We all have baggage. It’s the cost we pay for choices made, experiences endured, a life lived. For some, it might be the girl who got away. Maybe it’s the job they didn’t get. Or perhaps it’s the time you pretended to pee like a dog in the end zone during an Egg Bowl. The point is, to live life to its fullest is to understand that regret is part of the package.

The good news, however, is there is always a chance to do better, to set down that baggage and find something approaching redemption.

That’s what Saturday was supposed to be about for Ryan Day, Mario Cristobal and Dabo Swinney. Week 14 was going to be a redemption story. Instead, the college football gods delivered misery.

Well, unless you’re a Michigan fan. Then it was all comedy.

A quick accounting of where things began Saturday.

It had been 1,442 days since Clemson made a College Football Playoff, but with a win against South Carolina, the Tigers would’ve been poised to squeeze into the first 12-team postseason and erase years of doubts about Swinney’s ability to win in the modern era of college football.

It had been 1,828 days since Ohio State beat Michigan, but on Saturday, the odds were stacked so heavily in the Buckeyes’ favor, any other result was unfathomable. This was an Ohio State roster as talented as any in program history and a Michigan team put together with duct tape and glue sticks.

It had been 7,672 days since Miami won a conference championship. But the Hurricanes spent this season as the class of the ACC, finally living up to the immense expectations that have followed the program since its glory years, even if Miami has spent the past 20 years as college football’s version of U2 — still releasing new work, but effectively just a nostalgia act.

It’s tough to say how many days it had been since Cristobal properly handled a late-game scenario since you can’t divide by zero.

Week 14 didn’t promise to erase every blemish, forgive every sin or rewrite history for anyone, but it offered a bridge to somewhere better, some new timeline in which Day isn’t defined by a single game each year against his rival, Swinney isn’t lamented as an old man yelling at clouds and someone under the age of 40 can remember a time in which Miami mattered.

And on Saturday, Ohio State, Clemson and Miami saw those bridges and opted to light a flamethrower.

It’s hard to say exactly where things went wrong for Day and the Buckeyes in an excruciating 13-10 loss to Michigan. The slow starts have been a signature of 2024, the result of a team that knows it’s good enough to flip a switch or, perhaps, a result of so many noon kickoffs that even Gus Johnson’s voice started to go awry.

CAPTAIN JACK WITH THE INTERCEPTION 😱

UNBELIEVABLE PLAY FOR @OHIOSTATEFB 🔥 pic.twitter.com/RLD2Qwa3Tc

— FOX College Football (@CFBONFOX) November 30, 2024

It’s certainly not on Day that Will Howard threw two brutal interceptions, that Jayden Fielding missed two short kicks or that Sherrone Moore opened his desk drawer Saturday morning to find a manila envelope marked, “For Your Eyes Only, Love and Kisses, C. Stalions.” But Day knew the stakes before the season began, and Ohio State spent enough money on this roster to finish third in the American League East, and Michigan was missing two potential first-round NFL draft picks, and it still didn’t matter. The Wolverines managed just 62 yards passing, threw two interceptions, had three different drives inside the Ohio State 5 that didn’t end in touchdowns and still won. There are no logical explanations for this, so it’s fair then to move to the next closest thing: Day is a Michigan sleeper cell installed as head coach in Columbus just to infuriate the Ohio State faithful in some sort of elaborate “Manchurian Candidate” scenario.

Regardless, the game ended with a loss, with a brawl, with police intervening and pepper-spraying players, but no amount of mace could burn away the images of the Wolverines celebrating on Ohio State’s field in what may well be the most devastating loss in the rivalry’s history.

Michigan players on the sideline after the altercation between Ohio State and Michigan pic.twitter.com/m5tdgIOma4

— FOX College Football (@CFBONFOX) November 30, 2024

At Clemson, there’s similar frustration with a coach who has won enough to have a long leash, but has also climbed far enough out on a limb to endure the slings and arrows of fans and pundits and the occasional radio caller with some valid points but limited self-awareness.

