GMs tell their best (and wildest) trade stories: ‘Uncle Mike would have absolutely loved that you executed a trade at his funeral’
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Jesse Rogers
From births to funerals — and everywhere in between — the job of a major league baseball general manager is never done. That is especially the case this time of year, when talks heat up in advance of the July 31 trade deadline.
Calls and texts can come at the most inopportune times for front office members, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to go unanswered. After all, there’s always another team willing to do a deal.
With that in mind, we asked MLB executives to tell us their favorite trade stories.
Trade talks at the most inopportune times
‘We went back and looked at the time stamp of when he had sent texts and when the baby was born’
Brewers general manager Matt Arnold and Dodgers president Andrew Friedman worked together in the Tampa Bay Rays front office before moving on to their current jobs. Arnold was an assistant to Friedman, who was the executive vice president of baseball operations.
“We had two different trade deadlines with Andrew in the hospital,” Arnold recalled. “One year his appendix almost burst. He was doubled over in a lot of pain and we ended up having the doctor come to the stadium.”
Friedman was rushed to the hospital, where the Rays’ staff spent the trade deadline trying to work out deals while their front office leader was undergoing treatment for an appendicitis.
“We spent July 31 at the hospital with him, medicated, going in and out of consciousness,” Arnold said. “We’re trying to piece together conversations we’ve had with him as he’s in a lot of pain. That was pretty nuts. BJ Upton was involved, but I don’t think we ended up trading him.”
Arnold believes his second Friedman-in-the-hospital trade story tops even a deadline-day emergency appendix removal.
“Something like the next year, he’s at the hospital because his wife is in labor,” Arnold said. “She had a baby on the trade deadline.”
With the team involved in several trade scenarios and the deadline fast approaching, Rays staff members were texting with Friedman the entire time.
“We went back and looked at the time stamp of when he had sent texts and when the baby was born,” Arnold said with a laugh. “It was minutes apart. So we asked him what was going on in there?”
“He said she was kind of propped up, and behind her head, he was texting stuff about the trade. We were like ‘Welcome to the world, Zach Friedman.'”
‘My phone is ringing at the funeral now’
White Sox general manager Chris Getz loved his Uncle Mike. So when his uncle died during the offseason, Getz made sure to attend the funeral and even was asked to be a pallbearer. But on the day of the proceedings, the White Sox top decision-maker’s phone was buzzing.
“There’s a GM out there who if there is interest, he doesn’t stop calling,” Getz recalled. “So I told him my uncle had passed away and I have his funeral, but don’t worry, we’re going to do the deal. I’m not going anywhere other than the fact that I’m a pallbearer at my uncle’s funeral. I need a couple hours. He says, ‘Cool, I got you.'”
The funeral started, but the calls didn’t stop.
“My phone is ringing at the funeral now,” Getz said. “It wasn’t actually ringing when I was carrying the casket, but it was close enough. I told people at the celebration afterwards what was going on and they were like ‘Hey Chris, Uncle Mike would have absolutely loved that you executed a trade at his funeral.”
‘I’m literally going from the church to the graveyard, on the phone trying to get us $500,000′
Getz isn’t the only executive who has needed to tend to work matters during a family funeral. New San Francisco Giants GM Zack Minasian had a similar experience after his grandmother died last offseason.
“It was this past January. I had to find us $500,000 of international money,” Minasian said. “I’m literally going from the church to the graveyard, on the phone trying to get us $500,000. It was not my best day. And it’s the same church my grandmother got married in. I had my brother [Perry] next to me as I’m trying to hide my phone. He was driving so I could text.”
Zack’s older brother is the GM of the Angels, but it wasn’t Perry he was working to acquire the international bonus money.
“I got $250,000 from the Red Sox for Blake Sabol and $250,000 from the Marlins for Will Kempner,” Minasian said. “I got it done.”
Minasian was asked why not just ask his brother for it. He was sitting right next to him.
“Shocker. He didn’t have it!” the younger Minasian said with a laugh.
‘I’m feeling the texts coming through in my pocket’
Another executive, who was willing to tell his story as long as his name wasn’t used, remembers navigating a Passover seder while trying to pull off a minor deal.
“I was at my in-laws’ temple’s seder,” the executive said. “Not a fancy, formal one, but still. I’m feeling the texts coming through in my pocket.”
At one point, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. That allowed the trade to move closer to the finish line — but it wasn’t done yet.
“I was trying to be respectful, not checking the phone,” the executive said. “But at one point, one of my kids needed to go to the bathroom and my hand shot up. I said, “I’ll take him.’
“I ran out in the hall and took him to the bathroom and real quick called the other team to get the ball rolling. It definitely wasn’t easy, but we got the deal done.”
Communication issues
‘I knew I was going to lose cell service’
A few days before Christmas during the 2022 offseason, Arizona Diamondbacks GM Mike Hazen was in the midst of a family vacation in Hawai’i — and also working the phones for a major trade during what is usually a rare quiet stretch for MLB execs.
