Why does heartbreak hurt? The science behind what happens to your brain and your body
Breakups are not much fun.
Whether it’s your first time through it or an unfortunate familiarity, there are few more agonising gut punches.
Doubts and insecurities aplenty; wondering where, how and why things changed; and like an agonising Lionesses World Cup run, an overwhelming sense of “what if”.
Being a “science and tech journalist” has given me a fresh perspective on how it can impact us physically.
Where’s that headache come from? What about a sudden lack of energy? And why does eating anything, even a normal favourite, feel like an I’m A Celebrity challenge?
For when pictures of wistful poetry on Instagram just don’t cut it, it turns out science has some answers.
The holy trinity
As neuroscientist Dr Lucy Brown puts it, “we’re all miserable when we’ve been dumped” – and there’s a potent chemical cocktail that helps explain why.
Serotonin is the brain chemical associated with happiness, oxytocin with bonding, and dopamine gets pumped out whenever your mind’s reward system kicks in.
No surprise then that you feel good when that holy trinity is high and rough when it’s low.
The key chemical is dopamine: the ultimate natural drug.
‘It’s like we’re addicted’
Brown was one of a team of researchers who conducted a study into the impact of heartbreak, scanning the brain activity of 15 young adults who were going through unwanted breakups.
They were shown photos of their ex-partners, and the scans showed parts of the brain that power our sense of motivation and reward – where our dopaminergic neurons live – went into overdrive.
It’s an “overactivity” Brown compares to what you’d see in a cocaine addict trying to wean themselves off.
“It’s like we’re addicted to each other,” she says.
“When we lose someone, we’ve lost a very rewarding part of our lives and sense of self. They’ve provided novelty in your life that now isn’t there, so we need some other rewards.”
And like rewatching goals we may have thought had put the Lionesses’ name on the title, looking back at texts and holiday photos won’t do the trick.
Maybe next time… Pic: AP
A body under threat
Florence Williams had found herself intrigued by the pain her heartbreak caused.
Having seen her 25-year marriage suddenly fall apart, trauma was expected. But feeling physically sick and totally overwhelmed took her by surprise.
“I was of course stunned by the event itself, but then I was really confused and surprised by how different I felt physically going through it,” she says.
“That feeling of being plugged into a faulty electrical socket; this buzzing sense of background anxiety and hypervigilance and an inability to sleep well; the weight loss and general confusion.
“My body felt under threat.”
Williams’s experience and sense of confusion sent her on a global quest for answers documented in her book, Heartbreak: A Personal And Scientific Journey.
She found while everyone’s personal heartbreak is different, the bodily response is much the same: it’s time for that holy trinity of hormones to take a battering.
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Florence Williams. Pic: Casie Zalud
‘Very real’ physical symptoms
And it’s not just emotional pain you may struggle with. In Brown’s study, brain areas associated with physical pain were also activated.
She explains rejection triggers a part of the brain called the insular cortex – the same part that responds to distress around pain, like when panic sets in after an already painful bee sting.
When emotional stress causes physical symptoms, like headaches and nausea, its medical term is somatisation.
“If you’ve ever had butterflies when you’ve been nervous, you’ve experienced this,” explains Dr Abishek Rolands.
“The most important thing to remember is even though there is no physical cause, the symptoms are very real – they are not made up or ‘all in the head’.”
During her research, Williams, who has two adult children with her ex-husband, was particularly fascinated by the impact loss can have on our immune system.
“It’s important for our nervous systems that we feel safe,” she says.
“If we have people in our lives triggering cascades of healthy hormones, it’s really protective against illness. Our cells actually listen to our mental state.”
Indeed, previous studies have stressed the importance of meaningful social relationships to stay healthy.
And in 2021, US researchers suggested our immune system takes cues from our nervous system if it’s struggling – effectively making decisions that could make us sick.
Broken heart syndrome
In rare cases, this kind of emotional distress – especially when delivered suddenly – can even lead to the fittingly nicknamed “broken heart syndrome” – or takotsubo cardiomyopathy.
