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The number 1 thing about going number 2 is to have a cleanup plan. Unfortunately, toilet paper (TP) may not always be by your side. Be it because you are camping, a country-wide TP shortage, or that things have gone sideways and you didnt store nearly enough. Dont fret and do the penguin waddle to the neighbors to borrow a few squares. Here are 15 TP plant substitutes that nature has provided for us!Why Natural Substitutes

TP is one of the greatest inventions and hygiene improvements. However, we havent always had this pleasure. More importantly, it may not be with us for ever. Even as recently as the Covid-19 pandemic, several rumors plunged us deep into a TP panic. Manufacturers were running overtime. Store shelves were empty. The few stores that had stock, limited purchases to only a few rolls. Even worse, some people went without.

Events dont need to be as dramatic. It only takes a walk in the woods when nature calls to show the need for a little foraging knowledge. Finding the right plant may mean the difference between a comfortable and very uncomfortable walk home.

Finally, as we prepare for harsher times, the focus usually lands on food, firearms, medical supplies, or other sexier topics than TP. The reality is we need it and should have it as a part of our long-term stores. One roll per person per week is the average use. That being said, funds and storage space arent unlimited. Eventually, you will need TP plant substitutes.

Read ahead for 15 of the best that you can start identifying around your home now.

Garden TP Plant Substitutes

The first, and easiest, TP plant substitutes to source can come from your own garden. It may be easiest for you, from an identification standpoint, to grow your own. Not surprisingly, there are several TP plant substitutes you can plan as a part of your annual harvest.

Cabbage (Brassica oleracea)

Who knew you could use cabbage outside of the kitchen? Cabbage makes one of the best homegrown TP plant substitutes as it has large sturdy leaves. In fact, many of the leaves get harvested as waste material as you trim to expose the inner head. Use these leaves as TP if you reserve them. To aid in their longevity, dry them. Just not too much or they will get brittle.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabbage

Cauliflower (Brassica oleracea)

Cauliflower is very similar to cabbage. In fact, they are different cultivars of the same species. The leaves may not be as numerous or large, but they are still just as viable for TP use.

As cauliflower grows, the inner leaves are usually pinned over the head to keep it white. The outer leaves are trimmed off while the plant grows. This guarantees a ready supply of TP plant substitutes!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cauliflower

Lambs Ears (Stachys byzantina)

I know that Lambs ears are normally considered a wild plant, but there is no reason not to include them in your garden or with your ornamental plantings. From food to medicine, to bathroom needs, there are many reasons to move Lambs Ears from the wilds to the garden.

Lambs Ears grow easily and spread, providing an abundance of leaves. The softness of the leaves is unparalleled (hence, the name) and the leaves are naturally antibiotic. What more could you ask?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stachys_byzantina

Grape Leaves (Vinis vitifera)

Grapes arent just for wine. Use these leaves for both cooking and to support your hygiene. Each leave is about the size of a normal TP square and is hardy enough to stand up to the job.

Start a trellis near your outhouse and within a year or two youll have enough natural TP to meet your familys needs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitis_vinifera

Foraged TP Plant Substitutes

Never limit TP plant substitutes to cultivated spaces around your house. Nature abounds with tools to manage all our needs. You just need to arm yourself with the proper knowledge.

Remember, always make sure you have 100% positively identified your plant. You dont want a poison ivy leaf to slip in. When using a newly identified plant, rub a small piece on your forearm or wrist, then wait 15 minutes to ensure that you dont have a negative reaction to the new plant.

Borage (Borago officinalis)

Borage is a wildflower that is distributed throughout Europe, the United Kingdom, and rarely in the United States. While Europeans primarily use Borage as a food (leaves and extracted seed oils) the youngest leaves can also be used as TP plant substitutes.

