odom said. “We’ve got a very mature team. … Our players, we’ve got strong leadership. They understand the mission that we’re on and they got it done.”

Williams, a sixth-year senior and FCS transfer from Campbell, joined the Rebels in January and lost a close competition with Sluka in fall camp. The 24-year-old quarterback played in 41 games at Campbell, leaving as the program’s career leader in passing yards and touchdowns, and was ready for his opportunity.

“I thought he was effective, I thought he was efficient,” Odom said. “I thought the offensive line did a tremendous job protecting him. I thought the receivers ran great routes. I thought the runners ran hard. We played well as an offense.”

UNLV wide receiver Ricky White III led the Rebels with a season-high 10 catches for 127 yards and two touchdowns and said the quarterback change was “definitely good for us.”

“He’s just a great quarterback that us, as an offense, we can rally behind and just go by his pace,” White said.

After starting three games for UNLV, Sluka opted to redshirt and was expected to enter the transfer portal in December. Sluka’s father and agent have alleged he was verbally promised $100,000 by UNLV offensive coordinator Brennan Marion during his recruitment but received only $3,000 from the school’s NIL collective. UNLV said in a statement that Sluka’s representatives made financial demands for him to keep playing that it interpreted as “a violation of NCAA pay-for-play rules, as well as Nevada state law.”

Odom read from a prepared statement during his postgame news conference and did not take questions regarding Sluka. He said UNLV complied with applicable rules and was committed to the development and success of every player in the program.

“Many have expressed very strong opinions about the events of last week without full knowledge of the facts, without full knowledge of the events of last week and without full knowledge of the rules in the ever-changing, evolving NIL system,” Odom said. “And regrettably, some have even used this circumstance as a platform for their own agendas. I respect everyone’s right to an opinion, and I won’t comment on others’ opinions or their motivations for expressing them.”

White also had a message for Circa Sports CEO Derek Stevens after the Vegas casino expressed interest in offering $100,000 to keep Sluka on the team, telling the Las Vegas Review-Journal that doing so would be worth it “to keep the Rebels’ playoff hopes alive.”

“I would ask that somebody reach out to the Circa CEO and ask him, with that $100,000 that he wanted to donate, give it to our O-line please,” White said.

The Rebels ended a six-game losing streak against Fresno State and achieved the program’s first 4-0 start since 1976 with a strong day in all three phases of the game. Their defense produced four interceptions and four sacks while giving up only 30 rushing yards, and their special teams delivered a blocked punt that White returned for a touchdown in the first quarter plus a 90-yard kickoff return touchdown by Jai’Den Thomas in the fourth quarter.

The victory kept UNLV in the race for the expanded 12-team College Football Playoff and concluded a chaotic week for an athletic department that was simultaneously dealing with the latest round of conference realignment in college athletics.

UNLV officially decided to remain in the Mountain West on Thursday, turning down a move to the Pac-12 following that league’s addition of Boise State, Colorado State, Fresno State, San Diego State and Utah State for 2026. The seven remaining schools in the Mountain West agreed to a grant of rights that will bind them to the conference through 2031-32.

After already defeating Big 12 members Houston and Kansas in nonconference play, UNLV gets one more opportunity to take down a Power 4 opponent and strengthen its CFP résumé when it hosts 3-1 Syracuse on Friday.

“Our guys will flip the page really quickly,” Odom said. “I could tell in the locker room we’re ready to do that and get on to the next game.”

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Buffs ‘trending in right direction’ after UCF rout

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Buffs 'trending in right direction' after UCF rout

ORLANDO, Fla. — As Colorado walked off the field following its best win of the Deion Sanders era — a 48-21 domination of UCF on a steamy Saturday afternoon — one staffer had a pointed message.

“Keep telling them to make us 16-point underdogs!”

Colorado played its most complete game to date, finding balance on offense while shutting down the No. 1 run offense in the country, holding UCF nearly 200 yards below its average. The 27-point triumph is Colorado’s largest road conference win since a 34-0 victory over Oklahoma State in 2005.

It also marked the Buffaloes’ second win under Sanders as a double-digit underdog, though the line did close at 12.5 points.

Sanders batted away any notion his team played with extra motivation as such a large underdog against the undefeated Knights.

“We’re underdogs every week,” he said. “Ain’t nobody want to see us win except for our fan base. That’s just the nature of the game. We’re not mad about it. We know who we are.”

So does the rest of the country.

No one can say it has been boring. Through five games, Colorado has had to rally to beat an FCS opponent (North Dakota State), needed a Hail Mary in overtime to get past Baylor and also posted two blowout wins. Also in there was a disheartening 28-10 road loss to Nebraska in which Shedeur Sanders was sacked five times.

Yet here they are, 4-1, matching their win total from a season ago.

In the spring, Sanders guaranteed at least a bowl berth, and after another roster overhaul, questions again followed the program into the season. But there’s a reason the win over UCF was hailed as its best under Sanders. Not only did Colorado find balance (128 yards rushing, 290 yards passing) and a defensive performance that limited big plays on the ground (UCF had 177 yards rushing), it was a group effort.

Yes, Sanders threw for 290 yards and three touchdowns. And yes, Travis Hunter had nine catches for 89 yards and a touchdown, along with an interception in the third quarter in which he darted in front of a pass at the last second. Twice now this season, Hunter has had a touchdown reception and an interception in a game. As he stood, he struck a Heisman pose.

But there was also Will Sheppard, who led all receivers with 99 yards and added a score. There was Cam’Ron Silmon-Craig, who had a 95-yard fumble recovery for a touchdown. And there was Preston Hodge, who had an interception of his own.

Colorado had five sacks from four different players.

After Silmon-Craig scored, Colorado graduate assistant Warren Sapp turned to the crowd and waved goodbye.

“I feel like we’re trending in the right direction,” Deion Sanders said. “I feel like you guys are seeing the fruit of a lot of hard work, a lot of dedication, great hires. Bringing the right guys in with the right attitude, the right work ethic. I love where we are as a program. I really do. Could we be better? Of course, I think everyone can, but I know we’re trending in the right direction.”

Colorado is now 2-0 in Big 12 play headed into an open date before it hosts Kansas State on Oct. 12. The two conference wins already doubled what the Buffs had last season in the Pac-12 when they went 1-8.

“Everybody’s bought in. You can tell,” Silmon-Craig said. “We don’t point fingers. We pick each other up. That’s the way we’re playing right now. It’s definitely the most complete win. It’s just the beginning.”

Deion Sanders credited getting to Orlando a day early, on Wednesday, to avoid the effects of Hurricane Helene as one reason for the dominant effort.

“Getting them away from everything and having them focus and lock in, we had some tremendous walkthroughs in the hotel, and it was just unity,” he said. “All the guys ate together, they had meetings together, they’re watching film together. They responded tremendously. They could have been mad and upset about us leaving prematurely, but they were on it, and they did a great job.”

But there was also an acknowledgement the team could be in a different spot based on how it responded to adversity at various points before Saturday.

“We could be in a whole different place right now,” Sanders said. “But we’re 4-1 going into the break, and I’m so excited, you have no idea. It’s gonna be a really good plane ride tonight.”

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