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There are days left until Christmas and once again, despite promising yourself you wouldn’t let your festive responsibilities creep up on you this time, you’ve left everything to the last minute.

No presents bought, turkey unordered – few things are as stressful as finding yourself unprepared for the big day.

But perhaps help has never been easier to come by. After all, if AI really is going to take all our jobs, then surely it should handle the pressure of Christmas planning?

In case you find yourself with the love and respect of your friends and family on the line, I decided to lean on some of the internet’s top AI tools to see if they could help salvage the big day at short notice.

Present ideas

ChatGPT was my choice for present ideas, concentrating on my immediate family.

Setting the budget at £50 a person, I told it my dad loves Arsenal, golf, and gadgets; mum enjoys cooking, cats, and arts and crafts; and my sister is obsessed with Taylor Swift.

For dad, it recommended Arsenal merch like a scarf, mug, or keychain, golf accessories like “a new set of golf balls, golf gloves or a golf towel”, or a “cool gadget” like a smartphone stand for his desk.

Rather dull suggestions, and “cool” is doing a lot of heavy lifting, but nothing offensive. I could work with it.

For mum, how about some “quality cooking utensils or gadgets”? Maybe a sketchbook or knitting materials? Or how about finding her a “cute cat-themed apron or a cat-shaped cutting board”?

And for the ultimate Swiftie, I was told to consider her latest album or concert tickets “if she has a tour coming up”.

Taytay tickets for £50? Not in your wildest dreams.

Taylor Swift performs at the Monumental stadium during her Eras Tour concert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Thursday, Nov. 9, 2023. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko)

When and where to buy

Sticking with ChatGPT, I asked for some shopping tips.

It didn’t get off to a great start, suggesting I indulge in Black Friday sales weeks after they’d finished.

But it said “many retailers have pre-Christmas sales and promotions in early to mid-December” too, and some “may offer last-minute discounts as Christmas approaches”.

“Consider shopping during off-peak hours or days to avoid crowds,” it added, and check online delivery times.

In terms of retailers, ChatGPT recommended Amazon, Etsy, Not On The High Street, Sports Direct and H&M, and encouraged exploring local book and craft shops.

Department stores like John Lewis and M&S were also proposed.

Personalised cards

Given my complete lack of creative talent, I thought AI might have the perfect chance to shine by making some personalised cards.

I used popular image generators Stable Diffusion and DALL-E 3.

For my sister, I asked Stable Diffusion to “design me a Christmas card cover featuring Taylor Swift holding up a boom box outside a girl’s bedroom window on a snowy evening singing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You'”.

Stable Diffusion's Taylor Swift Christmas card

These tools are known to struggle with hands and fingers and while this fake Taylor’s left hand looks OK, her right hand… not so much.

There’s also an unsettling nutcracker quality to her agape jaw.

I used DALL-E 3 to make a card for my nan.

I asked it for a one “featuring an elderly lady making her way through a big box of chocolates, and while watching ballroom dancing” (it refused to acknowledge Strictly).

DALL-E 3's AI Christmas card

It certainly took the “big” requirement very seriously.

And for maximum efficiency, I asked both to have a go at an Arsenal card I could send to a few friends.

“Design me a Christmas card cover featuring Arsenal players Gabriel Jesus, Bukayo Saka, and Martin Odegaard in Arsenal-themed Christmas jumpers delivering presents to Mikel Arteta outside the Emirates Stadium,” I wrote.

Who’s who is anyone’s guess – and DALL-E 3 made a rather embarrassing typo.

DALL-E 3's Arsenal Christmas card
Image:
The typo was made by an AI…

Stable Diffusion's Arsenal Christmas card
Image:
…and Stable Diffusion’s effort

Menu planning

I got Google‘s Bard to plan dinner.

We’ll have three meat eaters and two vegetarians to look after, and – given this is all very last minute – I told it no supermarket for miles had any turkeys left.

I also asked for a recipe for some Christmas gingerbread biscuits.

BARD’S GINGERBREAD RECIPE – THE INGREDIENTS

  • 350g plain flour
  • One teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
  • Two teaspoons ground ginger
  • One teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 125g butter, cut into cubes
  • 175g dark muscovado sugar
  • 75g golden syrup
  • One egg, lightly beaten
  • Royal icing, for decorating (optional)

Suggested appetisers were butternut squash soup and mini quiches with bacon, cheddar, and caramelised onions.

For the main, it was either herb-roasted rack of lamb with roasted root vegetables or stuffed portobello mushrooms filled with quinoa, roasted veg, and herbs.

Sides were to be shared: mashed potatoes with roasted garlic and thyme (mash with Christmas dinner?!), sauteed Brussels sprouts with bacon, and cranberry sauce.

And it’s sticky toffee pudding for dessert.