Clemson has had so many chances in 2024. After being blown out in the opener against Georgia, the tide turned back in the Tigers’ favor amid a six-game winning streak. After a home loss to Louisville, the Tigers clawed their way back up the rankings, thanks in large part to attrition ahead of them, and found themselves as the first team out entering Saturday’s game, with a chance for a signature win — it would’ve been Clemson’s only decent win this year — against red-hot South Carolina. The playoff was within sight, but only if you could see past the imposing figure of LaNorris Sellers.

Clemson led by four with less than two minutes to play, but the Tigers’ defense never had an answer for Sellers. He threw for 164 yards, ran for 166 and scored twice, including a 20-yard run on a third-and-16 with just 1:08 to play to give the Gamecocks a 17-14 lead.

The Tigers had their shot to win — or at least send the game to overtime — but Cade Klubnik‘s checkdown throw with 16 seconds left nicked off Phil Mafah‘s hands and was picked off by Demetrius Knight Jr.

This marks the second time in three years Clemson had a realistic shot at the playoff, only to lose late to rival South Carolina.

Afterward, Shane Beamer gushed over the play of his quarterback and the resurgence of his team, which was 3-3 in mid-October but is now arguably the hottest team in the country. Beamer insisted South Carolina was a playoff team, and it may well be, but the decision by the committee won’t be easy. South Carolina entered the week ranked behind Alabama and Ole Miss, both of whom won in Week 14 to move to 9-3, and both of whom have head-to-head wins over the Gamecocks.

Perhaps ironically, it’s Clemson that remains in control of its own playoff destiny after Saturday’s disaster, and the Tigers can thank Cristobal for that.

All Miami had to do Saturday was knock off Syracuse, and it could punch its ticket — to the ACC title game and to the College Football Playoff. The Hurricanes even jumped out to a 21-0 lead, which should’ve been an insurmountable margin with Cam Ward on their side.

And yet, this is Miami — a program that flirts with disaster like it has had a half-dozen shots of Fireball and defeat is waiting tables at the Waffle House.

Syracuse turned its 21-0 deficit into a 35-28 lead entering the fourth quarter before Miami fought back to tie the game. But the Canes’ defense has been a red flag all year, and on Saturday, it had no answers for Kyle McCord, who threw for 380 yards and three touchdowns (and didn’t lose to Michigan).

McCord engineered a nine-play touchdown drive to put Syracuse up 42-35, but that still afforded Ward and the Canes more than nine minutes to match.

All of that should’ve just been prelude to another Miami win, because Ward was once again exceptional. And yet, this is Miami, where playoff hopes spend too much time on South Beach and wake up looking like the Pop Tarts Bowl.

Ward engineered a 13-play drive, setting up Miami with a first-and-goal at the Syracuse 8, but then things went haywire. An unsportsmanlike penalty pushed the Canes back, and a Ward completion and scramble set up a fourth-and-goal at the 15.

That left Cristobal with a decision: Put the game in the hands of the best quarterback to ever wear a Miami uniform or, with 3:42 remaining, kick a field goal and leave it up to your defense that has served as a maître d’ for Syracuse receivers the entire game.

Cristobal chose pain.

The rest was entirely predictable. Syracuse picked up three first downs and ran out the clock to move to 9-3, a playoff team in its own right had it not imploded against a woeful Stanford team back in September. Miami ceded its spot in the ACC championship to Clemson, may have lost its spot in the College Football Playoff and reminded the world that, even when U2 gives you its new album for free, it’s best to just go ahead and delete it and move on with your life.

And so Week 14 ended without redemption for those most in need of a second act. It ended with Clemson flubbing its best hopes, then being handed another just because the football gods enjoy seeing Swinney’s optimism squashed. It ended with Miami closer to its past than it had been in decades, yet still so far from those glory years that the world rolls its eyes every time the conversation comes up again. And it ended with Ohio State fighting Michigan, handing its conference title shot to Penn State and catching strays from Texas.

Members of the 2021 Ohio State recruiting class to beat Michigan:

Quinn Ewers

— /r/LonghornNation (@rLonghornNation) November 30, 2024

The college football gods can be cruel, and while redemption is always within our reach, days like Saturday also remind us that our reach often exceeds our grasp, and redemption slips through our fingers for a backbreaking interception far more easily than we care to imagine.

