“Honestly, when we lose, I don’t even get in the shower until early this morning. I’ll just be mad. I just brush my teeth. It’s like, I don’t deserve soap.” — Syracuse head coach Fran Brown
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the “sorry, not sorry” bouquet of water hemlocks sent to the Big 12 officiating office from Utah athletic director Mark Harlan, we know all too well the sting of losing football games. We see it every week in every game we watch.
Yeah, yeah, we know what you’re thinking. “Come on, dummy, someone loses every game that anyone watches.” That’s true. At least now it is. We are also old enough to remember when games ended in ties. That was way worse.
But here in the Bottom 10 Cinematic Universe, losses are worse because that’s all you experience. You’d think we’d get used to it, numb from the pain like when you keep accidentally biting that same spot on your tongue to the point that it just becomes sensory free. But instead, it’s like Bruce Banner explained about being the Hulk: “You see, I don’t get a suit of armor. I’m exposed. Like a nerve. It’s a nightmare.”
However, as we learned in “Age of Ultron,” even after one of his worst losses, Bruce Banner does take a shower. So, Coach Brown, take it from us, in a world where every team has a helluva lot more losses than Syracuse … dude, wash up. Seriously. We can smell you from here. And we’re in Kent, Ohio.
With apologies to Mr. Clean, former Miami (Ohio) quarterback Mike Bath, former Southern Illinois running back Wash Henry and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 11 Bottom 10 rankings.
The Golden(plated) Flashes are still America’s last winless FBS team, losing their 18th straight game when they were edged by Ohio 41-0. Now they travel to My Hammy of Ohio, where they are given a 2.8% chance to win by the ESPN Analytics Ouija board, er, I mean Matchup Predictor. But honestly, that game will only be the appetizer ahead of the, yes, Week 13 main course that is the Wagon Wheel showdown with Akronmonious. And by appetizer we mean way-past-the-expiration-date freezer-burned mini-pizza bagels.
The New Owls not only used their talons to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at UTEP, losing in double overtime, they earned Bottom 10 Bonus Points for firing their head coach — and during their first year as an FBS team, no less. Though the AD issued a statement that Brian Bohannon had “stepped down,” Bohannon himself responded on social media: “Contrary to what’s been reported, I want to be clear that I did not step down.” But there is no confusion as to whether the Owls have stepped up or down in these rankings, where every move up is also a move down.
Brett Favre Funding U. lost to We Are Marshall 37-3, meaning all eight of their defeats this season have been by double digits. In related news, I also received double digit political texts on Election Day — and one of those was from Favre. No, for real. I wonder, did he cover the data charges himself or did he steal change from the donation jar at his grocery store checkout?
Sometimes in this life we are asked to do things that go against the fiber of our being. Like taking your daughter to the concert of an artist you’ve never heard of. Or me having to use Earth’s most annoying instrument, the leaf blower. This weekend this team of Minutemen will be asked to try to defeat Liberty.
5. The Sunshine State
The Coveted Fifth Spot has never been more crowded. The FBS, FCS and NFL teams of Florida posted a 1-11 record over the weekend, salvaged only by the Miami Dolphins’ win over the Los Angeles Rams on “Monday Night Football.” UC(not S)F, US(not C)F, FA(not I)U, Stetson, Florida A&M and Bethune-Cookman all lost, led in misery by the Wildcats’ five-overtime loss to Southern. The Flori-duh Gate Doors celebrated the announced retaining of coach Billy Napier by losing to Texas in a squeaker 49-17. And My Hammy of Florida finally spotted an opponent a lead too large for a Cam Ward comeback and took its first loss of the season, falling to unranked Georgia Tech. If only someone else in the state could relate to that …
The Semi-No’s are continuing to work around the Coveted Fifth Spot by earning their Bottom 10 keep the old-fashioned way, not only losing to semi/sorta/kinda ACC member Notre Dame by a scant 52-3, but also earning a pile of their own Bottom 10 Bonus Points not by firing head coach Mike Norvell, but because Norvell fired both his offensive and defensive coordinators and a wide receivers coach. In related news, over the weekend a friend of mine steered his bass boat into a giant pile of sharp rocks and reacted by throwing his shirt and hat overboard.
It was three weekends ago that the Buttermakers lost to then-second-ranked Oregon 35-0. On Saturday, they lost to then-second-ranked Ohio State 45-0. Now they play sixth-ranked Penn State, and in two weeks end their season playing currently eighth-ranked Indiana. We have to assume that a team of professors from Purdue’s legendary mechanical engineering department is studying this experience as a way to assess the stress put on a school bus that is attempting to drive over a lava field covered in landmines.