BARD’S GINGERBREAD RECIPE – THE INSTRUCTIONS

  • Preheat the oven to 180C (160C fan) and line two baking trays with parchment paper
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, bicarbonate of soda, ginger, and cinnamon
  • Rub in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs
  • Stir in the sugar, golden syrup, and egg until a dough forms
  • Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and chill in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes
  • On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough to a thickness of about 5mm
  • Cut out shapes using gingerbread cutters or other cookie cutters
  • Place the biscuits on the prepared baking trays and bake for 10-12 minutes, or until golden brown
  • Allow the biscuits to cool on the baking trays for a few minutes before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely

Fun and games

Some games to play at the dinner table was my next request.

Bard recommended Two Truths And A Lie, I Spy, The Name Game, Heads Up, and Scattergories.

Heads Up even came with a cheeky link to the app on the Google Play Store.

“The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the time with your family and friends,” it added.

Bard, you are hopelessly naive.

CHATGPT’S SUGGESTED CHRISTMAS WATCHLIST

  • It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
  • A Christmas Carol (1984)
  • Home Alone (1990)
  • Elf (2003)
  • The Polar Express (2004)
  • The Grinch (2000)
  • Love Actually (2003)
  • The Holiday (2006)

Festive tunes

Given one of the big talking points of the year has been the threat AI poses to the arts, I thought I’d explore whether Mariah Carey has anything to worry about by requesting a new Christmas song.

Lyrics were written by ChatGPT, which I asked for a song about the role AI could play at Christmas.

AN AI CHRISTMAS BALLAD

In a world of lights and snow, where the holiday spirits grow,
There’s a tale of tech and cheer, a Christmas story we hold dear.
Underneath the mistletoe, where joy and wonder freely flow,
A new companion joins the scene, it’s AI, the festive dream.

Oh, AI Christmas, bright and smart,
Spreading joy in every part.
Bytes of love and lines of code,
In this season, we all download.

Santa’s sleigh now with a twist, guided by algorithms’ bliss,
AI elves in the workshop sing, crafting toys that dreams will bring.
Through the web, a virtual tree, ornaments in binary glee,
Lights of data softly hum, a carol in the cyber drum.

Oh, AI Christmas, bright and smart,
Spreading joy in every part.
Bytes of love and lines of code,
In this season, we all download.

Machine learning in the air, predicting wishes everywhere,
Naughty or nice, it understands, with circuits spun by nimble hands.
The warmth of ones and zeros glow, in this techy festive show,
A silicon heart, so pure and true, Christmas miracles it can do.

Family calls across the globe, through video calls, we share the strobe,
AI, a virtual friend so dear, bringing those we love so near.
In every pixel, love extends, transcending where the circuit bends,
A Christmas hug in binary, connecting hearts so seamlessly.

Oh, AI Christmas, bright and smart,
Spreading joy in every part.
Bytes of love and lines of code,
In this season, we all download.

So in this yuletide, let us find, in AI’s embrace, peace of mind,
A Christmas future, bright and new, where technology and love break through.
In the glow of screens agleam, Merry Christmas, in the digital dream.

I don’t know about you, but I think Mariah’s job is definitely safe.

To be fair, ChatGPT is a fan.

Asked for some songs to build a Christmas playlist, she came out top of the pile, with Wham, Bobby Helms, Jose Feliciano, and Dean Martin rounding out its favourite five.

A perfect Christmas if ever I heard one.

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Getir quits UK with multimillion pound Tottenham Hotspur debt

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Getir quits UK with multimillion pound Tottenham Hotspur debt

Getir, the grocery delivery app which this month confirmed plans to exit the UK, has an outstanding debt to Tottenham Hotspur Football Club running to millions of pounds.

Sky News understands that Turkey-based Getir, whose three-year training kit sponsorship deal with Spurs expired at the end of the Premier League season on Sunday, owes close to £5m to the club.

News of the outstanding debt comes as Getir tries to access a tranche of agreed funding from major investors Mubadala and G Squared to help facilitate its withdrawal from the UK, Germany and the Netherlands.

It was unclear this weekend whether the delivery app, which means “to bring” in Turkish, has the means to settle its financial obligations to Spurs.

The company once attained a valuation of almost £10bn, but has been forced by its deteriorating finances to retrench back to its home market, in the process axing thousands of jobs.

Its withdrawal from the UK has put about 1,500 jobs at risk, Sky News revealed earlier this month.

Companies such as Getir were big winners during the pandemic, attracting funding at astronomical valuations.

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Its decline highlights the slumping valuations of technology companies once-hailed as the new titans of food retailing.

Many of its rivals have already gone bust, while others have been swallowed up as part of a desperate wave of consolidation.

Getir itself bought Gorillas in a $1.2bn stock-based deal that closed in December 2022.

Getir and Tottenham Hotspur both declined to comment.

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Sir Jim Ratcliffe scolds Tories over handling of economy and immigration after Brexit

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Sir Jim Ratcliffe scolds Tories over handling of economy and immigration after Brexit

Billionaire Sir Jim Ratcliffe has told Sky News that Britain is ready for a change of government after scolding the Conservatives over their handling of the economy and immigration after Brexit.