Executives never know exactly when a deal is going to line up, but Hazen had a feeling he might be caught in a tough spot being so far from his home base.
“I was trying to finalize the Daulton Varsho/Gabriel Moreno/Lourdes Gurriel trade [with the Blue Jays],” Hazen said. “I talked to [Brian Cashman] in the morning, I talked to another team later, and I finalized the deal with Ross [Atkins] right before we were supposed to go zip lining that day.
“I was with my kids. We are driving to the middle of nowhere in Maui, and I knew I was going to lose cell service. We have a time slot for the zip lining we have to get to. I had my oldest kid driving and I was trying to get a hold of Varsho to tell him about the trade and I couldn’t. And we were getting closer and closer to the abyss, knowing I was going to lose service.”
Hazen couldn’t find Varsho anywhere and was told the outfielder could be “in a tree hunting somewhere.” This put Hazen in a time crunch to inform the player he would be included in a deal, but eventually he got a hold of him to tell him of the trade. Now he wanted to talk with the guys he was acquiring.
“When we get to the bottom of the gully, there is no cell service, so I’m hoping the zip line company has Wi-Fi to use,” Hazen said. “And they were like ‘The Wi-Fi just went down.’ I could not believe it. So I had not talked to Gurriel or Moreno yet. So I drop the kids off at the zip line and tell them I’ll be back when I can, and I drive back to the closest town so I could get cell service.”
Hazen sat at a restaurant, called his players and then headed back to his kids.
“They were halfway through zip-lining,” Hazen said. “They didn’t mind. At least, I don’t think so.”
‘He whipped the phone to me and he said, “Finish the Roberts deal”‘
Current Cubs president Jed Hoyer was a young executive with the Boston Red Sox in 2004, working under GM Theo Epstein during a tumultuous trade deadline.
Boston was seemingly having talks with everyone in the league, eventually trading star shortstop Nomar Garciaparra to the Cubs in a blockbuster, four-team trade. The team was also trying to trade for a base-stealing player named Dave Roberts.
“Theo was trying to finish the Nomar deal on like an old-school phone,” Hoyer said. “At one point, he whipped the phone to me and he said, ‘Finish the Roberts deal.’ But I couldn’t understand [Dodgers GM] Paul DePodesta on the phone. It was a choppy connection.”
After Hoyer hung up, Epstein asked him if he got the deal done.
“I just looked at him and said, ‘I think so?’ with a shrug,” Hoyer said with a laugh. “I think we’re good, but not sure.”
Hoyer noted what that trade led to a curse-breaking title in Boston and newfound fame for Roberts, whose crucial stolen base during Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS will live forever in Red Sox lore.
“And now he might be a Hall of Fame manager,” Hoyer said. “Glad it worked out.”
‘All of a sudden the skies open up, it’s pouring, and I can’t hear on my cell phone’
In July 2009, St. Louis Cardinals executive John Mozeliak was getting ready to play golf when trade talks began to heat up.
“I wasn’t a golfer but I got invited by a friend to play at St. Louis Country Club,” Mozeliak recalled.
The calls he was getting came from Athletics GM Billy Beane with the two sides discussing a deal involving slugger Matt Holliday.
“All of a sudden the skies open up, it’s pouring, and I can’t hear on my cell phone,” Mozeliak said. “It was just disastrous. And by the way, I only played three holes because my phone was just blowing up.”
Mozeliak headed back to his car — to stay dry and find some quiet. And also to avoid trouble at the club.
“I ended up having to call our Double-A manager to get his opinion on a couple of players that were going to Oakland, trying to orchestrate all of this at a very exclusive country club where you’re not supposed to be on your cell phone,” Mozeliak said. “I’m sitting in my car getting pelted by small hailstones and rain.”
The conversation carried on through dinner time, when Mozeliak was due to be with his family and his friend’s family.
“We’re having dinner at Dewey’s Pizza, which is a local pizzeria in New City,” he said. “And so there I’m having to just not focus on this family dinner. I already missed 15 holes of golf, but by the time that dinner ended, we had a deal and we got Matt Holliday.”
With the help of their new slugger, the Cardinals went on to win 91 games and the NL Central.
“You’re not in your office, you’re not in your normal environment to do it but we were able to complete it and obviously the rest was history when it came to having Holliday.”
When chaos reigns
‘We had to tell Drew he was going to be traded — but not for two weeks’
In July 2012, current Cubs GM Carter Hawkins was an assistant in Cleveland.
“We were about to trade Alex White, Drew Pomeranz and two other players to Colorado for pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez,” Hawkins said.
After the deal was complete, Hawkins was dispatched to the farm team in Akron to inform the players they were being dealt.
“Pomeranz was starting,” Hawkins said. “We had to go get him out of the bullpen and tell him. But there was some miscommunication and Jimenez was still in the game for the Rockies that day so the trade was on hold. So we brought them all back in to tell them they weren’t being traded.”
Eventually, Jimenez was pulled from the game and was told he was going to Cleveland.
