Devastating Washington Post Poll Spells Doom For Biden

Published

2 years ago

May 18, 2023

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The following is the opening satirical monologue from The Andrew Klavan Show.

The Washington Post, where Democracy dies in darkness after they drive an ice pick into the back of its neck and toss it into the darkness and leave it there to die, has issued a devastating new poll showing President Bidens approval ratings have fallen to a level that would truly upset him if he were still capable of understanding what a poll is and what numbers are.

The poll shows Bidens approval ratings are now at a mere 36 percent. Whats more, twelve percent of those who approve of Biden are low information voters like journalists and college professors, while 8 percent of them are homeless people who receive their opinions from the demon Azuzu speaking through the fillings in their teeth. Five percent of the Biden supporters were just pranking the pollsters by pretending they knew who Joe Biden is, and the remaining four percent were former Whitney Houston backup singers who now hang out all day on Main and Third in Cincinnati chanting somebody, somebody, somebody who loves me, over and over again, hoping a passerby will put money in their hat so they can afford to get back to New Jersey and vote for Joe Biden.

Seventy-two percent of the people polled thought Biden was too old to be president. Twenty-three percent said no, he was just lying face down in his own drool to get his opponents to underestimate him. And five percent believed the president had passed away last Thursday which made him the politician least likely to ruin the country.

Sixty-three percent of those polled said they would prefer to vote for Donald Trump over Biden. Seventeen percent said they preferred Trump to Biden because Trump could almost speak in complete sentences. Twenty-two percent said Trump was better than Biden because Trump was a reckless bloviating boor who would drive the United States government into a ditch where it would be reduced to flaming rubble, so that was a plus. And sixteen percent said they would vote for Trump because he had assaulted that woman in Bergdorf Goodman after she had written for Saturday Night Live so that left only 247 unfunny writers left unpunished.

Twenty-nine percent of those polled who wanted neither Biden nor Trump said they would vote for Nikki Haley because at least she didnt believe in anything. Fourteen percent said they would vote for RFK Junior because that dude was crazy and if you dropped acid and then played his speeches backwards they would predict who was going to win the next season of Bachelorette. And eleven percent said they would vote for Vivek Ramaswamy because his name was funny and made him sound like a snake charmer and that would be really cool especially if he used a live cobra and then explained how he would reform the Fed while the cobra just wavered in front of him pretending to listen and then suddenly bit him on the face which would be hilarious especially if you were still stoned from listening to RFK.

In other poll results, 92 percent said the country was headed in the wrong direction unless you enjoyed watching that video where the race car careens into the wall and then bursts into flames, in which case the country was right on course. Breaking that result into various groups, fourteen percent of black people said they thought the country was headed in the right direction, but they couldnt be sure because they were pinned down in a crossfire behind a 1978 Dodge Dart. Eighty-two percent of Hispanics said the country was headed in the right direction compared to the country they had just come from. And 52 percent of white people said they were heading in the right direction, namely the direction of Switzerland.

Twenty-seven percent of those polled said the worst problem the country faced was runaway inflation because it meant they couldnt buy as many lottery tickets with their food stamps which gave them a lower chance of winning a loaf of bread. Eighteen percent said the worst problem facing the country was that Don Lemon had been fired and now there was no one left to scream at but their children. And three percent said the worstproblem facing the country was that when their phone rang they thought it was their ex saying she wanted to have breakup sex again but instead it turned out to be some jerkwad asking stupid questions about Joe Biden.

In terms of methodology, the Washington Post said pollsters had developed a system of weighted averages to establish the proper number of Democrats, Republicans and Independents, and then told their boss they had called those people when really they were just making stuff up because they worked for the Washington Post.

Andrew Klavanis the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire.A popular political satirist and Hollywood screenwriter, Klavan is also an award-winning novelist.His newest novel isA Strange Habit of Mind, book two in the Cameron Winter Mystery series.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Environment

Uber chooses first market to deploy its Lucid Gravity robotaxis featuring Nuro Driver

Published

2 hours ago

October 29, 2025

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Uber chooses first market to deploy its Lucid Gravity robotaxis featuring Nuro Driver

Three months after Uber, Lucid Motors, and Nuro announced a partnership that would enable Gravity SUV robotaxis, the rideshare network has shared where the public will first be able to hail one. Spoiler alert, it’s easy to guess if you give it half a thought.

As we reported in July, Uber Technologies committed to a $300 million investment in Lucid Group (parent company of American EV automaker Lucid Motors), to deploy at least 20,000 Lucid vehicles as robotaxis over the next six years.

