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Inspirational thought of the week:

Oh, wait a minute, mister
I didn’t even kiss her
Don’t want no trouble with you
And I know you don’t owe me
But I wish you’d let me
Ask one favor from you …

Oh, won’t you gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
Gimme three steps towards the door?
Gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
And you’ll never see me no more

— “Gimme Three Steps,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the track and field sprinting facility where Molly McGrath prepares to run down head coaches for postgame interviews, we are in disbelief at how little time we have left. Not on this earth. That’s too sad. But rather how little time is left in the 2023 college football season. And, well, OK, now that we think about it, yes, that’s sad, too.

There are three weekends remaining. Three. Like the Rule of Threes. Like Babe Ruth. Like Dale Earnhardt. Like Dwayne Wade. Like Joe Montana at Notre Dame. And like the number of wins it will likely take in order for a team to find its way off this list before it becomes the final Bottom 10 standings for the season, forever etched in stone. Or, more realistically, forever saved on a free handout thumb drive that we received from a press junket for a since-defunct bowl game. The same one we use to keep a handful of old recipes and a list of passwords that no longer work, all stored in a folder alongside some low-res renderings of the logo for the San Jose Silicon Valley Classic.

With apologies to Tre Harris, RG3, Steven Threet and Steve Harvey, here’s the Week 11 Bottom 10.

1. Sam Houston We Have Problem (1-8)

The Bearkats kaptured their introduktory FCS viktory by konquering Kennesaw State 24-21 with a kick as the klock kounted down to the konklusion of the kontest. Per kontra, they unsukcessfully relokated from this ranking bekause Kennesaw’s only viktories on the 2023 kalendar kame against Tuskulum and Linkoln University.

2. State of Kent (1-8)

After a miserable couple of weeks of weeknight #MACtion misery, Nick Saban’s alma mater has a week off to reset to a weekend schedule and a likely Pillow Fight of the Week against Baller State on, fittingly, Week 13.

3. EC-Yew (1-8)

The Pie Rats nearly pulled off an upset of No. 24 Tulane, leading 10-0 in the first quarter before losing the map to the end zone and losing 13-10. The only group of pirates to score this little are the ones who have been trying to get that dog to hand them the keys to their Disneyland jail cell since 1967.

4. UCan’t (1-8)

The Huskies lost the $1.8 Million Paycheck Bowl to Tennessee 59-3 and now travel to undefeated James Madison for the Wait You Mean We Don’t Get A Bunch Of Money For This One, Too? Bowl.

5. Boomer Swooner (7-2)

How often does a team lock up consecutive Coveted Fifth Spots? Looking at the Bottom 10 record book, we can’t find evidence that it has happened before. OK, if we’re being honest, we couldn’t actually open the Bottom 10 record book because someone spilled a bunch of Billy Sims Barbecue Sauce all over it and the pages are stuck together. Also, we may or may not have put OU back in here because we just thought of that Swooner name and it was too good not to use.

6. Akronmonious (2-7)

The Zips celebrated last week’s Wagon Wheel victory over State of Kent by enjoying an open Saturday and then immediately traveling to Miami of Ohio for a Wednesday night matchup in which they are a 17.5-point underdog and, according to the magically and creepily accurate FPI formula, have a 6.3% chance of winning. It’s like that time I celebrated my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese, then as I walked across the parking lot afterward, was attacked by a flock of buzzards trying to take my leftover pizza.

7. ULM (pronounced “UHLM”) (2-7)

Ulm, speaking of agitated birds of prey, the, ulm, Warhawks jumped up/fell down these rankings after losing, ulm, 24-7 to another gaggle of angry birds, the then-fifth-ranked Southern Missed Golden Eagles. Now, ulm, Terry Bowden’s squad faces Troy and Ole Miss in back-to-back weeks, teams with a combined record of, ulm, 15-3. That seems ulmpossible.

8. Southern Missed (2-7)

The good news is that Southern Miss finally found its second victory of the season, snapping a seven-game losing streak that dated back to the season opener against Alcorn State. The bad news is that during the game Brett Favre went through everyone’s wallets and bought a bunch of volleyball nets.

9. Van-duh-bilt Commode Doors (2-8)

Vandy opened the season with a win over season-long Bottom 10 Wait Listers Huh-Why-Yuh, then beat Alabama A&M, which is neither the Alabama nor the A&M you’re thinking of, before losing eight straight games and landing here. Now it lands in Columbia, South Carolina, where the disappointing 3-6 Gamecocks just beat the Jacksonville State Other Gamecocks. There is no other college football team in the nation that uses Commodores, but sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans people would be willing to have a West Side Story-style dance fight in the Garment District.

10. The Pitt and the Pendulum (2-7)

So Pitt has two wins, with one victory over then-14th-ranked Louisville. That earns the Panthers this spot over Virginia, which also has two wins, with one victory over then-10th-ranked North Carolina. And they both edged out Cincinnati, which has two wins, but one of those was over Pitt. And they all are a notch above/below Pur-don’t, which has two wins, with one over Virginia Tech, which has only four wins, but one of those came against Pitt. In related news, #goacc, y’all.

Waiting List: Virginugh, the Bearcats with a “c”, Pur-do’n’t, No-vada, Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater, Muddled Tennessee, hiding poorly on the Central Michigan sideline.

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Rays’ Franco charged with gun possession in D.R.

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Rays' Franco charged with gun possession in D.R.

SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic — Tampa Bay Rays shortstop Wander Franco, who’s currently on trial on charges including sexual abuse of a minor, was charged Sunday with illegal possession of a handgun, prosecutors said.

Franco was arrested Nov. 10 in San Juan de la Maguana after an altercation in a parking lot. No one was injured during the fight, and the handgun, a semiautomatic Glock 19, was found in Franco’s vehicle, according to a statement from the Dominican Public Prosecutor’s Office.