“So we brought all the guys back in to tell them they were being traded, including Pomeranz. Then we realize it had not been a calendar year since the day Pomeranz had signed and that used to be a rule. You could not trade a drafted player within that first year of his signing. So now we had to tell Drew he was going to be traded — but not for two weeks. By that time, his head was spinning.”
‘All he said was “No, I don’t want to trade him.” No reason. Just “No!” I couldn’t believe it’
Jim Duquette and Mike Flanagan were the co-GMs of the Baltimore Orioles in 2006 and the duo was working hard on a July deal involving slugger Miguel Tejada after getting permission from ownership to trade him.
“We spent like 16-hour days sorting through the level of interest,” Duquette recalled. “We had it narrowed down to three teams: the Mets, Astros and Angels. I mean we worked hard on this deal.”
The duo determined the Angels had the best offer.
“It was a significant trade,” Duquette said. “We had a chance to get Bartolo Colon and Erick Aybar or even Ervin Santana. It would have changed our organization.”
When they were ready, Duquette and Flanagan marched down to owner Peter Angelos’ law office to present the offers and their suggestions to him.
“I had a whiteboard,” Duquette explained. “We put down all of the names on it. It was a whole elaborate presentation to Peter. We’re up against the deadline. We sat there for 30 minutes going through all the options.
“At the end of it, he pauses, looks up at us both and all he said was, ‘No, I don’t want to trade him.’ No reason. Just ‘No!’ I couldn’t believe it.”
A few years later, Duquette had a laugh at his cousin Dan’s expense when nearly the same thing happened to him. In 2017, the Cubs and Astros were both vying to trade with Baltimore for reliever Zack Britton. Dan was now the Orioles’ general manager and was fielding offers.
“Theo [Epstein] opted out of the running for Britton,” Jim Duquette recalled. “He didn’t want to wait around for Peter [Angelos]. The Astros rolled the dice and waited. And Peter said no to that too. They got stuck with nobody. If you remember, one of their players even criticized ownership for doing nothing but that’s only because Angelos said no at the last minute.”
‘Frankly, we got that done well after the deadline’
In 2008, Hoyer’s Red Sox were looking to move on from Manny Ramirez, who wanted out of Boston.
“Manny was really disgruntled about his contract,” Hoyer said. “He had two club options with no buyouts. He was forcing his way out. We felt like we had to do the deal.”
The deal was “convoluted,” according to Hoyer, because it involved multiple teams as the clock was ticking down on deadline day.
“It looked like it was never going to get done,” Hoyer said. “It was a last-second three-team deal. That was the most confusing one because there were so many cooks in the kitchen. At one point, the Marlins were involved with a young [Giancarlo] Stanton.”
In the end, the Red Sox, Pirates and Dodgers pulled off the three-teamer, which sent Ramirez to Los Angeles and outfielder Jason Bay back to Boston while the Pirates got four prospects.
“Frankly, we got that done well after the deadline,” Hoyer stated. “That was the most manic and confusing one.”
When the trade goes through — for better or worse
‘We didn’t know we were getting a star’
In 2012, Jerry Dipoto was in his first full year as GM of the Los Angeles Angels. He had a good team with All-Star hitters and top-of-the-rotation pitchers, but his bullpen really struggled early in the season.
“May is a difficult time to make any meaningful trades,” Dipoto said. “And we didn’t have a burgeoning farm system to deal from either. But we were able to acquire Ernesto Frieri from the Padres. He was like fourth or fifth on the Pads depth chart.”
Frieri was out of options so the Padres didn’t mind moving him.
“He was like a 1.5-pitch type of reliever,” Dipoto said. “We got him for two prospects: second baseman Alexi Amarista and minor league pitcher Donn Roach.”
The Angels were immediately impressed with their new reliever.
“He played catch down the line the first day and our pitching coach was like ‘Wow, you can’t pick up this guy’s ball at all,'” Dipoto recalled. “He threw a scoreless inning that night and the next night he was closing.”
Frieri ripped off 20 scoreless innings to begin his Angels career and was a finalist to make the All-Star team.
“I distinctly remember [scout] Charlie Kerfeld asking me how I pulled that one off. It’s so hard to do it in May. We didn’t know we were getting a star.”
‘He threw out a slew of names and said, “We will overpay”‘
Trader Jerry, as Dipoto is known, was at it again during the shortened 2020 season, now working for the Mariners. And again, it was the Padres on the other end of the phone. San Diego had a really good team and was looking for some specific help.
“They were trying to fortify and they needed a catcher,” Dipoto said. “We had Austin Nola, who was going bananas for us in that short season.”
Nola was hitting .306 with a 151 OPS+ when AJ Preller called Dipoto.
“We were in full rebuild mode but didn’t have much interest in moving him, simply because it’s a tough position to fill and he’s a great makeup guy,” Dipoto said.
But Preller wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“He threw out a slew of names and said, ‘We will overpay,'” Dipoto recalls. “AJ is that way.”