While insisting his petrochemicals conglomerate INEOS is apolitical, Sir Jim backed Brexit and spent last weekend with Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer at Manchester United – the football club he now runs as minority owner.

“I’m sure Keir will do a very good job at running the country – I have no questions about that,” Sir Jim said in an exclusive interview.

“There’s no question that the Conservatives have had a good run,” he added. “I think most of the country probably feels it’s time for a change. And I sort of get that, really.”

Politics live: ‘We are in existential battle’ over world order, defence secretary warns

Sir Jim was a prominent backer of leaving the European Union in the 2016 referendum but now has issues with how Brexit was delivered by Tory prime ministers.

“Brexit sort of unfortunately didn’t turn out as people anticipated because… Brexit was largely about immigration,” Sir Jim said.

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“That was the biggest component of that vote. People were getting fed up with the influx of the city of Southampton coming in every year. I think last year it was two times Southampton.

“I mean, no small island like the UK could cope with vast numbers of people coming into the UK.

“I mean, it just overburdens the National Health Service, the traffic service, the police, everybody.

“The country was designed for 55 or 60 million people and we’ve got 70 million people and all the services break down as a consequence.

“That’s what Brexit was all about and nobody’s implemented that. They just keep talking about it. But nothing’s been done, which is why I think we’ll finish up with the change of government.”

Read more:
Sir Jim’s mission to succeed at ‘the one challenge the UK has never brought home’

UK needs to get ‘sharper on the business front’

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has indicated an election is due this year but Monaco-based Sir Jim is unimpressed by the Conservatives’ handling of the economy.

“The UK does need to get a bit sharper on the business front,” he said. “I think the biggest objective for the government is to create growth in the economy.

“There’s two parts of the economy, there’s the services side of the economy and there’s the manufacturing side. And the manufacturing, unfortunately, has been sliding away now for the last 25 years.

“We were very similar in scale to Germany probably 25 years ago.

“But today we’re just a fraction of where Germany is and I think that isn’t healthy for the British economy… particularly when you think the north of England is very manufacturing based, and that talks to things like energy competitiveness, it talks to things like, why do you put an immensely high tax on the North Sea?

“That just disincentivises people from finding hydrocarbons in the North Sea, in energy.

“And what we need is competitive energy. So I mean, in America, in the energy world, in the oil and gas world, they just apply a corporation tax to the oil and gas companies, which is about 30%. And in the UK we’ve got this tax of 75% because we want to kill off the oil and gas companies.

“But if we don’t have competitive energy, we’re not going to have a healthy manufacturing industry. And that just makes no sense to me at all. No.”

‘We’re apolitical’

Asked about INEOS donating to Labour, Sir Jim replied: “We’re apolitical, INEOS.

“We just want a successful manufacturing sector in the UK and we’ve talked to the government about that. It’s pretty clear about our views.”

Sir Jim was keener to talk about the economy and politics than his role at struggling Manchester United, which he bought a 27.7% stake in from the American Glazer family in February – giving him an even higher business profile.

Old Trafford stadium in Manchester. Pic: AP
Image:
Old Trafford stadium in Manchester. Pic: AP

Push for stadium of the North

He is continuing to push for public funds to regenerate Old Trafford and the surrounding areas despite no apparent political support being forthcoming. Sir Keir was hosted at the stadium for a Premier League match last weekend just as heavy rain exposed the fragility of the ageing venue.

“There’s a very good case, in my view, for having a stadium of the North, which would serve the northern part of the country in that arena of football,” Sir Jim said. “If you look at the number of Champions League the North West has won, it’s 10. London has won two.

“And yet everybody from the North has to get down to London to watch a big football match. And there should be one [a large stadium] in the North, in my view.

“But it’s also important for the southern side of Manchester, you know, to regenerate.

“It’s the sort of second capital of the country where the Industrial Revolution began.

“But if you have a regeneration project, you need a nucleus or a regeneration project and having that world-class stadium there, I think would provide the impetus to regenerate that region.”

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Marks & Spencer’s website and app go down

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Marks & Spencer's website and app go down

Marks & Spencer’s website and app has not been working for several hours, with a message telling shoppers “you can’t shop with us right now”.

“We’re working hard to be back online as soon as possible,” it adds.

All the menus and images have disappeared apart from one showing a model in a green jacket.

Customers trying to use the app got the message: “Sorry you can’t shop through the app right now. We’re busy making some planned changes, but will be back soon.”

The site is understood to have been down for several hours.

Replying to one customer on X, the retailer said: “We’re experiencing some technical issues but we are working on it.”

M&S is the latest high street name to have technical issues – last month some Sainsbury’s shoppers had problems with their online orders.

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The outage comes a few days before M&S is expected to reveal a big jump in annual profits.

It’s been a successful year for the brand, with strong sales across the business following a turnaround plan that has included store closures and cost cutting.

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