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Inspirational thought of the week:

Well, as I grew, indeed I rambled
Out along the open road
There I learned the rainbow circle
It’s truly said that’s a sign of storm

Now I’m old, my dreams they wander
Far away in yesterday
I’m going home to the Merrimack county
And find the grass that hides my grave

— “Merrimack County,” Tom Rush

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, currently located beside a roulette table in Tahoe, where we’re waiting on a callback from Coach Corso seeing as how he posted a perfect record in his final “College GameDay” picks and seeing as how he’s free this Saturday so maybe he might help us out, we are sifting through an old road atlas trying to locate Merrimack College.

Why? Because during college football’s opening weekend, the Warriors (located in North Andover, Massachusetts) went and upset the Bottom 10 cosmic balance like Thanos snapping his fingers, or Atlas shrugging, or whatever it was that Lex Luthor was doing with that weird army of tweeting monkeys in the latest “Superman” movie.

If you missed it — and if you did, shame on you and it’s time to rethink your priorities — the Warriors were on the cusp of handing State of Kent its 22nd consecutive loss. Then the realest thing happened. As in Da’Realyst Clark, he of the 100-yard kick return.

The Golden Flash in the Pan’s first win in more than 700 days. The two-time defending and reigning Bottom 10 champions suddenly with a “1” in the “W” column. And it’s just Week 1. At this pace we will be out of breath and in a ditch on the side of the road before the end of September. Likely covered in loose pages from last year’s Kent State football media guide.

With apologies to Oklahoma tight end Carson Kent, Tennessee Vols hero Joey Kent, MLB Rolaids Relief Pitcher of the Year runner-up Kent Tekulve and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 1 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Amherst Amblers are back in a familiar spot after losing to Bottom 10 Waiting Listers Temple of Doom 42-10. Let’s call it a homecoming. And not just because they have returned to #MACtion, but because they are scheduled as the homecoming opponent for four different teams this year. I don’t want to tell the UMass sports marketing department how to do its job, but shouldn’t it sell a florist sponsorship and have the team wear corsages?


The Bearkats kan’t klaim they kohabited in our preseason rankings, but konsidering they are the only 0-2 team in the kountry, konsequently we kurrently have them inkluded.


I hate to stop the celebration of the big win by moving the Flashes up “only” two spots, but reminder: I had to search high and low to find out about the team that lost to them.


The bad news? UCLA and its new former Vols QB lost to former Pac-12 foes Utah 43-10. The good news? Their TV ratings in Tennessee were the highest for a SoCal team since Lane Kiffin’s first game at USC. Sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that Knoxville Walmarts sold out of Windex because of, quote, “All of the nacho cheese and Jack Daniel’s thrown at TVs when UCLA had the ball.”


The Coveted Fifth Spot is Bottom 10 holy ground. When you walk into this room, you do so by strolling past papier-mâché busts of Randy Edsall and Jeremy Pruitt. If you’ve ever been to the Alabama football facility, then you know that when Kalen DeBoer goes to work, he walks past the giant bronze heads of Wallace Wade, Bear Bryant, Gene Stallings and Nick Saban. I wonder, after you lose to Florida State 31-17: Do those busts make scary faces and sing spooky songs like the ones on the Haunted Mansion ride?


In ancient Rome, they would bring in bears to attack convicted criminals on the floor of the Colosseum. Last week it was a group of Bears that was mauled 73-13 by a bunch of Trojans.


The Owls of South Florida traveled to play the Eastern Seaboard Terrapins, where they were chomped 39-7. Now they host the Florida A&M Rattlers, before games with the Panthers, Tigers, other Owls and Dragons. I am assuming this is all part of a Nat Geo documentary soon to be streaming on Disney+.


September means #MACtion Paycheck Season. See: the Cards, who are receiving gift cards of $1.2 million and $1.3 million from Purdue and Auburn, respectively, for their first two games. Judging from their 31-0 loss to the Boilermakers, that should be just about enough to cover the cost of ibuprofen and bandages.


The Niners scored 11 points in their opening loss to Appalachian State, setting up our first and unlikeliest Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year, against …


When I was a kid growing up in the 1980s, Duke and NC State fans would put bumper stickers on their cars with the Carolina Blue footprint logo, the one with the black circle on the heel and the words “It ain’t Tar.” I once saw one of those stickers on a DeLorean. So was that actually a message from the future? From Doc Brown or Mack Brown?

Waiting list: Akronmonious, Southern Missed, Kennesaw Mountain Landis State, Muddled Tennessee, no Coach Corso.

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Angels prospect in critical condition after car crash

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Angels prospect in critical condition after car crash

RICHLAND, Wash. — Los Angeles Angels minor leaguer Rio Foster was in critical condition after a car accident early Friday morning.

The Angels said Foster was involved in a car accident and that the outfielder is “receiving medical care at a local hospital and remains in critical condition.”

Foster plays for the High-A Tri-City Dust Devils in Pasco. Tri-City canceled its game against Hillsboro on Friday night.

“The thoughts and prayers of the entire Dust Devils organization are with Rio Foster who was a passenger in a car accident early this morning and sustained serious injuries,” the Dust Devils posted on social media.

Foster, 22, was a 16th-round pick in the 2023 draft out of Florence-Darlington Technical College in South Carolina. He’s batting .267 with 10 homers and 40 RBIs this season and was the Northwest League player of the month for August.

“We’re praying for the best — that’s all we can do,” Angels interim manager Ray Montgomery said before Friday night’s game against the Athletics. “Unfortunately, I’m working on limited [information] … what I do know is it’s obviously way more important than anything we’re doing here today.

“I’m just thinking about him and his family. He’s a great kid. We had him in spring training. He was a little bit of a later round draft pick, and he’s done some good things. We saw him in spring training, and he was named [Northwest League] player of the month recently, so his career is in a good spot.”