In return, the Mariners received four players, including Ty France — but it was a second, late trade that year with San Diego that Dipoto liked even more. The Padres wanted reliever Taylor Williams.
“After doing the first deal, we’re inside of 10 minutes until the deadline,” Dipoto said. “We’ve asked for a number of mainstream players. They said no. But they had a guy in their farm system who had thrown one inning as a minor leaguer after being drafted the previous year. Then COVID hit. That was Matt Brash. We were so close to the deadline that I heard AJ cup the phone and yell, ‘BRASH?’ to one of his assistants. Then he gets back on and says, ‘We’ll do it.’
“It’s the only deal I’ve ever done without seeing the medicals. There was no time. But Brash has been good for us.”
‘To this day, I don’t think Kazmir knows the full story of why we traded him’
When asked about his most interesting deals, Jim Duquette immediately thought of the oft-discussed trade of prospect Scott Kazmir during his time as GM of the Mets — with some insight even hard-core Mets fans may not know.
In July 2004, Duquette traded Kazmir to the then-Tampa Bay Devil Rays for starter Victor Zambrano. But few knew that an off-the-field sponsorship would have a lasting impact on the deal.
“A lot of it centered on the medical,” Duquette said. “[Kazmir] was high risk.”
Kazmir was a first-round pick, but the Mets were worried about his health from the time they drafted him on. They did the deal after clearing Zambrano of any medical concerns of his own. And that backfired on them.
“It didn’t help that we had an inexperienced ortho group that had just started overseeing our entire medical staff in 2003, after their hospital had signed a multiyear sponsorship deal with the organization,” Duquette said. “The ultimate irony is Kazmir never got injured while Zambrano was cleared and got injured after three starts. It was a double whammy.”
Zambrano missed the rest of 2004 but was healthy in 2005 before undergoing Tommy John surgery in 2006. Kazmir eventually did get hurt but first provided the Rays and later the Angels with several productive seasons before needing Tommy John surgery in 2011.
“To this day, I don’t think Kazmir knows the full story of why we traded him,” Duquette said.
When the deal falls apart
‘For an hour we thought we were getting Felix Hernandez’
Before joining the Giants in 2018, Zack Minasian spent 14 years in the Brewers. During one of his seasons under GM Doug Melvin, the team thought it had a deal for one of the game’s top pitchers.
Milwaukee was deep in conversations with the Seattle Mariners, who had a former Brewers executive, Jack Zduriencik, serving as GM.
“Jack and Doug were talking about a trade that would have sent Felix Hernandez to Milwaukee,” Minasian recalled. “At one point, we thought Jack had agreed to it but he needed to make one other move before we could finalize it.
“It didn’t happen, but for an hour we thought we were getting Felix Hernandez. We were nervous, anxious, excited and just waiting.”
That is not the only time a trade that failed to come to fruition created a memory for Minasian. After a trade with the Mets involving Wilmer Flores and Zack Wheeler fell through, Minasian ended up at a bar while the front office was looking at other potential deals.
“One of my friends owned a place in Milwaukee,” he said. “I got a call from Doug while I was there and I had to go in the basement of the bar where all the liquor is being stored, huddled in the back corner, going through Astros prospects.
“You have to do what you have to do, right?”
‘We don’t get Gallen if we make that trade’
Sometimes a trade that fell through can turn out to be a blessing in disguise for a team. Hazen remembers such a trade during his second trade deadline as Diamondbacks GM.
As trade season heated up, Arizona was running neck and neck with the Los Angeles Dodgers in a battle for the top spot in the National League and the teams were among the top suitors for the prize of the deadline: Baltimore star Manny Machado, who was set to hit free agency after the season.
Ultimately, Machado went to the Dodgers and L.A. won the NL West and reached the World Series. But the ripple effects of Arizona not landing Machado helped the D-backs make a World Series appearance of their own in 2023.
“We tried to get Manny Machado from the Orioles in 2018 and Jazz Chisholm would have been in that trade,” Hazen said. “We didn’t trade Jazz there but that got us Zac Gallen in 2019. We don’t get Gallen if we make that trade for Machado, so you never know.”
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David Hale
During the long, dark months between the end of one season and the beginning of another, we tell each other stories, because we need something to fill the void. We dress those stories up, calling them things like “way too early” rankings, preseason predictions or scalding hot takes, and we sustain them with statistics, data and historical perspective. But ultimately, they are at best educated guesses and, at worst, outright lies.
Then Week 1 comes along and college football delivers us a heaping dose of the truth, exposing our deceptions to the world like the kiss cam at a Coldplay concert.
On Saturday, college football’s truth still seemed hard to believe.
We’ve spent months burnishing the image of our next Heisman Trophy winner, Arch Manning. Only, in Week 1, Manning’s offense was overwhelmed by the defending champs, as Ohio State dumped Texas 14-7.
