Connect with us

Published

on

Inspirational thought of the week:

“I know where I’d go.”
“Where?”
“I’d go to Akron. I’d go there with a pretty woman. A strange woman. A quiet woman. I wouldn’t even want to know her name. Where I would be just ‘Mr. Smith’ and I would send out for cold beer. Then I would tell her things. Things that I’ve never told to anyone. Things that are locked deep in here. And as I talk to her, I would want her to hold out a soft hand and say, ‘Poor thing. Poor, poor thing.'”
“How long would you want this to go on, doctor?”
“Two weeks.”
“Two weeks? Wouldn’t that get a little monotonous? Just Akron, cold beer and ‘poor thing’ for two weeks?”
“No, it would be wonderful.”

— Cecil Kellaway and Jimmy Stewart as Dr. Chumley and Elwood P. Dowd in “Harvey”

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the room of file cabinets where Deion Sanders stores all the Power 5 job offers that he wants us to know about but doesn’t plan to take, we have been thrown off of our collective axis. Our schedule is uglier and more broken down than a Pontiac Aztek. Our calendar has been erased more times than someone trying to use an Etch A Sketch in a centrifuge. What we’re saying is that our normal end-of-regular-season routine has been ruined. Instead of the usual meeting of our Bottom 10 Selection Committee at the DFW Hacienda Courts, our annual assemblage of college football minds such as Jerry Glanville, Charlie Weis and Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero, we told them all to stay home.

Why? The season isn’t over yet. No, none of our teams suddenly received an invite to a conference championship game. The problem is that a mountain of snow two weekends ago kept one of our contenders from playing its final game and now we have to wait to see what happens.

Dammit, Akron.

So, instead of holding our normal fake CFP committee vote, we have gone full old school and are instead employing a fake old-school BCS approach. Yes, we are doing math. But as opposed to relying on the sorcerously accurate ESPN FPI — the Football Power Index — we have conjured up the Bottom 10 FPI — the Faux Pas Index.

It’s simple really. And by simple, we mean totally convoluted. Teams receive one point for each win, minus one point for each loss, minus one point for each loss of their longest losing streak of the year, plus a minus-10 bonus if that streak is currently active. We also subtract the number of points they have surrendered from the number of points they have scored, subtract or add points based on turnover margin and throw in a 50-point reduction if they have fired their head coach this season, aka the Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus. Divide that by the number of games played — let’s call that the Akron Principle — and there’s your Bottom 10 FPI score.

So get off your ath, let’s do some math. Math, math, math, math, math.

With apologies to Dewey Finn, Euclid, former Michigan State Spartan Addie Gaddis and Steve Harvey, here’s the final (sort of) 2022 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. Colora-duh (1-11)

Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -6 (current -10)
185 points for, 534 points against: -349
Turnover margin: -12 (tied with Akron for fourth worst in FBS)
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -437
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -36.42

While the Buffs wait to be rebuffed by Deion, they can at least spend that time celebrating a championship. We knew that 2022 had been a total mess, but once we pushed it through the numerical cheese grater of the Bottom 10 FPI formula, Colorado became the college football equivalent of Jared Leto’s “Morbius.” We were already plenty sure it was going to be bad. We just never could have imagined it would be that awful.

play

1:36

Keyshawn Johnson breaks down why Deion Sanders would be a good fit as the head coach at Colorado.

2. UMess (1-11)

Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10)
150 points for, 373 points against: -223
Turnover margin: -3
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Score: -255
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -21.25

The Minutemen finished the year by losing back-to-back Pillow Fights of the Week against Arkansaw State and Texas A&M, and then suffering the worst late November loss to Army since Allied forces crossed the Siegfried Line.

3. US(notC)F (1-11)

Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -10 (current -10)
336 points for, 494 points against: -158
Turnover margin: -4
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -242
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -20.17

The Bulls ended the season riding college football’s second-longest active losing streak, a run that included L’s suffered at the hands of a TU and UT, fellow Bottom 10 resident Temple and reigning Myrtle Beach Bowl champs Tulsa, which just fired its head coach.