While small, the young leaves are soft and sturdy. The older leaves develop harsh hairs that make use less pleasant.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borage

Blue Spur Flower (Plectranthus ciliatus)

Tall, fragrant, and beautifully flowered, Blue Spur Flower, has been used for generations for bathroom duty. The leaves are exceptionally soft and large, which makes it an efficient flower to plant for TP use. A natural spreader, it will often take over any area that it is planted. You can often find it growing wild in hot climates.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plectranthus_ciliatus

Corn Lily (Clintonia borealis)

Corn Lily is a low growing plant with petite yellow flowers and blue berries. The leaves, while being editable, are long and broad and perfectly suited for bottom cleanup detail. The smooth leaves may not be as comfortable as some of the others on this list, but they are stout enough to hold up to the biggest jobs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clintonia_borealis

Large Leaf Aster (Eurybia macrophylla)

Another plant filling multiple rolls, including as a TP plant substitute, is Large Leaf Aster. The leaves can be eaten, used medicinally, and their size, texture, and durability make them perfect to use in the bathroom. The leaf shape and daisy-like flower make them unmistakable and easy to identify.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurybia_macrophylla

Mullein (Verbascum)

Ranked near the top for backend hygiene is Mullen. Second only to Lambs Ears, the large soft leaves, as well as the spike-like shape of the plant and brilliant yellow flowers, make Mullen easy to find and easy to use.

Usually found in transition spaces between fields and trees, as well as rougher soils, Mullens height and flowers make it stick out like a beacon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbascum

Common Mallow (Malva neglecta)

Common Mallow is at home in the woods just as much as it is at home in a flower garden. It, or one of its many variants, can be found throughout the world. The irregular shaped leaves may require a little creativity, however they are soft and will get the job done.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malva_neglecta

Old Mans Beard (Tillandsia usneoides)

Old Mans Beard is unlike any other plant on the list. Also called Spanish Moss, it can be found hanging from trees often in great numbers in warmer climates. Ignoring the appearance, it can be soft, however you need to gather a fair amount to make sure you have sufficient density (therefore avoiding any accidents).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_moss

H2: Plantain (Plantago major)

Is there anything Plantain cant do? Its a food. Its a medicine. And now it provides bathroom coverage. Left to grow, the leaves can become sizeable. As an added bonus, the leaves, when used as a poultice, heal the skin with remarkable speed. Just in case you have a rash in this sensitive area.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantago_major

Pink Wild Pear (Dombeya burgessiae)

Pink Wild Pear is also known as the Tropical Hydrangea. Cultivated outside of its native Africa, these plants can reach over 15 feet in height. The leaves are broad and tough, with a softness to them that will be a benefit to the backside.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dombeya

Tamarisk Moss (Thuidium tamariscinum)

Blessed is the backside that has a field of moss. The ultimate lush TP plant substitute, moss is thick, soft, and very capable of cleanup duty. Even better, moss is nearly universal throughout the word.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thuidiaceae

Thimbleberry (Rubus parviflorus)

Thimbleberry is found abundantly in the wooded areas of the United States and other countries. They can grow in large colonies that provide copious amounts of leaves. When fully mature, the leaves are large and surprisingly soft. You can identify these plants by their fruit which resembles raspberries.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubus_parviflorus

Yellow Dock (Rumex crispus)

Yellow Dock, Curley Dock, and the other members of this family are a blessing to any forager. Like many on this list, they are edible, medicinal, and aid in the bathroom. While the young tender leaves are best for a salad, wait until they mature and toughen up to use them in the bathroom.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumex_crispus

Cautions

Before you go running off into the woods, eager to try out your newfound knowledge of finding your own TP plant substitutes, you need to be armed with a few precautions.

First, as with all plant and wild foraging practices, always be 100% positive of your identification before using any wild foraged plant. Its best to seek expert guidance on learning plant identification. If this is not possible, then I highly recommend purchasing several field guides. Peterson has a complete library of plant identification, guides. Ive listed the medicinal guide here. However, there are edible plant guides, as well as other generic guides. Pick one that best covers this topic and others that you may look at.

Flacon Press is another provider of nature-based books. Again, find one that covers your interest areas.

