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Right now would be a good time to Google the question: Do men menstruate?, if right now you happen to be drunk out of your mind, already wearing a lampshade on your head and quickly running out of other jokes to keep your friends in the hot tub giggling helplessly until you can find some quiet place in which to violently vomit and collapse into unconsciousness. Because as it turns out, if you Google the question, Do men menstruate? the first hilarious response Google will give you is this and this is an exact quote: Having a period is not a feminine thing, and people of all genders menstruate, including non-binary people, agender people and even plenty of men!

Now I know what youre thinking. Youre thinking, Oh Klavan, you raucously rambunctious maestro of merriment, how did you invent this absurd scenario that makes it seem as if one of the most powerful corporations on earth is trying to drag the rest of us into a swirling toilet bowl of mendacity so that well be ultimately flushed into the twisted plumbing of stupidity and spat out into the sewer of cultural lunacy?

But no, I am not making this up. In fact, according to the entire first page of responses on Google, menstruation, the process by which breeding age females who are not pregnant reabsorb their monthly ovum into the lining of their uterus and then expel that lining through their vaginas, can also take place in people who are not female, cant get pregnant, dont produce ova, dont have a uterus and cant expel its lining through their vaginas which they also dont have. What a wonderful font of information Google is for people who dont know the meaning of the word font and arent interested in getting any information!

Now you may think, All right, when Google reports that men can do what they could only do in an alternative universe where words have no meaning and Google is a font of information, perhaps it would be true to say that Google has become a corrupt, politicized lie factory that replaced its original slogan of Dont Be Evil with the new slogan, Oh, what the hell, lets be so Evil that even the word Evil will not be able to contain the Evil that is Google-level Evil. But what about the rest of the response that says menstruation can occur in non-binary people, and agender people, and people with genders other than male and female and unicorns and brobdignags and cooley-booley-oolios and saka-dela-reekios and chuga-booga-naga-dooba-dees and other non-existent creatures I just invented? Wouldnt it be a happier world if every single phantom that populates the fever dreams of woke insipidity could enjoy the same monthly bleeding, cramps, bloating, and irritability that were hitherto reserved only for those women so privileged they get to spend three days a month curled up on the sofa when theyd much rather be rampaging through Google headquarters with a butcher knife cutting out the beating heart of every single mother-jumping moronic son-of-a-b****itch who thinks its cool to say men can menstruate?

And sure, maybe the non-existent creatures of Googles imaginary menagerie, can not only menstruate but are much less annoying than menstruating women because menstruating women have the disadvantage of actually existing when they menstruate, which is no walk in the park, or at least so Im told. Still, you would think a corporation whose only purpose is to give you ready access to honest information so they can steal your personal browsing habits and sell them to other soulless corporate entities would at least create an algorithm that gives you ready access to honest information instead of lying to you about whats between your legs when a simple lowering of your chin will reveal to you that it isnt between your legs and even if, through some act of surgical barbarism, it were between your legs, it wouldnt be.

Now some of you may be thinking, Gee, Klavan, you sound pretty irritable about this. Maybe its your time of the month. And all I can say is: if menstruating is anywhere near as irritating as being lied to by a bunch of flabby-souled corporate jerkwads like the people at Google, Im glad Im a man and can use Duck Duck Go.

Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. He is an award-winning novelist, Hollywood screenwriter, and popular satirist. Klavan isthe author of When Christmas Comes and Strange Habit of Mind, the first two novels in the USA Today best-selling Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, The House of Love and Death, releases on October 31, 2023, and is now available forPre-order.

Follow Klavan on Twitter:@andrewklavan

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of The Andrew Klavan Show.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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World

Inside Iran’s notorious Evin Prison – as Tehran says damage shows Israel targeted civilians

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Inside Iran's notorious Evin Prison - as Tehran says damage shows Israel targeted civilians

It is one of the most notorious and secret places in Iran.

Somewhere foreign journalists are never allowed to visit or film. The prison where dissidents and critics of Iran’s government disappear – some never to be seen again.

But we went there today, invited by Iranian authorities eager to show the damage done there by Israel.

Evin Prison was hit by Israeli airstrikes the day before a ceasefire ended a 12-day war with Iran. The damage is much greater than thought at the time.

Evin Prison, Iran

We walked through what’s left of its gates, now a mass of rubble and twisted metal, among just a handful of foreign news media allowed in.

A few hundred yards in, we were shown a building Iranians say was the prison’s hospital.

Behind iron bars, every one of the building’s windows had been blown in. Medical equipment and hospital beds had been ripped apart and shredded.

What Iran says was the hospital at the Evin Prison
Image:
Debris scattered across what Iran says was the prison hospital

It felt eerie being somewhere normally shut off to the outside world.

On the hill above us, untouched by the airstrikes, the buildings where inmates are incarcerated in reportedly horrific conditions, ominous watch towers silhouetted against the sky.

