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Inspirational thought of the week:

Now you start with the number eight and as you go along
Jump eight numbers and practice this song
Counting by eights (bee-doop, b-b-b-bee-doop)
Counting by eights
Whoa that is high, this sure is fun
Counting by eights

— “Counting by Eights,” Scratch Garden

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located somewhere in the Seattle crowd still echoing Desmond Howard’s “Big Penix energy!” chants, we would like to be the first to officially welcome you to Week 8. The octagon, the octennial, octad, octet, octopus’s garden of the 2023 college football season. That magical time of year when a slew of teams will achieve bowl eligibility every weekend and, more importantly in our world, bowl ineligibility.

What we’re saying is that Week 8 is like the trees that surround us all this time of year. Some with leaves that are still green, while others have begun their transition into varying shades of autumnal hues, not unlike the uniform colors of your favorite college football teams.

But those trees … yeah, that ain’t our arbor. No, our timbers are the ones that can only be found either hidden in the back of the nursery or barely hanging on alongside some dicey exit off the New Jersey Turnpike. The tepid timbers that spurt out one leaf each spring that immediately turns black from carbon monoxide poisoning. With one shaky, featherless Cardinal, stuck up there on a twiggy limb with no way to get down, screaming, “It’s Week 8?! Really? Has Ball State won a second game yet?!”

With apologies to Steve Young, Troy Aikman, Davey O’Brien, David Carr and Steve Harvey, here’s the pre-Week 8 Bottom 10.


1. No-vada (0-6)

There are years when we enter Week 8 with significant debate about which teams should be atop the bottom of these standings. Like that time we had a Bottom 10 selection committee meeting and Charlie Weis got so angry during a discussion that he hurled a bag of garbage at Jerry Glanville and then realized it was actually a bag of cash he’d just received from Notre Dame and Kansas. But this year, it’s a two-horse race seeing as how there are only two winless teams remaining among the ranks of FBS football. The Woof Pack just lost to former Bottom 10 stalwart-turned-Mountain West contender UNLV. And who are the other oh-fers?

2. Sam Houston We Have A Problem (0-6)

The Bearkats, who kouldn’t kome out on top in a kontest with kohort Konference-USA newkomer kolleague New Mexiko State.

3. State of Kent (1-6)

Likewise, there has been much deliberation, disputation, argumentation and all sorts of other ‘ations about which member of the MAC Nation should be in this ranking location. Then the State of Kent made a state-ment on the very first play of its game with the EMU Emus.

4. Akronmonious (1-6)

In case you were wondering, and we most definitely were, Akron hosts Kent on Nov. 1, the night after Halloween. It’s the college football equivalent of having to settle for all the penny candy wrapped in wax paper and boxes of raisins left in the bottom of your trick-or-treat bag after you’ve eaten all the good stuff.

5. Trojan Man! (6-1)

After its spokesperson lost 48-20 at Notre Dame while throwing three interceptions, that national hamburger chain with all the commercials featuring USC‘s quarterback has a new special for this week only (they hope). After you order your food, they throw it at you from the drive-in window but miss your car by six feet and it gets run over by a passing truck.

6. UMess (1-7)

The good news? The Minuetmen received $1.6 million to travel to Unhappy Valley and act as Penn State’s warmup act before the Nittany Lions face Ohio State. The bad news? After losing 63-0, UMass will spend most of that money on Band-Aids and ibuprofen.

7. Charlotte 1-and-5’ers (1-5)

The Niners lost 14-0 to Navy, both touchdowns coming on plays of 60-plus yards in the second half. Now they take on another seafaring American Athletic Conference of American Athletics opponent in …

8. EC-Yew (1-5)

the Pirates, who seemingly haven’t had a scoring play of 60-plus yards since back in the days when Charlotte head coach Biff Poggi still wore clothing with sleeves.

9. Baller State (1-6)

This spot came down to either the Cardinals and Southern Missed. But the Golden Eagles had a game scheduled for Tuesday night against the South Alabama Redundancies, just as we were voting on this week’s standings and honestly, we were too lazy to wait for the result. Also, Brett Favre’s lawyers said if we put USM in here for another week, they would sue us and use any winnings on volleyball gear.

10. Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater (1-6)

With all these Pac-12 teams winning big games and producing Heisman candidates and posting gigantic television ratings, it’s good to see Arizona State producing a weekly slate of unexpected and disappointingly close losses. Hey, someone had to uphold Pac-12 traditions, right?

Waiting List: U-Can’t, Yew-VA, You A Bee?, all Big Ten schools in Indiana, Michigan State Little Brothers, Whew Mexico, blowing a Prime 29-0 lead.

