Here’s to you, “Hammer the unders!” bettor! You listened to the experts, you tossed that knowledge into your group text threads like the boss you are, and this weekend you cried tears of joy. As for the money-line folks? The football gods again reminded us our sorrow is their delight. Buckets of tears were filled, and we’re here to break it down.
Dan Orlovsky now has the distinction of being the second prettiest quarterback to ever accidentally run out of the back of the end zone, but this 49ers-Broncos game takes the cake as the ugliest thing we’ve seen in ages. 11-10? Really? On Sunday night when we can’t even tune in to another game?! Money-line bettors — we’re SURE Jimmy Garoppolo would help the passing offense. Oops.
Only Orlovsky got to celebrate this one
SAFETY! Jimmy G steps out of the back of the end zone. #FTTB
— Sunday Night Football on NBC
(@SNFonNBC) Sep 25, 2022
Verdict: Three buckets
It’s ok to admit that Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers are incredible and their offenses are also incredibly bad, right? We knew this would be a defensive struggle, but you know Bucs money-line people were feeling all kinds of swaggy when Tampa had the chance to tie it with a 2-point conversion.
Oops. One wild delay of game penalty followed by a failed 2-point conversion and Packers money was celebrating like Remy from Ratatouille if he found a cheese board.
Verdict: Two buckets — one filled with sadness and one with joy.
Why does a blowout win by Jacksonville make this list? Because some of you lucky bettors were so confident in this game when you thought Herbert wouldn’t play, and you know darn well you threw your hands up in sadness and disgust when you found out he was in the lineup. Still, walk your walk and talk your talk because right now you look brilliant.
Verdict: 1.5 buckets — mostly filled with your pre-kickoff tears you’re now going to deny.
Bills offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey looked just like your Bills fan buddy at the bar as this game finished.
Buffalo Bills offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey went CRAZY in the final seconds of Bills-Dolphins
Winning team outgained by 275 stinking yards? Cool. Perfect. We even had a butt punt. A cheek kick? A tush push? OK, I’ll stop now.
Verdict: 3.5 buckets … and a clear indication of which side I bet on.
As always, we have to give Saturday credit for their contributions to chaos.
Missouri kicker Harrison Mevis had the chance to be the “Thicker Kicker Upper” with what could have been a game-winning chip-shot field goal to beat Auburn, but he wasn’t “Downy” to let this thing end in regulation.
I’m not proud of that joke. Actually, I am.
Anyway, Auburn got in on the missed kick fun, but an offsides call gave them a second shot in overtime. That turned into an Auburn lead, and I can only imagine the “Tastes great! Less filling!” back and forth that was happening at sports bars everywhere between Auburn and Missouri backers. Then … well … Missouri fans were reminded why they can’t have nice things.
MISSOURI WAS ABOUT TO WIN IT BUT HE FUMBLED INTO THE END ZONE FOR A TOUCHBACK
Win or lose — from the first bucket of wings (with a side of bleu cheese, of course, as we can all agree ranch is trash) Saturday afternoon all the way to the last wing you ate Sunday night while you asked yourself how many hours are too many hours for chicken to sit out at room temperature — buckets were filled.
You can tweet me @jasonfitz with your bucket fillers and even get some awesome swag. Here’s to another week of chaos, my friends.
CLEVELAND — How far can a team go by repeatedly dancing away from a season-ending precipice? The Cleveland Guardians are determined to find out.
The Guardians, boosted by a five-run eighth-inning outburst that began with an unlikely home run from Brayan Rocchio, beat the Detroit Tigers6-1 on Wednesday to force a decisive Game 3 in the AL Wild Card Series.
In many ways, it was fitting that Rocchio ignited the season-saving rally because the trajectory of his rags-to-riches season has been in lockstep with the team around him. And, yes, the blast was unlikely, but unlikely is where the Guardians seem to be most comfortable.
“We always say we try to always play without pressure,” Rocchio said through the team’s interpreter. “That’s our type of ball. We just play and we realize we’re going to play until the last out. Even if we’re down by 10, we’ll know we’ll continue to try to play that type of ball.”
For seven innings, the Guardians and Tigers engaged in the kind of low-scoring, close game that frustrates hitters and thrills pitchers alike. For Cleveland, the frustration came from an inability to do much of anything after George Valera‘s first-inning home run. Through seven frames, Cleveland had just two hits and five baserunners overall.
For Detroit, the frustration was very different. The Tigers stranded 15 baserunners for the game. One Cleveland pitcher after another managed to wriggle out of trouble, usually with an inning-ending strikeout.
“It was a tough day,” Tigers manager A.J. Hinch said. “Obviously, they made the most of their opportunities and we left 15 guys on. I think that paints the picture that was today.”
The score was tied 1-1 entering the Cleveland half of the eighth. With one out, Rocchio stepped to the dish against Detroit fireballer Troy Melton.
“Just velo and the plus stuff,” Hinch said when asked why he went with Melton in that situation. “We needed to extend the game.”
Melton might have been the least of Rocchio’s problems. The afternoon shadows make things miserable for the hitters, with Guardians manager Stephen Vogt noting that in those conditions, batters simply can’t pick up the spin on a pitch, making everything look more or less like a fastball.
Rocchio got an actual fastball from Melton, a four-seamer in the heart of the plate that registered at 99.9 mph, per Statcast. The sheer velocity of the pitch was the first thing that made Rocchio’s homer so unlikely. According to ESPN Research, only Oscar Mercado, in a 2020 regular-season game, had gone deep on a pitch that fast for Cleveland over the past decade.
