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Inspirational thought of the week:

On my wall lies a photograph of you
Though I try to forget you somehow
You’re the mirror of my soul, so take me out of my hole
Let me try to go on living right now
Don’t forget to remember me
And the love that used to be
I still remember you
In my heart lies a memory to tell the stars above
Don’t forget to remember me, my love

“Don’t Forget to Remember,” Bee Gees

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in a corner of the way-too-crowded Auburn University counseling office waiting room, we are in that facility not because our team just lost the Iron Bowl with a 99.9% chance of victory with 43 seconds remaining, but because the clock has ticked away on the end of another college football regular season.

Once again, we assembled our Bottom 10 Selection Committee to help sort out the final rankings. This year’s gathering was another star-studded affair. We had our usual list of longtime panelists, including me, Captain Morgan and former head coaches Ed Orgeron, Jerry Glanville, Bob Stoops and Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero.

However, we lost some members with Charlie Weis hanging out with his son at Ole Miss and Dan Mullen taking a TV job. So we replaced them with Mike Riley and Bo Pelini. We also invited Jimbo Fisher, but the only response we received was a selfie of him posing with a 10-point buck while standing atop a pile of money like he was Richie Rich.

As per usual, we met not at the posh Gaylord Texan, where the hoity-toity College Football Playoff people hang out, but in an RV that we drove into the resort parking lot, so we could tailgate and catcall the CFP snobs as we deep-fried chicken thighs and watched Orgeron do shirtless pushups.

The problem was we partied a little too hard. Glanville started doing donuts in the RV, Coach O got into a fight with a Gaylord security guard and the rest of us fled the scene, nearly running over Heather Dinich as she did “SportsCenter” live shots from the CFP meetings. In other words, our exit looked like Oklahoma trying to make its final Big 12 entrance last weekend.

With our committee now more scattered than a midweek #MACtion home crowd, we once again leaned on our Bottom 10 FPI formula. No, not the ESPN Football Power Index, but rather the Faux Pas Index.

It’s simple really. And by simple, we mean totally convoluted. Teams receive one point for each win, minus one point for each loss, minus one point for each loss of their longest losing streak of the year, plus a minus-10 bonus if that streak is active. We also subtract the number of points they surrendered from the number of points they scored, subtract or add points based on turnover margin, subtract their Weakness of Schedule (WoS) ranking and throw in a 50-point reduction if they have fired their head coach this season, aka the Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus. Divide that by the number of games played, and there’s your Bottom 10 FPI score.

So, with apologies to Pythagoras, Terry Tao, John Nash, former LSU running back Ken Addy and Steve Harvey, here’s the math-powered final Bottom 10 standings for 2023.

1. State of Kent (1-11)

Wins: +1
Losses: -11
Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10)
116 points for, 268 points against: -152
Turnover margin: -3
WoS: -119
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -303
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -25.25

Nick Saban’s alma mater finishes the season as the nation’s only 11-loss team. Saban has also lost 11 times … since 2014.

2. ULM (pronounced “UHLM”) (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -10 (current -10)
161 points for, 310 points against: -149
Turnover margin: +1
WoS: -74
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -300
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -25

Ulm, the Warhawks nearly, ulm, pulled off the ulmpset of Kent by, ulm, ending the season on an, ulm, 10-game losing streak and then, ulm, firing Terry Bowden to grab that 50-point FPI bonus. Instead, they’ve lost this competition too and will, ulm, have to settle for finishing last in the Sulmbelt.

3. UMess (3-9)

Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -7
278 points for, 454 points against: -176
Turnover margin: -1
WoS: -82
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -272
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -22.7

The Minuetmen spent most of this season wandering in the woods around these rankings before making like the militia at Lexington and Concord and suddenly popping up out of nowhere to crash the party. The final charge fired from their muskets was last weekend’s loss in the New England Wicked Smaht Pillow Fight of Da Freaking Week against their hated neighbors from UCan’t. And by final charge fired from their muskets, we mean misfired, blowing their tricorn hats off in a cloud of black smoke like that renown American patriot Elmer Fudd.

4. Temple of Doom (3-9)

Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -5
174 points for, 321 points against: -147
Turnover margin: -20
WoS: -87
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -265
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -22.1

Speaking of Bottom 10 party crashers, the Bowels won only once over their past nine games to freefall into this room like Tom Cruise in “Mission Impossible” but if someone had replaced his ropes and cables with silly string. Speaking of dropping stuff, Temple led the nation in turnover margin at -20, three more than any other team in the land. In related news, my cousin Earl, who is a member of the Shrine Club Temple of Eastern North Carolina, led the nation in turnovers consumed at our Thanksgiving dessert table.

