Connect with us

Published

on

Inspirational thought of the week:

Oh, wait a minute, mister
I didn’t even kiss her
Don’t want no trouble with you
And I know you don’t owe me
But I wish you’d let me
Ask one favor from you …

Oh, won’t you gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
Gimme three steps towards the door?
Gimme three steps, gimme three steps, mister
And you’ll never see me no more

— “Gimme Three Steps,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the track and field sprinting facility where Molly McGrath prepares to run down head coaches for postgame interviews, we are in disbelief at how little time we have left. Not on this earth. That’s too sad. But rather how little time is left in the 2023 college football season. And, well, OK, now that we think about it, yes, that’s sad, too.

There are three weekends remaining. Three. Like the Rule of Threes. Like Babe Ruth. Like Dale Earnhardt. Like Dwayne Wade. Like Joe Montana at Notre Dame. And like the number of wins it will likely take in order for a team to find its way off this list before it becomes the final Bottom 10 standings for the season, forever etched in stone. Or, more realistically, forever saved on a free handout thumb drive that we received from a press junket for a since-defunct bowl game. The same one we use to keep a handful of old recipes and a list of passwords that no longer work, all stored in a folder alongside some low-res renderings of the logo for the San Jose Silicon Valley Classic.

With apologies to Tre Harris, RG3, Steven Threet and Steve Harvey, here’s the Week 11 Bottom 10.

1. Sam Houston We Have Problem (1-8)

The Bearkats kaptured their introduktory FCS viktory by konquering Kennesaw State 24-21 with a kick as the klock kounted down to the konklusion of the kontest. Per kontra, they unsukcessfully relokated from this ranking bekause Kennesaw’s only viktories on the 2023 kalendar kame against Tuskulum and Linkoln University.

2. State of Kent (1-8)

After a miserable couple of weeks of weeknight #MACtion misery, Nick Saban’s alma mater has a week off to reset to a weekend schedule and a likely Pillow Fight of the Week against Baller State on, fittingly, Week 13.

3. EC-Yew (1-8)

The Pie Rats nearly pulled off an upset of No. 24 Tulane, leading 10-0 in the first quarter before losing the map to the end zone and losing 13-10. The only group of pirates to score this little are the ones who have been trying to get that dog to hand them the keys to their Disneyland jail cell since 1967.

4. UCan’t (1-8)

The Huskies lost the $1.8 Million Paycheck Bowl to Tennessee 59-3 and now travel to undefeated James Madison for the Wait You Mean We Don’t Get A Bunch Of Money For This One, Too? Bowl.

5. Boomer Swooner (7-2)

How often does a team lock up consecutive Coveted Fifth Spots? Looking at the Bottom 10 record book, we can’t find evidence that it has happened before. OK, if we’re being honest, we couldn’t actually open the Bottom 10 record book because someone spilled a bunch of Billy Sims Barbecue Sauce all over it and the pages are stuck together. Also, we may or may not have put OU back in here because we just thought of that Swooner name and it was too good not to use.

6. Akronmonious (2-7)

The Zips celebrated last week’s Wagon Wheel victory over State of Kent by enjoying an open Saturday and then immediately traveling to Miami of Ohio for a Wednesday night matchup in which they are a 17.5-point underdog and, according to the magically and creepily accurate FPI formula, have a 6.3% chance of winning. It’s like that time I celebrated my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese, then as I walked across the parking lot afterward, was attacked by a flock of buzzards trying to take my leftover pizza.

7. ULM (pronounced “UHLM”) (2-7)

Ulm, speaking of agitated birds of prey, the, ulm, Warhawks jumped up/fell down these rankings after losing, ulm, 24-7 to another gaggle of angry birds, the then-fifth-ranked Southern Missed Golden Eagles. Now, ulm, Terry Bowden’s squad faces Troy and Ole Miss in back-to-back weeks, teams with a combined record of, ulm, 15-3. That seems ulmpossible.

8. Southern Missed (2-7)

The good news is that Southern Miss finally found its second victory of the season, snapping a seven-game losing streak that dated back to the season opener against Alcorn State. The bad news is that during the game Brett Favre went through everyone’s wallets and bought a bunch of volleyball nets.

9. Van-duh-bilt Commode Doors (2-8)

Vandy opened the season with a win over season-long Bottom 10 Wait Listers Huh-Why-Yuh, then beat Alabama A&M, which is neither the Alabama nor the A&M you’re thinking of, before losing eight straight games and landing here. Now it lands in Columbia, South Carolina, where the disappointing 3-6 Gamecocks just beat the Jacksonville State Other Gamecocks. There is no other college football team in the nation that uses Commodores, but sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans people would be willing to have a West Side Story-style dance fight in the Garment District.