4. North by Northworstern (1-11)

Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -11 (current -10)
165 points for, 340 points against: -175
Turnover margin: -19 (worst in FBS)
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -225
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -18.75

In case you were wondering who in the world could have lost more consecutive times than USF’s 10 in a row, allow us to show you around lovely Evanston, Illinois.

5. Give me Liberty or give me death …

at the hands of the Other Aggies! The Flames land in the Coveted Fifth Spot after flaming out at the end of an otherwise heavenly 8-4 season with a stunning 49-14 loss to natural geographic rival New Mexico State, a game that the other FPI said that Liberty had a 95.7% chance of winning. I imagine it was hard for Hugh Freeze to keep both eyes on the playbook while he was also on the sideline scrolling through WarDamnEagleHousesForSale.com.

6. Huh-why-yuh (3-10)

Wins: +3
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -4
257 points for, 451 points against: -194
Turnover margin: -8
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -213
Games played: 13
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -16.38

Akron may have played too few games, but the Warriors have played too many as they have the only Bottom 10 FPI that was divisible by an unlucky 13. In fairness, Timmy Chang’s team improved dramatically as a season that started with it ranked first/worst early and often continued to plow ahead. In fact, Mauna Loa was so irritated over the season ending that it erupted for the first time in nearly 40 years.

7. Charlotte 3-and-9ers (3-9)

Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -4
294 points for, 473 points against: -180
Turnover margin: -8
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -248
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -20.67

Speaking of eruptions, I am already bracing myself for my next visit to my local supermarket here in my home of Charlotte, where the kid who rings me up always has me on blast whenever I have his Niners in these rankings. I already know what he’s going to say first. “But we ended the season with a win over Louisiana Tech and they are also 3-9, so why aren’t they in the Bottom 10 instead of us?!” I will inform him that when we ran the 3-and-9ers vs. Lose-ee-anna Tech in the computer, it wasn’t even close. Charlotte, thanks to a much larger points for/against margin, turnover margin and fired coach bonus, nearly doubled Louisiana Tech’s FPI of minus-10.67. I also already know what he’ll say next. “Dude, what is with your groceries? You eat like an 8-year-old.”

8. Akronmonious (2-9)

Wins: +2
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -9
239 points for, 379 points against: -140
Turnover margin: -11
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -167
Games played: 11
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -15.18

In case you were wondering, yes, the Zips just won their second game of the year and did so against another fellow #MACtion Bottom 10 contender in Northern Ill-ugh-noise. But as you know from watching the CFP rankings announcement shows each week, this is all about “body of work” and Akron’s anatomy is Thor in “Avengers: Endgame.” NIU’s Bottom 10 FPI is minus-6.08, barely more than a third of the Zips, who are 15.18 below zip. Speaking of in case you were wondering and speaking of numbers that start with 15, Akron has a 15.4% chance of winning its do-over at Buffalo on Friday night. But that’s according to the ESPN FPI, and now that we have seen how easy it is to come up with an FPI formula, we’re not sure we trust it anymore.

9. Whew Mexico No-bos (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10)
157 points for, 312 points against: -155
Turnover margin: +4
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -178
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -14.83

The No-bos ended the year by providing former top/bottom team Colora-duh State with the win they needed to boost themselves over the wall and out of the Bottom 10 prison yard. So why aren’t they ranked higher/lower than they are? Look at that turnover margin. Whew Mexico ranks 38th in all of FBS, tied with the likes of Cincinnati and Washington State. Come on, guys, are you trying to win this thing, or aren’t you?

10. No-vada (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -10 (current -10)
226 points for, 371 points against: -145
Turnover margin: +2
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A
Total: -171
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 FPI: -14.25

The race to secure this final spot was tighter than a pair of Underoos washed in too-hot water, but the Oof Pack edged out the rest of the, er, pack via the nation’s other second-longest losing streak. The difference between Whew Mexico and its Mountain West mates in Reno is thinner than the gravy on the $3 meatloaf in downtown Reno. They shared seven common opponents and while New Mexico lost to all seven, Nevada did beat Liberty destroyers Whew Mexico State back in Week 1. The Pack ended the season with a loss to unLv, who reacted by … immediately firing its coach?