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Ohtani shines as surprise fill-in, but Dodgers fall

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Ohtani shines as surprise fill-in, but Dodgers fall

BALTIMORE — Shohei Ohtani tossed 3⅔ shutout innings Friday night in a surprise start for the Los Angeles Dodgers against Baltimore after teammate Tyler Glasnow was scratched due to back stiffness.

Ohtani threw 70 pitches, 44 for strikes, and reached 101.5 mph with his four-seam fastball against Orioles third baseman Emmanuel Rivera. The 31-year-old right-hander allowed three hits and a walk while striking out five, but the slumping Dodgers lost 2-1 in the opener of a three-game series.

Los Angeles dropped its fourth straight but remained two games up in the NL West over skidding San Diego.

Left-hander Anthony Banda replaced Ohtani in the fourth with Ryan Mountcastle at third base. Banda walked Dylan Beavers but then retired Samuel Basallo on a grounder to end the inning.

Dodgers teammate Freddie Freeman appreciated Ohtani’s effort on short notice.

“You could see he’s exhausted after an inning or two,” Freeman said. “It’s muggy. He’s still not healthy. He’s still sick. He gave it his all. It’s amazing what he’s doing. He’s throwing 100, 101 mph. We will be saying this every year about Shohei Ohtani until he retires. He’s a unicorn. He pitched great. Everything he had in that fourth inning to get out of it.”

Ohtani was scratched from his previous turn Wednesday due to a cough, and manager Dave Roberts projected the five-time All-Star would pitch fewer than five innings Friday.

“I was able to get my high-intensity catch play in yesterday so I felt pretty good chiming in today,” Ohtani said through an interpreter. “I was contacted around 2 o’clock and was told if I could potentially start today.

“I actually felt really good coming into the game today. Probably the worst I felt was game one and game two in Pittsburgh. I started to feel a lot better my last day in Pittsburgh.”

The two-way superstar threw five innings of two-hit ball his last time out on Aug. 27, allowing one run with nine strikeouts for his first win of the season in a 5-1 decision over the Cincinnati Reds.

Roberts saw Ohtani’s pitch count rising in the fourth and decided to go get him.

“I just felt that the pitch count was high,” Roberts said. “Initially, I was thinking four [innings] and 60 [pitches] for him. He was north of that. Even leading up to the fourth inning there was a lot of stress and a lot of high-velocity pitches. For me, I’m not going to risk him just to get another hitter where we have a guy that’s fresh that I felt needs to be able to get those lefties out. If it was a normal situation where it wasn’t short notice, then I would’ve let him get that hitter. We will have time to push him [later this season].”

Glasnow felt discomfort late Thursday night when the team plane landed. The back issue cropped up when he arrived at the ballpark and the right-hander is day-to-day, Roberts said.

“I think it’s just more of trusting the player and also knowing that he wants to be out there and feeling like we got ahead of it early,” Roberts said. “It’s not something that we got to a point where he’s hurt. It’s back stiffness. We feel like to not take this start will allow him to be able to start hopefully early next week.”

Ohtani batted leadoff Friday as the designated hitter again, and Roberts said the three-time MVP wanted to be a critical piece to ending the club’s slide.

“Shohei, to his credit, wants to pick us up,” Roberts said. “I really admire him for that.”

All-Star catcher Will Smith still has some swelling in his right hand and did not play. Roberts believes Smith will have to play through the bone bruise for the rest of the season.

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Astros’ Trammell won’t face discipline for bat

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Astros' Trammell won't face discipline for bat

ARLINGTON, Texas — Houston Astros outfielder Taylor Trammell is facing no discipline from Major League Baseball after umpires confiscated his two-color bat when New York Yankees manager Aaron Boone asked for it to be checked following a double.

Trammell said Friday, a day after the incident in the ninth inning of the Astros’ 8-4 loss to New York, that he had spoken with MLB officials. Trammell said he understood and appreciated their explanation of what happened because of some discoloration on the dark-colored barrel of the bat.

“We see it a lot with some guys who may have a wristband on or something like that, and just got to take it off. So, it’s nothing crazy, didn’t impact the ball or anything like that,” Trammell said before the American League West-leading Astros opened a series in Texas. “It was more so of an aesthetic of the eye, so that was basically the only thing.”

MLB regulations require a two-color bat to be divided into two sections, each of one solid color. That discoloration, while not likely to impact the performance, made it a nonconforming bat.

During the lengthy delay in the ninth inning Thursday night in Houston, both managers talked to plate umpire Adrian Johnson. The umpire then spoke with the replay office in New York before handing the bat to an official who was sitting near home plate.

Boone said Friday that he had asked umpires to check the bat only after it was brought to his attention that something didn’t look right about it.

“Frankly, that was something hard for me to do because I don’t think Taylor was up to anything. I really don’t,” Boone said. “In the moment, I felt like a duty to at least check in for my team. But, you know, I’m frankly satisfied with the ruling, the explanation.”

Trammell, who appeared in five games for the Yankees last season before going to Houston in November, said he wasn’t sure if he would get the bat back from MLB. But he would like to have it.

“I probably would just want it, to have it just because I can have a story to tell my grandkids about it. It’s kind of a cool, funny little story,” he said. “I don’t know if they’ll give it back. They put a sticker on it so it’s authenticated at least. … So, somebody is going to have it.”

Asked about his bats for the series against the playoff-chasing Rangers, Trammell held up the bat he had just used in batting practice.

“I’m making sure like there’s no chipping, there’s a little mark here,” he said, noting a small spot. “We’ve moved on. Like I said, respect for both organizations, and glad how everything kind of turned out.”

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