The Minors have a weekend off to continue their post-Kennesaw victory party. And what’s the best way to snap yourself out of a two-week hangover? Hair of the dog? A cold bucket of water over the head? How about the hair of a coontick hound and a bucket of water from the river during a Week 13 trip to Neyland Stadium to play Tennessee?
Whatever is left of UTEP after Knoxville will then play whatever is left of the Other Aggies after their Week 12 trip to face the OG Aggies of Texas A&M. If there’s any justice in this world, then the loser and/or winner of that Aggie Bowl would go on to play …
The Other Other Aggies lost to the one-loss team the nation forgot about, Warshington State. But if you consider the week before that, we find a Bottom 10 conundrum. Utah State beat WhyOMGing? but the week before that lost to Whew Mexico by five points. Meanwhile, Wyoming, who lost to Utah State two weeks ago, spent last weekend beating New Mexico by five points. Perhaps we will be given some clarity when Wyoming ends the year at Washington State. Or perhaps we will have already given up. As so many here in the Bottom 10 seem to do.
Waiting list: Miss Sus Hippie State, Georgia State Not Southern, FA(not I)U, Akronmonious, Meh-dle Tennessee, WhyOMGing?, Temple of Doom, Living on Tulsa Time, You A Bee?, Standfird, people who put all those election signs up but now won’t take them down.
DENVER — Colorado Avalanche captain Gabriel Landeskog took the ice in his first NHL game in nearly three years Wednesday night in a 2-1 overtime loss to the Dallas Stars in Game 3 of their first-round series.
It marked his first NHL appearance since June 26, 2022, when he and the Avalanche beat Tampa Bay to win the Stanley Cup. He had been sidelined because of a chronically injured right knee.
Landeskog started alongside Nathan MacKinnon and Martin Necas. He played just over four minutes in the first period, making an immediate impression in Game 3 by hitting Stars forward Mikko Rantanen, who used to be Landeskog’s teammate. He had no shots on goal but finished with a team-leading six hits in 13:16 of ice time.
The Stars took a 2-1 series lead.
“Felt great in all areas tonight in terms of being back,” Landeskog said. “Very special night regardless of the outcome.”
It was an emotional lead-up to the game for Landeskog. There were the ovations from the crowd, and chants of “Landy, Landy, Landy.” There were signs all over the arena, including one held up by his kids that read, “So proud of you Daddy!” The team also played a video tribute, with Landeskog tapping his heart in appreciation.
Landeskog said he felt “blessed and very fortunate” to be embraced by the crowd.
“I don’t know exactly what was going through my mind and body at that time, but it was pretty special, and that’s a memory for life. Simple as that,” Landeskog said. “Avs faithful, they make it special, you know? It’s a special place to play, it’s a special place to live and raise a family. And obviously the last three years have been difficult at times. And to come back and feel that love, I mean, incredible. So it means a lot.”
Landeskog said Rantanen welcomed him back when the two lined up for the opening faceoff Wednesday night.
“Regardless of what jersey he wears I love him. He’s a good friend of mine,” Landeskog said of Rantanen after the game. “But in this series, we’re obviously not friends when we’re playing. But obviously very special to be out there for that.”
It was Landeskog’s first game with the Avalanche in 1,032 days. He became the fifth player in NHL history — among those with a minimum of 700 games played — to return to his team after 1,000 or more days without a game, according to NHL Stats. The last one to do so was longtime Avalanche forward and Hall of Famer Peter Forsberg.
“I feel surprisingly calm and in control right now. I know the butterflies and the nerves will come, I’m sure,” Landeskog said during a pregame interview. “I found myself thinking about this moment a lot over the last three years. And now that it’s here, it’s the reverse — I’m thinking a lot about the hard work that’s gone into it, some of the ups, a lot of the downs, sacrifices and support I’ve had along the way.
“Thankful for everybody and all their support, but now it’s go time so I’m excited to get out there.”
Landeskog’s presence on the ice figured to provide a big boost not only for his teammates but the capacity crowd. His No. 92 sweater is a frequent sight around the arena.
The noise in the building was loud, the energy was electric.
“Everyone is rooting for him. It’s a great comeback story,” Avs coach Jared Bednar said after morning skate. “I trust in Gabe’s preparation, and what I’m seeing with my own eyes that he’s getting close and ready to play. I think he feels really good about where he’s at.
