I wonder when I wander home If I’ll be fit to drink alone. Sleep with my memories, pictures, apologies. For every minute yesterday, regret reminds me anyway. If I remember anything, I’ll make mistakes again. Last night on the Mass Pike, thought I was losing you.
— “Mass Pike,” The Get Up Kids
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located at the back of the very long line of coaches impatiently waiting to share inside information with Pete Thamel, we don’t work year-round — it just feels that way. We do, in fact, take offseason trips with our families.
For instance, just last month I took the McGees to Boston, where we did all the touristy stuff, including an historic boat tour of Boston Harbor. I was standing on the top deck of the ship when I was approached by a very large human in a Minuteman costume. I’m assuming he was on a break from his period-accurate tour-guiding, because as he sidled up to me port side, he was burning a Marlboro Red.
“Hey, aren’t you the effing Bottom 10 guy?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Here with ya family, are you?”
“Yes, I am.”
“You see that ship over there?”
“Yes, I do.”
“That’s where the Boston Tea Party happened. Those guys threw 340 chests of British East India Company tea overboard into that water. 92,000 pounds. That’s 46 tons of tea. That’s a helluva lot of tea.”
“Yes, it is.”
“If someone does something stupid to make a bunch of other someones mad, those angry people, they will do anything to get their message sent.”
“Yes, they will.”
“Like, say, overtaxing tea. Or, I dunno, putting my effing alma mater back at the top of the effing preseason Bottom 10 after they also had my effing alma mater at the top of the effing Bottom 10 pretty much all last effing season, too. Throwing you into the harbor would be a lot easier for one Minuteman as big as me.”
“Yes, it would.”
“Just something to think about before we play New Mexico State on Saturday. Have a nice effing day.”
With apologies to Sam Adams, John Hancock, Rene Ingoglia and Steve Harvey, here’s the 2023 Preseason Bottom 10.
1. UMess
Sorry, Minuteman Tour Guide Guy, but hey, I’m an excellent swimmer. And yes, UMass opens the season with the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year: Episode I with a trip to natural regional rival New Mexico State.
2. #Kentergy
The Golden Flashes have a new coach in Kenni Burns, who has been preaching the mantra of “Kent Grit.” I’ve eaten a lot of grits in my Carolina-raised life, but never in Ohio. Also, after Kent State is done with its first two games — trips to UCF and Arkansas, where the Flashes are estimated by ESPN’s mystical and magical FPI to have a 6% chance of winning each — we should call Ken Burns, the documentarian, and have him do a film about Kenni Burns. I can already hear Peter Coyote’s voice set to piano music: “They called it ‘Kent Grit’…”
3. ULM (pronounced “uhlm”)
The good news? Terry Bowden is back for his third season, looking to get over the hump after back-to-back 4-8 campaigns. The bad news? He’s pretty much the only person who stayed. The Warhawks lost more players to the transfer portal than I have lost socks to the laundromat dryer.
4. North by Northworstern
When the Wildcats finished last season 1-11 and wound up No. 4 in the final 2022 Bottom 10, no one thought the situation in Evanston could get any worse. Then the vaunted Northwestern student newspaper said, “Hold my Helles Lager from Double Clutch Brewing Company.”
5. Rand-McNally
Traditionally, the Coveted Fifth spot goes to an organization that has enjoyed great success and esteem earned over decades of excellence, but has suddenly and inexplicably suffered an unforeseen series of losses. After this latest round of conference realignment, no one looks more useless and out of touch than mapmakers.
6. Sam Houston, we have a problem
After decades of success at the lower levels of college football, the Bearkats have moved up to FBS football as members of the new-look Conference USA. A large chunk of this roster was also on the field when SH won the FCS spring season natty in 2021. But if they try to bring that up this September while playing BYU, Air Force or Houston, their new FCS foes will politely tell SH to “Shhhhh.”
7. Jacksonville State Other Gamecocks
The Jacksonville that isn’t in Florida also moves up to FCS via C-USA this season. The Gamecocks visit Sam Houston on Sept. 28 in a prime-time Pillow Fight candidate game. They also have a defensive end named J-Rock, quarterback Zion Webb is playing his seventh year of college football and their coach is Rich Rodriguez. If Ken Burns makes that movie about Kent State, then Jax State deserves Quentin Tarantino.