We’ve spent the summer laughing incredulously at Florida State ‘s Tommy Castellanos, seemingly the only player foolish enough to poke the bear by taunting Alabama when, in fact, he was a fortune-teller. Nick Saban couldn’t bail out the Crimson Tide on Saturday, and the Seminoles, buried after a 2-10 season a year ago, toppled Bama in convincing fashion 31-17.
We’ve heard all offseason Clemson was the class of the ACC, a nearly perfect team built around loads of returning talent that, after Dabo Swinney lost a bet with Tom Allen on who’d win the three-legged race at the team’s annual team picnic, even added players from the transfer portal. On Saturday, however, Clemson’s offense looked woefully similar to those stagnant offenses of years past. LSU‘s defensive front steamrollered its way to a 17-10 win in what used to be Clemson’s Death Valley, which must now be referred to as Critical-but-Stable Condition Valley due to the stakes of this matchup between two teams with the same nicknames for their stadiums.
Yes, Saturday’s results revealed that all our offseason narratives were no different than the description on a John Mateer Venmo transaction — dangerous, hilarious and completely made up.
In Columbus, the preseason No. 1 Longhorns couldn’t crack the scoreboard for the first 56 minutes of action. This was to be Manning’s coming-out party after two years in waiting behind Quinn Ewers; instead, the day belonged to new Ohio State defensive coordinator Matt Patricia, a man hired only so Ryan Day wouldn’t have the weirdest-looking beard on staff. Patricia’s defense had an answer for everything Texas threw at it, holding Manning to just 17-of-30 passing, picking off a critical third-quarter pass to set up the decisive touchdown and stuffing the Horns on fourth down four times — including twice inside the 10-yard line.
It’s not that Ohio State’s offense wowed. A unit that proved deadly in last year’s College Football Playoff en route to a national championship mustered just 203 total yards — the Buckeyes’ worst regular-season output since 2015. But new quarterback Julian Sayin avoided any catastrophic mistakes and delivered a 40-yard dagger to Carnell Tate in the fourth quarter despite no one even knowing who his uncles are. If it wasn’t an emphatic endorsement for the 2025 version of Ohio State, it was a reminder the Buckeyes will not be swept aside without a fight.
In Tallahassee, Kalen DeBoer took another huge step toward having the word “tarmac” appear on his Wikipedia page. Since toppling Georgia last September and climbing to No. 1 in the AP poll, the Tide are just 5-5 overall, and Saturday’s loss to Florida State — a team that finished 2-10 a year ago — marks a new nadir.
In the aftermath, DeBoer was left scrambling for answers, saying, “There’s no excuse about what happened. We’ve got to play our style of ball. Last year isn’t this year. You’ve got to focus on the moment …” and there’s a long run past midfield by Castellanos.
Castellanos had promised a win, saying in June he saw no way Alabama could stop him. Lo and behold, he was right. The signal-caller who was benched at Boston College just a year ago ran all over an Alabama defense that seemed utterly flustered at times, despite FSU’s game plan including just nine completions.
Fewest completions in a win over Alabama since 2008:
FSU – 9, today
Okla – 9, Wk13, 2024
LSU – 10, Wk10, 2011
Mich – 11, bowl, 2024
Aub – 11, Wk14, 2013
Aub – 13, Wk14, 2010So, 3 all-time Saban classics (Cam, 9-6, Kick 6) and 3 of DeBoer’s 14 games as Bama HC.
— 💫🅰️♈️🆔 (@ADavidHaleJoint) August 30, 2025
But it was FSU coach Mike Norvell who delivered his own truth in the fourth quarter. After a year in which he aged on the sideline the way a president does over two terms, Norvell promised he wouldn’t let this team roll over in the face of adversity. After Alabama charged back to within one score, FSU faced a fourth-and-1 at its own 36, and Norvell decided to go for it. It was a decision that would have been lambasted if it had failed and the Tide tied the game, but Alabama transfer Roydell Williams plunged ahead for 4 yards, FSU capped the drive with a touchdown, and Norvell’s message to his team couldn’t have been more clear. This year is different.
Things are different at LSU, too. While so much of the college football world had grown to love Brian Kelly’s annual Week 1 postgame press conferences in which he’d raise a podium over his head while decrying his lack of a ground game and yelling “Hunk smash!” this year’s Bayou Bengals actually played hard from start to finish and finally snagged a season-opening win.
In what was billed as a showdown between arguably the two best QBs in college football, it was the LSU defense that stole the show, tormenting Cade Klubnik throughout and holding Clemson to 31 rushing yards. Clemson’s last 19 plays were all passes, and Klubnik was under pressure on nearly all of them. Swinney may insist on bringing his own guts, but he keeps leaving his rushing attack at home.
So here we are, still not quite through with the opening scenes of the 2025 season, and we’ve already upended the Heisman race, slayed a giant and left Kelly with a smile on his face. What were the odds?
Of course, that’s the point, right? After an offseason in which conference commissioners tried to codify their own stories in the form of scheduling metrics, guaranteed playoff bids and TV revenue splits, a real Saturday of games is the respite from the narratives, a reminder that the games remain blissfully unpredictable.
