[Editor’s note: The letdown after UConn-UMass is very real, but a pair of Pac-12 teams are stepping up (or down?) to save the day in Arizona and Colorado. Meanwhile, what’s an NFL team doing in here?]
Inspirational thought of the week:
Where do we go from here, now that all of the children have grown up?
And how do we spend our time knowin’ nobody gives us a damn?
I don’t wanna live here no more, I don’t wanna stay
Ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life quietly fading away
— “Where Do We Go From Here?” The Alan Parsons Project
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the room at ESPN where Andre Ware, Robert Griffin III, Desmond Howard and Tim Tebow keep their Heisman trophies (and, yes, at night they totally pull a “Toy Story” and run the Oklahoma drill when no humans are around), we have spent the past several days reflecting on a conversation we once had with Scott Carpenter, one of the original Mercury 7 astronauts.
I asked Carpenter if there was one secret about America’s space heroes, something few truly understood, about their daring lives. He replied, “A very common problem for all of us has been depression. Why is that? Because we accomplished things at young ages that we knew we could never exceed. Most of the men who walked on the moon were in their 30s. You look ahead to the rest of your life and think, ‘I peaked so big, so early; where can I possibly go from here?’ You are charged with finding another great challenge.”
This is the mental space within which we have found ourselves trapped ever since dinnertime Saturday night. Because after two years of buildup, the UConn-UMass football game was over.
While the Minutemen celebrated their first win in 17 games and the Huskies did not, we stared forlornly out the window and into the remainder of the 2021 season. Where indeed were we supposed go from here? Then a friend of mine in Boulder, Colorado, hometown of Scott Carpenter, texted me: “HOLY COW HOW BAD IS THIS ARIZONA VS BUFFS GAME GONNA BE NEXT WEEK?”
Commander Carpenter, we have found another great challenge.
With apologies to Charles Frank, John Glenn, Dan Orlovsky (again) and Steve Harvey, here’s the 2021 Week 6 Bottom 10 rankings.
1. U-Can’t (0-7)
The nation’s first seven-loss team is now up to 11 games — and one year and 11½ months — without a victory. This weekend, it plays a nonscholarship FCS 2-2 Ivy League team in Yale … and ESPN’s sorcerously accurate FPI computers say that there is only a 40% chance that the Huskies will beat the Bulldogs. Woof.
2. unLv (0-5)
One week ago, the Fightin’ Tarks had already matched UConn’s drought by losing their 11th straight. They also have suffered injuries to all three quarterbacks. And this weekend, they are a touchdown underdog to visiting Utah State. What’s worse, the Roomba people just did an inspection of Allegiant Stadium, and it’s all clogged up with Legos, Skittles and Barbie shoes.
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End zone! Brittain Brown scores a 48-yard rushing touchdown versus Arizona.
3. By the Time I Get to Arizona (0-5)
Arizona travels to face the Colora-duh Muffaloes, who failed to cover the spread against Open Date U. after falling to 1-4 on Oct. 2. If Arizona loses this Mountain Time edition of the Pillow Fight of the Week, this will officially be the worst performance by a group of Wildcats since “High School Musical 2.”
4. FI(not A)U (1-5)
We owe Conference USA an apology. While we were fixating on our usual Bottom 10 haunts of the #MACtion and the Mountain West West, Conference USA has produced not one, not two, not three … but five one-win teams. The top/bottom of those squads can be found on the Butch Davis Retirement Tour, where the Panthers’ only win this season was against the Long Island University Sharks, who are apparently an actual thing. Now, Florida International will spend four of its last six games facing fellow one-win teams, starting this weekend with the 1-4 Western Kentucky Shrilltoppers, followed by Old Duh-Minions, the North Texas Lean Green and Southern Missed. It’s a C-USA round-robin, if round-robin means a robin who drank too many rounds.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-5)
Yeah, we know this is an NFL team sitting in the Coveted Fifth Spot, but the Jaguars’ quarterback and their coach were both in college like an hour ago, and they are currently operating at a substandard level of football that is certainly worthy of standing, or falling, alongside these fellow hot messes from the collegiate ranks. Plus, I haven’t written or said anything to make Ohio State fans mad in several weeks, so I’m due.