Maybe Ohio State still makes the playoff and goes on a run.

Maybe Miami does the same.

Maybe Clemson takes its good fortune to be in the ACC title game and turns that into a playoff berth of its own.

Maybe.

So we’ll carry the baggage a little further, in spite of all the grief and hurt and anguish. Even if redemption remains painfully beyond our grasp, the price of admission is still worth it.

Jump to:
Irish finish strong | Texas reaches SECCG | Rivalry watch
Ducks dynasty| Pack go bowling
Trends | Under the radar

Irish finish strong

Jadarian Price came on in relief of an injured Jeremiyah Love and finished with 111 yards and a touchdown on 12 carries, while Xavier Watts (100 yards) and Christian Gray (99) each had long pick-sixes in the fourth quarter to lead Notre Dame to a 49-35 win over USC that should lock up a home game in the opening round of the playoff for the Irish.

USC finishes the regular season at 6-6, and it has now lost 11 of its past 19 games — a track record that would’ve meant past coaches needed an Uber home from the airport tarmac. USC QBs had 12 interceptions this season, one more than the Trojans accounted for in Lincoln Riley’s first two seasons there combined. Notre Dame has also now won six of the past seven games in the rivalry.

On the victorious side, the Irish have now won 10 straight after a disastrous loss to Northern Illinois in Week 2 that seems more like some sort of Tyrone Willingham-era fever dream in retrospect. Notre Dame has averaged 44 points and nearly 240 rushing yards per game during that stretch.

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Horns ride to SECCG

After 13 years, the Texas–Texas A&M rivalry is back. Someone should let the Aggies know.

Quinn Ewers threw for 218 yards and a touchdown, Quintrevion Wisner ran for 186, and the Texas defense dominated in a 17-7 win over the Aggies that punches the Longhorns’ ticket to a rematch with Georgia in the SEC championship game.

The game had many of the familiar tones of the old rivalry, from the raucous Aggie Yell on Friday night to the traditional Texas fan ride into the game atop a bull while holding a dog. (Don’t get us started on Austin traffic. It’s a circus.)

pic.twitter.com/4b4moNML3O

— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) November 30, 2024

Still, it had to be a frustrating outcome for the Aggies, who had a chance to draw to within one score late, but opted to go for it on fourth down at the Texas 1, only to be stuffed.

Texas is like the rich, successful high school friend who comes into town for a visit and guilts you into inviting him to a party, only for all your friends to love him while you sit in the corner eating Cheetos. After 14 years in the SEC, Texas A&M still hasn’t made a conference championship game, while Texas is now headed to Atlanta in Year 1. Still, Cheetos are delicious.

The bigger question for the Longhorns now is whether they’ve figured out any way to block Georgia’s pass rush since the Bulldogs eviscerated the Horns’ front in a 30-15 UGA win on Oct. 19. Even with a loss, Texas likely hosts a home game in Round 1 of the playoff, but it would be a blow for championship hopes to lose for a second time to Georgia.

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Rivalry watch

Florida State has been arguing for weeks to throw out the records, but it’s not until Week 14 that we can officially do it. It was rivalry week, which meant major drama and offseason bragging rights across the country. Here’s how it played out.

Clean Old-Fashioned Hate

What was at stake: Georgia had a 30-game home winning streak on the line and appeared poised to make the 12-team playoff with a win. Georgia Tech was looking to remind anyone outside metro Atlanta it still had a football program.

Controversies: Officials appeared to miss a number of key calls that helped Georgia, including a possible red zone fumble, a possible tipped ball that would’ve negated a critical defensive pass interference flag, a possible targeting on a Haynes King fumble that likely cost Tech the game, an egregious hold before a Georgia overtime score and Kirby Smart’s unconventional use of a Ford F-350 at fullback. Perhaps worst of all, by the time the teams had finished with eight overtimes, The Varsity was closed and the Jackets couldn’t get chili dogs like Brent Key had promised if everybody tried their best.