After all, to paraphrase Lester Bangs from “Almost Famous,” the only true currency in this bankrupt world of college sports is the jokes you share with someone else when watching Alabama lose as a 14-point favorite again.
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Week 1 vibe check
Each week, major upsets, emphatic wins and stellar performances grab the headlines around the college football ecosystem, but there are also many smaller storylines that matter just as much. We try to capture those here.
Trending up: Trendy fashion choices
Georgia Tech upended Colorado on Friday 27-20, but the real buzz was all about the attire of return man Eric Rivers, who took the field dressed as though he was the lead singer of Talking Heads during the “Stop Making Sense” tour or had just been selected sixth overall in the 1999 NBA draft.
Pierrot, by Jean-Antoine Watteau, 1718-19 pic.twitter.com/dHRfgGYzPP
— ArtButMakeItSports (@ArtButSports) August 30, 2025
If the Yellow Jackets have any sense of humor at all, Rivers should line up for his first scrimmage play next week rocking a pair of parachute pants.
Trending down: Bad fashion choices
To honor the city of New Orleans on the 20th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, Tulane had hoped to don its 2005 uniforms for its game against Northwestern on Saturday. The Wildcats denied the request, which led to a 23-3 whooping by the Green Wave and some spicy comments from Tulane coach Jon Sumrall afterward.
“When you disrespect the city of New Orleans, you’re going to run into it,” Sumrall said. “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but don’t disrespect the city of New Orleans.”
In contrast, after Florida State’s QB disrespected the city of Tuscaloosa this offseason, Alabama responded by writing a sternly worded letter to its commissioner insisting that, instead of a nine-game slate, the SEC move to a 12 conference games so this can’t happen in the future.
Trending up: In-game ad revenue
Deion Sanders delivered on his promise to have a portable toilet on the sideline for Colorado’s game against Georgia Tech, and he even got it sponsored by Depend.
Deion Sanders indeed has a portable toilet next to Colorado’s bench, to accommodate him following bladder reconstruction surgery.
And it’s sponsored. pic.twitter.com/GegvViVJQC
— Adam Rittenberg (@ESPNRittenberg) August 29, 2025
While we’re certainly glad to see Sanders is feeling better, the Buffs’ loss makes this sponsorship feel as though it’s one of the worst on-field marketing disasters since Red Lobster sponsored Les Miles’ ill-fated sideline seafood tower during the 2015 Texas Bowl.
Trending down: The middle seat from ATL to SYR
Tennessee‘s offense certainly didn’t look any worse off after waving goodbye to Nico Iamaleava. Transfer Joey Aguilar threw for 247 yards and three touchdowns in a 45-26 win over Syracuse.
This, of course, was bad news for whichever member of the Orange had to sit next to Syracuse coach Fran Brown on the flight home, as Brown famously refuses to shower after a loss. Luckily, for just an additional $29.95, Spirit Airlines will furnish the team with one of those “new car smell” air fresheners to hang above Brown’s seat.
Trending up: Short road trips
UConn packed the house at Rentschler Field with its largest crowd since 2013.
A total of 37,594 in attendance today at The Rent!
The largest crowd since 2013 🫡 pic.twitter.com/FTGYFP1Spa
— UConn Huskies (@UConnHuskies) August 30, 2025
This could certainly be in response to fans getting excited after last year’s 9-4 campaign. Or it could be that the opponent, Central Connecticut State, drove up attendance. CCSU is actually closer to Rentschler Field (12 miles) than is UConn (24 miles).
Trending down: The Group of 5
On Thursday, the Group of 5’s playoff picture was upended when No. 25 Boise State — the lone ranked team outside the Power 4 — was stomped by USF Bulls 34-7. Then on Friday, the defending American champion, Army, fell in embarrassing fashion to FCS Tarleton State.
This could leave the door wide open for a surprise team from the Group of 5 to make a playoff run, but unfortunately Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti already called dibs on the spot and invoked the “no take backs” clause of his proposed playoff plan, so … congratulations Maryland. You’re in now.
Trending up: Upstaging celebrities
Much was made of the engagement of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift earlier this week, but the Kansas City Chiefs tight end didn’t manage the most romantic proposal of Week 1. That honor goes to this guy, who popped the question in the only truly romantic way possible: with mayonnaise.
LOVE HAPPENS IN MAYO LAND 💍 pic.twitter.com/WBLqschvhb
— Duke’s Mayo Classic (@DukesMayoBowl) August 30, 2025
We assume the wedding will be officiated by an anthropomorphic Pop-Tart, they’ll exit the reception by riding on the back of the Wake Forest Demon Deacon’s motorcycle, and they’ll honeymoon at the Bahamas Bowl which, this season, is probably being played in Little Rock, Arkansas for some reason.
Trending up: Lincoln Riley’s job security
USC thumped Missouri State 73-13, racking up nearly 600 yards of total offense and rushing for six touchdowns.