Those Lucid vehicles, which will consist of the automaker’s flagship Gravity SUV to begin, will hit public roads equipped with a Level 4 autonomous system called Nuro Driver. Nuro, the third partner in this equation, is a robotics company specializing in zero-occupant delivery vehicles, which garnered an existing partnership with Uber Eats as well as a “hefty” (yet undisclosed) investment from Uber Technologies.

Last month, Lucid delivered its first Gravity SUV to Nuro to begin the retrofitting process of the Nuro Driver system to support Uber’s hopes for a luxe robotaxi fleet. While the partners continue to work toward building an exciting new fleet of Lucid Gravity Robotaxis, Uber has shared the location where they will first go into service… Casper, Wyoming.

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Just kidding!

It’s the San Francisco Bay Area, of course.

Lucid-first-EV-Uber — Lucid Gravity SUV fitted with Nuro’s self-driving tech (Source: Lucid)

Uber to deploy Lucid Gravity EVs in Bay Area in 2026

Today’s update from Uber expands upon the ongoing partnership with Lucid Group and Nuro. According to the companies, the San Francisco Bay Area will be the first market where riders will see this next-generation autonomous robotaxi program in operation. That milestone is expected sometime in 2026.

Uber has shared that it has been updating policymakers and regulators at every level on the progress of its exclusive Lucid Robotaxis and continues to meet the operational requirements. Notably, Uber has shared that on-road development with the Lucid Gravity robotaxi engineering fleet is already underway in the Bay Area.

Furthermore, Nuro and Lucid intend to be operating over 100 Gravity robotaxis as part of the test fleet “in the coming months.” Lucid interim CEO, Marc Winterhoff, spoke about today’s announcement:

Lucid has always celebrated its California roots, and we’re thrilled to make the San Francisco Bay Area the first market for our new robotaxi on the Uber platform, powered by the Nuro Driver. Beginning next year, riders will experience a level of convenience, safety, and comfort unlike anything else on the road. We can’t wait to bring this service to life and expand it to communities across the country.

To build this fleet of Uber-exclusive robotaxis, the required hardware will be integrated into Lucid Gravity SUVS while they are still on Lucid’s assembly line in Arizona. Those builds will then be integrated with Nuro’s proprietary software when Uber officially commissions them.

All eyes on 2026 as we now know that residents around the Bay Area will be able to hail a driverless Lucid Gravity through the Uber platform. I’m very much looking forward to seeing this fleet in action.

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Environment

Quiet confidence: Bobcat announces new EA line of industrial air compressors

Published

3 hours ago

October 29, 2025

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Quiet confidence: Bobcat announces new EA line of industrial air compressors

Bobcat Introduces EA Series Variable Speed Industrial Air Compressors

With its new EA line of variable speed industrial air compressors and superior energy efficiency from their advanced electric motors, industrial equipment Bobcat is setting a new standard for job site performance.

Designed for top-tier flow rates and maximum energy efficiency, Bobcat says its new EA lineup of variable speed compressors – the EA30VS, EA50VS, EA75VS, and EA100VS – is built to meet the demanding needs of modern industrial operations. But, crucially, the new EA line is about more than efficient motors, quiet running, and precise speed variation. It’s about tech.

To that end, the EA Series is equipped with a full range of “smart” operational features controlled through a 7″, full color LED controller display for intuitive operation. This system allows connection to, and intelligent optimization of, up to three additional compressors, ensuring the entire compressed air system operates at peak performance based on demand so perators can easily customize performance with programmable scheduling by date, time and pressure bands – delivering precision control with minimal effort.

And, of course, the whole system is backed by Bobcat’s global warranties, international parts and dealer networks, and commitment to durability and service.

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“The new EA Series represents a leap forward in industrial air compression technology for Bobcat,” said Cody Blythe, Bobcat product manager. “These machines offer exceptional flow rates paired with peak energy efficiency, providing our customers with a powerful solution that lowers their total cost of ownership through reduced electricity usage.”

Bobcat says its new EA line of variable speed compressors are available now at select Bobcat distributors, contact your local dealer for pricing.

Electrek’s Take

Bobcat is leading the charge to decarbonize job sites, delivering quiet, smooth-running machines for operators who value safety, performance, precision, and sustainability. The company is also among the few manufacturers replacing hydraulic systems with fully electric ones, further reducing oil use and eliminating idle warm‑up time.

You love to see it.

SOURCE | IMAGES: Bobcat.