“Adding him back into our locker room, he’s almost an extension of the coaching staff, but he’s still one of the guys and the guy that everyone looks up to. You can’t get enough of that this time of the year.”
Landeskog’s injury dates to the 2019-20 season when he was accidentally sliced above the knee by the skate of teammate Cale Makar in a playoff game against Dallas. Landeskog eventually underwent a cartilage transplant procedure on May 10, 2023, and has been on long-term injured reserve.
He was activated Monday before Game 2 in Dallas and skated in pregame warmups but didn’t play.
Stars forward Matt Duchene was teammates with Landeskog, and they remain good friends.
“We’ve been rooting for him to come back,” said Duchene, who was the No. 3 pick by Colorado in 2009. “Obviously, it makes our job harder having a guy like that out there, but on the friends side, the human side and the fellow athlete side, I think everyone’s happy to see the progress he’s made. … I’m just really happy that he’s gotten to this point.”
It doesn’t mean the Stars will take it easy on Landeskog — or him on them.
“It’s remarkable he’s coming back, if he’s coming back, as a friend,” said Rantanen, a 2015 first-round pick by Colorado before being traded in January to Carolina and on to Dallas in March. “As an opponent, obviously, no mercy.”
The 32-year-old Landeskog recently went through a two-game conditioning stint with the American Hockey League’s Colorado Eagles. He practiced with the Avalanche leading up to their playoff opener.
That was the response Wednesday from Oilers coach Kris Knoblauch after he watched his team allow six goals for the second straight game in a 6-2 loss to the Kings in Game 2 of the Western Conference quarterfinals.
“The last two games, [the Oilers have allowed] five on the special teams, so that’s a problem,” Knoblauch said. “The other one is just mistakes. I don’t necessarily see us — I don’t see L.A. making plays to beat us. Mistakes, gift-wrapping opportunities. That’s different. If they make a heck of a play and [are] able to score goals, you just tip your hat and say, ‘There’s not much we’re able to do.’ But I don’t think I’ve seen very much of that. I think it’s been mostly gaffes that have cost us.”
Entering the postseason, the defending Western Conference champions were already facing questions about how their defensive structure would perform against the Kings. Most of those concerns were centered around their goaltending, which finished the regular season in the bottom 10 in team save percentage, according to Natural Stat Trick. The concerns were further amplified by the fact that one of their best players, defenseman Mattias Ekholm, would miss the first round with an undisclosed injury.
Game 1 against the Kings saw the Oilers fall into a 4-0 deficit before a late second-period goal from Leon Draisaitl sparked a comeback that saw them tie game with 88 seconds left in the third before Phillip Danault scored the game winner with 42 seconds remaining in L.A.’s 6-5 victory.
In Game 2, the Kings jumped out to a 3-0 lead before goals from Draisaitl in the second and former Kings winger Viktor Arvidsson in the third cut the lead to 3-2 before the Kings scored three unanswered goals in less than five minutes.
Knoblauch pulled goaltender Stuart Skinner after the fifth goal before his replacement, Calvin Pickard, allowed a goal on three shots in a little more than a minute worth of work.
“We’re down 5-2, give him a break, but also sometimes when the goalies change, there’s a little boost to our team, an immediate spark,” Knoblauch said. “That’s a stretch, it’s a long shot after the TV timeout, give it a try.”
Knoblauch was asked by reporters how he’ll assess who will start in Game 3 between Skinner, who has allowed 11 goals on 58 shots through two games, or Pickard.
The second-year Oilers coach said he’ll get together with his coaching staff and decide.
But Knoblauch added that he believed Skinner was not at fault for the team’s defensive troubles.
“I don’t think there’s been any bad goals. There’s been a lot of goals but the chances that we’re giving up are Grade A’s,” Knoblauch said. “I’m not sure that are many, ‘Geez, where’s the save there?’ It’s been very difficult for a goaltender playing. More structure and the less we’re giving up those opportunities, it’s a lot easier for Stuart Skinner or Calvin Pickard playing.”
Brandt Clarke scored the Kings’ first goal on the power play as he was able to get open in the slot for a tip-in on an odd-skater rush. Quinton Byfield pushed it to 2-0 when he walked in on net and fired a point-blank attempt that beat Skinner while Andrei Kuzmenko‘s goal saw him get behind the Oilers on the power play.
“When you’re making that gaffe and a guy is all by himself in the slot and we’ve seen probably three of those in the last two games, that’s not giving your goaltender much help,” Knoblauch said.
