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President and Venal Houseplant Joe Biden traveled to the Middle East this week to meet with Arab leaders, who refused to see him, and so instead he sat in his hotel room throwing playing cards into a hat. While the president was away, the United States government was run by a shadowy cabal of far-Left authoritarians who pretended Joe Biden was running things, so no change there.

Houseplant Biden did meet with soon-to-be-former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to personally relay his message that Israel should utterly destroy Hamas, just dont hurt anybody. To honor their United States allies, Israeli dignitaries performed the ancient Jewish ritual of nodding politely while the powerful goyim are speaking before sidling quietly out of the room to go kill their enemies.

Terrorist leaders, meanwhile, have declared today a Day of Unprecedented Anger to be followed by A Day of Unbridled Nastiness, then a Day of Unbelievable Aggravation and Irritability after which theyll return to normal, simply slaughtering innocent people as the opportunity presents itself.

Here, in the United States, Shadow President Barack Obama reacted to the greatest atrocity committed against the Jews since Auschwitz by forcefully sort of objecting to it two and half days later. To those who believed his response was a detestable signal to White House staffers not to stand too close to the rug that would soon be pulled out from under the feet of the Israelis, an Obama spokesman assured the media that the shadow president is working for peace behind the scenes by helping to supply Iran with nuclear weapons so they can join the community of nations, strapped with nuclear weapons.

FBI Director Christopher Baby Face Wray announced that the homeland terrorist threat level has risen from Red to Holy Crap, weve let a flood of illegal immigrants into the country and have no idea who they are or where theyre hiding. Wray said the Bureau would now focus their attention on trying not to giggle when they uselessly warn Americans to duck and cover during the next inevitable jihadi attack. Wray says this might mean withdrawing some agents from their important work of intimidating parents who are trying to protect their children from the Teachers Union and other sexual deviants. The Teachers Union said they would help out by distributing a coloring book entitled Stranger Danger, which will tell children that if their parents drive up and offer them a lift, they should run to the nearest teacher, jump into his windowless white van and disappear forever.

On campuses around the country, leftist groups are scrambling to rebrand themselves now that they realize they actually SUPPORT fascism and genocidal murder. At Harvard, for instance, the students Palestine Solidarity Group has unveiled their new protest chant, Donald Trump is literally Hitler so lets kill the Jews. The UC Berkeley Group Feminists for Hamas has their new manifesto which begins, We know that feminists supporting violently patriarchal Islamists makes absolutely no sense, but were just ditzy girls and can get away with this stuff because were cute and we smell good.And of course LGBTQ-plus Palestine supporters have developed their new slogan: Queers for Palestine, Moving Upward From Brainless to Headless. At Dartmouth, the administration reacted to student support for anti-Semitic mass murder by releasing a statement saying, Frankly, we wish wed known we were Nazis sooner, because its so much easier to spell than decolonization.

As the fighting in Gaza continues, American military experts are using Artificial Intelligence to map out the future of various scenarios. For instance, one prediction from Military AI reads: I looked, and behold, there was a great earthquake, and the sun became black as sackcloth, the full moon became like blood, and the sky vanished like a scroll that is being rolled up, and everyone hid themselves, calling to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us and hide us from the Lamb for the great day of his wrath has come.

The AI also predicted that Charity Lawson will overcome the heartache of her breakup with Zach Shallcross and find lasting love on this season of Bachelorette.

Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. He is an award-winning novelist, Hollywood screenwriter, and popular satirist. Klavan isthe author of When Christmas Comes and When Christmas Comes the first two novels in the USA Today best-selling Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, The House of Love and Death, releases on October 31, 2023, and is now available forPre-order.

Follow Klavan on Twitter:@andrewklavan

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of The Andrew Klavan Show.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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Influential artist Sir Michael Craig-Martin says he’s had ‘terrible things’ said about his work

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Influential artist Sir Michael Craig-Martin says he's had 'terrible things' said about his work

Sir Michael Craig-Martin is one of the most influential artists of his generation – but he says he’s had “terrible things” said about the work he’s now famous for.

The 83-year-old’s long career is now the subject of a major retrospective opening this weekend at the Royal Academy.