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Technology

Ray Dalio, JPMorgan back billion-dollar berry startup Fruitist in new $150 million funding round

Published

3 hours ago

October 29, 2025

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Ray Dalio, JPMorgan back billion-dollar berry startup Fruitist in new 0 million funding round

Fruitist, the healthy snacking company known for its jumbo blueberries, has raised $150 million in an equity funding round led by new investor J.P. Morgan Asset Management, with billionaire Ray Dalio‘s family office doubling down on its existing investment in the farming startup. The company, valued at over $1 billion, is growing distribution rapidly in a snacking market estimated to be as large as $800 billion and in which consumers are spending more dollars on premium-priced, healthier options.

Fruitist has now raised a total of $443 million in equity capital from investors, and says the new capital will help it push deeper into retail locations around the world. In the U.S., its berries are already sold at Costco, Giant, Publix, ShopRite, Sprouts, Trader Joe’s, Wakefern, Walmart, and Whole Foods, among other stores. It is also planning to expand distribution of its recently introduced single-serve, grab-and-go packs of fresh blueberries, Fruitist Snack Cups, citing explosive growth in the European market, and its new, even larger Legend Super Jumbo blueberries.

The company told CNBC earlier this year that annual sales surpassed $400 million, and says sales of its blueberries have tripled. It did not provide a new sales figure or new valuation with the latest investor round. Aliment Capital and Steve Kaplan, co-founder of Oaktree Capital Management, also participated in the new funding.

“We are investing in growth in volume, more production capacity,” said Fruitist CEO and co-founder Steve Magami, citing its agricultural operations in eight countries. “The dollars are going into growing volumes because demand is far greater than we can supply,” he said.

The majority of the new investor money will fund new planting and investments in cold storage and infrastructure, including automation, to increase control over quality and distribution.

“We believe that Fruitist, with control of its value chain, significant organic growth opportunity ahead, and positioning as a driving force of premiumization of berries and the better-for-you category, will realize durable expansion,” said Brad Demong, managing director, J.P. Morgan Asset Management, in a statement announcing the deal.

The recently introduced Fruitist Snack Cups have grown distribution from an initial 30 stores in Spain in April to 750 stores, and Magami said that is headed to 1,000 stores, and into the U.S. as well, where he said most retail partners will be adding the product in at least a small number of their locations.

Fruitist ranked No. 18 on the 2025 CNBC Disruptor 50 list.

“We see a snacking industry at $600 million to $800 million, and we see the healthy snacking industry as an eighth of that total, and we know our products rank to the far right of the upper right quadrant,” Magami said. He added that company doesn’t see traditional berry industry players, such as Driscoll’s, as the competition, describing them as “more of a commodity.”

“Over time, people will realize regular blueberries are more for the blender and cakes, and these are snacking berries to replace a meal,” he said.

Fruitist founder and CEO Steve Magami

Fruitist

Sally Lyons Wyatt, chief advisor consumer goods & foodservice insights at consulting firm Circana, said the healthy snacking sector, often called the “better for you” segment, is posting notable growth in a relatively flat snacking market. “What is keeping the core snacking category going is the ‘better for you’ products,” she said.

“Berries are full of antioxidants and one of healthiest fruits in this snacking story,” Lyons Wyatt said.

While he declined to comment on any initial public offering timeline, Magami said the firm is closely monitoring the planned IPO of Jennifer Garner’s Once Upon a Farm, which recently filed to go public.

Matthew Kennedy of IPO research firm Renaissance Capital says for investors eyeing companies like Fruitist and Once Upon a Farm, growth is as much, if not more of a driving factor, than the healthy snacking theme. Kennedy said the food space has had “a lot of losers” this year, but added, “it’s especially impressive if a company is able to sell a premium product and take market share while the rest of the industry is under pressure.”

“Companies often go public when growth trends look most optimistic, so the biggest risk for investors is when that growth is unsustainable, either because it was a fad, or because there’s a really devoted initial customer base that doesn’t translate to the broader market,” he said.

Circana has monitored the consumer gravitating to berries for years, “and every year, it’s one of those products that just continues to outpace most traditional packaged snacks,” Lyons Wyatt said. “It will continue to gain strength and we see it being a big hit around the world because it delivers on all the aspects of what consumers are looking for,” she said, but she added that the biggest limitation to broader consumer adoption is price.

“These are priced around $6 a clamshell,” said Magami. “We are not selling champagne strawberries for $19. We are focused on building a durable business and growing the brand and have substantial runway ahead,” he said. “We will realize well above average growth, which is rare in this sector.”

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