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Inspirational thought of the week:

Monday morning on the floor
Keep calling out for more and more
Stand up and get up, are you sure?
Best friend kicks you out the door
Upside down you lost the wheel
Raise your neck and bellow it out

Bad candy has got you now
Bad candy has got you now

— “Bad Candy,” Twisted Wheel

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located across the hallway from the mail room where David Pollack sends out his weekly handwritten complaints to referees to politely dispute every targeting call ever made, we are rifling through the bottom of the pillowcase we used on Halloween, sifting through that always sad selection of sweets that is left over as November arrives and trick-or-treating begins to grow smaller in our rearview mirrors.

No, it’s not a collection of Charlie Brown rocks, but there is a pile of those brown and orange wax paper-covered blobs that might as well be rocks. There’s the telltale dust of tasteless Necco Wafers that escaped from their wrappers to be pulverized into the cloth of the bag. There are Mary Janes, whatever those are. There’s candy corn with the skid mark of fake chocolate in the middle.

And look … there’s a sticker of the UMass logo, loose with lint and a toenail clipping stuck to the back of it. There’s an old No. 2 pencil that was stolen from a classroom at Akron. Then … wait … what’s this? An envelope? With the University of Connecticut seal in the corner? What’s inside? Is that … University of Maryland letterhead? It is! It has a $100 bill stapled to it. And what’s this note that’s scribbled on the stationery?

“Dear Kid. Here’s some of my bonus money from that time my team kicked a field goal against Liberty, triggering my ‘Field Goal In Every Game Even If It’s A Loss’ bonus. Now, take it and get the hell off my lawn. Boo. Sincerely, Randy Edsall.”

With apologies to Willy Wonka, West Virginia safety Hershey McLaurin and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 9 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. UMess (1-7)

The Minutemen served as the latest rung in the ladder Whew Mexico State has stepped on during their climb from being ranked at the top/bottom of these standings up and into the outside world. Think that scene in “The Dark Knight Rises” when Bruce Wayne climbs out of that giant prison hole, but if you could actually understand what anyone was saying. Come to think of it, the desert he found himself in kind of looked like Las Cruces. Next the Minutemen play The Artist Formerly Known As UCant, which is now in the business of putting teams in the Bottom 10 in their place. In related news, ESPN.com editor Steve Richards was on site as our Bottom 10 bureau reporter, but sources tell me he was escorted off the premises after repeatedly heckling the Other Aggies for “abandoning us!”

2. Akronmonious (1-8)

Speaking of teams that used to be in these rankings all the time but now are actually good — wait, don’t be confused, that wasn’t about Akron. It 100 percent deserves to be there. But it also is currently located in the midst of a schedule section packed with former Bottom 10 friends who have inexplicably left us behind. Akron just lost in overtime to My Hammy of Ohio, which is now only one game below .500. Now Akron faces the former Bottom 10 champion Eastern Michigan University Emus and the former contender Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, who have been to a combined seven bowl games since 2016. Then Akron will zip over to Northern Ill-ugh-noise for Thanksgiving, when we might all be thankful for a potential Pillow Fight of the End of the Year.

3. Colora-duh (1-7)

Speaking of Pillow Fights of the Week, the Buffs were rebuffed by then-Bottom 10 Wait Listers Arizona Skate. Both teams showed up for the game without a full-time head coach. It was like that time we had a class field trip to the zoo in third grade and the teacher forgot to show up. My pal Jody Blanton drove the bus over 30 mailboxes and 19 shrubs, but we got there.

4. No-vada (2-7)

The Oof Pack lost their seventh straight game. It’s the worst streak in Reno involving the word straight since a banker from Los Angeles tried to play a Broadway straight by using a queen of hearts that he’d snuck onto the Circus Circus casino floor inside his Members Only jacket sleeve and was last seen riding on a bass boat at Lake Tahoe alongside a hotel sales associate named Vinny Drywall.

5. “I’m a man I’m (losing by) forty (eight)!” (6-2)

Ah, the traditions of autumn. Leaves falling. Pumpkin spice everywhere. Political ads ruining everyone’s good mood. Oklahoma State losing a game that knocked them out of the Top 10 and into the Coveted Fifth Spot.

6. US(notC)F (1-6)

In Jeff Scott’s defense, it can’t be easy trying to coach your own team when your phone is constantly being blown up by Dabo Swinney asking, “Hey, bud, can you refresh my memory about those plays we used to run back in 2017?”