6. UMess (1-5)
Great moment. Great win. Great defeat of one’s closest rival in UConn. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, Minutemen. Wait … actually, yes, let’s do get ahead of ourselves here, looking ahead to Thanksgiving and a trip to …
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Berdale Robins rips the ball out and takes it all the way to the house for a 25-yard TD.
7. Whew Mexico State (1-6)
While the Other Aggies were in the process of surrendering six TD passes in a 55-28 loss to Nevada at the exact same time that Texas A&M was upsetting Alabama and two weeks ahead of their game with Utah State, we received a tweet from Bottom 10 devotee Ken Langston that read: “Since Whew Mexico St. is worse than both Texas A&M and Utah St. shouldn’t they be the Other Other Aggies?”
8. Kansas Nayhawks (1-4)
As many Nayhawks fans have reminded me, they are already concentrating on hoops, as basketball practice began Oct. 1 with Late Night in the Phog. In related news, this weekend marks the start of a seven-week stretch of Big 12 conference games to end the 2021 football season, aka All Fall in the Fog.
9. Arkansaw State (1-4)
On Monday, Red Wolves coach Butch Jones said to the Little Rock Touchdown Club, “I know there are a lot of Razorback fans here, but let us be your B team until we play in 2025.” Then he added, “We are going to build an SEC atmosphere in our locker room at Arkansas State.” When asked how he was going to build that, he said hard work. What he meant to say was by using that SEC paycheck from Arkansas.
10. Bowling in Akron in Ohio (2-4/2-4/1-5)
The Akron Zips were favored to beat Ohio Not State two weeks ago but lost 34-17. Then they turned around and beat Boiling Green in a game where they were listed as a two-TD underdog. Meanwhile, Ohio followed up its win over Akron by blowing a fourth-quarter lead at home against Central Michigan. So now, Akron has more wins than Ohio, but Ohio’s only win was against Akron and … clearly we know Zip about how any of this works.
Waiting list: US(not C)F, Tulame, Tulsa Folden Hurricane, The Yew, Western Kentucky Shrilltoppers, Old Duh-minions, Southern Missed, North Texas Lean Green, Colora-duh State, Cow Berkeley, Georgia State Not Southern, Georgia Southern Not State, COVID-19.
After giving up Ohtani’s 431-foot blast, Misiorowski responded with another dominant outing. He struck out a career-high 12 batters — including two-way superstar Ohtani in the third inning — to lead the Brewers to a 3-1 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers on Tuesday night.
“It’s Shohei Ohtani,” Misiorowski said. “You kind of expect [that]. It’s cool to see him do it in action, but it fires me up even more coming back the next at-bat and striking him out. I’m right there. I think it was a moment of like, ‘OK, now we go.'”
Misiorowski, whose fastball routinely tops 100 mph, threw an 88.2 mph curveball on an 0-2 count to Ohtani, who crushed it for his 31st homer. That’s the most by a Dodgers player before the All-Star break.
It was the 21st career leadoff homer for the three-time MVP, who struck out swinging on a curveball in the third and walked to start the sixth. That was the only walk given up by Misiorowski, who scattered four hits.
“Really good stuff, aggressive in the zone,” Ohtani said through an interpreter. “But what really stood out to me was his command and control.”
Misiorowski outdueled three-time Cy Young Award winner Clayton Kershaw, who surpassed 3,000 career strikeouts in his previous outing. Asked Monday about his matchup with Misiorowski, Kershaw said he only knew that the 6-foot-7 right-hander threw hard.
“I know him now, huh?” Kershaw said Tuesday. “That was super impressive. That was unbelievable. It was really special. Everything. Obviously the velo, but he’s got four pitches, commands the ball. I don’t know how you hit that, honestly. That’s just really tough.”
Misiorowski was glad to get Kershaw’s attention.
“I saw something online that he didn’t now who I was, so I hope he knows me now,” Misiorowski said. “It’s kind of cool.”
In five starts since the Brewers called him up from the minors, Misiorowski has already beaten Kershaw and 2024 NL Rookie of the Year Paul Skenes. In another outing, Misiorowski carried a perfect game into the seventh inning.