The handgun was registered in the name of Franco’s uncle, prosecutors said in the statement. After the arrest, Antonio Garcia Lorenzo, one of Franco’s lawyers, said that because the gun was licensed, “there’s nothing illegal about it.”

Prosecutors requested that Franco stand trial on the gun charge.

When reached by ESPN on Sunday night, the Rays said they had no comment on the matter.

The 24-year-old Franco’s trial in the sexual abuse case — involving a girl who was 14 years old at the time of his alleged crimes — is ongoing. The charges in that case include sexual abuse of a minor, sexual and commercial exploitation against a minor, and human trafficking.

According to prosecutors, Franco kidnapped the girl for sexual purposes and “sent large sums of money to her mother.”

Franco, who is on supervised release, faces up to 30 years in prison if convicted.

Franco was playing his third major league season when his career was halted in August 2023 because of the allegations. He agreed to an 11-year, $182 million contract in November 2021. He is currently on Major League Baseball’s restricted list.

ESPN’s Juan Arturo Recio contributed to this report.

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Hamlin, awaiting son’s birth, wins at Michigan

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Hamlin, awaiting son's birth, wins at Michigan

BROOKLYN, Mich. – Denny Hamlin is pulling off quite a juggling act.

Hamlin outlasted the competition at Michigan International Speedway for his third NASCAR Cup Series victory of the season and 57th of his career, juggling his roles as a driver, expectant father and co-owner of a racing team that’s suing NASCAR.

“The tackle box is full,” Hamlin said Sunday. “There’s all kinds of stuff going on.”

Hamlin, in the No. 11 Toyota, went low to pass William Byron on the 197th of 200 laps and pulled away from the pack to win by more than a second over Chris Buescher.

“Just worked over the guys one by one, giving them different looks,” he said.

Ty Gibbs finished third, matching a season best, followed by Bubba Wallace and Kyle Larson.

The 44-year-old Hamlin was prepared to leave his team to join his fiancée, Jordan Fish, who is due to give birth to their third child, a boy. If she was in labor by Lap 50 or sooner at Michigan, he was prepared to leave the track.

Hamlin said he would skip next week’s race in Mexico City if necessary to witness the birth.

To add something else to Hamlin’s plate, he is also co-owner of 23XI Racing with Michael Jordan, which is involved in a lawsuit against NASCAR.

He drives for Joe Gibbs Racing, which hadn’t won at Michigan in a decade.

“I think it’s the most underrated track that we go to,” said Hamlin, who has won three times on the 2-mile oval.

Hamlin became JGR’s winningest driver, surpassing Kyle Busch‘s 56 victories, and the 10th driver in NASCAR history to win after his 700th start.

“It feels good because I’m going to hate it when I’m not at the level I’m at now,” he said. “I will certainly retire very quicky after that.”

Hamlin’s team set him up with enough fuel to win while many drivers, including Byron, ran out of gas late in the race.

“It really stings,” said Byron, the points leader, who was a season-worst 28th. “We just burned more (fuel) and not able to do much about that.”

Hamlin, meanwhile, wasn’t on empty until his celebratory burnout was cut short.

Pole-sitter Chase Briscoe was out front until Byron passed him on Lap 12. Buescher pulled ahead on Lap 36 and stayed up front to win his first stage this season.

Ryan Blaney and Chase Elliott took turns with the lead before a crash involving Alex Bowman brought out the red flag on Lap 67.

Byron took the lead again after a restart on Lap 78 as part of his strong start and surged to the front again to win the second stage.

Carson Hocevar took the lead on Lap 152 and was informed soon thereafter that he didn’t have enough fuel to finish, but that became moot because a flat tire forced him into the pits with 18 laps to go.

Hocevar faded to a 29th-place finish, a week after he was second to match a career best at Nashville, where he created a buzz with an aggressive move that knocked Ricky Stenhouse Jr. out of the race.

Rough times for Bowman

Bowman hit a wall with the front end of his No. 48 Chevrolet as part of a multi-car crash in his latest setback.

“That hurt a lot,” he said after passing a medical evaluation. “That was probably top of the board on hits I’ve taken.”

Bowman, who drives for Hendrick Motorsports, came to Michigan 12th in points and will leave lower in the standings. He has finished 27th or worse in seven of his last nine starts and didn’t finish for a third time during the tough stretch.

Reddick rallies

Defending race champion Tyler Reddick qualified 12th, but started last in the 36-car field because of unapproved adjustments and rallied to finish 13th.

Up next

NASCAR shifts to Mexico City for its first points-paying international race in modern history on June 15.

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A’s acquire Wynns from Reds; Brewers claim Avans

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A's acquire Wynns from Reds; Brewers claim Avans

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — The Athletics acquired catcher Austin Wynns from the Cincinnati Reds for cash Sunday.

In another move announced Sunday, the Milwaukee Brewers claimed outfielder Drew Avans off waivers from the Athletics and assigned him to their Triple-A Nashville affiliate.

The 34-year-old Wynns had batted .400 with a .442 on-base percentage, 3 homers and 11 RBIs in 18 games with the Reds.

He has batted .241 with a .287 on-base percentage, 16 homers and 74 RBIs in 256 career games with the Baltimore Orioles (2018-21), San Francisco Giants (2022-23), Los Angeles Dodgers (2023), Colorado Rockies (2023) and Reds (2024-25).

Avans, who turns 29 on Friday, had gone 1-for-15 in seven games with the Athletics this season. He had hit .328 with a .414 on-base percentage, 4 homers, 34 RBIs and 16 steals in 48 games with the Athletics’ Triple-A Las Vegas affiliate.

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