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The number 1 thing about going number 2 is to have a cleanup plan. Unfortunately, toilet paper (TP) may not always be by your side. Be it because you are camping, a country-wide TP shortage, or that things have gone sideways and you didnt store nearly enough. Dont fret and do the penguin waddle to the neighbors to borrow a few squares. Here are 15 TP plant substitutes that nature has provided for us!Why Natural Substitutes

TP is one of the greatest inventions and hygiene improvements. However, we havent always had this pleasure. More importantly, it may not be with us for ever. Even as recently as the Covid-19 pandemic, several rumors plunged us deep into a TP panic. Manufacturers were running overtime. Store shelves were empty. The few stores that had stock, limited purchases to only a few rolls. Even worse, some people went without.

Events dont need to be as dramatic. It only takes a walk in the woods when nature calls to show the need for a little foraging knowledge. Finding the right plant may mean the difference between a comfortable and very uncomfortable walk home.

Finally, as we prepare for harsher times, the focus usually lands on food, firearms, medical supplies, or other sexier topics than TP. The reality is we need it and should have it as a part of our long-term stores. One roll per person per week is the average use. That being said, funds and storage space arent unlimited. Eventually, you will need TP plant substitutes.

Read ahead for 15 of the best that you can start identifying around your home now.

Garden TP Plant Substitutes

The first, and easiest, TP plant substitutes to source can come from your own garden. It may be easiest for you, from an identification standpoint, to grow your own. Not surprisingly, there are several TP plant substitutes you can plan as a part of your annual harvest.

Cabbage (Brassica oleracea)

Who knew you could use cabbage outside of the kitchen? Cabbage makes one of the best homegrown TP plant substitutes as it has large sturdy leaves. In fact, many of the leaves get harvested as waste material as you trim to expose the inner head. Use these leaves as TP if you reserve them. To aid in their longevity, dry them. Just not too much or they will get brittle.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabbage

Cauliflower (Brassica oleracea)

Cauliflower is very similar to cabbage. In fact, they are different cultivars of the same species. The leaves may not be as numerous or large, but they are still just as viable for TP use.

As cauliflower grows, the inner leaves are usually pinned over the head to keep it white. The outer leaves are trimmed off while the plant grows. This guarantees a ready supply of TP plant substitutes!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cauliflower

Lambs Ears (Stachys byzantina)

I know that Lambs ears are normally considered a wild plant, but there is no reason not to include them in your garden or with your ornamental plantings. From food to medicine, to bathroom needs, there are many reasons to move Lambs Ears from the wilds to the garden.

Lambs Ears grow easily and spread, providing an abundance of leaves. The softness of the leaves is unparalleled (hence, the name) and the leaves are naturally antibiotic. What more could you ask?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stachys_byzantina

Grape Leaves (Vinis vitifera)

Grapes arent just for wine. Use these leaves for both cooking and to support your hygiene. Each leave is about the size of a normal TP square and is hardy enough to stand up to the job.

Start a trellis near your outhouse and within a year or two youll have enough natural TP to meet your familys needs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitis_vinifera

Foraged TP Plant Substitutes

Never limit TP plant substitutes to cultivated spaces around your house. Nature abounds with tools to manage all our needs. You just need to arm yourself with the proper knowledge.

Remember, always make sure you have 100% positively identified your plant. You dont want a poison ivy leaf to slip in. When using a newly identified plant, rub a small piece on your forearm or wrist, then wait 15 minutes to ensure that you dont have a negative reaction to the new plant.

Borage (Borago officinalis)

Borage is a wildflower that is distributed throughout Europe, the United Kingdom, and rarely in the United States. While Europeans primarily use Borage as a food (leaves and extracted seed oils) the youngest leaves can also be used as TP plant substitutes.

