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President and Venal Houseplant Joe Biden traveled to the Middle East this week to meet with Arab leaders, who refused to see him, and so instead he sat in his hotel room throwing playing cards into a hat. While the president was away, the United States government was run by a shadowy cabal of far-Left authoritarians who pretended Joe Biden was running things, so no change there.

Houseplant Biden did meet with soon-to-be-former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to personally relay his message that Israel should utterly destroy Hamas, just dont hurt anybody. To honor their United States allies, Israeli dignitaries performed the ancient Jewish ritual of nodding politely while the powerful goyim are speaking before sidling quietly out of the room to go kill their enemies.

Terrorist leaders, meanwhile, have declared today a Day of Unprecedented Anger to be followed by A Day of Unbridled Nastiness, then a Day of Unbelievable Aggravation and Irritability after which theyll return to normal, simply slaughtering innocent people as the opportunity presents itself.

Here, in the United States, Shadow President Barack Obama reacted to the greatest atrocity committed against the Jews since Auschwitz by forcefully sort of objecting to it two and half days later. To those who believed his response was a detestable signal to White House staffers not to stand too close to the rug that would soon be pulled out from under the feet of the Israelis, an Obama spokesman assured the media that the shadow president is working for peace behind the scenes by helping to supply Iran with nuclear weapons so they can join the community of nations, strapped with nuclear weapons.

FBI Director Christopher Baby Face Wray announced that the homeland terrorist threat level has risen from Red to Holy Crap, weve let a flood of illegal immigrants into the country and have no idea who they are or where theyre hiding. Wray said the Bureau would now focus their attention on trying not to giggle when they uselessly warn Americans to duck and cover during the next inevitable jihadi attack. Wray says this might mean withdrawing some agents from their important work of intimidating parents who are trying to protect their children from the Teachers Union and other sexual deviants. The Teachers Union said they would help out by distributing a coloring book entitled Stranger Danger, which will tell children that if their parents drive up and offer them a lift, they should run to the nearest teacher, jump into his windowless white van and disappear forever.

On campuses around the country, leftist groups are scrambling to rebrand themselves now that they realize they actually SUPPORT fascism and genocidal murder. At Harvard, for instance, the students Palestine Solidarity Group has unveiled their new protest chant, Donald Trump is literally Hitler so lets kill the Jews. The UC Berkeley Group Feminists for Hamas has their new manifesto which begins, We know that feminists supporting violently patriarchal Islamists makes absolutely no sense, but were just ditzy girls and can get away with this stuff because were cute and we smell good.And of course LGBTQ-plus Palestine supporters have developed their new slogan: Queers for Palestine, Moving Upward From Brainless to Headless. At Dartmouth, the administration reacted to student support for anti-Semitic mass murder by releasing a statement saying, Frankly, we wish wed known we were Nazis sooner, because its so much easier to spell than decolonization.

As the fighting in Gaza continues, American military experts are using Artificial Intelligence to map out the future of various scenarios. For instance, one prediction from Military AI reads: I looked, and behold, there was a great earthquake, and the sun became black as sackcloth, the full moon became like blood, and the sky vanished like a scroll that is being rolled up, and everyone hid themselves, calling to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us and hide us from the Lamb for the great day of his wrath has come.

The AI also predicted that Charity Lawson will overcome the heartache of her breakup with Zach Shallcross and find lasting love on this season of Bachelorette.

Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. He is an award-winning novelist, Hollywood screenwriter, and popular satirist. Klavan isthe author of When Christmas Comes and When Christmas Comes the first two novels in the USA Today best-selling Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, The House of Love and Death, releases on October 31, 2023, and is now available forPre-order.

Follow Klavan on Twitter:@andrewklavan

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of The Andrew Klavan Show.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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Entertainment

Rapper charged with GBH – after singer Chris Brown remanded in custody over ‘bottle attack’

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Rapper charged with GBH - after singer Chris Brown remanded in custody over 'bottle attack'

A second man has been charged with grievous bodily harm with intent after an incident at a London nightclub that allegedly involved US singer Chris Brown.

The Metropolitan Police said Omololu Akinlolu, 38, will appear at Manchester Magistrates’ Court on Saturday.

Better known by his stage name HoodyBaby, the American rapper has been charged in connection with an alleged assault at the Tape nightclub in central London in February 2023.

Brown, 36, was charged on Thursday with grievous bodily harm with intent and was remanded in custody by judge in Manchester until 13 June.

He is accused of attacking music producer Abraham Diaw with a bottle during the incident in February.

During a hearing at Manchester Magistrates’ Court on Friday, Brown watched intently as brief details of the case against him were outlined by prosecutor Hannah Nicholls.

She accused Brown of committing “an unprovoked attack with a weapon in a nightclub full of people”.

Brown spoke to confirm his name and date of birth, but did not enter a plea.

He will appear for a plea and trial preparation hearing in London on 13 June.