5. O-Hi-No (11-1)

Ryan Day is now 56-7 at Ohio State but 1-3 against Michigan. On the flip side, Jim Harbaugh was 0-5 against Ohio State, but has won the past three. But if Harbaugh was actually stealing signs in the first two wins and not in the building for the third, does that mean he is actually 0-5? And that Day is actually 1-0? And if those games are taken off the board by the NCAA, then did they ever actually happen? Were those people ever actually there? If Michigan goes on to win it all, does the final four-team CFP actually matter? And have I actually already watched “Love, Actually” too much, even though Christmas is actually a month away and thus I can’t stop using the word actually?

6. Akronmonious (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -6
120 points for, 227 points against: -107
Turnover margin: -9
WoS: -126
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -256
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -21.3

Temple fans might be outraged here because Akron lost head-to-head to the Owls 24-21 back in Week 1 and so, in theory, should be ranked behind the Zips instead of ahead of them. Our response to that would be: 1. The Bottom 10 FPI math is what it is. 2. If you are outraged over the Bottom 10 rankings, then you need to seek help, like perhaps from a coach who can teach you how to hang on to the football. And 3. Hey, Kevin Negandhi, we know that user @GoOwlsMcGeeSux on social media is actually you. You used your “SportsCenter” headshot as your avatar.

7. Van-duh-bilt Commode Doors (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -10 (current -10)
135 points for, 317 points against: -182
Turnover margin: -3
WoS: -19
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -232
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -19.3

The only team in these rankings to crack the top 70 in Weakness of Schedule also played its entire season in half of a football stadium. So, in its defense, it is difficult enough to navigate one’s ship through the SEC, but it is clearly impossible to do so when there is nowhere to get dressed or go to the potty.

8. UTEPid (3-9)

Wins: +3
Losses: -9
Longest losing streak: -4
166 points for, 214 points against: -48
Turnover margin: -6
WoS: -105
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50
Total: -219
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -18.25

Our old friends from the stadium atop the mountain with a view of Ciudad Juarez hadn’t been in these standings all season. But the Minors made a major late push, thanks to a loss to then-top/bottom ranked Sam Houston We Have A Problem and then the firing of coach Dana Dimel, who led UTEP to the 2018 Bottom 10 title, then four years later led them into a bowl. This year he led them into a hole.

9. No-vada (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -6
140 points for, 236 points against: -96
Turnover margin: -4
WoS: -94
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -208
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -17.3

The Woof Pack won two games all season, back-to-back victories over San Diego Stank and New Mexico Not New Mexico State. In the weeks since, Aztecs head coach Brady Hoke announced his retirement and New Mexico fired Danny Gonzalez. Heads up, Brady and Danny, it’s certainly not the first time that a Reno establishment has altered the handling of someone’s retirement fund.

10. EC-Yew (2-10)

Wins: +2
Losses: -10
Longest losing streak: -5
120 points for, 165 points against: -45
Turnover margin: -5
WoS: -72
Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: n/a
Total: -135
Games played: 12
Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -11.25

The Pie Rats posted a surprisingly low Bottom 10 FPI number. That’s fitting. Because their offense has been posting surprisingly low numbers all season long.

Waiting list: Charlotte 3-and-9ers, the Pitt and the Pendulum, Bailer, Sin-suh-natty, Indiana Who’s Yours?, Sam Houston We Have a Problem, Fa-La-La-La-La Tech, UCan’t, Stanfird, Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater, Southern Missed, the end of another regular season … boo.

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Oilers ‘reset,’ handle Stars for 2-1 series lead

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Oilers 'reset,' handle Stars for 2-1 series lead

EDMONTON, Alberta — Zach Hyman had two goals and an assist, Connor McDavid also had a two-goal outing and the Edmonton Oilers took a 2-1 lead in their Western Conference final series with a 6-1 victory over the Dallas Stars on Sunday.

Evan Bouchard, with a goal and an assist, and John Klingberg also scored for the Oilers. Ryan Nugent-Hopkins added three assists.

Stuart Skinner made 33 saves in the Edmonton net to improve to 4-4 in the postseason this year, his first victory in the playoffs that wasn’t a shutout.

“We had a bit of a dip, they had a bit of push,” Nugent-Hopkins said of the Stars’ play in the second period, lauding Skinner for keeping the team in it. “He stepped up big time for us, and made some big saves. You need your goalies to do that.”

The Oilers have won two straight since their third-period collapse in Game 1 in Dallas, and improved to 10-3 in the postseason since dropping the first two games of their first-round series vs. the Los Angeles Kings.

Jason Robertson scored for the Stars, who are hoping to avoid being knocked out in the third round by the Oilers for a second consecutive season.

“They were definitely the better team in the second period,” Skinner said of the Stars. “And we kind of knew that going into the third. So, we just had to reset.”

Jake Oettinger stopped 18 shots in Dallas’ net, falling to 5-10 in his career in West final contests.