Sindy Jodar, a senior cardiac nurse at the British Heart Foundation, says the symptoms – chiefly shortness of breath and chest pain – are consistent with a heart attack.
“Most people have either been under a lot of physical or emotional stress, like losing a loved one,” she says.
“The only explanation we have at the moment is when the body is stressed, it releases a lot of catecholamines (adrenaline), and when lots of that is around in the body it can impact the heart.”
Unlike a heart attack, the condition does not cause blockages in the coronary arteries – but does totally change the shape of the heart’s left ventricle, which pumps oxygenated blood through the body.
It’s this which gives the condition its actual Japanese name, as the shape of the ventricle becomes reminiscent of a trap fishermen use to catch octopus: narrow at the top, larger at the bottom.
The condition only impacts around 5,000 people a year in the UK, and is more common in menopausal women, with most recovering after a few weeks.
The condition’s symptoms are consistent with a heart attack
Giving up the addiction
Just as science can explain why heartbreak, rejection, and loss makes us feel the way we do, it also offers solutions.
Brown says heartbreak should be treated like “having to give up an addiction”, though she admits the “craving is stronger when we’ve lost someone”.
But there are plenty of roads to go down without gorging ice cream while watching La La Land.
Williams stresses the importance of working to activate the parasympathetic part of your nervous system by doing things that make you feel calm. The other part of our autonomic nervous system, sympathetic, is what causes anxiety and hypervigilance.
“Connection to nature is really calming,” she says, likewise to friends and family. “And there’s lots of data showing the more meaning you derive from work, the more purpose you feel, the happier you’ll be.”
Williams says such lessons apply to anyone “going through an emotional life quake”.
“People who end a relationship also face big emotions – guilt, sadness, loneliness,” she adds.
Walks in nature are great for clearing your mind
And as Brown says, there’s novelty – that sense of excitement that needs refreshing in a healthy, sustainable way.
Ice cream makes a compelling dinner once, but you’d probably best hope it wears off.
“A good strategy is beginning things you didn’t do during a relationship, like running or travelling,” says Brown.
“People always remember a heartbreak – it’s very painful. But you do change, and can for the better.”
World
Zelenskyy accuses US envoy Witkoff of ‘spreading Russian narratives’ – as he says minerals deal getting closer
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has accused US envoy Steve Witkoff of “spreading Russian narratives” about the Ukraine war – as he said a much-anticipated minerals deal was moving closer.
His comments came as Mr Witkoff was in Paris for talks with Ukrainian and European officials.
The diplomat met Vladimir Putin last week and later told Fox News he had held “compelling” discussions with the Russian leader.
“This peace deal is about these so-called five territories, but there’s so much more to it,” he said.
He appeared to be referencing occupied Crimea and the four regions annexed in sham referendums in 2022: Kherson, Luhansk, Donetsk and Zaporizhzhia.
The votes were widely condemned and dismissed by the West – and Russia still does not fully control these regions – but Mr Witkoff has been accused of parroting Moscow’s line.
Mr Witkoff met the Russian president in St Petersburg on Friday. Pic: Sputnik/AP
Mr Zelenskyy, speaking at a news conference, also said a “memorandum of intent” on a minerals deal with the US could be signed online on Thursday.
However, speaking at the White House later – where he was hosting the Italian prime minister, US President Donald Trump said it was likely to be next week.
The deal was expected to be done weeks ago but was derailed by the Ukrainian leader’s falling out at the White House.
President Trump wants to share in profits from Ukraine’s natural resources in what he says is repayment for military aid. It’s hoped America having a stake in the country could also help maintain any truce.
In his media conference, Mr Zelenskyy also claimed he had evidence of China helping Russia with artillery.
“We believe that Chinese representatives are engaged in the production of some weapons on the territory of Russia,” the Ukrainian leader said.
He did not specify whether he meant artillery systems or shells.
It comes after Ukraine said recently that it had captured two Chinese citizens fighting in the east of the country.