While small, the young leaves are soft and sturdy. The older leaves develop harsh hairs that make use less pleasant.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borage

Blue Spur Flower (Plectranthus ciliatus)

Tall, fragrant, and beautifully flowered, Blue Spur Flower, has been used for generations for bathroom duty. The leaves are exceptionally soft and large, which makes it an efficient flower to plant for TP use. A natural spreader, it will often take over any area that it is planted. You can often find it growing wild in hot climates.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plectranthus_ciliatus

Corn Lily (Clintonia borealis)

Corn Lily is a low growing plant with petite yellow flowers and blue berries. The leaves, while being editable, are long and broad and perfectly suited for bottom cleanup detail. The smooth leaves may not be as comfortable as some of the others on this list, but they are stout enough to hold up to the biggest jobs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clintonia_borealis

Large Leaf Aster (Eurybia macrophylla)

Another plant filling multiple rolls, including as a TP plant substitute, is Large Leaf Aster. The leaves can be eaten, used medicinally, and their size, texture, and durability make them perfect to use in the bathroom. The leaf shape and daisy-like flower make them unmistakable and easy to identify.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurybia_macrophylla

Mullein (Verbascum)

Ranked near the top for backend hygiene is Mullen. Second only to Lambs Ears, the large soft leaves, as well as the spike-like shape of the plant and brilliant yellow flowers, make Mullen easy to find and easy to use.

Usually found in transition spaces between fields and trees, as well as rougher soils, Mullens height and flowers make it stick out like a beacon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbascum

Common Mallow (Malva neglecta)

Common Mallow is at home in the woods just as much as it is at home in a flower garden. It, or one of its many variants, can be found throughout the world. The irregular shaped leaves may require a little creativity, however they are soft and will get the job done.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malva_neglecta

Old Mans Beard (Tillandsia usneoides)

Old Mans Beard is unlike any other plant on the list. Also called Spanish Moss, it can be found hanging from trees often in great numbers in warmer climates. Ignoring the appearance, it can be soft, however you need to gather a fair amount to make sure you have sufficient density (therefore avoiding any accidents).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_moss

H2: Plantain (Plantago major)

Is there anything Plantain cant do? Its a food. Its a medicine. And now it provides bathroom coverage. Left to grow, the leaves can become sizeable. As an added bonus, the leaves, when used as a poultice, heal the skin with remarkable speed. Just in case you have a rash in this sensitive area.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantago_major

Pink Wild Pear (Dombeya burgessiae)

Pink Wild Pear is also known as the Tropical Hydrangea. Cultivated outside of its native Africa, these plants can reach over 15 feet in height. The leaves are broad and tough, with a softness to them that will be a benefit to the backside.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dombeya

Tamarisk Moss (Thuidium tamariscinum)

Blessed is the backside that has a field of moss. The ultimate lush TP plant substitute, moss is thick, soft, and very capable of cleanup duty. Even better, moss is nearly universal throughout the word.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thuidiaceae

Thimbleberry (Rubus parviflorus)

Thimbleberry is found abundantly in the wooded areas of the United States and other countries. They can grow in large colonies that provide copious amounts of leaves. When fully mature, the leaves are large and surprisingly soft. You can identify these plants by their fruit which resembles raspberries.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubus_parviflorus

Yellow Dock (Rumex crispus)

Yellow Dock, Curley Dock, and the other members of this family are a blessing to any forager. Like many on this list, they are edible, medicinal, and aid in the bathroom. While the young tender leaves are best for a salad, wait until they mature and toughen up to use them in the bathroom.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumex_crispus

Cautions

Before you go running off into the woods, eager to try out your newfound knowledge of finding your own TP plant substitutes, you need to be armed with a few precautions.

First, as with all plant and wild foraging practices, always be 100% positive of your identification before using any wild foraged plant. Its best to seek expert guidance on learning plant identification. If this is not possible, then I highly recommend purchasing several field guides. Peterson has a complete library of plant identification, guides. Ive listed the medicinal guide here. However, there are edible plant guides, as well as other generic guides. Pick one that best covers this topic and others that you may look at.