10. The Pitt and the Pendulum (2-7)

So Pitt has two wins, with one victory over then-14th-ranked Louisville. That earns the Panthers this spot over Virginia, which also has two wins, with one victory over then-10th-ranked North Carolina. And they both edged out Cincinnati, which has two wins, but one of those was over Pitt. And they all are a notch above/below Pur-don’t, which has two wins, with one over Virginia Tech, which has only four wins, but one of those came against Pitt. In related news, #goacc, y’all.

Waiting List: Virginugh, the Bearcats with a “c”, Pur-do’n’t, No-vada, Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater, Muddled Tennessee, hiding poorly on the Central Michigan sideline.

Continue Reading

Sports

MacKinnon keys Avs’ win over Stars in Game 1

Published

on

By

MacKinnon keys Avs' win over Stars in Game 1

DALLAS — Nathan MacKinnon had a part in both of Colorado’s strange goals in the second period before adding an empty-netter late as the Avalanche beat the Dallas Stars 5-1 in the opener of their first-round Western Conference playoff series Saturday night.

MacKinnon scored on a shot that deflected off Stars defenseman Ilya Lyubushkin, and knuckled past goalie Jake Oettinger late in the second period. That came during an extended power play, a double minor against the Stars after he took a high stick to the face.

That came after MacKinnon’s assist midway through the second period on a goal by Artturi Lehkonen, who was following his initial shot and falling down after a collision in front of the net when the puck ricocheted off his lower left leg into the top corner of the net. The play was reviewed and officials ruled that there was no kicking motion by Lehkonen while tumbling to the ice with Mavrik Bourque.

“He was really good tonight,” Avalanche coach Jared Bednar said. “You know, like, obviously they’re going to key on him — like we do on some of their players — but really strong defensive game from him. And obviously, his get-up-and-go on the offensive side of it, he’s making plays all night. I thought that line was dangerous.”

There wasn’t much Oettinger could do on either of those goals as the Stars lost Game 1 in their eighth consecutive series in the NHL playoffs since 2022. They are 0-7 in series openers under coach Pete DeBoer, six of those coming at home. DeBoer saw progress, however, calling the effort Saturday night “the best game we’ve played in 3-4 weeks.”

Devon Toews gave Colorado a 3-1 lead with 7:04 left. MacKinnon’s empty-net tally for his 50th career playoff goal came with 3:08 left, 11 seconds before Charlie Coyle scored.

This series-opening loss for the Stars came after they finished the regular season on an 0-5-2 stretch that included four losses at home after being 28-5-3 before that.

Game 2 is Monday night in Dallas, before the series shifts to Denver.

Mackenzie Blackwood stopped 23 shots in his first career playoff game.

It was pretty special,” Blackwood said. “I’ve been waiting to play in the playoffs for a long time and it was great to finally get my first one.”

Blackwood was one of 11 players who have seen action since being acquired through Colorado’s eight in-season trades. Those deals included the Avalanche trading Mikko Rantanen on Jan. 24 to Carolina in the East. He played only 13 games before a deadline deal March 7 sent him back to the Central Division with the Stars and included an eight-year, $96 million contract extension.

Rantanen, who had 101 points (34 goals, 67 assists) in 81 playoff games for the Avalanche, had three shots and one block over 18 minutes in his postseason debut with the Stars.

Oettinger had 19 saves, three when Colorado had a two-man advantage in the first period when Cale Makar drew two tripping penalties only 36 seconds apart from each other.

Roope Hintz, who had the penalty against MacKinnon, trimmed the Stars’ deficit to 2-1 on his goal with 13:15 left in the game, just before the end of a power play and about a minute after DeBoer called a timeout.

Bednar got his 50th playoff win with the Avs — in his 82nd postseason game, equal to a full regular season. That broke a tie with Bob Hartley for the most wins by a coach in franchise history. Both won Stanley Cups — Bednar in 2022 and Hartley in 2001.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Continue Reading

Sports

‘Incredible third period’ rescues Jets in Game 1

Published

on

By

'Incredible third period' rescues Jets in Game 1

WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Kyle Connor‘s one-timer with 1:36 remaining in the third period snapped a 3-3 tie, and the No. 1 seed Winnipeg Jets survived a Game 1 scare — and some shaky goaltending from Connor Hellebuyck — to post a 5-3 victory over the St. Louis Blues in the opener of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Connor also contributed a pair of assists and captain Adam Lowry capped the victory with an empty-netter with 53 seconds left, much to the delight of the “whiteout” full house of 15,225 fans at the Canada Life Centre.

“There were some emotional swings. Obviously, we didn’t get off to the start we wanted,” Lowry said during his postgame bench interview, aired on the arena’s jumbotron. “But what an incredible third period, what an incredible atmosphere. And we’re real happy with the result.”