End result: The two QBs were electric, with King throwing for 303 yards, rushing for 110 and accounting for five touchdowns. Carson Beck topped 300 yards of offense, and he tossed five touchdowns. Ultimately, it came down to 2-point tries, as Georgia cashed in on a Nate Frazier run in the eighth overtime session to secure a 44-42 win. The game underscores why college football should revisit its OT rules, which require dueling 2-point tries after the second frame. Instead, we recommend 2-point tries in the third OT, a pie eating contest in the fourth, a rock-paper-scissors competition between the coaches at midfield for the fifth, the QBs taking turns attempting to explain the ending of “Inception” in the sixth, Jimbo Fisher’s nephew wrestling each team’s recruiting coordinator in the seventh, and then it moves to a best-of-three “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” with full “my mother” addendums in use.

Iron Bowl

What was at stake: Alabama hoped to keep its playoff hopes alive with a win. Auburn hoped to secure a bowl bid with a win. Finebaum callers hoped to call for everyone to be fired on both sides.

Controversies: Alabama won, but if this was its statement to the committee, it was hardly an emphatic one. The Tide turned the ball over four times — though Auburn turned those takeaways into just six points — meaning the committee will have to dive back into the secret file marked “How to explain why you’re putting Alabama into the playoff again this time” before releasing the final rankings next weekend.

End result: Jalen Milroe accounted for 360 yards and three rushing touchdowns, and the Tide D held Jarquez Hunter to just 56 yards in the 28-14 win, their fifth straight in the Iron Bowl. The win helps take some heat off Kalen DeBoer, who has suffered some ignominious losses in his debut season. Auburn, on the other hand, has now finished with a losing record in four straight years (and hasn’t won more than six since 2019), something Hugh Freeze chalked up to an unfortunate combination of his players doing dumb things and him being too good at his job to properly connect with players who can’t appreciate his genius.

Territorial Cup

What was at stake: Arizona State could secure a trip to the Big 12 title game with a win (with a little assistance elsewhere), while Arizona could attempt to prevent this game being played and instead just show highlights of last season.

Controversies: In true “Anchorman” fashion, things escalated quickly: Arizona State scored 49, Sam Leavitt threw three touchdowns, and the Sun Devils murdered the rivalry with a trident.

ASU plants the fork in Arizona Stadium 😈🔱@ASUFootball pic.twitter.com/F1sU4qJugA

— FOX College Football (@CFBONFOX) November 30, 2024

End result: Kenny Dillingham has as good a claim for coach of the year as anyone in the country after turning this program around so quickly. The 49-7 win was a resounding finish to a 10-2 season, and while the committee has yet to truly appreciate the Sun Devils’ résumé, it’s more than worth consideration with or without the conference championship. Arizona State’s two losses came by a combined 18 points. One came without its starting QB. It has three wins over ranked (at game time) opponents. It has won five straight. It’s hard to argue there are 12 teams playing better football today than the Sun Devils.

Egg Bowl

What was at stake: Ole Miss still had flickering playoff hopes if enough chaos happened higher in the rankings. Mississippi State was hoping to avoid a winless season in the SEC. The good news for the Bulldogs, though, is they could still finish with eight quality losses to remain on the committee’s radar.

Controversies: No coach took the field riding an ATV, and no players celebrated a touchdown by mimicking a dog introducing itself to a fire hydrant. Seriously, if no one’s going to give the opposing kicker a wedgie after an extra point, why even bother playing this rivalry game?

End result: Mississippi State led 14-10 at the end of the first quarter, but the Bulldogs couldn’t find any offense beyond that. Ulysses Bentley IV ran for 136 yards and a score, and Ole Miss survived 26-14. A month ago, it would’ve been inconceivable Lane Kiffin wasn’t either taking the Florida job or prepping for the playoff on Dec. 1. Instead, he’ll just be doing what so many of us will be doing this week: resodding his lawn after Charlie Weis Jr.’s ill-fated attempt to deep-fry a turkey.

Governor’s Cup

What was at stake: Louisville was looking to snap a five-game losing streak against Kentucky while also securing the position of “second ACC team that blew a shot at the playoff by losing to Stanford.”

Controversies: Ale 8 is a mediocre ginger ale. There, we said it.