Flacon Press is another provider of nature-based books. Again, find one that covers your interest areas.

Honestly, you cant have enough plant identification books. Each one caters to a different audience, and its style, while the content may be excellent, may not mix with you. Likewise, each will have its own pictures and drawings. You may pick up a critical identification feature in one that you missed in another.

While you wont be eating any of these plants (at least in this application), adverse reactions to TP plant substitutes are still possible. Rashes, blisters, and a host of nasties can happen if you use the wrong plant. Down There is one of those places that you dont need an itch, let alone blisters, be it from the wrong plant or from an allergic reaction.

Other Options

In the western world, we attache ourselves to the paperwork approach to cleanup. However, much of the world relies on water to do the job. In the wilderness, if you have access to a clean source of water, then you can cup and splash to get the job done. Just make sure you have a cloth to dry off afterwards. It takes a little practice, but once you get the hang of it, its very effective. During winter, a fist full of snow is even more effective.

Wrapping Up TP Plant Substitutes

Bears do it and someday you might too. Out. In the wood. You have that urge. Theres no need to fret if you find yourself unprepared. With a little knowledge, a field guide or two, and a positive plant identification, you are all set to answer natures call.

From scrap leaves in your garden to common weeds, nature abounds with options to feed us, heal us, and to clean up the less savory aspects of our daily lives. Look up these plants and find a few that grow in your area. Then take 2 or 3 and really study up. Get to know where they grow around you and what they look like through the seasons. Then take the ultimate step and enjoy the freedom of going outdoors!

Bonus: Root Cellar That Can Be Used as a Bunker

Do you remember the old root cellars our great-grandparents used to have? In fact, they probably built it themselves, right in their back yard.

If you want to learn how to build a backyard bunker like your grandparents had, without breaking the bank, then you need Easy Cellar.

Easy Cellar will show you:How to choose the ideal siteCost-effective building methodsHow to protect your bunker from nuclear blast and falloutHow to conceal your bunkerAffordable basic life support options

Easy Cellar will also reveal how a veteran, with only $421, built a small nuclear bunker in his backyard.Also included:America's Natural Nuclear Bunkers: Find the Closest One to Your Home56 Items to Stockpile in Your Easy Cellar
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Ex-Tory chairman Sir Jake Berry defects to Reform

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Ex-Tory chairman Sir Jake Berry defects to Reform

Ex-Tory chairman Sir Jake Berry has defected to Reform, in the latest blow to the Conservatives.

The former MP for Rossendale and Darwen, who served as Northern Powerhouse minister under Boris Johnson and lost his seat last year, said he had defected to Nigel Farage’s party because the Tories had “lost their way”.

Politics latest: Labour rebel defends calls for ‘wealth tax’

Reform UK confirmed the defection to Sky News, which was first broken by The Sun.

Speaking to the paper, Sir Jake said Mr Farage’s party was the “last chance to pull Britain back from terminal decline”.

“Our streets are completely lawless,” he said.

“Migration is out of control. Taxes are going through the roof.

More on Reform Uk

“And day after day, I hear from people in my community and beyond who say the same thing: ‘This isn’t the Britain I grew up in’.”

Sir Jake accused his former party of “abandoning the British people” but said he was not “giving up”.

“I’m staying. And I’m fighting.

“Fighting for the Britain I want my kids, and one day, my grandkids, to grow up in.”

Mr Farage welcomed what he said was “a very brave decision” by Sir Jake.

“His admission that the Conservative government he was part of broke the country is unprecedented and principled,” he added.

A Conservative Party spokesman said: “Reform support increasing the benefits bill by removing the two-child cap, and nationalising British industry. By contrast the Conservatives, under new leadership, will keep making the case for sound money, lower taxes and bringing the welfare bill under control.

“We wish Jake well in his new high spend, high tax party.”

Sir Jake’s defection to Reform comes just days after former Conservative cabinet minister David Jones joined Reform UK, which continues to lead in the polls.