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Red Sox deal All-Star Devers to Giants in stunner

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Red Sox deal All-Star Devers to Giants in stunner

The San Francisco Giants acquired three-time All-Star Rafael Devers from the Boston Red Sox on Sunday in a stunning trade that sent a player Boston once considered a franchise cornerstone to a San Francisco team needing an offensive infusion.

Boston received left-handed starter Kyle Harrison, right-hander Jordan Hicks, outfield prospect James Tibbs III and Rookie League right-hander Jose Bello.

The Red Sox announced the deal Sunday evening.

The Giants will cover the remainder of Devers’ contract, which runs through 2033 and will pay him more than $250 million, sources told ESPN.

The trade ends the fractured relationship between Devers and the Red Sox that had degraded since spring training, when Devers balked at moving off third base — the position where he had spent his whole career — after the signing of free agent Alex Bregman. The Red Sox gave no forewarning to Devers, who expressed frustration before relenting and agreeing to be their designated hitter.

After a season-ending injury to first baseman Triston Casas in early May, the Red Sox asked Devers to move to first base. Devers declined, suggesting the front office “should do their jobs” and find another player after the organization told him during spring training he would be the DH for the remainder of the season. The day after Devers’ comments, Red Sox owner John Henry, president Sam Kennedy and chief baseball officer Craig Breslow flew to Kansas City, where Boston was playing, to talk with Devers.

In the weeks since, Devers’ refusal to play first led to internal tension and helped facilitate the deal, sources said.

San Francisco pounced — and added a force to an offense that ranks 15th in runs scored in Major League Baseball. Devers, 28, is hitting .272/.401/.504 with 15 home runs and 58 RBIs, tied for the third most in MLB. Over his nine-year career, Devers is hitting .279/.349/.509 with 215 home runs and 696 RBIs in 1,053 games.

Boston believed enough in Devers to give him a 10-year, $313.5 million contract extension in January 2023. He rewarded the Red Sox with a Silver Slugger Award that season and made his third All-Star team in 2024.

Whether he slots in at designated hitter or first base with San Francisco — the Giants signed Gold Glove third baseman Matt Chapman to a six-year, $151 million deal last year — is unknown. But San Francisco sought Devers more for his bat, one that immediately makes the Giants — who are fighting for National League West supremacy with the Los Angeles Dodgers — a better team.

To do so, the Giants gave a package of young talent and took on the contract that multiple teams’ models had as underwater.

Harrison, 23, is the prize of the deal, particularly for a Red Sox team replete with young hitting talent but starving for young pitching. Once considered one of the best pitching prospects in baseball, Harrison has shuttled between San Francisco and Triple-A Sacramento this season.

Harrison, who was scratched from a planned start against the Dodgers on Sunday night, has a 4.48 ERA over 182⅔ innings since debuting with the Giants in 2023. He has struck out 178, walked 62 and allowed 30 home runs. The Red Sox optioned Harrison to Triple-A Worcester after the trade was announced.

Hicks, 28, who has toggled between starter and reliever since signing with the Giants for four years and $44 million before the 2024 season, is on the injured list because of right toe inflammation. One of the hardest-throwing pitchers in baseball, Hicks has a 6.47 ERA over 48⅔ innings this season. He could join the Red Sox’s ailing bullpen, which Breslow has sought to upgrade.

Tibbs, 22, was selected by the Giants with the 13th pick in last year’s draft out of Florida State. A 6-foot, 200-pound corner outfielder, Tibbs has spent the season at High-A, where he has hit .245/.377/.480 with 12 home runs and 32 RBIs in 56 games. Scouts laud his command of the strike zone — he has 41 walks and 45 strikeouts in 252 plate appearances — but question whether his swing will translate at higher levels.

Bello, 20, has spent the season as a reliever for the Giants’ Rookie League affiliate. In 18 innings, he has struck out 28 and walked three while posting a 2.00 ERA.

The deal is the latest in which Boston shipped a player central to the franchise.

Boston traded Mookie Betts to the Dodgers in February 2020, just more than a year after leading Boston to a franchise-record 108 wins and a World Series title and winning the American League MVP Award.

Devers was part of that World Series-winning team in 2018 and led the Red Sox in RBIs each season from 2020 to 2024, garnering AL MVP votes across each of the past four years. Devers had been with the Red Sox since 2013, when he signed as an international amateur free agent out of the Dominican Republic. He debuted four years later at age 20.

Boston is banking on its young talent to replace Devers’ production. The Red Sox regularly play four rookies — infielders Kristian Campbell and Marcelo Mayer, outfielder Roman Anthony and catcher Carlos Narvaez — and infielder Franklin Arias and outfielder Jhostynxon Garcia are expected to contribute in the coming years.

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Ohtani to return to mound vs. Padres on Monday

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Ohtani to return to mound vs. Padres on Monday

Shohei Ohtani will make his long-awaited return to pitching on Monday night in a matchup against the division-rival San Diego Padres, the Los Angeles Dodgers announced.