But he told Sky News: “I’ve had terrible things said about all the work that now people think is wonderful… If you can’t survive criticism… you’re in the wrong game.”

The Royal Academy retrospective brings together his life’s work in one show, including his early experimental sculpture, his landmark conceptual work and a new immersive digital work.

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While much of Sir Michael’s painting has been dominated with depictions of modern icons, like laptops and iPhones, he says technology has made it “harder for people to look” at his work.

“We’ve become probably the most visual age there’s ever been and at the same time it’s become harder and harder for people to actually look,” he said.

“[Paintings] don’t move – you have to come to them, you have to give them a little time,” he explained, adding that nowadays people are more “used to something that’s doing something for them”.

The subject matter of much of Craig-Martin’s large-scale, vivid colour paintings of everyday objects – from trainers to paperclips, glasses to coffee cups – is universally understood and easily accessible.

Pic: Royal Academy of Arts, London/David Parry
Image:
Pic: Royal Academy of Arts, London/David Parry

“What’s ordinary is what unites everybody,” he explains.

“When you buy a coffee, they give you the cup. You don’t buy the cup, it’s free with the coffee, and yet to make a painting out of it is to give it a certain kind of presence, a certain kind of dignity, a way of looking at it that may be different, to what its value or use is.”

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Sir Michael Craig-Martin says it’s become harder for people to ‘actually look’ at art

Now in his 80s, Sir Michael’s work has become sought-after around the world. Not only has he proven to be one of the most successful artists of his generation, he’s also been one of the most influential teachers.

In the late 80s, his students at Goldsmiths would go on to be the headline-making Young British Artists, or YBAs as they became known – and they include Damien Hirst and Sarah Lucas.

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“They were very, very young,” Sir Michael explained. “There were people who said to me that it was very dangerous for them to be having this kind of success because they were so young and my advice to them at the time was ‘if the door opens, it’s best to go through it’.”

Decades before, in 1974, he’d made headlines of his own with a piece called An Oak Tree – now widely considered a landmark moment in the history of conceptual art.

Pic: Royal Academy of Arts, London/David Parry
Image:
Pic: Royal Academy of Arts, London/David Parry

Recreated for the retrospective, provocatively you won’t find any big logs propped up in a gallery as the piece is just a glass of water on a glass shelf.

“People often do say to me… it changed my idea about what I thought art was, what it could be, my relationship, and that’s an amazing thing to be able to say.”

Challenging us all to look with fresh eyes at the ‘ordinary’ all around us, Michael Craig-Martin’s body of work is proof of why he is one of the most extraordinary artists working today.

Michael Craig-Martin is at the Royal Academy in London from 21 September to 10 December.

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Well-fitted suits, pearls and ‘the same’ red tie: What Donald Trump and Kamala Harris’s fashion tells us about them

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Well-fitted suits, pearls and 'the same' red tie: What Donald Trump and Kamala Harris's fashion tells us about them

The style choices of politicians have long been scrutinised by voters and the media.

Women have historically been subject to more inspection for their looks than men.

But all politicians are communicating through their style, according to two experts.

“We receive most of our information, many of us, through screens and through the visuals,” says Hazel Clark, professor of design and fashion at the Parsons School of Design in New York.

Democratic candidate Kamala Harris has been leaning into trouser suits.

Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris arrives to board Air Force Two at LaGuardia Airport in New York, Wednesday, Sept. 11, 2024. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)
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Ms Harris arrives to board Air Force Two in New York. Pic: AP

Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris speaks during a debate with Republican presidential nominee former President Donald Trump at the National Constitution Center, Tuesday, Sept.10, 2024, in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
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Ms Harris during a debate with Mr Trump. Pic: AP

“The well-fitted suit, the more masculine suit, is telling voters that she is not a politician’s wife, she is not the president’s wife, she is the president,” says Deirdre Clemente, professor of history at the University of Nevada in Las Vegas.

She wore a dark suit to make her acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Pic: AP
Image:
The presidential hopeful wore a dark suit to make her acceptance speech at the DNC. Pic: AP

The look “gives that sense of the legal profession, judges and authority. I think it was just saying ‘I’m here to be taken seriously, I can be your leader’,” says Ms Clark.