End result: Isaac Brown led the charge with 178 rushing yards and a pair of scores in the Cards’ 41-14 win. One of the nation’s top freshmen, Brown ends the regular season with 1,074 rushing yards, 12 total touchdowns, nearly 1,500 all-purpose yards and a solid fourth-place finish in the Kentucky Oaks.

Florida-FSU

What was at stake: Florida could finish with seven wins and a rivalry win for the first time since 2021. Florida State was hoping that maybe this whole season was just a dream and it would wake up to find a healthy Jordan Travis ready to take on the Gators in November 2023.

Controversies: After demoralizing Florida State on the field, Florida tried to mark its territory, much to Mike Norvell’s displeasure.

End result: Florida State’s season began 100 days ago, 4,000 miles across the Atlantic with a top-10 ranking and big expectations. Florida’s season began a week later with an emphatic loss to Miami and an assumption that head coach Billy Napier would be fired. What a difference a college football season makes. Florida’s defense held FSU to just 239 yards and won 31-11 behind two touchdowns from DJ Lagway. The Gators finished the regular season 7-5 with Napier’s job secured for 2025. Florida State can now turn its attention back to its real passion: lawsuits.

Fremont Cannon

What was at stake: UNLV‘s faint playoff hopes still flickered, with a win putting the Rebels into the Mountain West championship game. Also the winner got tickets to see Cher at the Bellagio.

Controversies: Remember when UNLV’s quarterback quit because he wanted money the school hadn’t paid and then UNLV just inserted another quarterback who was much better? The lesson: The house always wins.

End result: Hajj-Malik Williams threw for 168 and ran for 135, accounting for three touchdowns in the 38-14 win over Nevada. The Rebels are now 10-2 with a rematch against Boise State pending and a playoff berth on the line.

The Commonwealth Cup

What was at stake: Both teams would be bowl-bound with a win and also get access to the loser’s beach house in Virginia Beach. It’s three blocks off the beach, but there’s a corn hole set in the back storage shed.

Controversies: Virginia Tech was playing without its top two quarterbacks, while Virginia was playing without any real hopes of ever getting the upper hand in this rivalry.

End result: Pop Watson threw for 254 yards and tallied two touchdowns while Bhayshul Tuten ran for 124 yards and two scores in Virginia Tech’s 37-17 win. The Hokies will go bowling and won the Commonwealth Cup for the 23rd time in the past 25 tries, but they also feel sort of like that meme of the guy ignoring his girlfriend to look at another girl who might look a lot like Shane Beamer.

Battle on the Bayou

What was at stake: Louisiana could lock up a 10-win season and a berth in the Sun Belt championship, while Louisiana-Monroe needed a win to get bowl eligible. Also, the loser has to let Louisiana Tech crash on their couch this offseason.

Controversies: Why does Louisiana get to drop the Lafayette and just go by the state name, but ULM has to keep the Monroe? This game should really decide who gets to be “Louisiana” each year and the other school has to go by ULM or ULL.

End result: Zylan Perry rushed for 150 yards and two scores, and the Ragin’ Cajuns’ D picked off three passes in a 37-23 win. For ULM, it’s a frustrating finish to a season that started with the Warhawks at 5-1 but ended on a six-game losing streak.

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Ducks dynasty

The No. 1 team in the country may also be the least interesting at this point.

Oregon won again Saturday, 49-21 against Washington, to finish the regular season at 12-0. Yawn.

Since their dramatic 32-31 win over Ohio State on Oct. 12, the Ducks have basically been the work-from-home guy who was told he had to start going into the office again. They show up, swipe their badge, grab a coffee, say hello to Denise in accounts receivable, Dillon Gabriel throws a couple touchdowns, then they’re home in time for “The View.”

So it was Saturday, with Gabriel accounting for three touchdowns, Jordan James running for 99 yards and the defense holding Washington to 244 yards while racking up 10 sacks and 16 tackles for loss. The 10 sacks in this game were more than rival Oregon State has all season, which should be a fun fact for Ducks fans to bring up with Beavers fans this holiday season.

Oregon now gets Penn State in the Big Ten title game, a result of Ohio State’s implosion against Michigan.