Read more from Sky News:
Trump says ex-FBI director’s seashells post ‘meant assassination’
Seven men on run after ‘Shawshank’ escape from jail

Brown – known for hits such as “Loyal”, “Run It” and “Under the Influence” – was arrested at a hotel in Manchester in the early hours of Thursday by detectives from the Metropolitan Police.

The Grammy Award-winning singer was due to tour the UK in June and July, with dates in Manchester, Cardiff, London, Glasgow and Birmingham.

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Environment

Bollinger Motors circles the drain as court cases, debts pull it down

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Bollinger Motors circles the drain as court cases, debts pull it down

A federal court judge in Michigan has placed the once-promising electric truck brand Bollinger Motors’ assets into receivership following claims that the company’s owners still owe its founder, Robert Bollinger, more than $10 million.

Bollinger Motors first came to fame in the “draw a truck, get a billion dollars” stage of the EV revolution that saw Nikola rise to a higher market cap than Ford for a brief time. Robert Bollinger wasn’t able to capitalize quickly enough to get his trucks into production, though – and a late stage pivot to sell the brand to Mullen Automotive and launch a medium-duty commercial truck doesn’t appear to have been enough to save it.

Now, Automotive News is reporting on some of the more convoluted details of the Mullen purchase deal, with Robert (for ease of distinguishing the man from the brand) claiming that Mullen Automotive owes him more than $10 million for a loan he made to the company in 2024.

Just how Robert ended up giving Mullen Automotive $10 million to take his eponymous truck brand off his hands is probably one of those capitalistic mysteries that I’ll never understand, but Mullen’s response was perfectly clear: they didn’t even bother to show up to court.

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Bollinger claims that at least two suppliers are also suing Mullen for unpaid debts. As such, the Honorable Terrence G. Berg has put the Bollinger brand into receivership, and its assets have been frozen in preparation for everything being liquidated. Worse, for Bollinger, the official court filings reveal a company that is really very much doing not awesome:

The testimony and evidence—which Defendant’s counsel conceded accurately reflected Defendant’s finances—showed that Defendant is in crisis. For months Defendant has owed more than twenty million dollars to suppliers, contractors, service providers, and owners of physical space. These debts are owed to parties who are critical for Defendant’s functioning. CEO Bryan Chambers testified that Defendant was locked out of its production facilities on May 5, 2025, and that the owner of the production facilities was seeking to permanently evict Defendant. The Court heard that Defendant had been prevented from accessing its critical manufacturing accounting system for a short time at the end of April 2025, before making a partial payment to restart services.

US DISTRICT COURT EASTERN DISTRICT OF MICHIGAN

I’m not sure if you caught all that, but Bollinger’s CEO has been locked out the company’s facilities and getting evicted, the company is more than $20 million in debt, and that debt is owed to people Bollinger absolutely needs in order to keep going.

You can read the full court decision, which I’ve embedded here, below. Once you’ve taken it all in, feel free to rush into the comments to say you told me so, since I really thought hoped the Bollinger B1 had a shot. Silly me.

Bollinger v. Bollinger case

SOURCES: Automotive News, Justia, Yahoo!.

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Science

New Study Reveals Recent Ice Gains in Antarctica, But Long-Term Melting Continues

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New Study Reveals Recent Ice Gains in Antarctica, But Long-Term Melting Continues

Global warming and climate change have been subjects of major concern for a long time. One of the key indicators of this phenomenon is the melting of ice in the polar regions. Researchers from Tongji University in Shanghai have been using NASA satellite data to track changes in Antarctica’s ice sheet over more than two decades. Their newest study states that despite the increase in global temperature, Antarctica has gained ice in recent years. However, it cannot be considered as a miraculous reversal in global warming because over these two decades, the overall trend is substantial ice loss. Most of the gains have been caused by unusual increased precipitation over Antarctica.

About the New study

According to the new study , NASA’s Gravity Recovery And Climate Experiment (GRACE) and GRACE Follow-On satellites have been monitoring this ice sheet since 2002. The ice sheet covering Antarctica is the largest mass of ice on Earth

The satellite data revealed that the sheet experienced a sustained period of ice loss between 2002 and 2020. The ice loss accelerated in the latter half of that period, increasing from an average loss of about 81 billion tons (74 billion metric tons) per year between 2002 and 2010, to a loss of about 157 billion tons (142 billion metric tons) between 2011 and 2020, according to the study. However, the trend then shifted.

The ice sheet gained mass from 2021 to 2023 at an average rate of about 119 billion tons (108 metric tons) per year. Four glaciers in eastern Antarctica also flipped from accelerated ice loss to significant mass gain.

General Trend in global warming

Climate change doesn’t mean that everywhere on Earth will get hotter at the same rate, so a single region will never tell the whole story of our warming world.

Historically, temperatures over much of Antarctica have remained relatively stable, particularly compared to the Arctic. Antarctica’s sea ice has also been much more stable relative to the Arctic, but that’s been changing in recent years.

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