With Clarke, Kuzmenko and Anze Kopitar all scoring power-play goals, it led to Knoblauch addressing why the Oilers have struggled whenever the Kings have been on the extra-skater advantage.
Edmonton’s penalty kill was among the factors in its run to the Stanley Cup finals last season. The Oilers were an NHL-best 94.3% in short-handed situations.
Through two games this postseason, they’ve already allowed five goals on 10 power-play opportunities.
“They made a change at the end of the season, and it’s a good power play,” Knoblauch said. “There’s a lot of good moving parts there and it’s difficult to check all five of those guys. They bring a different element. It’s exactly what we expected from them. We saw a lot of penalty kills in our last regular-season game against them, and obviously, we’ve looked at the other games they’ve played against other teams. I don’t think there’s anything that’s unexpected.”
Knoblauch’s recollection of what the Oilers saw from the Kings toward the end of the regular season plays into what could become part of a larger narrative throughout the series.
In their last four combined regular-season and playoff games against the Kings, the Oilers have allowed 20 goals. That includes a 3-0 loss on April 5 followed by a 5-0 loss on April 14.
With the series set to resume Friday in Edmonton, the Oilers will try to find the cohesion that has eluded them against a team they’ve faced in the first round for what is now a fourth consecutive season.
Over their previous three encounters, they’ve split the first two games with the Oilers going on to win the series. But with the Kings leaving L.A. with a pair of victories, they now stand two wins shy of advancing to the second round for the first time since the 2013-14 season, when they won their most recent Stanley Cup.
WASHINGTON — The highlight-reel, diving save that it looked like Logan Thompson made to rob Jake Evans was not actually a save at all, and he wants to make sure everyone knows that.
“I didn’t save it,” Thompson said. “It went off the post. I think I almost knocked it in.”
Sure, Thompson and the Washington Capitals got a little lucky on that one. But his goaltending in the third period, when he made some spectacular stops, is the biggest reason they lead the Montreal Canadiens two games to none in their first-round playoff series.
“He was the difference tonight in the third: He wins us that game in the third period,” coach Spencer Carbery said after a 3-1 victory in Game 2, after which Thompson was selected the first star. “You could feel the building with the energy with each save. It felt like he just got bigger and bigger and bigger. He was tested. He made some huge saves in that third period to keep us in front.”
The Canadiens had multiple opportunities to tie the score, trailing 2-1 and pressing Thompson.
They got a 2-on-0 rush with 11 minutes left, but Thompson stopped Josh Anderson. With 4:22 on the clock, he got his stick in front of a textbook deflection by Christian Dvorak, who beat him earlier for a goal. And on the next shift, he denied Juraj Slafkovsky.
Fans rose to their feet to give Thompson a standing ovation and chanted “LT! LT!” after each of the saves.
“Extraordinary,” rookie Ryan Leonard said. “A lot of trust back there with that guy. He’s a gamer.”
Making it an even better tale is this was just Thompson’s second game back after getting injured when a shot dislodged his mask April 2 at Carolina.
“I knew I wasn’t going to get a game before playoffs,” Thompson said. “Just staying ready in practice, working as hard as I can and just waiting to see if I get my name called. It did. It’s playoffs. It’s not the start of the year: You can’t take your time to get into it. You just have to hit it sprinting. That’s kind of what I’ve done, and it’s worked out.”
Thompson and Charlie Lindgren alternated starts for the first half of the season. Then it became evident Thompson was Washington’s No. 1 netminder, something solidified when he got a six-year, $35.1 million extension in late January and Lindgren signed for three years and $9 million in early March.
Lindgren shouldered the load down the stretch, a year after carrying the Capitals into the playoffs, but there was no doubt about Carbery and goaltending coach Scott Murray going to Thompson to start the series as long as the 28-year-old was healthy.
“These games, this is where he wants to play,” Carbery said. “He wanted to play in the playoffs. He said: ‘I’m ready to go. I want to be in the net in Game 1.’ No disrespect to Charlie Lindgren. He wants these moments, and that’s an important part of it.”
Thompson made an important save early in the second period to keep his team’s deficit at one goal. He was at his best in the third, making 14 of his 25 saves to keep Montreal from evening things up.
“We knew they were going to come out in the third just like they did last game, Thompson said. “It’s easy to get into it when you make those saves. You’re definitely right back in the game. It could easily swing the other way if a couple of those go in and you’re fighting it, right? Luckily things went my way.”