Loathing the prospect of spending another Valentine’s Day stuck for things to say on Hinge, Bumble and the like, I wondered if the internet’s new favourite assistant – ChatGPT – could help secure a date.
Before daring to take its suggestions into the dating trenches, I enlisted an expert to assess the chatbot’s ability to strike up conversation.
For dating coach Hayley Quinn, this was undoubtedly one of her strangest assignments. For me, it was a chance to finally find a better conversation starter than a GIF of Obi-Wan Kenobi saying “hello there”.
‘Avoid physical compliments’
We started by assessing ChatGPT’s top three chat-up lines.
“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
Alarm bells are ringing immediately here, says Coach Quinn.
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“In a post #MeToo era, physical compliments are dodgy territory. Instead of focusing on someone’s looks, try complimenting them on an aspect of their personality.”
“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.”
Even I think this one’s bad, but Coach Quinn is more forgiving.
“In the age of dating apps, funny first messages can go a long way. Just make sure yours is original, and not one a thousand people (or AIs) have used before.”
“Do you believe in love at first swipe, or do I need to unmatch and match with you again?”
It’s the lack of originality that’s done ChatGPT in here again, says Coach Quinn.
That highlights the chatbot’s established limitations. It’s a so-called large language model trained on a massive amount of data, but that means it draws on things that have already been written.
‘Presumptuous and creepy’
Some dating apps have tried to pivot away from a pure focus on matching based on photos.
But they no doubt remain the key feature – and so we asked ChatGPT for some catch-all compliments.
“Your smile is so warm and inviting!”
Coach Quinn is not very impressed: “Can we ban the use of the word ‘inviting’? This message comes across as presumptive to the point of creepy.”
“This photo really captures your adventurous and fun-loving spirit.”
A bit like the “cutecumber” line, ChatGPT might be on to something here.
Coach Quinn suggests a tweak: “Edit this to make it shorter and sharper – saying ‘adventurous’ and ‘fun-loving’ is borderline tautology. Keep it to a snappier: ‘This photo captures your spirit.'”
But don’t go relying on ChatGPT as some sort of digital Cyrano de Bergerac. While it may give better dating advice than plenty of your friends, you’ll want to do a sense check before taking its suggestions on board.
Is it inappropriate? Does it sound inauthentic? Do I sound like a robot?
If the answer’s yes, it’s probably time to swipe left on this particular love guru.
People whose homes have been destroyed by the floods sweeping across parts of the UK over the past couple of days have been telling Sky News how they coped with the deluge.
In Lincolnshire, where a major incident has been declared, Terry, from Grantham, showed a Sky crew the aftermath of the deluge in his home, which was left under two feet of water.
“Everything’s gone,” he said, adding that he was “devastated”.
The first sign of trouble came at lunchtime on Monday, when his wife woke him and said there was water coming in [to the house], and “within a few minutes, the whole house was flooded”.
They rushed their belongings and pets upstairs, he said, as he revealed the damage to the flooded living room and kitchen, where the water mark was above a power socket.
Terry said the kitchen, where the floor was covered in sludge, smelled of mud and sewage, and their furniture and carpets were wrecked.
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They have no electricity and the food in the cupboards and freezer was “completely ruined”.
Graham Johnson, who lives in a boat with his wife and dog, in the village of Barrow upon Soar in Leicestershire, was in the pub on Monday night, before the water started to rise “rapidly”.
People living in a local caravan park were moved as a severe flood warning was issued.
Mr Johnson said he had gone out “for a couple of pints as usual and, the next thing we know, bingo”.
The couple feared their boat home was about to be swept towards the bridge.
“That’s our pride and joy, where we live, and we didn’t want to lose it,” he said, as he praised the “fantastic” emergency services, who rescued them and their dog after a nervy three-hour wait.
They were two of the 59 people rescued by firefighters in the county, where a major incident was declared and crews were called out to 160 flood-related incidents, the Fire Brigades Union (FBU) said.
Another Leicestershire resident whose home was inundated was Qasim Abdullah from Loughborough.
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Flooding across East Midlands
Pictures taken by the Associated Press show him walking through almost knee-deep water in his living room.
In nearby Quorn, businesses have shut as the main high street has flooded for the second time in as many years.
Two of the pubs in particular have been damaged.
Last year, residents had to launch a crowd fundraiser to help pay for the costs of renovation. Not to mention soaring insurance premiums.
Indy Burmi, who owns a hair salon and restaurant, hasn’t suffered flooding, but said he’s had to close up and cancel all Tuesday’s reservations, as his clients simply can’t get into the village.
And, with more rain forecast, conditions could get even worse in the short term, while residents worry that an annual battle with rising water is now the new normal.
Elsewhere in the UK, the next danger is from ice forming on untreated surfaces after rain on Tuesday evening, the Met Office has said, as it issued a new warning for northern England and Wales from 5pm until midday on Wednesday.
The Royal Liverpool University Hospital has declared a critical incident due to “exceptionally high” demand on A&E and patients being admitted to wards.
The hospital said there had been a spike in people with flu and respiratory illnesses going to emergency departments in recent weeks.
A spokesperson for the hospital said it had a “comprehensive plan in place” and was “taking all the necessary actions to manage the challenging circumstances”.
“We are working with partner organisations to ensure those that are medically fit can leave hospital safely and at the earliest opportunity,” they added.
The hospital warned some people would experience delays as it prioritises the sickest patients.
People whose case isn’t an emergency are being asked to see their GP, pharmacy or walk-in centre – or call the 111 service for advice.
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The Royal Liverpool University Hospital is in the city centre and is the biggest hospital in Merseyside and Cheshire.
Declaring a critical incident can happen when a hospital is experiencing exceptional demand, or sometimes if there is a serious problem with staffing levels.
It indicates it can’t function as normal and allows it to take extra measures to protect patients, such as prioritising the most unwell people and getting support from other agencies.
It could last hours, a few days, or weeks if necessary.
A critical incident was also declared on Friday by the NHS Cornwall and Isles of Scilly Integrated Care Board.
It said it had seen almost four times as many inpatients compared with last year and urged people with flu to avoid going to A&E.