Waiting list: Temple of Doom, Arkansaw State, Colora-duh State, Lose-ee-anna Tech, Old Duh-minions, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Stampford, Virginia Tech No-kies, In A Rut-gers, #goBCc, Arizona Skate, the end of the regular season … boo.

Continue Reading

Sports

2025 MLB All-Star Game: Everything you need to know

Published

on

By

2025 MLB All-Star Game: Everything you need to know

For the first time since the turn of the century, MLB’s All-Star Game will be held in Atlanta — the first ever at Truist Park since its opening in 2017.

All-Star festivities begin July 11 and culminate in the Midsummer Classic on July 15, as the National League looks to gain just its second win since 2013 while the American League aims to extend its dominance.

Following the first phase of All-Star voting, we know the top overall vote-getters in each league — Aaron Judge and Shohei Ohtani — automatically earned the starting spot at their positions, outfield and designated hitter, respectively. Now, the starting lineups have been revealed, with the Los Angeles Dodgers and Detroit Tigers leading the way each with three starters, followed by the Chicago Cubs with two. Four players named as starters — Cal Raleigh, Jacob Wilson, Ryan O’Hearn and Pete Crow-Armstrong — are first-time All-Stars.

Stay tuned, as we’ll have everything you need to navigate All-Star Week — from event schedules and full rosters to All-Star Game analysis.

Vote for the All-Star starters: All-Star Ballot 2025

Latest news and analysis

How does MLB All-Star voting work?

2025 MLB All-Star roster predictions, biggest debates

Which slugger will win the HR Derby? Breaking down the field

All-Star schedule

(All times ET)

July 2: MLB All-Star starters reveal at 7 p.m. on ESPN

July 6: MLB All-Star full rosters announced at 5 p.m. on ESPN

July 11: HBCU Swingman Classic at 8 p.m. on MLB Network

July 13: MLB Draft at 6 p.m. on ESPN and MLB Network

July 14: MLB All-Star Celebrity Softball Game at 1 p.m. on MLB Network

July 14: MLB Home Run Derby at 8 p.m. on ESPN

July 15: All-Star Red Carpet Show at 2 p.m. on MLB Network

July 15: MLB All-Star Game at 7 p.m. on FOX

Continue Reading

Sports

Raleigh, rookie Wilson among All-Star starters

Published

on

By

Raleigh, rookie Wilson among All-Star starters

Seattle Mariners catcher Cal Raleigh, MLB’s home run leader, and American League Rookie of the Year candidate Jacob Wilson of the Athletics will be in the starting lineup for the All-Star Game on July 15 at Truist Park in Atlanta, it was announced Wednesday.

Raleigh, nicknamed “The Big Dumper,” earned his first All-Star selection and starting spot on the back of his 33 first-half home runs and MLB-leading 71 RBIs (through Tuesday). Wilson, the Athletics’ shortstop, was voted in after a dynamic first half in which he has hit .339, second in all of MLB, through Tuesday’s games.

“Just trying to stay as consistent as I can — my work, preparation going into games and my approach at the plate,” Raleigh told ESPN on Wednesday. “It’s been working out so far, and I just got to keep it rolling and keep my head down.

“… This is all I’ve ever known — this city, Seattle. They’ve taken me in with open arms and I’m very blessed and very lucky to have them in my corner. They’ve been awesome and they’ve always been there for me in this organization. It’s great that I’m going to get to represent them, like I said, in the [Home Run] Derby and the All-Star Game. Hopefully I can make them proud.”

The 23-year-old Wilson, whose father, Jack, was an All-Star for the Pittsburgh Pirates in 2004, is the lone rookie in either league to be voted into the starting lineup after edging the RoyalsBobby Witt Jr. 52% to 48%. He is the first rookie shortstop to win an All-Star fan election and just the second to start an All-Star Game after Baltimore’s Ron Hansen, who started both games in 1960.