European Research Group (ERG) chair Mark Francois (left), and deputy chair David Jones, speak to the media outside Portcullis House, Westminster
Image:
Former Welsh secretary David Jones (R) alongside Tory MP Mark Francois. Pic: PA

Mr Jones, who was MP for Clwyd West from 2005 until standing down in 2024, said he had quit the Tories after “more than 50 years of continuous membership”.

Sir Jake was the MP Rossendale and Darwen in Lancashire between 2010 and 2024, when he was defeated by Labour’s Andy MacNae.

He held several ministerial posts including in the Department for Housing, Communities and Local Government, Energy and Climate Change and the Cabinet Office.

Nigel Farage holds up six fingers to indicate the six votes his party's candidate won by in the Runcorn and Helsby by-election.
Pic: Reuters
Image:
Nigel Farage after winning the Runcorn and Helsby by-election.
Pic: Reuters

He was also chairman of the Conservative Party from September to October 2022, under Liz Truss.

Announcing his defection – which comes a year after the Tories suffered their worst ever election defeat – Sir Jake said “Britain was broken” and “the Conservative governments I was part of share the blame”.

“We now have a tax system that punishes hard work and ambition,” he said.

“Just this week, we saw record numbers of our brightest and best people leaving Britain because they can’t see a future here. At the same time, our benefits system is pulling in the world’s poor with no plan for integration and no control over who comes in.

“If you were deliberately trying to wreck the country, you’d be hard-pressed to do a better job than the last two decades of Labour and Tory rule.

“Millions of people, just like me, want a country they can be proud of again. The only way we get that is with Reform in government. That’s why I’ve resigned from the Conservative Party. I’m now backing Reform UK and working to make them the next party of government.”

Read more:
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He added: “And with Nigel Farage leading Reform, we’ve got someone the country can actually trust. He doesn’t change his views to fit the mood of the day. And people respect that. So do I. That’s why I believe he should be our next prime minister.”

A Labour Party spokesperson said: “Not content with taking advice from Liz Truss, Nigel Farage has now tempted her Tory Party chairman into his ranks.

“It’s clear Farage wants Liz Truss’s reckless economics, which crashed our economy and sent mortgages spiralling, to be Reform’s blueprint for Britain. It’s a recipe for disaster and working people would be left paying the price.”

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Starmer and Macron agree need for ‘new deterrent’ to stop small boat crossings

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Starmer and Macron agree need for 'new deterrent' to stop small boat crossings

Sir Keir Starmer and Emmanuel Macron have agreed the need for a “new deterrent” to deter small boats crossings in the Channel, Downing Street has said.

The prime minister met Mr Macron this afternoon as part of the French president’s state visit to the UK, which began on Tuesday.

High up the agenda for the two leaders is the need to tackle small boat crossings in the Channel, which Mr Macron said yesterday was a “burden” for both the UK and France.

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The small boats crisis is a pressing issue for the prime minister, given that more than 20,000 migrants crossed the English Channel to the UK in the first six months of this year – a rise of almost 50% on the number crossing in 2024.

Sir Keir is hoping he can reach a deal for a one-in one-out return treaty with France, ahead of the UK-France summit on Thursday, which will involve ministerial teams from both nations.

The deal would see those crossing the Channel illegally sent back to France in exchange for Britain taking in any asylum seeker with a family connection in the UK.

More on Emmanuel Macron

However, it is understood the deal is still in the balance, with some EU countries unhappy about France and the UK agreeing on a bilateral deal.

French newspaper Le Monde reports that up to 50 small boat migrants could be sent back to France each week, starting from August, as part of an agreement between Sir Keir and Mr Macron.

A statement from Downing Street said: “The prime minister met the French President Emmanuel Macron in Downing Street this afternoon.

“They reflected on the state visit of the president so far, agreeing that it had been an important representation of the deep ties between our two countries.