Riley would like to remind everyone that even if they get shut out against Georgia Southern next week, he would still be averaging 36.5 points per game, and that’s pretty good.
Trending down: Life expectancy for K-State fans
One week after seeing their team fall to rival Iowa State in the verdant hills of Ireland, Kansas State fans nearly suffered an even bigger indignity at the hands of a school mostly surrounded by cornfields, as North Dakota took a 35-31 lead into the final minute of the game.
Avery Johnson rode to the rescue this time, however, engineering a 10-play touchdown drive capped by a 6-yard completion to Joe Jackson to escape with a 38-35 win. Johnson threw for 318 yards and three touchdowns in the game and is now listed as the emergency contact on 86% of Kansas residents’ medical forms.
Trending up: The First State
Delaware toppled Delaware State 35-17 on Thursday, the Blue Hens’ first game as an FBS member.
With fellow newcomer Missouri State getting blown out by USC, that means that Delaware alone has the best winning percentage in FBS history (minimum one game). It’s the most exciting thing to happen in to the state since the new Hot Topic opened at the Concord Mall.
Under-the-radar game of the week
Entering Saturday’s action, Kent State had lost 21 straight games. The program was in shambles, and its last head coach, Kenni Burns, had been fired and (possibly) replaced by an AI program developed by some MIT dropouts who thought they were playing Minesweeper and accidentally coded a football algorithm.
And yet, the football gods smiled upon the Golden Flashes in Week 1, delivering a win in truly epic style.
Trailing 17-14 to Merrimack, a school that exists only in a child’s imagination, a player named — this is true — Da’Realyst Clark ran back a kickoff 100 yards for a touchdown, putting Kent State up 21-17 with 5:28 to play.
1:17
Merrimack Warriors vs. Kent State Golden Flashes: Full Highlights
Merrimack Warriors vs. Kent State Golden Flashes: Full Highlights
Sure, Kent State has Texas Tech, Florida State and Oklahoma — all on the road — in its next four games, but that’s of little importance today because, for the first time in nearly two full calendar years, the Golden Flashes are victorious. Turns out, that AI that thinks the Greek god of wisdom is Toyotathon knows a little something about football after all.
Under-the-radar play of the week
During pregame celebrations in Eugene on Saturday, the famed Oregon Duck took a nasty spill and lost his duck head, exposing the human underneath. While that was good for a laugh, the mascot’s reaction was truly impressive, as he sprinted a solid 25 yards at full speed wearing feet made out of felt, all while (we assume) screaming, “Look away! Look away! I’m hideous!” before returning to his secluded lair beneath an opera house.
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Oregon Duck loses his head and scampers off
Oregon Duck loses his head and scampers off
Heisman five
On one hand, Arch Manning saw his Heisman odds tumble after struggling in a 14-7 loss to Ohio State. On the other hand, at least he’s unlikely to have the Heisman stolen from him by Charles Woodson now, so he has got that going for him. Which is nice.
1. Oklahoma QB John Mateer
The Washington State transfer completed 30 of 37 passes for 392 yards and accounted for four touchdowns in a 35-3 win over Illinois State, a performance so impressive his friend sent him $50 bucks with the note: “Definitely not because of sports gambling.”
2. Florida State QB Tommy Castellanos
Some would call it ego. Some would call it cockiness. Castellanos would call his offseason commentary facts. After talking smack on Alabama in June, Castellanos backed it up with 230 total yards and a touchdown to take down the Tide 34-17. Given that head coach Mike Norvell is superstitious, we recommend Castellanos keep this up by insisting the Noles will hang 300 on East Texas A&M next week.
3. Georgia QB Gunner Stockton
Stockton threw for two touchdowns and ran for two more in a 45-7 win over Marshall on Saturday, then we assume he drove his F-150 over to the Burger King parking lot, sat in the back and listened to John Mellencamp cassettes while wearing a denim jacket and promising he’ll never waste his life working in the factory like his old man.
4. LSU QB Garrett Nussmeier
After throwing for 230 yards and a touchdown in a win over Clemson, Nussmeier now looks like the odds-on favorite to be the No. 1 pick in next year’s NFL draft. His dad, Doug Nussmeier, just so happens to be the offensive coordinator of the Saints, and he was in attendance for Saturday’s win. After the game, the younger Nussmeier responded to his dad’s enthusiasm that he could be drafted by the Saints by saying, “Oh, wow, yeah. That sounds great, but really, it’s OK. You don’t need to go to all that trouble. Really. I’m sure there are lots of other quarterbacks who need a good home and, honestly, just focus on them. I’ll go to the Rams. It’s fine. That’ll be fine.”
5. Iowa State QB Rocco Becht
One week after upending Kansas State in Ireland, Becht delivered the Cyclones a dominant victory over FCS power South Dakota, throwing for 278 yards and three touchdowns in a 55-7 win. By federal law, South Dakota now needs to add Becht’s image to Mt. Rushmore in place of Thomas Jefferson.