Three players from the Detroit Tigers — second baseman Gleyber Torres and outfielders Riley Greene and Javier Baez — will join them in the AL’s starting lineup, while the National League starters are led by three representatives from the Los Angeles Dodgers: first baseman Freddie Freeman, catcher Will Smith and DH Shohei Ohtani, who received the most votes among NL players during Phase 1 of the voting.

Rounding out the starting lineup for the AL: Toronto Blue Jays first baseman Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Cleveland Guardians third baseman Jose Ramirez and Baltimore Orioles designated hitter Ryan O’Hearn. They’ll all join New York Yankees slugger Aaron Judge, who was the AL’s top vote-getter in Phase 1.

Joining the Dodgers trio in the NL starting lineup will be Chicago Cubs outfielders Pete Crow-Armstrong (first selection) and Kyle Tucker (fourth), Arizona Diamondbacks second baseman Ketel Marte, San Diego Padres third baseman Manny Machado and New York Mets shortstop Francisco Lindor, who was named an All-Star starter for the first time.

Despite missing the first seven weeks of the season, Atlanta Braves outfielder Ronald Acuña Jr. also earned a starting nod after getting the most votes at the position during Phase 2 voting.

There are nine first-time starters for the second time in three years.

“I am overly grateful right now,” Crow-Armstrong, who has 21 home runs and 62 RBIs so far this season, told ESPN. “It’s pretty cool. … That’s definitely the highlight of the year so far.

“… I think what I kind of surprised myself with is obviously the power production, but in this specific time span. You know, pulling the ball in the air is something I’ve worked on for my whole pro career, and we’re really starting to make some good improvements here. But I think inherently I’ve always had enough confidence to produce a year like this.”

The Tigers had three fan-elected starters for the fourth time in history, matching a franchise best also accomplished in 1984, 1985 and 2007. Meanwhile, the three fan elections for the Dodgers marks their most in a single season since the team had four fan-elected starters for the 1980 Midsummer Classic: Steve Garvey, Davey Lopes, Bill Russell and Reggie Smith.

Freeman, 35, was picked for the ninth time — fifth as a starter — and is the oldest player on either team. He will return to Atlanta, where he starred from 2010 to 2021.

For Torres and Baez, it marks the first time since 2019 that they are All-Stars. Baez, meanwhile, will be making his third All-Star start at his third different position, having started for the NL at second base (2018) and shortstop (2019) while with the Cubs.

Baez edged the Los Angeles AngelsMike Trout 26% to 24% in the closest vote.

Overall, 13 MLB teams are represented among the 18 positional starters, including seven clubs in the AL and six in the NL.

Judge, Ramirez and Machado each earned their seventh All-Star selection.

Under rules that began in 2022, voting was split into two stages, and the second phase ran from Monday to Thursday.

Pitchers and reserves for both teams — totaling 23 for each side — will be determined through a combination of player ballot choices and selections made by the MLB commissioner’s office. They’ll be announced Sunday (5 p.m. ET, ESPN).

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Continue Reading

Sports

Rangers activate Burger from IL, demote Jung

Published

on

By

Rangers activate Burger from IL, demote Jung

The Texas Rangers reinstated first baseman Jake Burger from the 10-day injured list before Wednesday night’s series finale against the visiting Baltimore Orioles.

Burger, 29, missed the Rangers’ past 10 games with a left oblique strain. He is batting .220 with 10 homers and 29 RBIs in 65 games this season, his first with Texas.

Burger is a career .246 hitter with 82 home runs and 214 RBIs in 409 games with the Chicago White Sox (2021-23), Miami Marlins (2023-24) and Rangers.

The Rangers optioned All-Star third baseman Josh Jung to Triple-A Round Rock in a corresponding move. Jung, 27, is batting .237 with eight homers and 35 RBIs in 75 games this season.

Jung is hitting .152 with one homer, eight RBIs and 13 strikeouts in his last 11 games.

Drafted No. 8 overall by Texas in 2019, Jung made the American League All-Star team in 2023 and is a career .252 hitter with 43 home runs and 135 RBIs in 269 games.

Continue Reading

Trending