Honestly, you cant have enough plant identification books. Each one caters to a different audience, and its style, while the content may be excellent, may not mix with you. Likewise, each will have its own pictures and drawings. You may pick up a critical identification feature in one that you missed in another.

While you wont be eating any of these plants (at least in this application), adverse reactions to TP plant substitutes are still possible. Rashes, blisters, and a host of nasties can happen if you use the wrong plant. Down There is one of those places that you dont need an itch, let alone blisters, be it from the wrong plant or from an allergic reaction.

Other Options

In the western world, we attache ourselves to the paperwork approach to cleanup. However, much of the world relies on water to do the job. In the wilderness, if you have access to a clean source of water, then you can cup and splash to get the job done. Just make sure you have a cloth to dry off afterwards. It takes a little practice, but once you get the hang of it, its very effective. During winter, a fist full of snow is even more effective.

Wrapping Up TP Plant Substitutes

Bears do it and someday you might too. Out. In the wood. You have that urge. Theres no need to fret if you find yourself unprepared. With a little knowledge, a field guide or two, and a positive plant identification, you are all set to answer natures call.

From scrap leaves in your garden to common weeds, nature abounds with options to feed us, heal us, and to clean up the less savory aspects of our daily lives. Look up these plants and find a few that grow in your area. Then take 2 or 3 and really study up. Get to know where they grow around you and what they look like through the seasons. Then take the ultimate step and enjoy the freedom of going outdoors!

Bonus: Root Cellar That Can Be Used as a Bunker

Do you remember the old root cellars our great-grandparents used to have? In fact, they probably built it themselves, right in their back yard.

If you want to learn how to build a backyard bunker like your grandparents had, without breaking the bank, then you need Easy Cellar.

Easy Cellar will show you:How to choose the ideal siteCost-effective building methodsHow to protect your bunker from nuclear blast and falloutHow to conceal your bunkerAffordable basic life support options

Easy Cellar will also reveal how a veteran, with only $421, built a small nuclear bunker in his backyard.Also included:America's Natural Nuclear Bunkers: Find the Closest One to Your Home56 Items to Stockpile in Your Easy Cellar
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Business

A pub a day to close this year, industry body warns as it calls for cut to tax burden

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A pub a day to close this year, industry body warns as it calls for cut to tax burden

An industry body has warned that the equivalent of more than one pub a day is set to close across Great Britain this year.

According to the British Beer and Pub Association (BBPA), an estimated 378 venues will shut down across England, Wales and Scotland.

This would amount to more than 5,600 direct job losses, the industry body warns. It has called for a reduction in the cumulative tax and regulatory burden for the hospitality sector – including cutting business rates and beer duty.

The body – representing members that brew 90% of British beer and own more than 20,000 pubs – said such measures would slow the rate at which bars are closing.

BBPA chief executive Emma McClarkin said that while pubs are trading well, “most of the money that goes into the till goes straight back out in bills and taxes”.

“For many, it’s impossible to make a profit, which all too often leads to pubs turning off the lights for the last time,” she said.

“When a pub closes, it puts people out of a job, deprives communities of their heart and soul, and hurts the local economy.”

She urged the government to “proceed with meaningful business rates reform, mitigate these eye-watering new employment and EPR (extended producer responsibility) costs, and cut beer duty”.

“We’re not asking for special treatment, we just want the sector’s rich potential unleashed,” she added.

Read more:
What is a wealth tax and how would it work in the UK?

Is a comeback on for the British pub?
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The government has said it plans to reform the current business rates system, saying in March that an interim report on the measure would be published this summer.

From April, relief on property tax – that came in following the COVID-19 pandemic – was cut from 75% to 40%, leading to higher bills for hospitality, retail and leisure businesses.

The rate of employer National Insurance Contributions also rose from 13.8% to 15% that month, and the wage threshold was lowered from £9,100 to £5,000, under measures announced by Rachel Reeves in the October budget.