Ohtani, 21 months removed from a second repair of his ulnar collateral ligament, will be used as an opener, likely throwing one inning. Because of his two-way designation, Ohtani qualifies as an extra pitcher on the roster, giving the Dodgers the flexibility to use a piggyback starter behind him.

That is essentially what will take place in his first handful of starts — a byproduct of the progress Ohtani has made in the late stages of his pitching rehab.

Ohtani, 30, initially seemed to be progressing toward a return some time around August. But he made a major step during his third simulated game from San Diego’s Petco Park on Tuesday, throwing 44 pitches over the course of three simulated innings and compiling six strikeouts against a couple of low-level minor leaguers.

Afterward, Dodgers manager Dave Roberts said it was a “north of zero” chance Ohtani could return before the All-Star break. When he met with reporters prior to Sunday’s game against the San Francisco Giants — an eventual 5-4 victory — Roberts said it was a “possibility” Ohtani could pitch after just one more simulated game.

After the game, Roberts indicated the timeline might have been pushed even further, telling reporters it was a “high possibility” Ohtani would pitch in a big league game this week as an opener, likely during the upcoming four-game series against the Padres.

“He’s ready to pitch in a big league game,” Roberts told reporters. “He let us know.”

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What blockbuster trade means for Rafael Devers’ fantasy baseball potential

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What blockbuster trade means for Rafael Devers' fantasy baseball potential

If you’re just getting back home from your Father’s Day activities, you had better sit down, because Sunday evening’s Boston Red SoxSan Francisco Giants trade is a doozy.

Rafael Devers, second among third basemen and seventh among hitters in fantasy points this season, is headed to the Giants, traded minutes before their game against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Boston’s return includes pitchers Kyle Harrison, who was the Giants’ scheduled starting pitcher Sunday night (subsequently scratched), pitcher Jordan Hicks, outfield prospect James Tibbs III and pitching prospect Jose Bello.

Expect Devers to continue to serve in a designated hitter-only capacity with his new team, considering his season-long stance, which is primarily an issue for his position eligibility for 2026. He might factor as the Giants’ future first baseman if given a full offseason to prepare for the shift to a new position — or it could happen sooner if he has a change of heart in his new environment.

As for the impact on Devers’ numbers, the move from Fenway Park to Oracle Park represents one of the steepest downgrades in terms of park factors, specifically run production and extra-base hits. With its close-proximity Green Monster in left field, Fenway Park is a much better environment for doubles and runs scored, Statcast reflecting that it’s 22% and 10% better than league average in those categories, respectively, compared with 8% worse and only 2% above par for Oracle Park.

Devers is a prime-age 28, with a contract averaging a relatively reasonable $31.8 million over the next eight seasons, and he’s leaving a Red Sox team where his defensive positioning — he has played all but six of his career defensive innings at third base — was a manner of much debate, to go to a team that has one of baseball’s best defensive third basemen in Matt Chapman (once he’s healthy following a hand injury). Devers’ unwillingness to play first base probably played a big part in his ultimately being traded, and it’s worth pointing out that one of the positions where the Giants are weakest is, well, also first base.

play

2:02

Perez: Devers gives Giants a ‘really good offense’

Eduardo Perez, David Cone and Karl Ravech react to the Giants acquiring star 3B Rafael Devers from the Red Sox.

Devers’ raw power is immense, as he has greater than 95th percentile barrel and hard-hit rates this season. He has been in that tier or better in the latter in each of the past three seasons as well. He’s at a 33-homer (and 34 per 162 games) pace since the beginning of 2021, so the slugger should continue to homer at a similar rate regardless of his surroundings. He should easily snap the Giants’ drought of 30-homer hitters, which dates back to Barry Bonds in 2004. Devers’ fantasy value might slip slightly, mostly due to the park’s impact on his runs scored and RBIs, but he’ll remain a top-four fantasy third baseman.

If you play in an NL-only league, Devers is an open-the-wallet free agent target. He’s worth a maximum bid, considering he brings a similar ability to stars you might invest in come the July trade deadline, except in this case you’ll get an extra month and a half’s production.

Harrison is an intriguing pickup for the Red Sox, though in a disappointing development, he was immediately optioned to Triple-A Worcester. A top-25 overall prospect as recently as two years ago, Harrison’s spike in average fastball velocity this season (95.1 mph, up from 92.5) could be a signal of better things ahead. Once recalled to Fenway Park, his fantasy prospects would take a hit, as that’s a venue that isn’t forgiving to fly ball-oriented lefties, but he’d be a matchups option nevertheless.

Expect Hicks to serve in setup relief for his new team, though he’d at best be fourth in the Red Sox’s pecking order for saves.

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