Evin felt rundown and neglected. There was something ineffably sad and oppressive about the atmosphere as we wandered through the compound.

The Iranians had their reasons to bring us here. The authorities say at least 71 people were killed in the air strikes, some of them inmates, but also visiting family members.

The visitor centre at Evin Prison after Israeli attacks
Image:
Authorities say this building was the visitor centre


Iran says this is evidence that Israel was not just targeting military or nuclear sites but civilian locations too.

But the press visit highlighted the prison’s notoriety too.

Iran’s critics and human rights groups say Evin is synonymous with the brutal oppression of political prisoners and opponents, and its practice of hostage diplomacy too.

British dual nationals, including Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe were held here for years before being released in 2022 in exchange for concessions from the UK.

Read more:
Iran: Still a chance for peace talks with US
Why Netanyahu wants a 60-day ceasefire – analysis

The main complex holding prisoners sits atop a hill
Image:
Inmates are held in building on a hill above, which has been untouched by airstrikes

Interviewed about the Israeli airstrikes at the time, Ms Zaghari-Ratcliffe showed only characteristic empathy with her former fellow inmates. Trapped in their cells, she said they must have been terrified.

The Israelis have not fully explained why they put Evin on their target list, but on the same day, the Israeli military said it was “attacking regime targets and government repression bodies in the heart of Tehran”.

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The locus of their strikes were the prison’s two entrances. If they were trying to enable a jailbreak, they failed. No one is reported to have escaped, several inmates are thought to have died.

The breaches the Israeli missiles made in the jail’s perimeter are being closed again quickly. We filmed as a team of masons worked to shut off the outside world again, brick by brick.

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Environment

Tesla prototype sparks speculation: a Model Y, maybe slightly smaller

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Tesla prototype sparks speculation: a Model Y, maybe slightly smaller

A new Tesla prototype was spotted again, reigniting speculation among Tesla shareholders, even though it’s likely just a Model Y, potentially a bit smaller, and the upcoming stripped-down, cheaper version.

Over the last few months, there have been several sightings of what appears to be a Model Y with camouflage around Tesla’s Fremont factory.

It sparked a lot of speculation about it being the new “affordable” compact Tesla vehicle.

There’s confusion in the Tesla community around Tesla’s upcoming “affordable” vehicles because CEO Elon Musk falsely denied a report last year about Tesla’s “$25,000” EV model being canceled.

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The facts are that Musk canceled two cheaper vehicles that Tesla was working on, commonly referred as “the $25,000 Tesla” in early 2024. Those vehicles were codenamed NV91 and NV92, and they were based on the new vehicle platform that Tesla is now reserving for the Cybercab.

Instead, Musk noticed that Tesla’s Model 3 and Model Y production lines were starting to be underutilized as the Company faced demand issues. Therefore, Tesla canceled the vehicles program based on the new platform and decided to build new vehicles on Model 3/Y platform using the same production lines.

We previously reported that these electric vehicles will likely look very similar to Model 3 and Model Y.

In recent months, several other media reports reinforced this, and Tesla all but confirmed it during its latest earnings call, when it stated that it is “limited in how different vehicles can be when built on the same production lines.”

Now, the same Tesla prototype has been spotted over the last few days, and it sent the Tesla shareholders community into a frenzy of speculations:

Electrek’s Take

As we have repeatedly reported over the last year, the new “affordable” Tesla “models” coming are basically only stripped-down Model 3 and Model Y vehicles.

They might end up being a little smaller by a few inches, and Tesla may use different model names, but they will be extremely similar.

If this is it, which is possible, you can see it looks almost exactly like a Model Y.

It’s hard to confirm if it’s indeed smaller because of the angle of the vehicle compared to the other Model Ys, but it’s not impossible that the wheelbase is a bit smaller – although it’s hard to confirm.

Either way, the most significant changes for these stripped-down, more affordable “models” are expected to be cheaper interior materials, like textile seats instead of vegan leather, no heated or ventilated seats standard, no rear screen, maybe even no double-panned acoustic glass and a lesser audio system.

As previously stated, the real goal of these new variants, or models, is to lower the average sale price in order to combat decreasing demand and maintain or increase the utilization rate of Tesla’s current production lines, which have been throttled down in the last few years to now about 60% utilization.

If this trend continues, Tesla would find itself in trouble and may even have to close its factories.

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Politics

US Senator Lummis’s crypto tax relief plan fuels DeFi momentum: Finance Redefined

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US Senator Lummis’s crypto tax relief plan fuels DeFi momentum: Finance Redefined

US Senator Lummis’s crypto tax relief plan fuels DeFi momentum: Finance Redefined

Increasing US regulatory clarity is enabling more traditional finance participants to seek out decentralized financial solutions.

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