Many of the audience were wearing white, thought to be a reference to the suffragettes, who fought for women to have vote.

Democratic presidential nominee and U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris embraces her husband, second gentleman of the U.S. Doug Emhoff, following her acceptance speech on Day 4 of the Democratic National Convention (DNC) at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois, U.S., August 22, 2024. REUTERS/Mike Blake     TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY
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Many DNC audience members wore white as Kamala Harris made her acceptance speech. Pic: Reuters

Democratic presidential nominee and U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris celebrates with her husband, second gentleman of the U.S. Doug Emhoff, and vice presidential nominee Minnesota Governor Tim Walz and his wife Gwen, following her acceptance speech on Day 4 of the Democratic National Convention (DNC) at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois, U.S., August 22, 2024. REUTERS/Vincent Alban
Image:
Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris wore a dark navy or black suit to make her acceptance speech at the DNC. Pic: Reuters

“I think there’s a lot of weight in the choice of white in the audience of the DNC that night and her choice of a black suit was a power move,” Ms Clemente said.

Donald Trump has had a consistent style for many years – he’s known for his dark blue suit and silky red tie.

With wife Melania and daughter Tiffany at his 2017 inauguration. Pic: AP
Image:
Donald Trump at his 2017 inauguration. Pic: AP

Republican presidential nominee former President Donald Trump speaks during a presidential debate with Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris at the National Constitution Center, Tuesday, Sept.10, 2024, in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
Image:
Donald Trump speaks during a presidential debate with vice president Kamala Harris. Pic: AP

“He seems to have been wearing the same red tie since the 1970s. It seems to have gotten longer,” said Ms Clemente.

“It is his way of projecting power, confidence and stability.”

And his vice presidential pick JD Vance seems to have adapted his style to match.

Republican presidential candidate former President Donald Trump and Republican vice presidential candidate Sen. JD Vance, R-Ohio, pray during the Republican National Convention Thursday, July 18, 2024, in Milwaukee. (AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)
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Donald Trump with Republican vice presidential candidate JD Vance at the Republican National Convention. Pic: AP

“It’s putting on a uniform to say we are all one, we are all following this person. I think sameness, perhaps, with the party as well,” said Ms Clark.

“With Trump it’s almost become like a costume now.”

Donald Trump's running mate JD Vance
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Donald Trump and his running mate JD Vance have been seen wearing similar clothing. Pic: Reuters

Harris often wears a pearl necklace, a reference to her college sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha, which was founded by black women at Howard University.

California Attorney General candidate Kamala Harris arrives for a campaign rally at the Los Angeles Public Central Library in Los Angeles, Monday, Nov. 1, 2010. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson)
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Kamala Harris wearing a pearl necklace in 2010. Pic: AP

“Her wearing of the necklace is absolutely a shout-out to all the women who have supported her and that sorority is central to that,” said Ms Clemente.

The vice president is also known for her love of Converse shoes.

Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris arrives to speak at a campaign event, Thursday, Sept. 12, 2024, in Greensboro, N.C. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson)
Image:
Vice president Kamala Harris wearing Converse shoes as she arrives to speak at a campaign event. Pic: AP

The trainers, which are associated with American basketball culture, “are a powerful cultural tool because what she’s saying is these shoes are just like the ones you have in your closet”.

Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris..arrives to speak on the final day of the Democratic National Convention, Thursday, Aug. 22, 2024, in Chicago. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)
Image:
Vice president Kamala Harris speaks on the final day of the Democratic National Convention. Pic: AP

Mr Trump and his supporters often wear the instantly recognisable red Make America Great Again baseball cap.

“The MAGA hat has an incredible amount of power, especially here in battleground states,” said Ms Clemente. “You see MAGA hats all around.”

Wearing a MAGA hat in March 2016 in Arizona. Pic: AP
Image:
Donald Trump wearing a red MAGA hat in 2016 in Arizona. Pic: AP

Baseball caps are “ubiquitous in being used to signify something, it’s like having a slogan on your t-shirt”, says Ms Clark.