Game 4 will be in Edmonton on Tuesday.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

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U.S. wins 1st worlds in 92 years, honors Gaudreau

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U.S. wins 1st worlds in 92 years, honors Gaudreau

STOCKHOLM — Buffalo Sabres star forward Tage Thompson scored the winner 2:02 into overtime, and Team USA outlasted Switzerland 1-0 in the final of the ice hockey world championship at Avicii Arena on Sunday.

It is the first on-ice trophy for USA Hockey in this tournament in 92 years, after the Americans brought it home back in 1933. And it was an emotional one. As Team USA posed for its championship photo at center ice, players held up a No. 13 jersey of Johnny Gaudreau, the former NHL and USA Hockey star forward who died tragically last August when he and his brother, Matthew, were hit by an allegedly drunken and enraged driver as they cycled at night in New Jersey.

Thompson, who had 44 goals and 72 points with the Sabres this season, is hoping to polish off his resume for a spot on the U.S. roster for the 2026 Olympics, and he’s off to a great start. A Team USA reserve for the 4 Nations Face-Off in February who did not suit up, Thompson made the most of his time playing with a host of young NHL forwards who either did not make, or have been eliminated from, the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Thompson’s shot, off passes from Utah Hockey Club forward Logan Cooley and Nashville Predators defenseman Brady Skjei, flew past the blocker of Swiss goaltender Leonardo Genoni, ending a dramatic but tight title game. Team USA outshot Switzerland 40-25.

Boston Bruins goaltender Jeremy Swayman capped off the shutout in the final, finishing with 25 saves a year after his NHL teammate, David Pastrnak led the Czech Republic to this same title.

“We did it, the wait is over,” Swayman said in a post to USA Hockey fans on the organization’s social media platforms. “Thanks for sticking along with us. It’s going to be a great summer.”

The Americans were also formally awarded the title in 1960 when they won the Olympic tournament and the worlds did not take place. But they hadn’t won it on the ice in more than nine decades.

The Swiss played without injured star center Nico Hischier, the captain of the New Jersey Devils. After the loss, Genoni was named the tournament’s MVP.

Earlier Sunday, Sweden defeated Denmark 6-2 in the bronze medal game. Calgary Flames center Mikael Backlund and Minnesota Wild forward Marcus Johansson scored two goals each for the hosts, marking the second-straight third-place finish for Sweden. The fourth-place result was the best-ever finish for Denmark.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

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Edmonton takes control over Stars: Game 3 grades, takeaways

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Edmonton takes control over Stars: Game 3 grades, takeaways

While fans in Edmonton and Dallas are always singing about how they have friends in low places, only one of them has the high ground in the Western Conference finals. And that’s the Oilers after their 6-1 win Sunday in Game 3 to take a 2-1 series lead.

With the series tied heading into Sunday, the objective for Game 3 was to gain a firm grasp of the conference finals, and the Oilers did just that by having five players with multipoint performances. As for the Stars, losing Game 3 left them trailing a series for the second time this postseason, with the only other such occurrence coming after Game 1 against the Colorado Avalanche in the first round.

Now that the Oilers are in control of the series, what does it mean for them going forward? What must the Stars do differently ahead of Game 4 for them to return home tied rather than a game away from elimination? Ryan S. Clark and Greg Wyshynski examine those questions while delving into what lies ahead for two teams that not only faced each other in the conference finals last season but between them have been involved in every conference final since 2020.

Edmonton Oilers
Grade: A

Much could change between now and whenever the playoffs end. But for now, the argument could be made that this was the most important playoff game the Oilers have had this postseason.

The Oilers have had numerous strong performances, such as Game 3 against the Los Angeles Kings in the first round or their final two games against the Vegas Golden Knights in the conference semifinals. But what made the Oilers’ performance in Game 3 against Dallas arguably their most important was that they found a balance between being difficult in the defensive zone while not relying on a shutout to accomplish that objective.

The Stars finished with 37 shots, 13 high-danger chances in 5-on-5 play and scored only once. Connor McDavid has repeatedly stressed that the Oilers can play defense, and that has been made clear over their past five games. But Sunday proved they didn’t need Stuart Skinner or their defensive structure to blank an opponent to win. — Ryan S. Clark

Dallas Stars
Grade: C+

The final score doesn’t reflect the majority of this game, which Dallas coach Pete DeBoer can mine for positives among the many (many) negatives and some mitigating circumstances. Having Roope Hintz warm up but not be able to go because of the foot injury he suffered from a Darnell Nurse slash in Game 2? That’s deflating. Having the on-ice officials miss a delay of game call on Brett Kulak in the first period only to have Evan Bouchard open the scoring 10 seconds later? Also deflating.

