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Whenever November comes along, American political observers turn their minds to the upcoming elections because they cant just sit in the corner sobbing all the time, its unseemly.

As things stand now, Democrats are fearful that their election chances may suffer somewhat from the fact that their policies have led to two major wars, surrendered our borders to Mexican cartels, and turned our salaries to dust that was blown away on the winds of inflation into a vast expanse of insubstantial nothingness that used to be our rent and groceries. As DNC Chairman Mao Tse Jihad told CNN anchorwoman Vladimir Jihad no relation Were concerned that our disastrous policies may have alienated some of our core voters, like dead people, unassigned social security numbers, and bicycle riders with bags filled with mail-in votes from former residents who moved away years ago and are now voting in other states. Without those constituencies were not sure well be able to garner enough self-righteous white women who dont know anything but feel good when they vote for us for no discernible reason.

To counter the actual effects of their policies, Democrats are hoping to fashion an electoral majority out of voters who stick their ice cream cones into their foreheads because theyre too stupid to find their mouths. Political consultants are experimenting with slogans that appeal to the Democrat base like, Vote Democrat. The Country is still standing. Help us finish the job. Or Extreme Maga Republicans want to stop you from slaughtering your unborn children, but we wont let them, because were evil, like you.

Consultants are also hoping Joe Bidens primary campaign will help lift local candidates. Theyve already filmed one candid campaign commercial in which Biden looks directly into the camera and speaks off the cuff with great sincerity, saying, Im Joe Biden. Hebda meena babba-dabba-loo norvis catumin, then he falls on his face. In another commercial, the president is shown gazing off into the distance with a waving American flag superimposed over his image as he speaks in voiceover saying, My fellow Americans, where am I? And why is that transparent flag waving on my face? And where am I? If those commercials dont test well, the campaign may simply go with a bold slogan like: Joe Biden. Theres absolutely no proof hes doing what hes doing.

On the Republican side, middle-of-the-road GOP consultants and other nostalgic onanists are desperately trying to make Nikki Haley into a thing so she can use a win in the Iowa caucuses as a launchpad to hosting a late night talk show on OAN. These strategists are hoping that Florida governor Ron DeSantis will leave the race so Nikki can combine his 16% support with her 16% support which would add up to 16% support since her 16% support is completely imaginary. Haleys campaign slogan would be, Nikki Haley! Lets just pretend this whole Trump thing never happened.

More realistic Republicans are looking at frontrunner Donald Trump and trying to find ways to expand his support beyond those voters who can stand him. One strategy is to have GOP operatives pose as Democrat protestors at Trump rallies, only instead of calling Trump literally Hitler, theyll call him literally Hamas, since it means exactly the same thing except Democrats would then vote for him.

Strategists are also preparing for the likelihood that Trump may be convicted in one of the many trials charging him with being simultaneously obnoxious and right about everything. If Trump should win the election and be forced to run his presidency from prison, advisors are hoping he might use his reality TV expertise to stage crowd pleasing events like a riot between the Black Vanguard and the Aryan Brotherhood in which the survivor becomes his chief of staff. This would be an improvement over Trumps former chiefs of staff, because at least prison gang members dont rat on you. Such events would be interspersed with commercials in which prisoners who have dirt on the Clintons are put in solitary confinement on 24-hour-suicide watch yet still somehow manage to hang themselves with Giza Dream Sheets made with 100% long staple cotton. Use code Dont Mess With Hillary for a 40% chance of disappearing without a trace.

Andrew Klavan is the host of The Andrew Klavan Show at The Daily Wire. He is an award-winning novelist, Hollywood screenwriter, and popular satirist. Klavan isthe author of When Christmas Comes and When Christmas Comes the first two novels in the USA Today best-selling Cameron Winter Mystery series.

The third installment, The House of Love and Death, is now available!

Follow Klavan on Twitter:@andrewklavan

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of The Andrew Klavan Show.

The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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Business

Ex-Post Office head of IT says Paula Vennells ‘hoped to avoid’ inquiry – and reveals she blocked her number

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Ex-Post Office head of IT says Paula Vennells 'hoped to avoid' inquiry - and reveals she blocked her number

A former Post Office executive has said she was forced to block ex-boss Paula Vennells’ phone number after the ex-CEO called multiple times asking for help to avoid an independent inquiry into the Horizon IT scandal.

Lesley Sewell, previously the company’s head of IT, told the Post Office inquiry on Thursday that former CEO Ms Vennells had reached out to her four times between 2020 and 2021.

Ms Sewell said that she blocked Ms Vennells’ number due to discomfort with the contact.

In her witness statement to the probe, Ms Sewell said that one of Ms Vennells’ emails referenced the need to fill in memory gaps regarding Horizon and “Project Sparrow”, a committee addressing issues with forensic accountants who identified flaws in the accounting system.

“Paula contacted me on four occasions in total. I recall blocking her number after the last call as I did not feel comfortable with her contacting me,” Ms Sewell said.

“I had not spoken to Paula since I had left POL [Post Office Limited] in 2015.”