The Nittany Lions had no trouble with Maryland, earning a dominant 44-7 win capped by a 15-yard touchdown pass with no time left on the clock that riled Mike Locksley.

It may have been a bit of showmanship by Penn State, but on the other hand, if James Franklin had blindfolded his QB, handed him a football, spun him around a dozen times and sent him on his way, he still might’ve scored on this Maryland defense.

The question now is whether Penn State can give Oregon a real game after the Ducks have won five of their past six by at least 20 points. Franklin’s record in big games against top-10 opponents is probably something someone should look up before the game. There might be a story there.

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Pack go bowling

Hollywood Smothers ran for two touchdowns, including a 2-yarder with 25 seconds to play to secure a 35-30 win over North Carolina — NC State‘s fourth straight in the rivalry — and bowl eligibility for the Wolfpack.

Jacolby Criswell‘s 47-yard touchdown throw to Omarion Hampton with 1:51 to play had given UNC a late lead, but the Wolfpack engineered a six-play, 75-yard drive for the win. Hampton finished with 185 rushing yards, 78 receiving yards and a pair of scores, putting the finishing touches on a season that would’ve had him in Heisman consideration if he played for anyone better than North Carolina.

This was the possible farewell for Mack Brown, too. In his second tenure with the Heels, the school announced he would not be retained for 2025. This came after he threatened to quit after a miserable loss to JMU this season, then insisted he’d return earlier this week. Now, Brown will retire to a life of quiet solitude, where he’ll work on his memoirs and tend to his garden until a ragtag bunch of UNC boosters arrive at his door in the year 2039, insisting he come out of retirement for one last job, at which time Brown will tip back his cowboy hat, stare off into the middle distance, take a swig from a bottle with a skull on the label and, in a gravelly, world-weary voice, announce, “I’m in.”

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Regular-season vibe shifts

We’ve reached the end of the regular season, and while each week has featured some seismic shifts in the college football landscape, some trends have simmered just beneath the surface. We’re looking back on those subtle, but significant, trend lines as we put a bow on 2024.

Trending down: The Group of 5

Week 14 began with the Group of 5 in position not only to steal a first-round playoff bye from the Big 12, but perhaps swipe a second playoff bid, too. Tulane checked in ranked ahead of all Big 12 teams except for Arizona State, but a trio of brutal turnovers deep in Memphis territory scuttled those playoff dreams. The Tigers topped the Green Wave 34-24, effectively ceding the Group of 5’s playoff bid to the Mountain West.

Ultimately, that the Group of 5 missed out on a statement opportunity to swipe a bid from the Big 12 should come as no surprise. The rich continue to get richer in college football, and the line of demarcation has never been wider. Despite San José State‘s win over Stanford on Friday, the non-autonomy schools finished with a woeful 9-88 record against the Power 4 in the regular season — easily the Group of 5’s worst performance in decades.

Indeed, look back at the 2004-2013 era, just before the demise of the Big East, and teams outside the BCS conferences upended the big boys more than 22% of the time. From 2014 through 2021 — post realignment but before the effects of NIL and the portal were fully felt — these teams still won 20% of the time. Over the past three years though, the non-power schools have just a .153 win percentage against the Power 4/5.

Trending up: Big 12 hot seats

A month into the season, the hottest seat in the Big 12 was at Baylor, where Dave Aranda’s Bears were 2-4. But Baylor has now won six straight after Saturday’s 45-17 thumping of Kansas. QB Sawyer Robertson has blossomed into a star, tossing four TDs in the win. He has made 66% of his throws with 17 touchdown passes, 4 picks and nearly 1,600 yards passing during the win streak.

Aranda’s job is safe, but other coaches are now feeling the heat.

After UCF turned the ball over four times in a 28-14 loss to Utah, Gus Malzahn saw the writing on the wall and jumped ship to become the offensive coordinator at Florida State. Mixing Malzahn’s QB history with Florida State’s run of awful QB play by anyone not named Jordan Travis really sets the stage for transfer Thomas Castellanos to lead the country with 106 interceptions next year in Tallahassee.

Meanwhile, West Virginia‘s Neal Brown and Oklahoma State‘s Mike Gundy didn’t exactly end the 2024 season with fireworks.