Game 2 in the best-of-seven series is Monday in Winnipeg, and the home team knows it will need a more complete effort in their own zone if it is to gain a 2-0 series lead. Hellebuyck made 14 saves en route to the win, but in allowing three goals in the first two periods, he finished with a concerning .824 save percentage.

But Mark Scheifele had a goal and two assists and Jaret Anderson-Dolan also scored for the Jets, who won the Presidents’ Trophy for the NHL’s best regular-season record (56-22-4). With his three points, Scheifele became the Jets’ all-time leader in playoff points with 41.

“It’s obviously really cool,” Scheifele said of the record. “To do it in front of the fans tonight was pretty special. That was a fun game to be a part of.”

Jordan Kyrou gave the Blues a 3-2 lead with a power-play goal early in the second period, but Winnipeg’s top-line winger Alex Iafallo tied it at 9:18 of the third.

Robert Thomas also scored on the power play for St. Louis. Oskar Sundqvist added one at even strength and Justin Faulk had two assists.

Jordan Binnington stopped 21 shots for St. Louis, which grabbed the Western Conference’s final wild-card spot with a final-game victory.

St. Louis outshot the Jets 9-7 in the opening period, and dished out 32 hits to Winnipeg’s 14, as the teams hit the locker room tied at 2-2.

The Blues came out of the first intermission and used the power play for Kyrou’s goal at 1:13 and a 3-2 lead. It extended his season-ending point streak to four goals and two assists in four games.

“Overall, I thought it was a really good hockey game, but we are going to grow and we are going to get better,” Blues coach Jim Montgomery said. “That’s what we’re going to have to do. … We’ve got a lot of young guys playing in their first game in the Stanley Cup playoffs. That’s why I know we will get better.”

Winnipeg couldn’t capitalize on its early third-period man advantage but came close when Binnington denied Connor on a one-timer.

After Lowry’s goal, players paired up for some fighting with 19 seconds left after a regular-season series that Winnipeg won 3-1.

“That’s playoff hockey,” Hellebuyck said. “You have to play ’till the last minute, the last second. You know, it was a lot of fun, the guys were buzzing out there. I didn’t get a whole lot of action in the third. But it was really fun to watch and be a part of it.”

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Continue Reading

Sports

Yanks’ Williams blows 4-run lead; ERA up to 9.00

Published

on

By

Yanks' Williams blows 4-run lead; ERA up to 9.00

TAMPA, Fla. — Three-and-a-half weeks into his New York Yankees career, Devin Williams doesn’t resemble the All-Star closer who dominated hitters with the Milwaukee Brewers.

Brandon Lowe tied the score with a two-run single in a four-run ninth inning off Williams, Jonathan Aranda hit a two-run homer in the 10th against Yoendrys Gomez, and the Tampa Bay Rays beat the Yankees 10-8 on Saturday to stop New York’s five-game winning streak.

“Yeah, four-run lead, you’d like to get in and get out,” Williams said. “Made some good pitches; made some bad ones. Not enough good ones today.”

Williams has a 9.00 ERA and has allowed runs in four of nine appearances. While he has four saves in four chances, Williams has walked seven in eight innings, and opponents have a .333 average against him.

“We got a long way to go,” Yankees manager Aaron Boone said of Williams. “It’s a little bump here early, and he’s got all the equipment to get through it.”

Luke Weaver, who struck out two in a perfect eighth, could become an increasingly enticing option to replace Williams as closer. After thriving when he took over the closer role from Clay Holmes late last season, Weaver has not allowed a run in 11 innings over nine games this year and has given up just two hits while striking out 13 and walking five.

Acquired in December from Milwaukee for left-hander Nestor Cortes and infield prospect Caleb Durbin, Williams can become a free agent after the season.

Williams converted 14 of 15 save chances with a 1.25 ERA for the Brewers last year, striking out 38 and walking 11 in 21⅔ innings. Diagnosed during 2024 spring training with two stress fractures in his back, he didn’t make his season debut until July 28.

Given an 8-4 lead, Williams allowed Jose Caballero‘s one-out single on a chopper as third baseman Oswaldo Cabrera made a high throw, for an error, then walked No. 9 batter Ben Rortvedt. Chandler Simpson hit an opposite-field RBI double to left for his first big league hit, Yandy Diaz hit a run-scoring infield single and Lowe singled to left.

“A lot of soft contact,” Boone said.

Williams allowed the hits to Caballero, Diaz and Lowe on his changeup, known as an airbender.

“Just the changeup to Lowe. I’d like to have that one back,” Williams said. “Tough luck on that double down the line, but aside from that, I thought I threw the ball pretty well.”

Williams generated just one swing-and-miss among his seven changeups.

“Maybe using it too much,” he said. “We’ll work on that.”

Continue Reading

Trending