Rocchio connected and sent a shot toward right field. But even so, a home run still seemed very unlikely thanks to a howling wind that had been blowing in from that direction and played havoc with fly balls all afternoon.
“Funny enough, when the game started, I was thinking with this wind, we have to put the ball on the ground, try to get ground balls,” Rocchio said. “When I get that mindset to get the ball on the ground is when I get better and better results.”
Indeed, the ball settled into the right-field seats, giving Cleveland the lead and sparking an offensive surge capped by Bo Naylor‘s three-run blast later in the inning.
But forget the conditions — the shadows, the wind, the pitcher — and just think how unlikely it was that Rocchio was there, taking a high-leverage at-bat in a postseason elimination game.
Rocchio struggled so badly early this season that he spent six weeks at Triple-A despite helping the Guardians to the 2024 AL Central title and becoming a Gold Glove finalist at shortstop.
When Rocchio did return to the majors, his club was on its way to digging a 15½-game hole beneath Detroit in the AL Central. Nevertheless, there they were in Game 2, Rocchio and the Guardians, getting a postseason win in a season that has at various times been on life support.
“I think it’s important to just understand that we’re here for a reason,” Naylor said. “We’re here because we trust the guys that are in that clubhouse at our side.”
The Tigers won’t be daunted by their Game 2 loss, though they will join the Guardians in facing an elimination game Thursday. But if experience in playing with your back against the wall means anything, that edge has to go to a Guardians squad that has been there for three months.
“This is who we are,” Vogt said. “Couldn’t be more proud of our guys. Back against the wall. Back’s still against the wall tomorrow. We’ll come out ready to go and so will they. It will be another dogfight tomorrow. I guarantee it.”
Jackson Merrill hit an early sacrifice fly as San Diego avoided elimination after losing 3-1 on Tuesday. Dylan Cease struck out five in 3 2/3 innings before handing the ball to his team’s hard-throwing bullpen.
The finale of the best-of-three series is back at Wrigley Field on Thursday.
The playoff-tested Padres are looking for a repeat of 2020, when they dropped Game 1 in the special pandemic wild-card round before advancing with two straight victories against St. Louis. Machado also homered in Game 2 of that series.
Chicago finished with four hits. The franchise is making its first appearance in the playoffs in five years, and it hasn’t advanced since it eliminated Washington in a 2017 NL Division Series.
San Diego jumped in front on Merrill’s flyball to right off Andrew Kittredge in the first, driving in Fernando Tatis Jr. Kittredge started for Chicago as an opener, and the right-hander was replaced by left-hander Shota Imanaga in the second.
The Cubs threatened in the fourth, putting runners on first and second with two down. Adrian Morejon then came in and retired Pete Crow-Armstrong on a bouncer to first.
The Padres added two more runs on Machado’s 404-foot drive to left off Imanaga in the fifth. Tatis reached on a leadoff walk and advanced on a sacrifice ahead of Machado’s 12th career playoff homer.
The three runs were more than enough for San Diego’s bullpen, with Miller and Robert Suarez combining for 14 pitches of over 100 mph.
Morejon pitched 2 1/3 perfect innings before Miller showed off his electric stuff while striking out five consecutive batters. The 6-foot-5 right-hander reached 104.5 mph on a called third strike to Carson Kelly in the seventh that was the fastest pitch in the postseason since Statcast started tracking in 2008.
Miller, who was acquired in a trade with the Athletics on July 31, struck out the side in the seventh in his postseason debut on Tuesday. The eight straight Ks tied the postseason record set by Josh Hader in 2022.
Miller was pulled from Game 2 after he hit Michael Busch with a slider with two oust in the eighth. Suarez retired Nico Hoerner on a liner to right before a one-hit ninth for the save.
Up nextYu Darvish will get the ball for San Diego on Thursday. There was no immediate word on Chicago’s starter.
Darvish played for the Cubs for three seasons before he was traded to the Padres in December 2020. The right-hander said he enjoys pitching at Wrigley.
“Yeah, this place did me good,” he said through a translator. “The organization, the fans did me good, too.”
AMES, Iowa — No. 14 Iowa State‘s secondary will be without longtime starters Jontez Williams and Jeremiah Cooper for the rest of the season because of knee injuries.
Coach Matt Campbell announced Tuesday that Williams damaged the ACL in his right knee late in the Cyclones’ 39-14 win over Arizona on Saturday. Cooper tore his ACL in practice last week. The two have combined for 55 starts.
Williams, an Associated Press All-Big 12 second-team pick in 2024, had one interception and two pass breakups this season. He was hurt with three minutes left against Arizona as he dove in an attempt to knock a ball away from a receiver.
“So that’s a situation that really stinks for the kid,” Campbell said. “But man, just how he’s handled it has been uber impressive. And a great human. He’ll be back ready to rock and roll next year.”
Cooper has made 36 starts since 2022 and was an AP All-Big 12 first-team pick at safety in 2023. He switched to cornerback full time this season and had an interception and three pass breakups through four games.
Tre Bell, a transfer from Lindenwood, made his first start for the Cyclones in Cooper’s place against Arizona. Quentin Taylor Jr., who played 26 snaps against Arizona, would be in line to make his first start when the Cyclones (5-0, 2-0 Big 12) visit Cincinnati (3-1, 1-0) on Saturday.