Gundy’s Cowboys were steamrolled by Colorado 52-0 on Friday, finishing the season 0-9 in Big 12 play. Gundy is an institution at Oklahoma State, and he’s the country’s second-longest-serving head coach, but this season’s implosion might be enough to convince both sides it’s time for a fresh start — like going to the barbershop and finally trimming away an out-of-style haircut and trying something completely new.

Brown was on the hot seat entering 2023, but West Virginia finished a surprising 9-4, seemingly ending any speculation over Brown’s job security. But this season has been a bit of a step back, with an ugly loss to rival Pitt and a 52-15 trouncing in Saturday’s game against Texas Tech. West Virginia will go to a bowl, but the expectations were much higher this season.

And then there’s Scott Satterfield at Cincinnati. The Bearcats fell to TCU 20-13 on Saturday, their fifth straight loss to finish 5-7 after a 5-2 start to the year. Cincinnati is now 8-16 under Satterfield, including a 4-14 mark in conference play.

On the other hand, all could return and be in the Big 12 title game in 2025 because the entire conference is basically just like playing roulette at 4 a.m. at a riverboat casino in Shreveport. There is no logic to what’s happening, anyone can win big and everyone is sort of embarrassed to be there.

Trending down: Goalpost theft

Perhaps the most entertaining trend of the season has been fans celebrating with the theft of goalposts — from Georgia Tech fans bringing the goalposts to a campus pond, to Arizona State tearing down the goalposts, putting them back up when officials added time back onto the clock, then bringing them down again only to learn there’s no bodies of water in the desert in which to deposit them.

But it was Tennessee and Vanderbilt who did the goalpost celebrations best in 2024.

The goalpost made it to the Tennessee River 😅

(via @BassickMath) pic.twitter.com/opA250PXME

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) October 16, 2022

Absolutely dying at the police helicopter night vision of the Vandy goal posts going into the river… the kids tumbling over each ledge 💀 pic.twitter.com/KoXmOnBTc7

— Christopher Oven (@Chris_Oven) October 8, 2024

On Saturday, the two met with plenty on the line. Tennessee needed a win to all but lock up a playoff berth. Vandy needed a win to ensure a winning season for the first time since 2013.

The Commodores jumped out to the early lead, but it was the Vols who celebrated when it was over. Nico Iamaleava threw four touchdowns, Dylan Sampson ran for 178 yards and Tennessee overcame an early deficit with a 36-23 win over Vanderbilt on Saturday.

Tennessee, which was in a do-or-die situation entering Week 14, now may be poised to host a playoff game after losses by Ohio State and Miami.

Sadly, Vols fans did not tear down the goalposts to celebrate the likely playoff bid, as making a big thing of beating Vanderbilt is like bragging about knowing all the words to “Shake It Off.” It’s nothing to be proud of, and it’s definitely going to hurt your reputation with the other dads. And no, this is not a personal story, so stop asking.

Holding steady: Big Ten tradition

This was supposed to be the year the Big Ten finally evolved into a conference with modern offenses. Wisconsin and Purdue had Air Raid coordinators, Penn State brought in Andy Kotelnicki to rejuvenate its attack, four teams arrived from the Pac-12 and Iowa installed a new game plan to replace Brian Ferentz’s playbook that was just 23 pages repeating the sentence, “What if punts?”

So, how’d it go?

Well, safe to say somewhere Ferentz is reenacting the Leo DiCaprio meme from “Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood,” pointing at his TV and yelling, “What if punts!”

On Friday, Iowa won its eighth game of the season — one fewer than it had a year ago with Ferentz calling plays, in spite of scoring 120 more points — by beating Nebraska 13-10 with just five first downs and 164 total yards.

5 first downs. Won. Sure. pic.twitter.com/SqQxkpcst8

— Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakeSVP) November 30, 2024

Iowa completed eight passes, averaged 1.9 yards per rush, and may have paused the third quarter for a group nap time, and yet it still won because this is what the Big Ten is all about. Oh, and also because Nebraska accepted the Big Ten’s terms and conditions without reading them and didn’t realize it’s now permanently barred from winning a close game. The loss was the Huskers’ 23rd by a TD or less in the past four seasons.