Notes from the road
How FSU pulled the upset
Florida State coach Mike Norvell talked for months about wanting his team to play with an edge, with desperation, with heart — three key intangibles missing last year during a miserable 2-10 season.
The college football world saw all of that on display in a 31-17 win over Alabama. But perhaps most jaw-dropping was the physical way in which the Seminoles dominated the Crimson Tide up front. After allowing an opening 75-yard drive, the Florida State defense clamped down from there — and allowed just 3 yards per rush for the game.
The revamped offensive line, with four veteran transfers, dominated in its own right — not only opening up holes, but pushing defenders backward at nearly every turn. Florida State rushed for 230 yards, a year after averaging 89.9 yards per game — ranking No. 128 in the country.
“We wanted to be the aggressor, and we were,” Norvell said. “Our players, they rose to the challenge. We talked all year, and I’ve used the buzzwords of edge and desperation. That goes to the heart, and you saw heart tonight. We saw a team that absolutely loves playing this game together and were physically dominant, emotionally together, and they responded. This is a first step, but it’s a big step.”
0:35
Florida State fans storm field after Noles upset Alabama
Florida State fans storm the field after opening the season with a 31-17 win over No. 8 Alabama.
It is a big step because of what happened a year ago. Florida State came off a 13-1 ACC championship season with one of the worst performances in school history. Those outside the program questioned Norvell, questioned the program’s direction. He needed a win like this to remind the general public the Florida State is not what it showed a year ago.
On the flip side is Alabama coach Kalen DeBoer, who already went into the season with Crimson Tide fans skeptical about him and the direction of the program after a 9-4 debut that ended with a bowl loss to Michigan.
You will remember DeBoer got the Alabama job over Norvell, and now the pressure is rising as the successor to Saban. Alabama lost a season opener by two touchdowns for the first time since 1970.
“There’s no excuses about what happened,” DeBoer said. “Last year isn’t this year, and it’s going to be an uphill climb for us, but you can’t think of it in the big scope of things. You’ve got to focus on the moment. And the next moment is, ‘What happens tomorrow?’ And we’ll find out. We’ll find out.” — Andrea Adelson
Ohio State’s defense came ready
Ohio State opened its national championship defense with a dominating defensive effort. And for the second straight season against Texas, the Buckeyes produced a game-clinching stop.
Despite eight new defensive starters, the Buckeyes flew around all afternoon and flustered hyped Texas quarterback Arch Manning into a stunningly erratic performance.
The Buckeyes did not surrender a play longer than 15 yards until late in the fourth quarter. They also came up huge in the red zone.
In the first half, the Buckeyes stuffed a Manning quarterback sneak on fourth-and-goal from the 1-yard line. Then in the fourth quarter, cornerback Davison Igbinosun swatted away a Manning fourth-down pass to the corner of the end zone.
“Every time you get a fourth-down stop, it’s like a turnover,” Day said after the game.
After a Texas touchdown with 3:28 to play, the Longhorns got the ball back again with a chance to tie.
But just like last season — when Jack Sawyer’s strip sack and score propelled Ohio State to victory over Texas in the CFP semifinals and to the national championship game — the Buckeyes got the key final stop — as Caleb Downs tackled Jack Endries short of the marker on fourth down.
The Buckeyes’ defensive performance allowed them to ease quarterback Julian Sayin into his first start. Sayin was 13-for-20 for 126 yards and a score in his first start. Unlike Manning, however, Sayin avoided turnovers.
“We were fairly conservative [offensively] because we felt like our defense was playing well,” Day said. — Jake Trotter
Best moments from Texas-Ohio State
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — New quarterback Tommy Castellanos led a punishing rushing attack for Florida State with 78 yards and a touchdown as the Seminoles stunned No. 8 Alabama 31-17 on Saturday, ending the Crimson Tide’s streak of 23 straight wins in season openers.
Coming off a 2-10 season, Florida State handed a crushing setback to Alabama, which was viewed as a College Football Playoff contender under second-year coach Kalen DeBoer.
Castellanos, a transfer from Boston College, made headlines over the summer after saying legendary Alabama coach Nick Saban wasn’t there to “save” the Tide vs. Florida State in their Week 1 matchup and that he doesn’t “see them stopping me.” He backed up that jab by spearheading FSU’s dominant ground attack while staying efficient through the air, finishing 9 of 14 passing for 152 yards.
Students and fans swarmed the field at Doak Campbell Stadium to celebrate the upset by the Seminoles, who closed as 13 1/2-point underdogs at ESPN BET.
Under new offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn — who spent eight seasons as Auburn’s head coach — Florida State was physical from the start, finishing with 230 rushing yards and averaging 4.7 yards per carry. The Seminoles averaged just 89.9 yards during their disastrous 2024 season.
The Crimson Tide had not dropped a season opener since losing 20-17 to UCLA in 2001 under Dennis Franchione, and this defeat will ratchet up the pressure on DeBoer from the demanding Tuscaloosa faithful. His predecessor, Nick Saban, led Alabama to six national titles.
The Associated Press contributed to this story.
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