US efforts to broker a ceasefire have so far failed to provide a breakthrough, with critics accusing Russia of stalling and not really wanting peace.
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‘I don’t hold Zelenskyy responsible’
President Trump was asked on Thursday how long Mr Putin had to respond to his ceasefire proposal before facing either tariffs or more sanctions.
“We’re going to be hearing from them this week, very shortly, actually,” he told reporters.
He also said that while he does not hold President Zelenskyy responsible for the war, he is “not a big fan”.
“I’m not happy with him, and I’m not happy with anybody involved,” he said.
“I’m not blaming him, but what I am saying is that I wouldn’t say he’s done the greatest job. Okay? I’m not a big fan.”
Three killed in drone attack
US envoy Mr Witkoff was joined in Paris earlier by US secretary of state Marco Rubio.
The men held talks with French, British and German representatives – the so-called “coalition of the willing” who could provide security guarantees in the event of a ceasefire.
Ukraine’s presidential chief of staff, foreign minister and defence minister were also there and a follow-up is scheduled for next week in London.
Talks took place at the Elysee Palace in Paris. Pic: Reuters
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Will talks bring Ukraine ceasefire?
While a total ceasefire has proved elusive, a 30-day moratorium on striking energy infrastructure targets was previously agreed.
However, both sides have accused each other of breaking the agreement.
Russian government spokeswoman Maria Zakharova claimed on Thursday that Ukraine had breached it 80 times.
Three were killed and dozens hurt in drone strikes on Dnipro. Pic: Reuters
Pic: Reuters
President Zelenskyy, meanwhile, said Russian energy attacks had decreased but that it was attacking civilian infrastructures instead.
Three people, including a child, were killed overnight in a drone attack on Ukraine’s southeastern city of Dnipro, according to officials, with 30 wounded.
Local authorities said widespread damage was caused to civilian infrastructure, including an educational institution, residential buildings, a gym and a dormitory.
It comes after at least 35 people died in a Russian missile strike on Sumy at the weekend.
The White House has hit out at an “appalling” attempt by a Democratic senator to return a father wrongly deported to El Salvador.
Chris Van Hollen arrived in El Salvador on Wednesday to speak to the country’s leaders about Kilmar Abrego Garcia, who was removed from the US by the Trump administration in March despite an immigration court order preventing his deportation.
Washington acknowledged Mr Garcia was deported due to an “administrative error”.
The US Supreme Court has called on the administration to facilitate his return, upholding a court order by Judge Paula Xinis, but Trump officials have claimed Mr Garcia has ties to the MS-13 gang.
Mr Garcia’s lawyers have argued there is no evidence of this.
Speaking about Mr Van Hollen’s trip to El Salvador, White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt said the Democrats “still refuse to accept the will of the American people”.
She alleged Mr Garcia was an “illegal alien MS-13 terrorist” and claimed his wife petitioned for court protection against him after alleged incidents of domestic violence.
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt.
Pic: AP/Jose Luis Magana
After outlining the allegations against Mr Garcia, she went on: “All of that is not enough to stop the Democrat Party from their lies.
“The number one issue they are focused on right now is bringing back this illegal alien terrorist to America.
“It’s appalling and sad that Senator Van Hollen and the Democrats are plotting his trip to El Salvador today, are incapable of having any shred of common sense or empathy for their own constituents and our citizens.”
After making a statement, Ms Leavitt introduced Patty Morin, who described graphic details of her daughter’s murder by an immigrant from El Salvador.
Rachel Morin was raped and murdered by Victor Martinez-Hernandez along a popular hiking trail northeast of Baltimore.
Afterwards, Ms Leavitt left without taking any questions from reporters.
Kilmar Abrego Garcia. Pic: CASA/AP
Senator travels to El Salvador
Mr Van Hollen met with the El Salvador vice president during his trip to the Central American country.
But he did not meet with President Nayib Bukele, who publicly met with Donald Trump in the Oval Office this week, nor did he meet Mr Garcia himself.
US senator Chris Van Hollen has been in El Salvador.