“He’s just broken the shell,” Brewers manager Pat Murphy said. “He’s just out of the egg, all arms and legs. He’s still got gooey stuff coming off, you can see it, all arms and legs, but there’s something special about him.”
The numbers would indicate as much. Misiorowski is 4-1 with a 2.81 ERA and has given up only 12 hits in 25⅔ innings.
He topped out at 101.6 mph and threw 20 pitches of at least 100 on Tuesday. He also threw 19 curveballs after using curves only 10% of the time before Tuesday.
He was coming off his only shaky performance, giving up five runs — including a grand slam by Brandon Nimmo — and three walks over 3⅔ innings Wednesday in a 7-3 loss to the New York Mets.
It looked as if it might be more of the same after Ohtani went deep. Misiorowski responded by striking out 12 of the next 16 batters.
“I think that’s my job, is to figure it out on the fly,” he said. “I feel like I did it tonight.”
He got out of a jam in the sixth. The Dodgers trailed 2-1 and had runners on second and third with one out, but third baseman Andruw Monasterio fielded a grounder and threw out Ohtani at the plate, and Misiorowski retired Michael Conforto on a grounder.
Misiorowski pumped his fist as he headed toward the dugout, then watched the Brewers’ bullpen nail down the win.
“It’s so satisfying,” Misiorowski said. “It’s just a dream come true, to do what I did.”
Bailey became just the third catcher in MLB history to hit a walk-off, inside-the-park home run, joining the Chicago Cubs’ Pat Moran in 1907 and the Washington Nationals’ Bennie Tate in 1926.
Bailey’s homer would have been an outside-the-park home run in 29 of 30 ballparks, with Oracle Park being the exception.
Mike Yastrzemski reached base twice and scored to help the Giants to their sixth win in seven games.
Bailey, who grounded into a double play and struck out in two of his previous at-bats, then smashed a 1-0 fastball from Jordan Romano (1-4) into right-center field that ricocheted off the brick part of the wall.
Ryan Walker (2-3) retired one batter, with two on in the top of the ninth, to earn the win.
Phillies All-Star Kyle Schwarber had two hits, including his team-leading 28th home run.
Schwarber flew out, struck out and was hit by a pitch before homering off Giants reliever Spencer Bivens into McCovey Cove. Brandon Marsh, who singled as a pinch hitter leading off the inning, scored on the play.
Two days after being named an All-Star for the second time in his career, Robbie Ray gave up four hits and one run in 5⅔ innings.
BALTIMORE — The New York Mets consider Juan Soto to be a bona fide All-Star, despite the snub he received from those who selected the National League squad for the Midsummer Classic on July 15.
Soto, in his first year with the Mets, has performed well enough to earn the respect of his manager and teammates. In their opinion, he’s deserving of a place in the All-Star Game next week in Atlanta.
“He’s an All-Star for us,” manager Carlos Mendoza said Tuesday night after the Mets beat Baltimore 7-6. “It’s frustrating, but I’m hoping in the next couple of days we hear something and he makes it.”
Soto drove in the winning run with a sharp single on the first pitch of the 10th inning. That capped a night in which he went 3 for 5 to raise his batting average to .269 with 21 homers and 52 RBIs.
Soto has walked 72 times, by far the most in the majors, but he can also lash out at a pitcher when necessary.
“He’s got a pretty good understanding of what the pitchers are trying to do to him,” Mendoza said. “There is his awareness of the game, he’s going to see pitchers. There are times when he’s going to be aggressive. Tonight was one of those nights. First pitch in the 10th, he’s attacking.”
Soto made the All-Star team as a member of the Nationals, Padres and Yankees each year since 2021. The streak appears to be over. But his teammates believe he deserves to go.
“What he done all year is just incredible, and the results are good enough,” Mets starting pitcher Clay Holmes said. “The consistency he’s showed up with, at the at-bats he’s taken, is more than an All-Star. He’s one of the best in the game and a big part of our lineup.”
Soto seems rather philosophical about the snub.
“Sometimes, you’re going to make it and sometimes you don’t,” he told reporters after Sunday’s loss to the Yankees. “It’s just part of baseball.”