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US

Gaza permanent ceasefire ‘questionable’, says senior Israeli official

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Gaza permanent ceasefire 'questionable', says senior Israeli official

A senior Israeli official has issued a less-than-optimistic assessment of the permanency of any ceasefire in Gaza.

Speaking in Washington on condition of anonymity, the senior official said that a 60-day ceasefire “might” be possible within “a week, two weeks – not a day”.

But on the chances of the ceasefire lasting beyond 60 days, the official said: “We will begin negotiations on a permanent settlement.

“But we achieve it? It’s questionable, but Hamas will not be there.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is due to conclude a four-day visit to Washington later today.

There had been hope that a ceasefire could be announced during the trip. US President Donald Trump has repeatedly stated that it’s close.

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Netanyahu arrives in US for ceasefire talks

Speaking at a briefing for a number of reporters, the Israeli official would not be drawn on any of the details of the negotiations over concerns that public disclosure could jeopardise their chances of success.

The major sticking point in the talks between Hamas and Israel is the status of the Israel Defence Forces (IDF) inside Gaza during the 60-day ceasefire and beyond, should it last longer.

The latest Israeli proposal, passed to Hamas last week, included a map showing the proposed IDF presence inside Gaza during the ceasefire.

Read more: What is the possible Gaza hostage and ceasefire deal?

Israeli military vehicles stand near the Israel-Gaza border, in Israel.
Pic: Reuters
Image:
Pic: Reuters

This was rejected by Hamas and by Trump’s Middle East envoy, Steve Witkoff, who reportedly told the Israelis that the redeployment map “looks like a Smotrich plan”, a reference to the extreme-right Israeli finance minister, Bezalel Smotrich.

The official repeated Israel’s central stated war aims of getting the hostages back and eliminating Hamas. But in a hint of how hard it will be to reconcile the differences, the official was clear that no permanent ceasefire would be possible without the complete removal of Hamas.

“We will offer them a permanent ceasefire,” he told Sky News. “If they agree. Fine. It’s over.

“They lay down their arms, and we proceed [with the ceasefire]. If they don’t, we’ll proceed [with the war].”

On the status of the Israeli military inside Gaza, the official said: “We would want IDF in every square meter of Gaza, and then hand it over to someone…”

He added: “[We] don’t want to govern Gaza… don’t want to govern, but the first thing is, you have to defeat Hamas…”

Smoke rises in Gaza after an explosion, as seen from the Israeli side of the Israel-Gaza border.
Pic: Reuters
Image:
Pic: Reuters

The official said the Israeli government had “no territorial designs for Gaza”.

“But [we] don’t want Hamas there,” he continued. “You have to finish the job… victory over Hamas. You cannot have victory if you don’t clear out all the fighting forces.

“You have to go into every square inch unless you are not serious about victory. I am. We are going to defeat them. Those who do not disarm will die. Those who disarm will have a life.”

On the future of Gaza, the official ruled out the possibility of a two-state solution “for the foreseeable future”.

“They are not going to have a state in the foreseeable future as long as they cling to that idea of destroying our state. It doesn’t make a difference if they are the Palestinian Authority or Hamas, it’s just a difference of tactics.”

Read more:
UN Special Rapporteur criticises Israel
Why Netanyahu only wants a 60-day ceasefire
Trump applying ‘heavy pressure’ on Netanyahu

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On the most controversial aspect of the Gaza conflict – the movement of the population – the official predicted that 60% of Palestinians would “choose to leave”.

But he claimed that Israel would allow them to return once Hamas had been eliminated, adding: “It’s not forcible eviction, it’s not permanent eviction.”

Critics of Israel’s war in Gaza say that any removal of Palestinians from Gaza, even if given the appearance of being “voluntary,” is in fact anything but, because the strip has been so comprehensively flattened.

Reacting to Israeli Defence Minister Katz’s recent statement revealing a plan to move Palestinians into a “humanitarian city” in southern Gaza, and not let them out of that area, the official wouldn’t be drawn, except to say: “As a permanent arrangement? Of course not.”