Pic: Reuters/Jose Cabezas
In a post on X, he said he would continue to fight for Mr Garcia’s return.
During Mr Bukele’s trip to the White House earlier this week, he said he would not return Mr Garcia, likening it to smuggling “a terrorist into the United States”.
Along with Mr Garcia, the Trump administration has deported hundreds of people, mostly Venezuelans, who it claims are gang members without presenting evidence and without a trial.
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‘I’m talking about violent people’
Judge’s contempt warning
It comes hours after a US federal judge warned that he could hold the Trump administration in criminal contempt for violating his orders to turn around planes carrying deportees to El Salvador.
The comments are an escalation in a row which began last month when US district judge James E Boasberg issued an order temporarily blocking the deportations.
However, lawyers told him there were already two planes with immigrants in the air – one headed for El Salvador, the other for Honduras.
Mr Boasberg verbally ordered the planes to be turned around, but the directive was not included in his written order. The Trump administration then denied refusing to comply.
Charges could be brought forward by the Justice Department, NBC News, Sky’s US partner network, reported.
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However, that could create an uncomfortable situation for the department, which is headed by the attorney general – a position appointed by the president.
If the executive-led Justice Department refused to prosecute the matter, Judge Boasberg said he would appoint another attorney to prosecute the contempt.
The judge wrote: “The Constitution does not tolerate wilful disobedience of judicial orders – especially by officials of a coordinate branch who have sworn an oath to uphold it.”
He gave the government a 23 April deadline.
White House director of communications Steven Cheung said the administration would seek “immediate appellate relief” – a review of a decision within a lower court before the case has been resolved.
World
Israeli troops will remain in ‘security zones’ in Gaza, Lebanon and Syria indefinitely, minister says
Israel’s troops will remain in “security zones” in Gaza, Lebanon and Syria indefinitely, according to the country’s defence minister.
Israeli forces have taken over more than half of the Gaza Strip in recent weeks in a renewed campaign to pressure the territory’s rulers Hamas to free hostages after a ceasefire ended last month.
Israel has also refused to withdraw from some areas in Lebanon following a truce with Hezbollah last year, and it seized a buffer zone in southern Syria after President Assad’s regime was overthrown last December.
Israeli defence minister Israel Katz said his forces “will remain in the security zones as a buffer between the enemy and [Israeli] communities in any temporary or permanent situation in Gaza – as in Lebanon and Syria”.
He said that “unlike in the past” the military was “not evacuating areas that have been cleared and seized”.
His comments could further complicate talks with Hamas over a ceasefire and the release of hostages.
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Gazans struggle to find bodies under rubble
On Wednesday, health officials said Israeli strikes in Gaza killed 22 people, including a girl who was less than a year old.
Fifty-nine hostages are still inside Gaza, 24 of whom are believed to be alive, after dozens of others were previously released in ceasefire agreements or other deals.
Israeli defence minister Israel Katz. Pic: AP
Meanwhile, Lebanese President Joseph Aoun said Israel’s continued presence in some areas in Lebanon was “hindering” the Lebanese army’s full deployment as required by the ceasefire negotiated with Israel.
The war left over 4,000 people dead, many of them civilians.
Two Israeli drone strikes in southern Lebanon on Wednesday killed two people, the health ministry said. The United Nations said Israeli strikes in Lebanon have killed more than 70 civilians since the ceasefire took effect in November.
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A timeline of events since the 7 October attacks
Israel has said it must keep control of some areas to prevent a repeat of the Hamas attack that triggered the latest conflict in Gaza.
The war began when militants attacked southern Israel on 7 October 2023, killing 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and kidnapping about 250.
Israel’s retaliatory offensive has killed more than 51,000 people, according to Gaza’s health ministry.
The figure includes more than 1,600 people killed since a ceasefire ended and Israel resumed its offensive last month to pressure Hamas to accept changes to the agreement.
The health ministry does not distinguish between civilians and combatants in its total count but said that more than half of the fatalities are women and children.
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