7. Temple of Doom (2-7)

The Temple Bowels have, er, passed a lot of teams this week thanks to back-to-back losses to a pair of Bottom 10 flirts in Living On Tulsa Time and Navy. Now, they host USF in the Pillow Fight of the Week. The Owls’ feathers are molting so badly that according to the magically and disturbingly accurate ESPN FPI computers, they have only a 40% chance of prevailing at home against a team with one win that is ranked one spot ahead/below them in these rankings. Then again, maybe as they were doing research for this game, the ESPN Stats & Info staffers ordered up some Philly cheesesteaks and got Cheez Whiz all over their calculators.

8. North by Northworstern (1-7)

Speaking of crunching numbers, there are a lot of really smart human calculators at Northwestern, home to one of Earth’s most respected mathematics and statistics departments. Perhaps they can explain how a team surrenders 33 points to Iowa, which has spent all fall avoiding end zones as if they were full of killer bees.

9. Huh-why-yuh (2-7)

The Rainbow Warriors will finish the season facing a quartet of fellow Mountain West members in Fresno State, Utah State, UNLV and San Jose State. The bad news? According to FPI, over the month they will average around a 22% chance of winning any one of those games. The good news? If they go 0-4 and make a late run at the Bottom 10 title, they will still spend their offseason in Hawai’i.

10. #gobc(c) (2-6)

Boston College and UConn are located only 80 miles apart, yet last weekend was just the 15th meeting since their first matchup back on Nov. 7, 1908. It was also the Huskies’ first-ever win over the Eagles. That’s what happens when you score only three points. Unless you’re Miami and Virginia and you only score three points, but you just keep doing that over and over again. Reminder: BC beat Louisville, who just crushed Wake Forest, who beat Florida State, who beat LSU, who beat Ole Miss, who beat Miami, who beat Virginia Tech, who beat Boston College who … aw hell, I give up. #goacc indeed.

Waiting List: Charlotte 2-and-7ers, Virginia Tech No-kies, Lose-iana Tech, Arkan-saw State, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Central not Western or Eastern Michigan, Whew Mexico, ULM (pronounced “Uhlm”), political ads during great games, saying “Let’s ride!”

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Freeman, Franklin eye boost to all Black coaches

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Freeman, Franklin eye boost to all Black coaches

Notre Dame‘s Marcus Freeman and Penn State‘s James Franklin are aware they are on the brink of making history in the College Football Playoff Semifinal at the Capital One Orange Bowl on Thursday.

The winner will become the first Black head coach to take a team to the national championship game. Both were asked about that possibility during their respective news conferences Saturday previewing their matchup.

Franklin said it reminded him of Super Bowl XLI between Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith in 2007, the first Super Bowl featuring Black head coaches. Franklin was the offensive coordinator at Kansas State at the time, coaching for Ron Prince, another Black head coach.

“I remember thinking that, as a coach, how significant that was in the profession, and how significant that was for young coaches coming up in the profession, to see those guys in that role,” Franklin said. “I also remember, at that time, there were a lot of conversations about, ‘Will this impact the profession? Will this impact opportunities for guys?'”

At the time, there were six Black head coaches in college football, Franklin said. There are now 16 head coaches in 134 FBS programs, something Franklin described as progress.

“I know some people will say, ‘Well, that that’s not a huge increase,’ but it is an increase,” Franklin said. “At the end of the day, does this create opportunities for more guys to get in front of athletic directors? Does this create opportunities for search firms? I hope so. I think at the end of the day, you just want an opportunity, and you want to be able to earn it through your work and through your actions. I take a lot of pride in it.”

When Freeman was asked, he made sure to note that he is also half-Korean, a nod to his mother. But he also understands the significance of the moment.

“It’s a reminder that you are a representation for so many others that look like you, and I don’t take that for granted,” Freeman said. “I’m going to work tirelessly to be the best version of me, and it’s great, because even the guys in our program can understand, ‘Don’t put a ceiling on what you can be and what you can do.’

“Now, with that being said, it’s not about me. It’s about us. More than anything, I want to achieve team glory with this program.”

Freeman was also asked how he can inspire other young coaches who are watching him on this stage.

“If you want to impact the young people in this profession, you probably should do things to help them, and those are things that maybe after the season I could focus on trying to do,” Freeman said. “I want to be a representation. But that’s not enough. If you want to truly help some people, then you got to be one to make decisions and actions that truly help people.”