So it’s to the Stars’ credit that they got to their game at 5-on-5 in Game 3 better than they have in any game of the series, at least before Edmonton ran up the score in the third. The results weren’t there and a loss is a loss — and a loss by this margin is difficult to stomach — but their second period and the performances from some of their slumbering depth players give the Stars at least a glimmer.

However, there’s no question Edmonton has this thing in well in-hand and the Stars have to find a way to solve Skinner, which is not something I thought I’d be writing at this stage of the postseason. — Greg Wyshynski


Three Stars of Game 3

Two goals and an assist for his seventh career multigoal playoff game. Hyman’s second goal was the Oilers’ fourth off the rush, the most in one game by any team this postseason. Hyman also was plus-5 Sunday.

Bouchard scored his sixth goal of the postseason and these two were on the ice for the first two Edmonton goals. At 5-on-5 this postseason, the Oilers are outscoring their opponents 7-1, and 5-0 in this series, when Bouchard and Kulak are on the ice.

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0:48

Connor McDavid restores Oilers’ 2-goal lead

Connor McDavid finds the back of the net to restore the Oilers’ two-goal lead vs. the Stars.

3. Connor McDavid
C, Oilers

For all the talk about the lack of goals from the best hockey player in the world (which was odd because he had 20 points in 13 games and was a plus-7 entering Game 3 despite having only three goals), McDavid punched out a pair of tucks for his sixth career multigoal playoff game. Also, seeing McDavid with the puck barreling toward the net on a 3-on-1 is nightmare fuel for opponents. — Arda Ɩcal


Players to watch in Game 4

Zach Hyman
LW, Oilers

To go from 16 goals last postseason to just three goals entering Game 3 of the conference finals is one way to assess Hyman. Another is to realize that he’s been the most physical player on a team that is among the tallest and heaviest in the NHL.

Hyman came into Game 3 leading the NHL with 99 hits. He remained physical Sunday by leading the way with six hits in a game that saw the Oilers continue their punishing style with 47. But to then see Hyman score two goals and finish with three points in addition to that physicality? It once again adds to the narrative that the Oilers might not only have more dimensions than last year’s team, they could be better than the team that finished Stanley Cup runner-up in 2024. — Clark

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0:53

Zach Hyman’s 2nd goal puts Oilers up 4

Zach Hyman taps home his second goal of the game to put the Oilers up 5-1 vs. the Stars.

This is the first two-game losing streak for the Dallas goaltender in the playoffs. A lot of what happened in Game 3 wasn’t necessarily on him — a Connor McDavid beauty and a Zach Hyman breakaway were among the Edmonton tallies — but outside of the third period of Game 1, he’s not been a difference-maker in this series. Oettinger came into the game leading the playoffs with 5.58 goals saved above expected, according to Stathletes. The Stars have been able to depend on him as a slump-breaker. But this is his third game with a save percentage south of .900 in the series. As the Stars try to build on some positives from this game, they need Otter to provide the foundation for it — and in the process, silence those “U.S. backup!” chants from the Oilers fans. — Wyshynski


Big questions for Game 4

Are the Oilers about to do to the Stars what they did to the Golden Knights?

Simply put, the Oilers are where hope goes to die. Teams in a championship window that have yet to win a title are always being judged on their evolution. What the Oilers did to the Stars a year ago in the conference finals by winning the last three games showed that they could close out a series after trailing. This postseason Edmonton has shown a calculated and methodical coldness when it comes to putting away opponents.

The Golden Knights won Game 3 on a last-second goal to create the belief they may have found an opening. They didn’t score again for the rest of the playoffs after being in the top five of goals per game throughout the regular season. Breaking out for six goals to open the series seemed to be a sign the Stars may have found an opening. Since then? They’ve scored only once in the last six periods while facing questions about what’s happened to another team that went from being in the top five in goals per game in the regular season. — Clark

Can Dallas make Edmonton uncomfortable at all?

Our colleague Mark Messier made this point between periods of Game 3: The Stars have yet to do anything to get McDavid or Leon Draisaitl off their games. That extends to the rest of the Oilers. Outside of an anomalous run of three power-play goals in the third period of Game 1, there have been precious few instances of the Stars carrying play for long stretches or putting a scare into Edmonton at 5-on-5.

They had that for a bit in Game 3 with a dominant second period: plus-14 in shot attempts, plus-11 in scoring chances and a 10-1 advantage in high-danger shot attempts. But they were digging out of a 2-0 hole, only managed to get one goal of their own on the board and then McDavid stuck a dagger in them with 19 seconds left in the second.

The Stars need a lead. They need zone time. They need to get their rush game going: Skinner had a .897 save percentage on shots off the rush entering the game. Edmonton is playing with a champion’s confidence. Dallas has to find a way to inject a little doubt into its opponent or this series is going to end quickly. — Wyshynski

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