Lesley Sewell giving evidence to the Post Office inquiry. Pic: PA
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Lesley Sewell giving evidence to the Post Office inquiry. Pic: PA

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According to Ms Sewell’s testimony, former chief executive Ms Vennells said that she had “been asked at short notice” to appear before a parliamentary select committee on “all things Horizon/Sparrow and need to plug some memory gaps”.

More on Paula Vennells

Ms Sewell says Ms Vennells added: “My hope is this might help avoid an independent inquiry but to do so, I need to be well prepared.”

Ms Sewell, who struggled to contain her emotions and broke down in tears while giving her oath at the start of her inquiry evidence, was offered support and breaks as needed by chairman Sir Wyn Williams.

Sir Wyn told the former executive: “Ms Sewell, I appreciate this may be upsetting for you, Ms Price will ask you a number of questions in a proper and sensible manner, but if at any time you feel you need a break, just let me know, all right?”

Lesley Sewell taking the oath at the Post Office inquiry. Pic: PA
Image:
Lesley Sewell taking the oath at the Post Office inquiry. Pic: PA

The Post Office has faced significant scrutiny following the ITV drama Mr Bates Vs The Post Office which highlighted the Horizon IT scandal.

The faulty system led to the prosecution of more than 700 sub-postmasters between 1999 and 2015, with many still awaiting full compensation despite government announcements regarding payouts for those with quashed convictions.

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Environment

VinFast (VFS) secures nearly 30K pre-orders for new $10,000 VF 3 in under three days

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VinFast (VFS) secures nearly 30K pre-orders for new ,000 VF 3 in under three days

In under 66 hours after launching its new low-cost electric SUV, VinFast’s VF 3 racked up nearly 30,000 pre-orders. Starting under $10,000 (235 million VND), the VinFast VF 3 is already creating a buzz. Following the special price promo, the VF 3 will cost around $20,000.

Meet the new low-cost mini electric SUV

VinFast revealed the affordable VF 3 at CES 2024 in January, announcing plans to launch the mini electric SUV globally, including in the US.

The VF 3 aims to “unbound the imagination of urban mobility that is not only sustainable but also accessible for everyone,” according to Ms. Tran Mai Hoa, VinFast’s deputy CEO of sales and marketing.

In other words, VinFast looks to meet the growing demand for low-cost EVs globally. VinFast designed the compact electric SUV for cruising through the city.

At 125.6″ long, 66.1″ wide, and 63.8″ tall, the VF 3 is even smaller than Volvo’s new EX30 (167″ long X 72″ wide X 61″ tall).

The electric SUV is equipped with a 10″ infotainment with Android Auto and Apple CarPlay compatibility. With the second-row seats fully folded, the VF 3 offers up to 550 liters of cargo space.

VinFast-VF-3-pre-orders
VinFast VF 3 (Source: VinFast)

VinFast VF 3 racks up close to 30,000 pre-orders in 66 hrs

After announcing it was accepting early deposits for the VF 3 last week, VinFast says the electric SUV is already creating hype.

VinFast revealed the VF 3 received 27,649 pre-orders within 66 hours of launching, a new record for a Vietnamese automaker.

The VF 3 is already a “social media phenomenon in Vietnam,” topping trend rankings ahead of its global debut. With the low-cost special introductory price of $9,248 (235 million VND), the mini electric SUV is already making a big impact.

VinFast-$20,000-electric-car
VinFast VF 3 interior (Source: VinFast)

The special price (235 million VND) is for the battery subscription model. With the battery included, the VF 3 can be ordered for 315 million VND ($12,390). The promotion ran from May 13 to May 15.

VinFast says paying for the VF 3 upfront costs only half the price of the cheapest gas car currently available in Vietnam.

VinFast-VF-3
VinFast VF 3 (Source: VinFast)

Otherwise, buyers need only 50 to 70 million VND ($1,965 to $2,750) for a down payment. The rest can be financed with monthly payments of just over 2 million VND ($78.5) over eight years.

For the first time in Vietnam, VinFast sold the VF 3 on e-commerce platforms like Shopee, resulting in over 50% online orders.

VinFast-VFS-stock-chart
VinFast (VFS) stock chart (Source: TradingView)

VinFast (VFS) stock is up 8% on Thursday and 44% over the past month. However, VFS shares are still down 34% this year and over 90% from their ATH last August, shortly after going public.

Electrek’s Take

VinFast has already announced plans to sell the VF 3 globally, including in the US. However, the $10,000 (235 million VND) promo price was a special offer. The VF 3 will cost around $20,000 in Vietnam.

Although these are pre-orders, it’s still a sign of demand for low-cost EVs. If the demand is high in Vietnam, it should be interesting to see how many pre-orders the VF 3 racks up in other global markets like Europe, North America, and Asia.

Would you buy the VF 3 for $20,000? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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Politics

Regulatory crackdown spawns anti-SEC ‘CultureCoin’

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<div>Regulatory crackdown spawns anti-SEC 'CultureCoin'</div>

Creators of NotWifGary aim to “stand [their] ground against Gary Gensler and the SEC” in support of Ethereum and open-source developers.

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