“Moving on to discuss joint working, they shared their desire to deepen our partnership further – from joint leadership in support of Ukraine to strengthening our defence collaboration and increasing bilateral trade and investment.”

It added: “The leaders agreed tackling the threat of irregular migration and small boat crossings is a shared priority that requires shared solutions.

“The prime minister spoke of his government’s toughening of the system in the past year to ensure rules are respected and enforced, including a massive surge in illegal working arrests to end the false promise of jobs that are used to sell spaces on boats.

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UN criticises Starmer’s welfare reforms

“The two leaders agreed on the need to go further and make progress on new and innovative solutions, including a new deterrent to break the business model of these gangs.”

Chris Philp, the shadow home secretary, seized on the statement to criticise Labour for scrapping the Conservatives’ Rwanda plan, which the Tories claim would have sent asylum seekers “entering the UK illegally” to Rwanda.

He said in an online post: “We had a deterrent ready to go, where every single illegal immigrant arriving over the Channel would be sent to Rwanda.

“But Starmer cancelled this before it had a chance to start.

“Now, a year later, he’s realised he made a massive mistake. That’s why numbers have surged and this year so far has been the worst in history for illegal channel crossings.

“Starmer is weak and incompetent and he’s lost control of our borders.”

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Controversial welfare bill passes final Commons stage – but only after another concession

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Controversial welfare bill passes final Commons stage - but only after another concession

Sir Keir Starmer’s watered down welfare bill has passed its final stage in the Commons, after another concession was made to MPs.

The Universal Credit and Personal Independence Payments Bill passed by 336 votes to 242 on Wednesday night – a majority of 94.

Politics latest: Starmer and Macron agree on need for new small boat ‘deterrent’

In a bid to thwart further opposition to the bill following last week’s climbdown, the government said it would not try to introduce any more reforms to personal independence payments (PIP) until a review by work and pensions minister Sir Stephen Timms on the assessment process has concluded.

Sir Stephen said he wanted to finish his review by next autumn, but that the government would not agree to complete the review in 12 months as some MPs wanted.

Marie Tidball, the Labour MP who had called for the 12-month limit, later signalled she was happy with the government’s compromise.

Ministers also agreed to her calls to have a majority of the taskforce looking at PIP to be disabled or from disability organisations, and for the outcome of the review to come before any PIP changes. It will also be voted on by MPs.

More on Benefits

A total of 47 Labour MPs have rebelled against the government to vote against its welfare reforms.

Mother of the House Diane Abbott, former minister Dawn Butler, Andy McDonald, Stella Creasy and Jonathan Brash were among those in the “no” lobby.

Meanwhile, MPs rejected a separate amendment by Green MP Sian Berry, which called for the basic rate of universal credit to increase by 4.8% above inflation each year until 2030.

A total of 39 Labour MPs voted for scrapping the clauses that halved Universal Credit for new claimants – the only major cut left in the bill after the government made its concessions.

The passing of the bill will come as a relief to Sir Keir Starmer, who last week was forced into a humiliating climbdown over his flagship welfare package in the face of significant opposition from his own MPs.

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What is a wealth tax?
UN criticises Starmer’s welfare reforms

Prior to the vote last Tuesday, the government offered significant concessions including exempting existing personal independence payment claimants (PIP) from stricter new criteria and only freezing and cutting the universal credit health top-up for new applications.

As the vote last week unfolded, it offered further confessions amid concerns the bill could be voted down – notably, that changes in eligibility for PIP would not take place until a review he is carrying out into the benefit is published in autumn 2026.

They ended up voting for only one part of the plan: a cut to Universal Credit (UC) sickness benefits for new claimants from £97 a week to £50 from 2026/7.

A total of 49 Labour MPs voted against the bill – the largest rebellion in a prime minister’s first year in office since 47 MPs voted against Tony Blair’s Lone Parent benefit in 1997, according to Professor Phil Cowley from Queen Mary University.

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