As for the rest of the league?

Those Air Raid coordinators at Wisconsin and Purdue were both fired. The new Pac-12 teams all averaged fewer points per game in conference play in 2024 than 2023 and, cumulatively, averaged 10 fewer points per game in Big Ten play than they had in the Pac-12 in 2023. Penn State is headed to the Big Ten title game, but still failed to score an offensive TD against Ohio State and finished the regular season with 46 fewer points than it had last year.

And all of these numbers add up to this: It’s not Ryan Day’s fault. This league just hates teams that try to score.

Trending down: Postgame routines

This season, we learned that Syracuse coach Fran Brown punishes himself after losses by refusing to shower because, as he noted, “washing is for winners.”

We also learned that Oklahoma coach Brent Venables celebrated his win over Alabama by spending $94 at Taco Bell, an amount that we hope also included the colonoscopy.

Sure, this forces us to ask several big questions.

For one, had Syracuse lost to Miami on Saturday, would Brown have gone shower-free until the bowl game? Luckily, he didn’t need to answer that, as Syracuse prevailed 42-38 over Miami, moving to 9-3 in Brown’s first season as head coach. Had it not been for a brutal loss to Stanford, the Orange would have an intriguing playoff résumé, including two wins over ranked opponents and a trip to the ACC title game in the offing.

Another: How much is too much money to spend at Taco Bell? Clearly $94 is too much, as the excessive beefy bean burritos had Venables off his game Saturday in Oklahoma’s 37-17 loss to LSU. After the game, Venables announced he would punish himself for the performance by consuming $1.99 worth of food from Arby’s.

Trending up: Stadium naming rights

Before the season kicked off, Pitbull bought the naming rights to Florida International‘s home field, changing from its former name, “No, no, This is FIU; You’re Looking for FAU’s Stadium; Yeah, It’s About an Hour North, Just Take the Turnpike to 95 to Exit 48” Field.

Turns out, it was a wise investment for Mr. 305. FIU toppled Middle Tennessee 35-24 on Saturday, moving to 4-2 on the year at Pitbull Stadium, while finishing 0-6 on the road.

With this in mind, Kent State will be selling stadium naming rights to its stadium to its most iconic local musicians, Devo. Next season the Golden Flashes helmets will all just be those weird red Mayan-temple-shaped hats from the “Whip It” video.

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Under-the-radar play of the week

Maalik Murphy screwed up the final play of regulation in Duke‘s game against Wake Forest, but he and receiver Jordan Moore improvised a bit, turning a 5-yard route into a game-winning 39-yard touchdown with no time left on the clock, upending Wake Forest 23-17.

WALK-OFF TOUCHDOWN FOR DUKE!

WHAT A GAME 😈 @DukeFOOTBALL pic.twitter.com/B44AGXUOAS

— ACC Network (@accnetwork) November 30, 2024

The Blue Devils finished the game with five sacks and 11 tackles for loss, another stellar day for what has blossomed into one of the most aggressive defenses in the country.

Duke finishes the regular season 9-3 with four wins vs. teams inside the state of North Carolina (Elon, UNC, NC State and Wake) in Manny Diaz’s first season in Durham.

And if Cooper Flagg mentions any of this in his next news conference, Duke fans will be very excited to learn about it for the first time.

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Under-the-radar game of the week

Like “Wicked,” Saturday’s Jacksonville State–Western Kentucky game was just three hours of backstory to set the stage for the more significant sequel.

Unlike “Wicked,” this one actually had an exciting ending (though sadly it didn’t involve Rich Rodriguez belting out “Defying Gravity”).

Caden Veltkamp, whose name sounds like he should be the heir to a family tuna-canning dynasty but is actually the QB at Western Kentucky, led a 10-play, 44-yard drive in the final two minutes, and Lucas Carneiro drilled a 50-yard field goal with three seconds remaining to secure a 19-17 win.

That field goal secured WKU’s spot in the Conference USA title game against … Jacksonville State.

Had Jacksonville State prevailed, Sam Houston State would’ve made the title game. Instead, the Hilltoppers have a shot to win the league for the first time since 2016.