8. Charlotte 3-and-9’ers
Speaking of head coaches, Charlotte’s new boss is Biff Poggi, who smokes cigars, wears cutoff T-shirts like he’s walking his dog on Myrtle Beach, has a “Hard Knocks”-style reality show coming to ESPN+ and is self-made rich via success as a hedge fund investor, even donating $500,000 of his salary back into the program. He’s not Coach Prime Time. He’s Coach Big Time.
9. Whew Mexico No-Bos
While our world focuses on the Week 0 showdown between UMass and Whew Mexico State, don’t sleep on Weeks 3 and 4 when the No-Bos host State, then travel to Amherst seven days later. One month after that, they go back-to-back with 2022 Bottom 10 members No-vada and Huh-why-yuh. That’s some serious strength of schedule. As in SOS — the one ships send up when they’ve run out of fuel in the middle of the ocean. You know, like in New Mexico.
10. FI(not A)U
Mike McIntyre’s first head coaching job was at San Jose State. Then he moved 1,300 miles east to be head coach at Colorado. Then he moved 2,100 miles east to Florida International. By our calculations, his next job should be at Université Cheikh Anta Diop in Dakar, 4,000 miles east of Miami.
Waiting list: Western Not Eastern Michigan, Akronmonious, Boiling Green, No-vada, Huh-why-yuh, Texas State Armadillos, Baller State, US(not C)F, Arkansas State Fightin’ Butches
ATLANTA — No major decisions were made regarding the future format of the 12-team College Football Playoff on Sunday, but “tweaks” to the 2025 season haven’t been ruled out, CFP executive director Rich Clark said.
Sunday’s annual meeting of the FBS commissioners and the presidents and chancellors who control the playoff wasn’t expected to produce any immediate course of action, but it was the first time that people with the power to change the playoff met in person to begin a review of the historic expanded bracket.
Clark said the group talked about “a lot of really important issues,” but the meeting at the Signia by Hilton set the stage for bigger decisions that need to be made “very soon.”
Commissioners would have to unanimously agree upon any changes to the 12-team format to implement them for the 2025 season.
“I would say it’s possible, but I don’t know if it’s going to happen or not,” Clark said on the eve of the College Football Playoff National Championship game between Ohio State and Notre Dame. “There’s probably some things that could happen in short order that might be tweaks to the 2025 season, but we haven’t determined that yet.”
A source with knowledge of the conversations said nobody at this time was pushing hard for a 14-team bracket, and there wasn’t an in-depth discussion of the seeding process, but talks were held about the value of having the four highest-ranked conference champions earn first-round byes.
Ultimately, the 11 presidents and chancellors who comprise the CFP’s board of managers will vote on any changes, and some university leaders said they liked rewarding those conference champions with byes because of the emphasis it placed on conference title games.
Mississippi State president Mark Keenum, the chair of the board of managers, said they didn’t talk about “what-ifs,” but they have tasked the commissioners to produce a plan for future governance and the format for 2026 and beyond.
Starting in 2026, any changes will no longer require unanimous approval, and the Big Ten and the SEC will have the bulk of control over the format — a power that was granted during the past CFP contract negotiation. The commissioners will again meet in person at their annual April meeting in Las Colinas, Texas, and the presidents and chancellors will have a videoconference or phone call on May 6.
“We’re extremely happy with where we are now,” Keenum said. “We’re looking towards the new contract, which is already in place with ESPN, our media provider, for the next six years through 2032. We’ve got to make that transition from the current structure that we’re in to the new structure we’ll have.”
Following Sunday’s meeting, sources continued to express skepticism that there will be unanimous agreement to make any significant changes for the 2025 season, but a more thorough review will continue in the following months.
“The commissioners and our athletic director from Notre Dame will look at everything across the board,” Clark said. “We’re going to tee them up so that they could really have a thorough look at the playoff looking back after this championship game is done … and then look back and figure out what is it that we need.”