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UK

‘A constant game of cat and mouse’: Inside the police crackdown on illegal moped delivery drivers

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'A constant game of cat and mouse': Inside the police crackdown on illegal moped delivery drivers

The first thing you notice when immigration officers stop a possible illegal moped delivery driver is the speed in which the suspect quickly taps on their mobile.

“We’re in their WhatsApp groups – they’ll be telling thousands now that we’re here… so our cover is blown,” the lead immigration officer tells me.

“It’s like a constant game of cat and mouse.”

Twelve Immigration Enforcement officers, part of the Home Office, are joining colleagues from Avon and Somerset Police in a crackdown on road offences and migrants working illegally.

Police chase suspected illegal immigrant working as a delivery drivers

The West of England and Wales has seen the highest number of arrests over the last year for illegal workers outside of London.

“It is a problem… we’re tackling it,” Murad Mohammed, from Immigration Enforcement, says. He covers all the devolved nations.

“This is just one of the operations going on around the country, every day of the week, every month of the year.”

Murad Mohammed from Immigration Enforcement
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Murad Mohammed, from Immigration Enforcement, says his team are attempting to tackle the issue

Just outside the Cabot Circus shopping complex, we stop a young Albanian man who arrived in the UK on the back of a truck.

He’s on an expensive and fast-looking e-bike, with a new-looking Just Eat delivery bag.

He says he just uses it for “groceries” – but the officer isn’t buying it. He’s arrested, but then bailed instantly.

A man inspects the Just Eat food delivery bag of a suspected illegal immigrant working as a delivery driver

We don’t know the specifics of his case, but one officer tells me this suspected offence won’t count against his asylum claim.

Such is the scale of the problem – the backlog, loopholes and the complexity of cases – that trying to keep on top of it feels impossible.

This is one of many raids happening across the UK as part of what the government says is a “blitz” targeting illegal working hotspots.

Angela Eagle, the border security and asylum minister, joins the team for an hour at one of Bristol’s retail parks, scattered with fast food chains and, therefore, delivery bikes.

Angela Eagle, Minister for Border Security and Asylum
Image:
Border security and asylum minister, Angela Eagle, speaks to Sky News

She says arrests for illegal working are up over the last year by 51% from the year before, to more than 7,000.

“If we find you working, you can lose access to the hotel or the support you have [been] given under false pretences,” she said.

“We are cracking down on that abuse, and we intend to keep doing so.”

A suspected illegal immigrant working as a delivery driver being arrested

There are reports that asylum seekers can rent legitimate delivery-driver accounts within hours of arriving in the country – skipping employment legality checks.

Uber Eats, Deliveroo, and Just Eat all told Sky News they’re continuing to strengthen the technology they use to remove anyone working illegally.

But a new Border Security Bill, working its way through Parliament, could see companies fined £60,000 for each illegal worker discovered, director disqualifications and potential prison sentences of up to five years.

“I had them all in to see me last week and I told them in no uncertain terms that we take a very tough line on this kind of abuse and they’ve got to change their systems so they can drive it out and off their platforms,” the minister tells me.

Read more:
Welfare bill passes final Commons stage after another concession
Ex-Tory chairman defects to Reform
Wealth tax could be coming to the UK – what is it?

The gig economy – so prevalent in every city – creates another incentive for those wanting to risk their lives coming to the UK illegally.

More than 20,000 migrants have crossed the English Channel to the UK in 2025 – a record number at this point of the year.

A suspected illegal immigrant working as a delivery driver holds his helmet

For some of those who arrive, a bike and a phone provide a way to repay debts to gang masters.

There were eight arrests today in Bristol, one or two taken into custody, but it was 12 hours of hard work by a dozen immigration officers and the support of the police.

As two mopeds are pushed onto a low-loader, you can’t help but feel, despite the best intentions, that at the moment, this is a losing battle.

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