Franklin said he is honored to be in position to coach against Freeman in the semifinal.

“I’m honored to be able to compete against Notre Dame. Most importantly, I’m honored to represent Penn State and the young men in that locker room,” Franklin said. “For me to sit here and say that it’s not important, it’s not significant, that would not be accurate.”

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PSU’s Franklin: ‘Too early’ to say if Carter plays

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PSU's Franklin: 'Too early' to say if Carter plays

Penn State All-American defensive end Abdul Carter is working back from an apparent left arm injury, and while coach James Franklin said it’s “too early” to determine Carter’s status for the College Football Playoff semifinal against Notre Dame, there’s optimism about his return.

“At this point, I don’t think there’s anything stopping him from playing, but it’s going to come down to, how is he able to play?” Franklin said Saturday. “We’ll see. But his mentality is great. He’s excited about this week, but it’s too early to say at this stage.”

Carter left the Vrbo Fiesta Bowl against Boise State on Tuesday in the first quarter, not recording any statistics before exiting and not returning. No. 6 seed Penn State won 31-14 to advance to the Capital One Orange Bowl, where it will face No. 7 seed Notre Dame on Thursday night.

Carter, 6-foot-3 and 252 pounds, became Penn State’s first consensus All-America selection since Saquon Barkley in 2017. He also was named Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year and Defensive Lineman of the Year. ESPN’s Mel Kiper Jr. lists Carter as the No. 2 prospect for the 2025 NFL draft, behind Heisman Trophy winner Travis Hunter of Colorado.

Carter posted a social media message Tuesday of Darth Vader in a bacta tank from the movie “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” indicating his recovery process from the injury.

“He’s doing great. His attitude is great. His mentality has been really good,” Franklin said. “We’ll see, but he’s taken the right approach and mentality, and it’s really going to come down to how he feels and how much practice he’s going to get during the week.”

Franklin does not usually provide injury updates about players who are not out for the season but understands the attention around Carter, who leads Penn State in sacks (11) and tackles for loss (21.5) and ranks second in quarterback hurries (8) and fourth in total tackles (63). A Philadelphia native, Carter moved from linebacker to defensive end this season under new defensive coordinator Tom Allen. He has 22 career sacks, 37.5 tackles for loss, 5 forced fumbles, 1 interception and 13 passes defended.

Penn State players are off Saturday before returning to practice Sunday.

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Irish hurry CFP prep with 2 fewer days than PSU

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Irish hurry CFP prep with 2 fewer days than PSU

Notre Dame coach Marcus Freeman says his team has to “expedite the preparation” with fewer days than Penn State to get ready for the College Football Playoff semifinal at the Capital One Orange Bowl on Thursday.

During a news conference Saturday in South Bend, Indiana, Freeman was asked about the challenges presented after the team’s quarterfinal game against Georgia in the Allstate Sugar Bowl was delayed one day following a deadly terrorist attack in New Orleans.

The Irish beat the Bulldogs 23-10 on Thursday, while Penn State beat Boise State 31-14 in its quarterfinal game Tuesday.

Freeman pointed out that his team came out of the Georgia game relatively healthy and is proceeding as if this is a normal game week. Notre Dame’s only significant injury was suffered by backup tight end Cooper Flanagan, who sustained a foot injury that will keep him out of the rest of the playoffs.

“How you handle the unpredictable things in life will determine the success, and so the greatest thing about this week is it’s just a normal game week,” Freeman said. “Now what we’ve got to do is utilize the time. We have to expedite the preparation because what you miss in terms of not having those couple days is the mental preparation of knowing exactly what to do. We’ve got to make sure we utilize every hour of the day to capitalize off of the preparation. For us, this is just game week.”

Freeman has led the Irish to the semifinals after a Week 2 loss at Northern Illinois that could have derailed the season. Instead, they treated every week like a playoff game and are now on the brink of playing for a national championship.

As a result, there is far more noise surrounding the program heading into the semifinal, something Freeman acknowledged. But he also knows it is important not to deviate from what got the Irish to this moment.

“I think it’s human nature to enjoy people saying good things about you,” Franklin said. “It’s human nature. But we’ve talked all year about being misfits. That’s what we have to continue to be. You have to make the choice to either waste time listening to people tell you how good you are or you’re going to put your time into preparing for this opportunity right in front of us. That’s been my message loud and clear, and we all have to make that choice.”

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