ATLANTA — ACC commissioner Jim Phillips said Sunday that the league will have conversations among coaches and athletic directors about whether to make changes to its conference championship game format.
The conversations are a result of the expanded 12-team College Football Playoff, and ensuring conference champions and the teams that play in conference championship game remain important.
This past season, SMU entered the ACC championship game as the regular-season champion but lost to Clemson in the ACC title game and had to sweat it out before selection day before earning a spot in the 12-team field.
Phillips said the ACC could consider giving its regular-season champion a bye, and have the teams that finish second or third in the league standings play in the ACC championship game.
He said another possibility is having the top 4 teams play on the final weekend of the regular season: first place versus fourth place, and second place vs. third place, with the winners playing the following weekend in the ACC championship game.
Phillips said he will have conversations with league head coaches on a conference call next week to get their feedback on the plan — specifically pointing to comments SMU coach Rhett Lashlee made leading up to the game in which he indicated the Mustangs might be better off not playing to protect its spot in the field.
Phillips also said these conversations will continue at the league’s winter meetings next month in Charlotte, North Carolina, and he has mentioned this is a topic among league athletics directors.
“The conference championship games are important, as long as we make them important, right?” Phillips said. “Do you play two versus three? You go through the regular season and whoever wins the regular season, just park them to the side, and then you play the second-place team versus the third-place team in your championship game. So you have a regular-season champion, and then you have a conference tournament or postseason champion.
“That’s one of the options, depending on how you treat the conference champions, or that championship game, you may want to do it different.
“I have alluded to that in some of our every-other-week-AD calls, and these are some of the things moving forward. We want to have a recap of the regular season, postseason, and what do we think moving forward?”
Pittsburgh Pirates CEO Travis Williams said the organization is committed to winning but declared to frustrated fans that owner Bob Nutting will not sell the team.
Williams addressed fans’ frustration over Nutting’s ownership Saturday during a Q&A session at the Pirates’ annual offseason fan fest.
As Williams was responding to the first question, one fan in attendance shouted, “Sell the team,” prompting some applause from the audience. At that point, several fans started chanting, “Sell the team!”
Greg Brown, the Pirates’ longtime television play-by-play announcer, asked the fans to stop the chant and to “be respectful.” Another fan then asked Williams, who was seated next to Pirates general manager Ben Cherington and manager Derek Shelton, why Nutting was not in attendance.
“We know, at the end of the day, this is all passion that has turned into frustration relative to winning,” Williams said, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. “I think the points that you are making in terms of ‘Where is Bob?’ That’s why he has us here, we’re here to execute and make sure that we win.”
Williams added that Nutting, who has owned the Pirates since 2018, was scheduled to attend the event and interact with fans at some point later Saturday.
“To answer your immediate question that you said earlier, Bob is not going to sell the team,” Williams said. “He cares about Pittsburgh, he cares about winning, he cares about us putting a winning product on the field, and we’re working towards that every day.”
Nutting has been widely criticized by fans and local media in recent years as the Pirates have toiled at or near the bottom of the National League Central standings.
The Pirates went 76-86 last season en route to their fourth last-place finish in the past six seasons. They have not finished with a winning record since 2018, have not reached the playoffs since 2015 and have just three postseason appearances since 1992.
“We know that there is frustration, frustration because we are not winning, with the expectations of winning,” Williams said. “At the end of the day, that’s not due to lack of commitment to want to win.”
Spurred by the arrival of ace pitcher Paul Skenes, the reigning NL Rookie of the Year, the Pirates were 55-52 at the trade deadline last season before a 21-34 free fall through the final two months dropped Pittsburgh to last in the NL Central.
“We can just look at last year,” Williams said. “It was a big positive going through the middle of the season, we were going into August two games above .500, but unfortunately we had a tough run in August and that tough run in August took us out of the hunt for the wild card. … From myself to Ben to Derek to lots of other people that are here today and throughout the entire organization, but that’s not for a lack of commitment or desire to win whatsoever.
“That’s from the top all the way down to the bottom of the organization. We are absolutely committed to win; what we need to do is find a way to win.”