One accessory all US politicians are rarely seen without is an American flag pin badge on their lapel, which can be used to show patriotism.

It may also project a message that “we are all fighting for the same team” despite political differences, said Ms Clemente.

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UK

‘Dangerously stretched’ Met Police has fewer officers working on unsolved murders

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'Dangerously stretched' Met Police has fewer officers working on unsolved murders

Fewer police officers are working on unsolved murder cases amid warnings the Metropolitan Police is dangerously stretched.

Five officers from the force are moving from a specialist cold case department investigating the 30-year-old murder of Atek Hussain to instead bolster basic command units.

Mr Hussain, 32, was stabbed in the heart as he returned from work in September 1994. He managed to stagger to his home and tell his family that his attackers were Asian before collapsing.

No charges have ever been brought in the case despite two focused appeals by the police on the 10th and 20th anniversaries of his killing.

Mr Hussain’s daughter Yasmin was 10 when she watched her father die in their family home. She told Sky News she had hoped the Met would launch a renewed appeal on the 30th anniversary of his death this week.

“I waited and waited as September approached, hoping they’d say something but all of the officers I’d been dealing with have either retired or moved on, and it seems nobody knows what to do with me,” she said.

“One person told me to call 101.”

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Yasmin Hussain has launched her own appeal for help to find her father’s killers

The Met told Sky News the case is not currently active. However, no unsolved murder investigation is ever closed and Mr Hussain’s case was last reviewed by its Serious Crime Review Group in August.

“Should any new information come to light, it will be assessed accordingly,” it said in a statement.

“In order to better protect the public, including the prevention of future homicides, we are moving some experienced officers from specialist units to bolster BCU (basic command unit) public protection teams to ensure they have the right skills, experience and capacity.

“The MPS (Metropolitan Police Service) continues to maintain a strong capability to investigate cold case homicides. No unsolved homicide is ever closed and all cases remain under review.”

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Clive Driscoll, a former Detective Chief Inspector of the Met Police who finally secured two convictions for the murder of Stephen Lawrence, explains how the forces deal with cold cases.

“Every two years you would review the case to see if there are opportunities. The one that always stands out is forensics opportunities. Forensics moved on while we’ve been talking. So that’s what you would do with a review, you would be looking to see whether or not something has changed from the last time you saw it.”

Mr Driscoll says forces across the country are facing challenges including a shortage of officers and staff, greater scrutiny of the police and an issue with confidence among officers.

Image:
Former Met Police DCI Clive Driscoll

“They feel that maybe their job has become harder,” he told Sky News before urging police units to go the extra mile.

“As hard as it may be for a police officer, it can’t be even a slightest comparison of how hard it must be for Mr Hussain’s children who’ve lost their father.”

Recent data shows the annual number of unsolved homicides across Britain has more than doubled since 2010. That is thought to be driven almost entirely by a surge in larger police forces, in particular the Met.

On Wednesday, Met Commissioner Sir Mark Rowley described the force as “dangerously stretched”, telling an audience at the Police Foundation that a wave of new pressures, a lack of investment, abuse and insults of the police and reduced confidence among officers has left London less safe.

Mr Driscoll warned that failing to properly review unsolved homicides sends a dangerous message.

“We don’t want to send the message out to people that feel they can take the life of a human being and after a certain amount of time ‘oh that’s alright then I’ve got away with it’. The message must always be that if there is an opportunity to affect an arrest, put someone before a court then we will take it. We must always show that we will not forget the victim and also that out there is someone who felt that they can take someone’s life.”

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Atek Hussain had spent the evening working at his family-run restaurant in Croydon before arriving home to Burnels Avenue in East Ham at around 2.35am on 18 September 1994.

Officers believe he had just got out of his blue Vauxhall Cavalier and was walking towards his front door when he was attacked and stabbed in the chest.

In the absence of a renewed public plea from the police, Yasmin Hussain has launched her own appeal for help finding her father’s killers.

If you have information that could help police, call 101 or post @MetCC, or to remain 100% anonymous contact the independent charity Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111, or visit crimestoppers-uk.org.

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